Author: clay

Categories
New York Giants

We know about hairy palms, but what causes purple palms?


New York Giants tight end Jeremy Shockey just got punk’d. But don’t expect him to be appearing with that douche Ashton Kutcher on MTV anytime soon because this prank wasn’t some elaborate scheme concocted the notorious MILFaholic. Nope, this was an inside job and Shockey is determined to get to the bottom of it.

The crap hit the fan after Tuesday’s practice when Shockey went to sign some autographs and when he pulled off his gloves his left hand was stained purple with dye that banks use to mark money. The embarrassment of the stain should last for days, but that’s nothing compared to the eternal embarrassment Shockey lives with daily. Nevertheless, he was pissed.

Dead man walking,” he warned

Apparently, guard Rich Seubert is the resident prankster and while all the fingers are pointing directly at him, he swears up and down that he had nothing to do with the glove conspiracy.

Everyone thinks it’s me,” said Seubert, who offered “a cash reward” to anyone who revealed the mastermind behind the purple hand. “I think it was the ballboys. They’re all getting dumped in the cold tub.

Links:

[NYPost.com]: Prankster has Jeremy in rage

Categories
All Other Sports

Indian running "coach" arrested for child abuse


There are some sick freaks in this world, but one of the sickest resides in India. Luckily Biranchi Das was arrested and charged with child abuse after he reportedly tortured a 6-year-old boy who he coached as a long distance runner. The boy, Budhia Singh, lived with Das and was at the center of numerous child rights controversies as he endured grueling marathons of 40 miles at the age of 4 and a 43-mile trek just last year. However, doctors forced Singh to stop after 40 miles due to symptoms of extreme exhaustion and discovered that he was “undernourished, anemic and under cardiac stress.”

Back in May, India’s child welfare department declared that the marathons were a form of “torture” on the child. But in addition to “coaching” the little kid into running unfathomable distances, Das was literally torturing the boy in horrifying manners.

Biranchi was beating him up regularly,” said the boy’s mother, Sukanti Singh. “He even once tied Budhia up from a ceiling fan and threw hot water on his body.

What’s worse is that this prick hasn’t been sharing with the boy’s mother any of the income he’s been raking in off the ill-treatment and cruelty that drew national celebrity.

He has given me very little, but he was earning a lot of money from my son’s hard work,” the Press Trust of India news agency quoted her as saying in a report Monday.

However, the story takes a very daytime soap opera twist when Das claims that he actually rescued the boy right before his mother was about to sell him for $15 to another villager. Regardless, we say throw him and Michael Vick in an Indian prison cell and let `em rot. Let’s go ahead and throw this jerk in there too.

Links:

[DesertNews.com]: Coach is accused of torturing 6-year-old marathoner in India

Categories
New England Patriots

Tom Brady is Tom Brady’s biggest fan

The NFL season is just about to get underway and for all the dudes out there that means Sundays full of beers and barbeque and Monday Night Football/poker night at your buddy’s pad. But for the ladies, the kickoff to the NFL season has a whole other significance: its Tom Brady time!

Rickey Henderson and Chad Johnson better watch out because Tom Brady refers to himself in the third person more than either of those two loudmouths. And who knew that Brady had a persona bigger than Bill Brasky’s? No wonder chicks like Gisele are throwing themselves at his feet.

Categories
Pittsburgh Steelers

The Steelers road trip demands get revealed


You’ve probably seen some of those whacky demands that pop stars make when they take their multi-million dollar acts on the road. Well, NFL football teams are some pretty big performers in their own right and when they travel, they gotta have things just they way they want `em. If you thought that Maria Carey was a diva, just get a load of the 17-page hotel checklist that the Steelers are insisting on. Here’s some highlights:

Players are not permitted to have alcohol in their room, please do not stock the mini-bar with alcohol.

Include the following bottled condiments:
Heinz Ketchup (MUST BE HEINZ)

The bedroom of Dan Rooney must have foam rubber pillows.

Garrett Giemont or Jack Kearney will meet security on one of the players’ floors at 10:45 PM for player bed check.

At omelet station have the following items: diced chicken breast, cheese, mushrooms, bell peppers, ham, bacon, onions, tomatoes, salsa, etc. Also, please provide three or four portable burners.

Gatorade will be shipped to the hotel. Place Gatorade and bottled water in an ice chest near elevators on each player floor.

Block the players on one floor if possible. If players can’t be on one floor, then they must be on consecutive floors. There should be no other hotel guests on a player floor. Steelers’ staff members are okay.

The Steelers might be a little finicky about how they get treated on the road, but they are professional athletes after all so, we’re going to give them a pass. And at least the team is concerned about what the players consume while away from home. Heck, if we were on the road as much as these guys, our list would resemble something more along the lines of this.

Links:

[ThePittsburghChannel.com]: Steelers Hotel Demands Leaked Online
[TheSmokingGun.com]: Are You Ready For Some Bed Check?

Categories
NFL General

Madden 08 hits the shelves, but not for long


Best Buys and other electronic stores got bum rushed last night around midnight by tons of pale, pimply skinned button pushers who just couldn’t wait one more second to get their grubby little paws on the latest edition of the Madden video game. In fact, don’t be surprised when you walk into the office today and about half the male contingency is out with a mysterious “head cold” because when Madden drops, the addicts just gotta get their fix.

Ah. I will pick up my game at midnight, play until about 7 a.m., sleep for about three hours, and then hit the sticks for about 24 hours straight. And yes, I told my boss that I was taking the entire day off to play a video game,” Madden super fan Brad DeVito said.

We don’t know exactly how “Madden Day” compares with the NCAA tournament for workers lack of productivity, but we’re guessing that it has to be pretty high on list considering that in 2006 “Madden 2007” sold a whopping 1.8 million copies. And that’s just on the PlayStation 2! We’re not even counting all the copies sold for the Xbox, Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, P.C., the Nintendo Wii, the Nintendo GameCube, and the variety of handheld consoles.

And while most people are absolutely stoked to start dropping back for virtual hail marys or laying the electronic wood to their opponents, other people are already making excuses for when the big Madden tournament eventually rolls around.

Last year I had a fumbling problem where if you breathed on my character he dropped the ball,” Matt Leinart said. “This year, my strength rating is awful. I’m going to get my butt kicked in the game.

Links:

[MSN.FoxSports.com]: Madden…know it, live it, love it

Categories
Soccer

Another soccer fan gets his melee on

Soccer always finds new ways to entertain us with it’s antics outside the normal realm of play. Most of the time it involves some type of violence and this time is nothing different. During a game between Trabzonspor and Sivasspor (at least that’s what The Offside tells us) in the 2007/2008 Turkish Premier Super League a typical soccer scuffle broke out between players following a foul. But then things got interesting as a lunatic fan ran onto the pitch and started throwing punches. Before you know it, it’s a free-for-all between players, fans and security.

We think that anyone who runs onto the field of play during any sporting event deserves whatever they get and we were happy to see that some of those knuckleheads got tackled with some force. But we still wish that this guy had been playing during the match.

Links:

[The Offside]: Fan Attacks Player in Turkey, Chaos Ensues

Categories
Seattle Supersonics

Kevin Durant might not stay in Washington for long


For all you northwestern NBA geeks out there who are thrilled over the prospects of a life-long rivalry between Portland’s Greg Oden and Seattle’s Kevin Durant, you had better enjoy these match-ups while you can (the first being on Christmas day) because if things don’t change you’ll start hearing about Oklahoma City’s Kevin Durant.

The Sonics want a new arena and the threats of relocation continue to be the franchise’s main method of possible persuasion. In fact, a minority owner told an Oklahoma City paper that when the group of businessmen from Oklahoma City bought the franchise, their intentions were to move the club.

Aubrey McClendon told the Journal Record paper in Oklahoma City he knows the NBA franchise would make more money in Seattle, but if the city doesn’t help build a new arena the team will move.

However, now that Seattle has a cornerstone for the future and a serious chance to turn things around, the fans might be a little more accommodating and open to the idea of dishing out their share of the $500 million needed to fund a new arena. But you guys better think quick because those Okies are just itchin’ to take the greatest freshman to ever lace up a pair of sneakers out into the middle of nowhere.

McClendon told the Journal Record the Seattle leadership has 60 days to make some decisions, and if they don’t meet Bennett’s requirements the Sonics may be headed for Oklahoma.

Hey, no matter what, you’ve still got Nirvana and Starbucks to call all your own.

Links:

[KOTV.com]: Sonics Minority Owner Says Team Destined For Oklahoma City

Categories
College Football

Chocolate milk and Gatorade: Is It In You?


The Washington Huskies football team, like most college campuses around the nation, is getting jacked up for the upcoming season. They players are on the field, running drills, smacking pads and sweating out tons of vital vitamins and essential minerals. But don’t worry; Tyrone Willingham has a secret weapon: requiring players to slam a bottle of Gatorade and a carton of chocolate milk before leaving the practice field. Uh, YUCK!

It was good. I love chocolate milk anyway,” said Willingham, who tried the combination in front of his players at the start of practice earlier this week.

“I check to make sure as much as possible what is going on and what they’re going through. There are some things that I don’t have to experience because I’ve already done them, but in this case I hadn’t done that. So I wanted to see what it was, the combination, and get a feel for it.

According to a study, there are no significant differences between the typical dehydration drinks out there and a good ol’ glass of moo-juice. Well, apparently they haven’t looked into our favorite sports drink: Playa-Ade.

Links:

[KOMOTV.com]: Got milk? The Huskies do, and its chocolate

Categories
All Other Sports

Pacman Jones describes himself as a "man" on TNA…uh, thanks for the update

So, TNA pulled a fast one on us on Thursday night’s episode of Impact where Pacman Jones was supposed to make his professional wrestling debut. But instead of getting the actual deviant, we got a video of Pacman saying that he was going to be making his first in-person appearance this Sunday at the pay-per-view event Hard Justice.

Of course he is. So, now it looks like not only are we’re going to have to wait a few more days before we start getting some answers about his role within the promotion, but we’ve also gotta shell out $35 or so to see him do it. Thanks TNA. At least we got this teaser to get ready for the big introduction:

Wait, did Pacman say that he was a “team player”? Damn, guess wrestling really is fake after all.

Categories
All Other Sports

American pitcher is in the middle of a hairy situation in Japan


It’s bad enough when any professional athlete in any sport test positive for drugs. It’s even worse when someone becomes the first player to fail a drug test in the history of a sport. But the absolute worst has to be getting suspended for pissing dirty and having the banned substance turn out to be a version of Rogaine!

American pitcher Rick Guttormson became the first person in the history of Japanese baseball to fail a drug test after officials revealed that Finasteride, a hair growing agent, was found in his system following a July 13 postgame test. So, why would someone get suspended over trying to get a thick, luxurious head of hair? Well, the stuff does more than conceal bald spots, it’s also used by some as a masking agent.

Apparently, Guttormson has been taking the stuff for a couple of years now, but that doesn’t make the Japanese Bud Seligs any happier about the situation. In addition to receiving a 20-day suspension from the Japan Pacific League, his team, the Softbank Hawks, were also fined $63,000. Now, we don’t know much about the current state of the hair restoration market, but we’re going to guess that a toupee would have been a whole lot cheaper.

Links:

[NewsChannel5.com]: A hair-raising story from Japan