Jacksonville Jaguars

Matt Jones gets busted with cocaine in Arkansas

Sure, being a pro athlete sounds great and wonderful, but they have lives full of stress, demands, headaches and tons of physical activity. Sound familiar? Everything except the physical activity, of course. They might get paid millions more, but, in reality, they deal with the same crap as us normal folks, but just on a higher level. So, some guys decide to turn to drugs to help cope with the pressures of everyday life and, just like millions of others, they get busted for it. See, they’re not so different. At least, Matt Jones and Brad Miller aren’t so different.

Jaguars wide receiver Matt Jones has been arrested on cocaine charges in Arkansas.

The Washington County Sheriff’s Office says officers arrested Jones and two other men as they sat in a Toyota 4Runner in an unlit parking lot in a known drug area.

The preliminary arrest report shows an officer saw Jones sitting in the back seat of the car with a white card with a white powdery substance on it, and a credit card in his other hand.

The officer said he opened the door and asked Jones to “put his hands where he could see them.”

Authorities say Jones didn’t comply right away and hid his left hand. The officer drew his gun and ordered Jones out of the vehicle. Jones got out and the officer put him in handcuffs.

Oh, Matt, Matt, Matt. A 4Runner in an unlit parking lot in a known drug area? That’s just asking for trouble, shouldn’t be long until we get one of these from Mr. Jones: a public apology.

Kings center Brad Miller has been suspended for the first five games of the 2008-09 season after violating terms of the NBA/NBPA Anti-Drug Program, the league announced Thursday.

“I want to apologize to my family, teammates, fans and entire Kings organization, ” Miller said in a statement released by the team. “I made a mistake. It was an error in judgment and I’m very sorry. I regret it deeply. It’s something I won’t and can’t take lightly. I hope to bounce back from this as a better person and I’m excited about the upcoming season.”

Huh, we never would have figured sitting out five games for the Kings would be considered a punishment. Sounds like a good way to avoid participating in the first five losses of the season to us.


[]: Jaguars WR Matt Jones Arrested on Cocaine Charges in Arkansas
[]: NBA suspends Kings’ Miller for violating anti-drug program

MLB General

It’s true, everybody in MLB is doping

The use of steroids and other performance enhancing drugs has virtually marred the game of Major League Baseball unrecognizable. Nobody can jack a dinger or throw a 100-mph heater anymore without some level of scrutiny and doubt being cast upon their true abilities. And rightfully so. But one place we never ever thought would be tainted by the corruption of drug use was the the ball kids’ clubhouse. We were wrong.

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor
All Other Sports

American pitcher is in the middle of a hairy situation in Japan

It’s bad enough when any professional athlete in any sport test positive for drugs. It’s even worse when someone becomes the first player to fail a drug test in the history of a sport. But the absolute worst has to be getting suspended for pissing dirty and having the banned substance turn out to be a version of Rogaine!

American pitcher Rick Guttormson became the first person in the history of Japanese baseball to fail a drug test after officials revealed that Finasteride, a hair growing agent, was found in his system following a July 13 postgame test. So, why would someone get suspended over trying to get a thick, luxurious head of hair? Well, the stuff does more than conceal bald spots, it’s also used by some as a masking agent.

Apparently, Guttormson has been taking the stuff for a couple of years now, but that doesn’t make the Japanese Bud Seligs any happier about the situation. In addition to receiving a 20-day suspension from the Japan Pacific League, his team, the Softbank Hawks, were also fined $63,000. Now, we don’t know much about the current state of the hair restoration market, but we’re going to guess that a toupee would have been a whole lot cheaper.


[]: A hair-raising story from Japan

NFL General

Another reason why the NFL needs better drug testing

For all you people out there who think that rage is the only emotion that can result from illegal drug use in the world of football, think again. There can be a variety of reactions that can occur from taking medications that are not specifically prescribed for an athlete. So, the next time you are watching your favorite team and wondering if they might be on drugs, here a few giveaways to look out for:

That goes a long way in explaining the Raiders pitiful offensive performance last year.


Foreman claims someone spiked his water before "Rumble in the Jungle"

Well, George Foreman has a new book out, so that can only mean one thing…outrageous, untimely accusations in hopes of whipping up a media buzz that will push his memoir up the bestseller charts. So what is the controversy Foreman speaks of in his book “God in My Corner,” you ask? No, it’s not that the idea for the Foreman Grill wasn’t his. And shame on you for even thinking such a thing. Actually, Foreman is claiming that he was drugged before his “Rumble in the Jungle” with Muhammad Ali.

Yes, that’s right; almost 33 years after the fact, Foreman is attempting to regain some respect after Ali worked him over for eight rounds before knocking Foreman out in the eighth. But according to Foreman, his trainer gave him some nasty tasting water that he believes was spiked.

I almost spit it out … [I told my trainer] ‘Man, I know this water has medicine in it,'” Foreman wrote. “I climbed into the ring with that medicinal taste still lingering in my mouth.”

“After the third round, I was as tired as if I had fought 15 rounds. What’s going on here? Did someone slip a drug in my water?

You know, George, this information would have been a lot more useful, say, back in 1974! C’mon, don’t try to blame losing your world heavyweight championship on getting drugged. And we seriously doubt that Zaire was the first time you had been under the influence of an illegal, mind altering substance. After all, you do have seven kids named George! And two of them are girls!

Just shut up and get ready for your upcoming moment in the spotlight as you pretend to be Paula Abdul on American Inventor. And if you don’t want to shell out the money for Foreman’s book then you can skip the trip to Barnes & Nobel and just read this interesting interview with Foreman at


[MSNBC]: Foreman says he was drugged before Ali KO

Atlanta Falcons

I suppose you can tell me of a better place to keep my bling?

Michael Vick finally spoke publicly for the first time since his suspicious bottle incident at the Miami International Airport two months ago, and frankly his story doesn’t hold water. Vick says that the bottle which was confiscated for having a secret compartment that stunk of the sticky-icky-icky was actually a jewelry box. OK, Mike, we believe you. It was a jewelry box that you hid your marijuana in.

We went through all of this because there was a little water at the top,” Vick said. “I told them it was my stash box for jewelry. That is what I told everybody, but that wasn’t written.” He then went on to say that, “As for the smell and where that came from, I sat in the airport for another hour and 30 minutes. If there was something wrong, we could have handled the situation on the spot.

Vick also said that he’s been doing this for years but he’s never run into any trouble before.

I have had that bottle for years, for a long time,” said Vick. “If you had seen the bottle, you would have never known there was any jewelry in there,” he said. “I have had things stolen out of hotels. But I had never checked it through the airport.

Oh, now it’s all making sense. So, the smell came from your expensive weed scented jewelry that you keep in an Aquafina water bottle jewelry box that you’ve been using for years. Rumor has it that Levi Jones is using the same security system.


[]: Vick: Water Bottle Place to Keep Jewerly
[The Smoking Gun]: Vick in Airport Water Bottle Incident

NBA General

This could lead to an exodus to Canada

A top drug testing official in Canada said that marijuana should be removed from the list of banned drugs because it’s taking time and resources away from catching people who are actually cheating.

For athletes to be punished, they have to show a level of marijuana in their systems that indicates regular use, or some attempt to get an edge, said Joseph de Pencier of the Canadian Centre for Ethics in Sports, the group that administers drug testing to athletes in Canada.

Why is this story filed under the NBA? Well, cause everyone knows that 75% of the NBA smokes pot. Could you imagine if the NFL or NBA decided it was no longer going to test for pot? It’d be like the end of prohibition. Pacman Jones would have a field day. Ricky Williams could come back to the NFL. Michael Vick wouldn’t have to worry about smuggling it in water bottles. Wait a minute, maybe this story should have been filed under the NFL.

[CBC Sports]: Sports officials debate removing marijuana from ban

NFL General

Pacman Jones tells us what’s wrong with the NFL drug policy

Pacman Jones is scheduled to appear in court this month for an obstruction of justice charge stemming from a fight with a police officer during a traffic stop. Pacman Jones in trouble again… yawn. (As the report mentioned, Jones has been in at least 10 off-the-field incidents involving police since being drafted.) Wake us up when he has to appear in court for the triple shooting at the Las Vegas strip club.

The Tennessean also mentions a marijuana bust last month that has since been dismissed. According to Mike Pruitt of the Fayette County Drug Task Force:

Jones showed up in a sports car as officers arrived at the home, and Pruitt smelled marijuana in the car.

“I asked him why his (Corvette) smelled so bad, and he said, ‘We were smoking it on the way down here from Nashville’.

“I asked him, ‘Why do you want to throw your career away for a bunch of marijuana junk?’ He said, ‘I know when I am going to get drug-tested, so I quit doing it.’ It’s just crazy.”

So basically, in the NFL, you can smoke weed and take HGH as much as you want because you know when the drug tests are coming and you can just take a ton of goldenseal and HGH can’t be detected in urine. Oh well, as long as we get our weekly ‘Jacked Up!’ segment, no one is complaining. Remember kids, they just play ball, they’re not role models.

[Tennessean]: Pacman faces felony charge in Georgia

All Other Sports

Jockey uses dildo for drug test

Jason Warrington was one of 19 track riders and jockeys nabbed in a drug raid at Toowoomba’s Clifford Park racecourse on Tuesday.

Warrington had left the track when he was asked by Queensland Racing stewards to come back to provide a urine sample for precautionary drug testing.

Acting chief steward John Hackett became suspicious of Warrington’s actions while he attempted to give a urine sample and caught him squeezing urine from a dildo concealed inside his pants.

Warrington confessed he had panicked when asked to provide a urine sample as he had smoked marijuana at a weekend party.

Can’t you just imagine the guy in his car trying to put the urine into the dildo. The original Whizzinator company just found a whole new market down under.

[The Age]: Steward catches jockey using sex aid for drug test

College Basketball

Inside Josh Heytvelt’s backpack

Those Twix are dangerous!

Police today released photos of evidence in the drug arrest of Gonzaga’s Josh Heytvelt and Theo Davis. More than an ounce of mushrooms, three muffins with mushrooms, and a blunt. Heytvelt might be facing felony charges for the mushrooms.

The mushrooms were found in a “Basketball Hall of Fame Challenge” backpack which Heytvelt said belonged to a friend who grew mushrooms in his basement. Way to sing like a canary, Josh. The three muffins were found in a backpack with Heytvelt’s name and number embroidered on the back. Heyvelt wisely owned up to owning that backpack.

The best laugh we’ve had all week though comes from this satirical article from the Brushback:

Gonzaga forward Josh Heytvelt was suspended indefinitely along with teammate Theo Davis on Saturday after both players were arrested and charged with possession of marijuana and psychedelic mushrooms. The arrest was particularly damaging to Heytvelt, a stand-out player and probable NBA draft pick, who had his shrooms confiscated five days before the Panic show at Spokane Arena.

This isn’t some evil criminal, just a good kid who made a bad decision and who has some growing up to do,” Few said. “You just hope that he learns from it and it makes him a better person. As for Theo, I have to say I’m very surprised at him. To be honest, I didn’t even think black kids were into psychedelic drugs. I thought it was just a suburban white kid thing. If he’s into Widespread Panic, too, that’s going to turn my whole world upside down.

[Spokesman Review]: Heytvelt denied mushrooms were his, police say

[Spokesman Review]: Heytvelt evidence slideshow