Author: clay

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All Other Sports

TNA slaps their weekly full nelson on the WWE



Damn, fat boy’s got the gold again!

There’s really no denying it anymore; TNA is consistently putting on a better show than the WWE. Vince McMahon and his, oh wait; The late Vince McMahon and his boys are struggling for good storylines while TNA pushes the envelope with new ideas. Now, we’re not saying that all of TNA’s ideas are spectacularly compelling, but they constantly provide fresh, new stories. And their talent pool is getting deeper and deeper by the week.

Why do you think the WWE is reaching so far into their bag of tricks of late? The three hours specials, the draft, the insane McMahon explosion that grabbed the mainstream media’s attention; it’s all an attempt to grab back some of the viewers who are starting to jump ship. After all, this is the most competition the WWE has encountered since the old Monday Night Wars.

Like we said, not all of TNA’s concepts are the best. One example is their latest craziness involving the tag champs (Team 3-D), the new X-Division champ (Black Machismo), and the new TNA champ Kurt Angle. There’s all sorts of things going on with this that we’re having a hard time following, but what we do know is that the tag champs will take on the other two champs in a match and anyone who gets pinned loses their belt to the pinner at the next PPV, Victory Road. Make sense? Yea, we didn’t think so.

All you need to know right now is that Samoa Joe pinned Chris Saban in a three-way match, which also included Black Machismo, for the X Division championship and advanced to the Match of Champions. Damn Black Machismo, we thought you could hold onto the belt longer than that. Now, we gotta wait until next week to see who else advances and becomes Joe’s partner because there will be another three-way match between Christian Cage, Rhyno and the champ Kurt Angle next Thursday. Considering the history between Joe and Angle, we wouldn’t be surprised to see TNA give Angle the match and put another twist on their rivalry.

But the real kick to the WWE’s balls came when Jeff Jarrett revealed the reason why he’s been mysteriously out of action recently. In a tear filled interview, the King of the Mountain broke character and revealed that he lost his wife to cancer. This really makes the “mock murder of Vince McMahon” plotline look even more ridiculous.

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Soccer

Futbol has finally redeemed it’s self…slightly

Most of the time when we talk about soccer, we focus on the ugly, nasty side of the sport: the riots, the package biting, the other riots, the Beckham’s American invasion, the murders, the attempted murders. But, believe it or not, we’ve actually found something about soccer that we like; when hotties play it in teeny tiny skirts and stomach revealing tops.

We are so relieved to find out that soccer actually had some untapped potential hidden deep down inside. This is honestly the greatest spin put on a sport since the Lingerie Bowl.

Links:

[Our Book of Scrap]: Girls Playing Soccer In Short Skirts

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All Other Sports

Another pointless world record is safe until further notice


Well, we know that all you faithful readers were mesmerized by Thursday’s compelling story of Dean Karnazes‘ world record attempt of running over 153.76 miles in 24 hours on a treadmill located in Times Square. It is a gripping tale, we must admit. Unfortunately, it is a story with an unhappy ending.

Karnazes came up a little short in his attempt as he could only manage to run 148 miles by the end of the day. But, we’re going to give him some serious props for giving it a shot. Who we are not going to congratulate however is TheMilwaukeeChannel.com because they can’t even do basic math.

The man who tried to break the world record for most miles run on a treadmill in 24 hours missed his goal by a marathon.

Last time we checked, 153.76-148=5.76; not 26, which is the number of miles in a marathon. So, either their algebra is all screwy or they simply have no idea what a marathon is. Either way, they look stupid and worse, they’ve made our boy Karnazes look like a chump. This is Mr. Endurance we’re talking about. Show some respect and at least get your facts straight.

Links:

[TheMilwaukeeChannel.com]: Man Fails To Break Record For Miles Run On Treadmill

Categories
Boston Celtics

Paul Pierce disses a cinematic legend on video


If there is anything we learned about Mini Me Verne Troyer during the Surreal Life is that he hates being called Mini Me. Apparently, Paul Pierce isn’t a big fan of the show because he made the critical error of calling Mini Me Mini Me and then the little dude had to bow up to the guy who plays for the Celtics. Here’s a link to the TMZ exclusive. You’re gonna have to scroll down to find it, but take your time. We’ll be waiting.

Okay, you back? Good.

Our favorite part is when Mini Me starts hollering “What’s my name?!” to P.P. We know that Pierce is loaded, but things are pretty crappy when your team is going on 18-game losing skids and Mini Me is trying to put you check. Doesn’t the Celtic green intimidate anyone anymore? Well, the luck of the Irish could be swinging back in Boston’s favor if they can pull off a franchise defining mega trade for Kevin Garnett. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves.

Back to the video of Verne Mini Me; we’re not trying to discriminate against little people but we’d fell a hell of a lot safer if Mini Me stayed on his little scooter. After all, the guy is known to tie on a couple before going for a spin.

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All Other Sports

Another pointless world record is about to be broken



From that day on, if I was ever going
somewhere, I was running!

You probably think you’re a real speed demon when you take off to the local high school track and rip off a few laps around the ol’ quarter mile loop. Or you might even be a more serious runner who racks up the mileage, going 20, 30, maybe 40 miles a week. If you’re putting in that type of work then give yourself a hearty pat on the back. But guess what; you still suck compared to this guy.

Dean Karnazes is a freaking running machine! Some of his achievements include a running session of 350 nonstop miles, running 50 marathons in 50 states in 50 days, and running the equivalent of 90 marathons in 2006. Well, Karnazes has a new endurance record to demolish; this born again Steve Prefontaine is going to run over 153.76 miles in a 24 hour period on a treadmill.

Not that we’re going to bet against Dean, but we have no idea how this guy can possible do it. We get worn out after traveling 153 miles in a car. Hell, a plane ride that distance isn’t a picnic either.

This is all going down in the heart of New York City at Times Square, so there are sure to be some jerks giving the guy lip service as he runs in place. But we don’t think we’re the only ones who’ll agree that this beats the hell out of David Blain’s stupid gimmicks.

Links:

[TheMilwaukeeChannel.com]: Man Tries To Run More Than 150 Miles On Treadmill In 24 Hours

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All Other Sports

Veteran Jockey proves that Napoleon complex is a reality

You’ve probably never heard the name Victor Molina before, but all you Barbaro lovers won’t be forgetting it anytime soon. That’s because the long time jockey got pissed off when his horse Yes Yes Ohyes reared up in the starting gates during Monday’s races at a Philadelphia racetrack and struck Molina in the chest. So, how does the predictably tiny jockey deal with the unruly colt? Why he hops off and gives the 2-year-old a swift kick to the belly.

The threat of knowing the horse could hurt you, if anything, got me upset,” he said. “The idea that I could have got hurt, I just got mad at him. Maybe that’s why I kicked him.

What do you mean “maybe” that’s why you kicked him? Were there some other extenuating circumstances in your relationship that we don’t know about? C’mon, don’t pull this typical athlete B.S. and beat around the bush. Just be a man and admit that you blew a gasket and went haywire on an innocent animal. There’s no sense in making it something it’s not, the entire act was caught on tape.

The little bastard went on to say:

My chest still hurts, but that’s not what hurts me most right now,” he said. “It’s what happened to my reputation. My record is clean and it speaks for itself.

Yeah, reputations tend to be destroyed when you treat animals like $#!+; just ask Michael Vick. Molina’s penalty has yet to be revealed, but we’re hoping it’s more than just a simple fine or brief suspension. Hell, if it was up to us, we’d say it should be an eye for an eye. Or, actually, it should be a kick for a kick, and we recommend this big fella does the kicking:

Either that or we just ferret leg his punk ass!

Links:

[FirstCoastNews.com]: Jockey Kicks Horse

Categories
Milwaukee Brewers

It’s a good thing the Brewers can play baseball because their acting sucks

Not too long ago, we brought you the story of Denver Broncos tough guy turned ESPN windbag turned Guiding Light private detective Mark Schlereth. Well, it turns out that Roc Hoover isn’t the only pro athlete to get bitten by the soap opera acting bug. On Wednesday, four members of the Milwaukee Brewers, J.J. Hardy, Bill Hall, Chris Capuano and Jeff Suppan, made their small-screen debuts on the estrogenfest known to most daytime soap viewers as The Young and the Restless.

Like most athletes, the Brew crew was completely awkward during their big scene. What makes things even worse for the wannabe soap stars is that they were playing themselves. You’d figure that if anyone could play the Brewers, it would be the Brewers. Well, then again, J.J. seemed pretty relaxed as he spit out his “She can warm up with me anytime” line.

Links:

[WFRV.com]: `Restless’ Brewers Prove To Be Budding Soap Stars

Categories
Soccer

We always thought the butt slap was really fruity until this soccer player proved us wrong

We’re sure that soccer has amazingly athletic and graceful plays that occur from time to time, but for some reason the only news that catches our eye from the world of futbol seems to involve riots or, uh, well, riots. That is, until now. We’re still not moved to the point of showing you highlights or anything but we did come across a clip that we thought we’d share with you. Apparently it’s a few years old but that doesn’t mean the incredible gayness of the whole thing has diminished in the least.

And you fools thought that Chad Johnson and T.O. liked to “celebrate in a different way.” Even Dennis Rodman thought the soccer dude’s behavior was kind of disturbing.

Links:

[The Offside]: ‘Biting his Unit’ s certainly a different way to celebrate

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All Other Sports

A new king of extreme will be crowned at Vengeance



Say hello to your soon-to-be ECW
champ.

As expected, ECW continued to push the spontaneous explosion of Vincent Kennedy McMahon but we don’t really want to waste your time with that crap. After all, the WWE is doing an exceptional job of boring us for at least 15 minutes of every show with footage of the big boom.

The highlight of this week’s ECW came when the contenders for the ECW championship match at Vengeance were announced. First off, there was a match between Chris Benoit and Elijah Burke which resulted in the New Breed leader tapping out to a sharpshooter by Benoit. That put Benoit in the title bout against the winner of Marcus Cor Von and CM Punk.

In the main event of the evening, The Alpha Male and Punk put together a very physical match that ended when Punk hit the GTS out of nowhere. Of course, Benoit had to come out and interrupt the celebration by Mr. Straight Edge as the two had a pre-championship stare down/handshake to close the show. It was all very cheesy, indeed. While Benoit is the seasoned vet in this match and he is looking to grab his first ECW title, we gotta figure that it’s time for the brand’s biggest and brightest star to take his spot as the hardcore king on Sunday.

Some of the side dishes of the show included an appearance by the worm slurping Boogie Man, Kevin Thorne’s spanking of Tommy Dreamer and the victorious debut of supplemental draftee from RAW, Johnny Nitro. Oh, and for some strange reason it seems like a couple of the ladies from Extreme Expose are in lust with that douche The Miz. Geez, can’t wait to see that love triangle pan out.

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All Other Sports

Blowing yourself up isn’t as easy as it use to be


The WWE figured that faking Vince McMahon’s death (yes, you morons, he’s not dead) last week was going to be a great way to create additional interest in the show. Unfortunately, lots of people are actually completely turned off the by the ridiculous storyline and continuous on-air blabber about how McMahon is “presumed dead” and the “federal investigation” that is surrounding the limo explosion. What the wrestling empire wasn’t expecting was a possible law suit.

According to the Securities and Exchange Act of 1934, the WWE is in violation because the fake death could have unfairly influenced investors.

Rule 10b-5, pursuant to Section 10(b) of the Securities and Exchange Act of 1934, prohibits misleading statements or omissions of material fact in connection with the purchase or sale of any security, and that includes press releases that intentionally and also, in most courts, recklessly mislead investors.

Now, we have no idea if this will actually end up heading to court, but hopefully it will make the writers at WWE think twice before they subject their audience to another horrible, horrible storyline. Maybe the next time Vince needs a vacation, they will just write him off the show instead of killing him in an explosion. And you know he’s gonna show up in a month or two; talk about another lame plot. But, still, we can’t wait to see how pathetically they try to pull that off.

Links:

[Sports Law Blog]: Did Vince McMahon’s Fake Death Violate Security Laws?