Author: clay

Categories
General Sports

SportsCenter needs some new blood, even if it is 83-years-old

You know, ESPN wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t for all the clowns they use in front of the cameras. Thank goodness the NBA Finals finished up in just four games because we couldn’t take any more of Stuart Scott’s on-location improv. And while the nausea begins with the Cyclops for most fans, unfortunately the mother ship’s horrifically annoying lineup is deep; real deep. John Anderson, Scott Van Pelt, Kenny Mayne, John Buccigross, Steve Berthiaume, Neil Everett; the list goes on and on. And don’t even get us started about that sick freak Chris Berman. So, when we heard that SportsCenter was taking celebrity applications, we had just five words for the ESPN bigwigs: “Bob Barker, come on down!”

Talk about an impressive audition! He’s already got more charisma and mass appeal than any of those dopes we listed earlier, and who wouldn’t want to her Bob’s World War II stories during slow news days? Then you’ve got Barker’s Beauties. Now, those are some women that Joe Namath would want to kiss even if he wasn’t piss drunk. Sorry Suzy, you know you’re like a little sister to us.

Categories
Philadelphia Eagles

The Freak is officially a music video extra

So, it appears that Jevon Kearse has been donating his off the field services to some really crappy rappers for a really crappy song that got made into a really crappy video. Kearse makes a pair of brief but very impact appearances (3:40 and 1:46 marks) in Shawty featuring T-Pain and Symon Dagrapp’s single entitled Piles. Uh, who?

Now, we don’t know too much about the modern hippity-hop, but we figured that if Jevon wanted to be in someone’s rap video, it would have been more along the line of 50 Cent or Snoop Dogg. But hey, if Lil’ John is working on the same project as the Freak, then it has got to be some extremely high quality work.

Links:

[The 700 Level]: Jevon Kearse in rap video

Categories
Chicago Bears

Damn, Tommie! Not you too.


What is it with sports and big mouths? Chicago Bears D-lineman Tommie Harris has joined Kobe Bryant, Clinton Portis and Billy Donovan on the recent list of guys who are quick to retreat from their actions.

Harris was in Philadelphia last week to attend Donovan McNabb’s charity golf tournament when someone stuck a microphone in front of him and effortless got Harris to start blabbering about how desperately he wants McNabb to QB in Chicago; all the while, seemingly forgetting that Rex Grossman is currently serving that role after offensively navigating the Bears to the Super Bowl.

According to the Chicago Tribune, Harris said: “I’d love to have [McNabb] as my quarterback in Chicago . . . Hopefully, he comes here and helps the Chicago Bears win the Super Bowl . . . If he comes to Chicago, we’ll definitely win the Super Bowl . . . He’s my friend and I would like him to play on my team . . . I’d love him to play for the Bears.”

Harris then continued, ending with this: “Hopefully we get Donovan.

But, of course, Tommie was just kidding around and blames the whole thing on Donovan for egging him on.

I will be careful the next time I joke around,” Harris told reporters. “Donovan was behind the camera laughing. We were joking around and it escalated to more than what it was. I apologized to the rest of my team. I was very embarrassed with how much it blew up with the media. My team forgave me, so that’s all that matters.

Okay, we’re not buying the whole “joke” copout on this one, Tommie. But apparently Grossman is because he seemed to think it was all “not that big of a deal.” Still, we’re really getting sick of the backtracking that is going on in sports today and the lame excuses that these athletes think the public is gullible enough to believe. Give us a freaking break for once; either shut the hell up altogether until you have clearly thought about the possible ramifications of your comments or stick to your statements, if that is how you honestly feel. Quit wasting our time with B.S.; all it does is make you look completely foolish.

Links:

[Philly.com]: Love for McNabb from Bears lineman, who quickly backpedals

Categories
All Other Sports

This dude is lucky he’s not a horse or he’d be glue by now

Every now and again we feel compelled to bring you a moment of stomach turning disgust. Don’t believe us? Just check out our Top 10 Most Gruesome sports injuries. So, today’s painful moment comes to us from the world of MMA where some guy snaps his leg in two during a fight.

We have no idea about the who, when or where of this horrifying accident, but does it really matter? After all, we are talking about a guy who shattered his leg bone for the entire world to see and be grossed out by. How often does something like that happen in life? Oh, wait; now that we’ve recovered from our lightheadedness we know why this is starting to feel like déjà vu all over again. We tried to mentally block it out but our BONUS injury lives on.

Categories
Golf

Golf just got a little bit more frustrating for the rest of us

Don’t you just hate reading those stories about 100-year-old farts that bowl perfect games or blind guys that absolutely own the local pool hall’s tables? Sometimes it’s enough to just make you want to throw up. Well, hopefully you’re not reading with a full stomach because for some of you golfers out there this is gonna be more than you can handle.

Elizabeth Wang is a greenhorn in the world of golf having picked up a club for the first time only six months ago. However, in that very short amount of time her swing has become a thing of beauty and she has now hit not one, but two hole-in-ones. Oh, and did we mention that Elizabeth is in the second grade and just turned 7-years-old?

And the beauty of this whole thing is that while normal hackers like us are out there busting hump trying to fine tune our mechanics, this little girl is writing down ones in her free time between learning basic grammar and watching reruns of Blue’s Clues.

I want to be a surgeon and a professional golfer. Like when I’m at (my) lunch hour I can go golfing … and sometimes when I’m off work then I can go golfing too.

Michelle Wie should feel pretty darn lucky that Elizabeth is going to be really busy with her whole surgeon career choice and all, or else she could start losing some of that seriously ridiculous endorsement money to this kid real soon.

And to put the cherry on top of the sundae; there was no way we could talk about a hole-in-one without reliving one of the greatest moments in the history of golf, where sometimes it’s better to be lucky than good.

Links:

[9News.com]: 7 year old girl already has two hole-in-ones

Categories
San Antonio Spurs

Odds and Ends: Tony Parker’s bachelor days are quickly running out


Now that Tony Parker has won his third championship to go along with his first Finals MVP, he can put all that basketball drama behind him and start focusing on all the drama that is going to surround his July 7th wedding to Eva Longoria. And the first thing he’s gotta deal with is some of Eva’s loudmouthed BFFs. According to the New York Post, one of her friends had this to say about the Frenchman: “He is just not gracious,” one of them said. “He puts himself ahead of her. He always orders at restaurants before her and is rude to waiters. We just don’t have a good feeling about him.”

We’re guessing that the mystery girl is the fat, ugly, jealous chick that always seems to make her way into the circle of babes. You know, kinda like that porker in the Dixie Chicks.

In other news…

[WFRV.com]: The Pack is back, it’s just not in a good way.

[PittsburghPostGazette.com]: A burnt finger will keep Ian Snell off the mound tomorrow. Damn chicken breasts!

[KSDK.com]: MMA legend tests positive for steroids. No, not Johnnie Morton.

[USA Today]: Kobe Bryant wants out of LA again. But give him a little bit, it could pass.

[Our Book of Scrap]: Getting kicked in the nads just got even funnier.

[TMZ.com]: Mark Cuban is reduced to doing coke off a cell phone. We blame Golden State.

And finally, here’s a story that will have any potential criminals thinking twice before they consider a kid and his mom as easy pickins.

Categories
Soccer

Real Madrid kicks ass on the field, their fans kick ass off of it



Now, who would think that this could get out of
hand?

We probably don’t need to tell you this but soccer fans are some weird dudes. Especially those crazy diehards over in Spain who actually celebrate the winning of a championship and the deportation of the Beckhams to America by rioting! But, seriously, would expect anything less?

After David Beckham’s final game with Real Madrid clinched the club their 30th Spanish league title, thousands and thousands of fans packed downtown Madrid to celebrate. And according to the Interior Minister Alfredo Perez Rubalcaba (try saying that three times fast), everything was pretty peaceful for most of the night. But somehow the high-fives and hugs turned into tear gas and violence and by the end of the episode, over 100 people were reportedly injured during the brawl between cops and fans.

Leave it up to a few bad apples to ruin the celebration of an entire city. Now, we’re not trying to imply that America is filled with the kindest souls or the most polite and courtesy fans. We’ve had our share of sports riots that have giving fans a black eye, both figuratively and literally, but to our credit, the Spurs recent championship celebration didn’t produce any major bloodshed or arrests in either Cleveland or San Antonio. And the NHL finals a few weeks back went off without a hitch as well. But then again, most people don’t care about the NBA or the NHL, and even more people were simply bored to tears by the entire playoffs. It’s kind of hard to be moved to violence when your passion for a sport is less than your passion for reruns of Bill Nye The Science Guy.

Links:

[AZCentral.com]: Police, fans clash after Real Madrid win

Categories
New York Giants

LaVar Arrington involved in a serious motorcycle accident


Ben Roethlisberger was involved in an ugly motorcycle wreck that damn near cost him his life. So, while Big Ben might not currently be the poster boy of on field execution, he should be revered in locker rooms and clubhouses across America as the man who personally exposed just how dangerous motorcycles can be and lived to tell about it. And now GM’s can add LaVar Arrington to their “lucky to be alive” club when they plead with their stars about the need to live on the safe side in life. At least while they are still under contract.

Arrington was involved in a severe motorcycle crash in Prince George’s Country, MD on Monday and was rushed to a local hospital in serious condition. However, it appears that the former Redskin, current Giant free agent escaped the wreck with just a broken bone in his arm, three broken bones in his leg and some road rash. It looks like Arrington is going to be in lots of pain for a while but pain is your best case scenario in this situation.

Carl Poston is Arrington’s agent and while he is most certainly ecstatic that his client is going to recover, he has got to be absolutely livid that he was even on the bike to begin with. Huge sums of money are circulating around Arrington at all times and, from a business perspective, it is simply asinine to engage in any risky activities. Franchises have got to start being much more strict about allowing their players to participate in any sort of behavior that can put them in danger. Athletes are generally thrill seekers by nature, so it is the responsibility of the people who employ them to put their foot down and refuse to allow a player to die unnecessarily on their watch.

Links:

[WJZ.com]: LaVar Arrington Involved In Serious Beltway Crash
[ESPN]: Arrington suffers multiple injuries in accident

Categories
NFL General

Happy day after Father’s Day!

We all only have one father; well, except for that chick on My Two Dads, but that’s beside the point. What we’re trying to say is that dads are special guys. And even though we not might be as close to the old man as we once were, it doesn’t mean that the heartwarming feelings aren’t still there. C’mon, who doesn’t cherish those childhood memories of shooting hoops or playing catch with pops? Those are the moments where the lifelong bonds between father and son are forged. And we aren’t the only ones who think so, Bill Parcells does too.

So to all you dads out there, just don’t forget that your kids are going to grow up before you know it. You only have a limited time to influence their lives before they’re going be up and outta the house. It is critical that you spend quality time each and every day with your kids doing things like playing sports. And not only do drills like the ones mentioned by Parcells instill qualities like coordination, timing and good old fashioned discipline, but if you put in the extra effort with your kids then you just might motivate them all the way to a pro sports career. Then you could finally retire and live off your boy’s millions for the rest of your life. That’s the only thing that’s going to make all those teenage speeding tickets, emergency room visits and angry calls from high school teachers worth it.

Categories
Chicago Cubs

Derrek Lee and Chris Young both swing and both miss

Were you let down by UFC’s latest disappointing pay-per-view? Well, if you were then maybe you should have saved that $40 you dished out for Rich Franklin vs. Yushin Okami and tuned into the Cubs vs. Padres game on Saturday to see the fight attempted fight between Derrek Lee and Chris Young.

There really wasn’t all that much action when it came to knuckles pounding skulls but it still lasted longer than the championship bout between Chuck Liddell and Quinton Jackson.

After Lee got hit by a Young pitch in the fourth inning, things got heated as Lee started swinging for the fences and we’re not talking about the long ball either. Both benches cleared during the fracas and by the time the pile of humanity was separated there were four ejections dished out, including Lee, Young, Padres pitcher Jake Peavy and Cubs hitting coach Gerald Perry.

And you thought that the Cubbies would only throw down with their teammates.

Links:

[KSDK.com]: Lee, Young Ejected After Padres, Cubs Fight