College Football

12-year-old kid gets denied dream job as W.V. football coach

When Rich Rodriguez bolted from West Virginia in order to get his grubby little paws on his dream job at Michigan there was an obvious void left to be filled by the Mountaineers. It didn’t take long before coaches from around the country started sending in applications in an attempt to get their grubby little paws on the likes of Pat White. Well, they weren’t all coaches.

Joshua Irizarry is a 12-year-old who loves him some West Virginia football, so when he saw there was an opening; he slapped together a resume and fired it off to WV President Michael Garrison. Last month, Irizarry finally got a response saying: sorry, but the position has been filled by an “equally qualified candidate.”

Garrison said in an e-mail that Irizarry’s letter was one of the best he received, including details of his football experience, love of the game and an offer to coach under conditions determined by the university.

The letter also uses humor that university employees found entertaining: “I understand this would be a move more suited for a team like Temple, but I am just asking for your consideration.

Nice burn on Temple, kid. You know who probably would have snatched him up quicker than a hiccup is the Atlanta Falcons. After being stuck with backstabbing Bobby Petrino, the players would have loved the upgrade.


[]: Boy, 12, gets response to W. Va. Coaching inquiry

NFL General

Isn’t sexy NFL coach an oxymoron?

There is no doubt about who the sexiest man in the NFL is. It’s Tom Brady with his twinkling eyes, tanned skin, flowing locks and rugged good looks. Uh, at least that’s what the ladies tell us. But have you ever wondered who the sexiest coach in the NFL is? Bill Belichick? Nope. Wade Phillips? Negative. Mike Holmgren? Tony Sparano? Andy Reid? Tom Coughlin? No, no, no and hell no.

Pittsburgh Steelers coach Mike Tomlin is the sexiest coach prowling the NFL sidelines, according to Victoria’s Secret.

The company has an annual “What Is Sexy List” in various categories. This year, because Victoria’s Secret has its first Super Bowl commercial since 1999, it decided to do an NFL sexy list.

A Victoria’s Secret panel looked at factors including general attractiveness and charisma, and when it came to coaches, Tomlin came out on top.

In case you’re wondering, rumor has it Stan Van Gundy and George Karl are neck and neck in the NBA’s equivalent. The winner joins Frank Layden, Dennis Rodman, Kurt Rambis and Popeye Jones in the NBA’s Sexy Hall of Fame.


[]: Tomlin `sexiest coach’ in NFL


Soccer coach moons a bunch of little girls

Happy Halloween kids!

We’re not speaking from experience here, but we’re figuring that turning your daughter over to a male coach is probably about as nerve racking as letting her go out on her first date. After all, there are a lot of sick dudes out there in the guise of a coach. So, how do you know who to trust in this day and age? Well, if you ever see any type of behavior that resembles this, then you should probably pull daddy’s little girl from the program immediately.

Sonoma County authorities Monday were investigating a report that a Petaluma soccer coach mooned a team of teenage girls during a weekend match.

The Sonoma County Sheriff’s Department said the incident was reported at about 2:30 p.m. Saturday after a Windsor Cup Soccer game had been played by female players under the age of 16.

Deputies learned that the game had become heated and erupted into several arguments, after which the Petaluma team’s coach walked to the center of the field and allegedly exposed his rear to the opposing team, according to the sheriff’s office.

Several of the Windsor team players and their parents called police and reported the incident. However, the coach has denied the allegations, according to the sheriff’s department.

Wait, he denied it? This guy walks to center field, drops trou and moons an entire team of young girls in the middle of the day and he’s got the guts to say it was just a figment of their imagination. Wow, and we thought that Isiah Thomas was full of crap.


[The Offside]: Coach Suspended for Mooning Girls’ Youth Team
[]: Soccer Coach Suspended For “Mooning” Opposing Team

All Other Sports

Apparently, Bobby Knight is coaching peewee football

We know that people are in an uproar over the way Michael Vick treated murdered dogs, but about when some coach gets his kicks out of humiliating little kids. Sure, it’s not the same as electrocuting `em or having them rip off each other noses for his own personal amusement, but this guy should still probably get a good ferret leggin’ for his actions.

Curt McKinney is the whack job in question and he’s the `responsible’ adult in charge of coaching a little kid’s football team in Cincinnati. Well, McKinney got pissed off at 10-year-old Aucherae Washington during practice on Friday because the little guy didn’t adhere to the specifics of running up and down a hill. Oh, but kicking off the squad didn’t satisfy Coach Curt; nope, he made the kid strip down to his underwear and walk home.

I chose to walk down the hill,” Aucherae said. “I ran to the middle of it then started walking down so I don’t bump into anybody, because if I do that I’m going to knock them probably a couple feet back.”

The boy said his coach berated him in front of the other players.

“‘You’re too slow for the team, you’re no good for the team,'” Aucherae said the coach told him. “He told me to take off my stuff and give it back to him, and he said, ‘While you’re at it, take off my pants.’

Boy, if we had a dollar for every time someone has told us that. But seriously, like the sickos who attend dogfights there were plenty of idiotic spectators who just sat around and watched this all go down. In fact, there were parents looking on who apparently never kicked this guy’s ass or even bothered to say a word. Don’t worry; we got enough ferrets to go around. What’s makes matters even worse is that the coach denies doing anything wrong and the football league won’t suspend him because he hasn’t been charged with a crime. Pathetic.

As for the kid-o, he eventually walked to a neighbor’s house to get some pants because “he didn’t want cheerleaders to see him in his underwear.” Boy, if we had a dollar for every time that’s happened to us.


[]: Coach cuts 10 year old, forces him to walk home in underwear

New England Patriots

Who’s your daddy? Why, it’s Tom Brady!

Life can’t get much better fro Tom Brady right now. He was just named the world’s best dresser, the Pats have finally assembled a quality receiving core around him, and he’s got a handful of Super Bowl rings. Oh, yea, he’s also dating the smokin’ hot supermodel Gisele Bundchen. In addition, drooling babes from all seven continents now have a new moniker for the hunky signal caller…D.I.L.F.

Brady’s ex, Bridget Moynahan, gave birth to little boy yesterday and Moynahan’s publicist says that both are doing just fine. Brady left the Patriots preseason workouts in order to see the birth of his first child, but it is unknown if he arrived in time. Even if Brady didn’t make it in time to see the sloppy delivery, he still has an entire lifetime ahead of him to bond with his little man. Who knows, in 17 years Brady could end up being his son’s high school quarterbacks coach. Sound crazy? Not if you’re John Elway.

Elway is leaving the comfortable confines of retirement for a job at his son’s Cherry Creek High School. Jack Elway is the senior QB for the squad so it probably doesn’t hurt any to have possibly the greatest quarterback in the history of the NFL dishing out advice. Of course, Jack has been hearing his old man repeat the same old stories a thousand times now, so it’s really nothing new.

It’s good,” Jack Elway told The Denver Post. “It’s nice to have him out there, but I’ve actually always had him as a coach at home.

But with all the crazy “little league dads” out there, the head coach of the team has to be worried that there will be eventual problems that could result.

As a coach, you’re trying to not have fathers on your staff,” he said, “but this is a little different deal.

Don’t worry Tom, if you keep racking up the yards, TDs and rings then your kid’s coach will make the exact same exception.


[]: It’s a boy for Bridget Moynahan and Tom Brady
[]: Elway To Coach Son In High School As QB Coach

All Other Sports

Indian running "coach" arrested for child abuse

There are some sick freaks in this world, but one of the sickest resides in India. Luckily Biranchi Das was arrested and charged with child abuse after he reportedly tortured a 6-year-old boy who he coached as a long distance runner. The boy, Budhia Singh, lived with Das and was at the center of numerous child rights controversies as he endured grueling marathons of 40 miles at the age of 4 and a 43-mile trek just last year. However, doctors forced Singh to stop after 40 miles due to symptoms of extreme exhaustion and discovered that he was “undernourished, anemic and under cardiac stress.”

Back in May, India’s child welfare department declared that the marathons were a form of “torture” on the child. But in addition to “coaching” the little kid into running unfathomable distances, Das was literally torturing the boy in horrifying manners.

Biranchi was beating him up regularly,” said the boy’s mother, Sukanti Singh. “He even once tied Budhia up from a ceiling fan and threw hot water on his body.

What’s worse is that this prick hasn’t been sharing with the boy’s mother any of the income he’s been raking in off the ill-treatment and cruelty that drew national celebrity.

He has given me very little, but he was earning a lot of money from my son’s hard work,” the Press Trust of India news agency quoted her as saying in a report Monday.

However, the story takes a very daytime soap opera twist when Das claims that he actually rescued the boy right before his mother was about to sell him for $15 to another villager. Regardless, we say throw him and Michael Vick in an Indian prison cell and let `em rot. Let’s go ahead and throw this jerk in there too.


[]: Coach is accused of torturing 6-year-old marathoner in India