MLB General

Home Run Drinking Derby

MLB’s All-Star break is finally upon us and that can mean only one thing, it’s time for the Home Run Derby, which ultimately means only one thing, it’s time for the Home Run Derby‘s Second Annual Home Run Derby Drinking Game. So, call up all your friends, pick up a couple suitcases of Natty Light on your way home from work and get the vomit buckets ready because it’s time to compete for the coveted lampshade crown. Here’s the rules.

Short Version

* Put 911 on speed dial
* Take a drink every time Chris Berman says “Back” as in “Back-Back-Back”
* Take a drink every time Joe Morgan says something stupid.
* Wake up next week

Longer (and more fun) version

* Drink for every Home Run. Drink twice if it lands in Monument Alley.
* Drink twice if a Home Run lands in the second deck. Drink three times if it lands in the third deck.
* Drink if Zack Hampel catches a ball like he did at last year’s HRD in San Fran. Get out more if you knew that he’s the guy who has snagged 3,500 baseballs at games in his life.
* Drink every time they mention this is the last season at Yankee Stadium.
* Drink when you hear “The House that Ruth Built”
* Drink when any of the Yankees’ 26 Championships are mentioned.
* Drink when they tell you this is the first Home Run Derby at Yankee Stadium.
* Drink every time they mention a Yankees great. Drink twice if he’s in Yankee Stadium.
* Drink when someone (probably Berman) wonders how Babe Ruth would have performed in a Home Run Derby.
* Drink when you see a player with a video camera.
* Drink when you see a player’s kid on the field.
* Drink if Alyssa Milano is shown. Drink twice if she’s drooling over Chase Utley.
* Drink anytime you see or hear Erin Andrews. Keep your tongue in your mouth, Traina.
* Drink when Chris Berman says “He hit that to Brooklyn-Shea Stadium-The Polo Grounds-Laguardia … or some other NY landmark
* Finish your drink when (not if) Berman mentions the Statue of Liberty and/or The Empire State Building.
* Finish your drink and go get another one and finish that if CHRIS BERMAN SAYS NOTHING during a Home Run. It happened once in 2006.
* Drink for every ball dropped in the outfield by the kids shagging flies.
* Drink if someone breaks a bat. Drink twice if it’s maple and it shatters.
* Drink when they mention that Alex Rodriguez isn’t participating.
* Drink every time they mention Josh Hamilton’s recovery from addiction.

* Drink when someone mentions that Ryan Braun is Jewish.
* Drink when someone mentions that Justin Morneau is Canadian.
* Drink if someone spells out Dan Uggla’s last name.
* Drink if they put up a picture of Evan Longoria next to a picture of Eva Longoria.
* Drink if someone mentions that there are NO Dominicans in the Derby this season.
* Drink when you realize you don’t miss Dusty Baker in the Home Run Derby booth.
* Drink every time Joe Morgan mentions that he led off the 1977 All-Star Game at Yankee Stadium with a Home Run. Drink twice if there’s video.
* Finish your drink if there’s any reference to “You’re With Me Leather”
* Take a drink if Yankees radio announcer Suzyn Waldman is shown. Finish it if she’s crying.
* Drink and shout “MAZEL TOV” if Ryan Braun wins the Derby.
* Drink and hum the theme from “The Natural” if Josh Hamilton wins the Derby.
* Drink some Canadian Club if Justin Morneau wins the Derby.
* Drink and giggle like a drunken horny Alyssa Milano if Chase Utley wins the Derby.


[Home Run Derby]: The 2008 Home Run Derby Drinking Game

Atlanta Braves

Tragedy strikes Braves’ fan

Going to the ballpark and getting tanked ain’t what it used to be. In fact, the ol’ ball game is becoming a deathtrap for fans who decide to toss a couple back and get goofy. The latest tragedy comes out of Atlanta where a 25-year-old man fell approximately 150 to his death during the eighth inning of Wednesday night’s game between the Braves and the Mets. Apparently, he was trying to slide down a hand rail when he lost his balance and fell.

“The Atlanta Braves and Atlanta Police Department are investigating the tragic accident that resulted in the death of a 25-year old male fan at last night’s game,” the Atlanta Braves said in a statement. “Our sincerest and heartfelt condolences go out to his family.”

The senior investigator with the Fulton County Medical Examiner’s Office, Mark Guilbeau, said Thursday that the man who fell was Justin Hayes, of Cumming, Ga.

Guilbeau said an autopsy will be done to determine the cause of death, but officials believe the victim had consumed alcohol before he fell. The investigation is “pointing toward drinking. Alcohol was a factor,” said Atlanta police department spokesman Ronald Campbell on Thursday.

Campbell said Hayes was taken to Grady Memorial Hospital with serious head injuries.

Braves spokesman Brad Hainje said Hayes apparently fell from the club level to the landing on the stairwell on the field level during the eighth inning.

These types of falls are becoming far to frequent at stadiums around the country and while everyone loves to partake in some frosty beverages during the game, we’re begging you heavy drinkers out there to practice good judgment and live to see another game.


[]: Fan Dies After Falling 150 Feet At Stadium

MLB General

Always be wary of a fantasy baseball companion who gives you a case of Schlitz

Now that the baseball season is underway, we know you are clamoring to jump out of the gate with a ferocity never seen before by your fellow managers in your fantasy baseball league. After all, we all know that your performance last year was a complete debacle. Luckily, the fellas at the Armchair Association put together 5 Ways To Undermine Your Fantasy Baseball League which should hopefully give you the extra assistance you need in order to avoid the league cellar once again. While all five of these nuggets are great advice, we must admit that No. 1 is perhaps the most important.

1. Always work a trade with a drunk person – I don’t know about you, but pretty regularly I get late night IMs from people that inevitably go like this: “Dude, what’s up?” “Nothing, about to go to bed” “Man, I am fucking WASTED!” “Oh really?” “YAIS!” “Hey, I was looking at your team, we should make a trade.” Using this strategy I was once able to pull off a Albert Pujols for Steve Kline & Runelvys Hernandez deal that shook my league to the core. Unfortunately, I was also taken by this against my better drunken judgement in the form of Ryan Howard and Hanley Ramirez for Carlos Zambrano and Vladimir Guerrero in the early parts of last season. It always works. Your first response to “I’m drunk.” (unless it’s a chick, in which case your response should obviously be “I have a case of High Life, I should swing by.”) should be, “We should make a trade.

And the strategy isn’t limited to MLB. If we’re not mistaken, this is exactly how the ball got rolling between the Mavs and the Nets when Jason Kidd got dealt.


[Armchair Association]: 5 Ways To Undermine Your Fantasy Baseball League

College Football

Oregon Ducks fans just love their booze and the cops just love bustin’ em

We showed you how Oregon’s mascot whooped the butt of a giant-headed cougar during a Houston/Oregon football game. Well, it turns out that Donald was probably sloshed. We have absolutely no proof to back up our claim, but we do know that there are plenty of Ducks’ faithful who like to partake in some refreshing adult beverages during the game. Even if they shouldn’t be.

A minimum of 57 people were booted from the Ducks game this weekend for drinking violations, including three folks who were arrested. But the arrests weren’t limited to the stadium itself. Police arrested an unspecified number of people for driving under the influence after leaving the game and there were also a pair of unfortunate drinkers who got thrown in jail for drinking while watching the game offsite.

Eugene police officers, Lane County sherriff’s deputies, and university DPS officers kept a watchful eye for those that had partied beyond their ability to behave appropriately, and for those attempting to drink in parts of the stadium where alcohol is not allowed,” Doug Mazon with the Eugene Police Deptartment said.

We’re kind of wondering if the reporters at KGW might be tossing a few back as well because we’re pretty sure there are only two Ts in “deptartment.” Anyways, we know that stuff like this happens at every game, every week across the nation, but 57 seems just a bit excessive to us. Maybe the Ducks could cut down on those numbers a bit if they simply adopted and adapted some of these suggestions from those fancy pants Ivy Leaguers.


[]: 57 people ejected from Ducks game for drinking violations