All Other Sports

The lovely and gullible Maria Sharapova

For some strange reason, we can totally see Stu Scott pulling something like this.

This Is Sportscenter ~~~~The best video clips are here

General Sports

SportsCenter goes football crazy in November

SportsCenter certainly isn’t making any friends with fans who like sports not named football. We’ve always known that ESPN was partial to the pigskin (and we can’t really blame them), but Sports Business Daily did some research and found that SC basically wipes every other sport right off the docket during November.

The study showed that last November the fellas behind the desk yapped about football for a whopping 15 hours plus during their nightly 11:00 airings! Outside of football, the NBA was about the only sport talked about, accounting for 3:46:36 during the entire month. Obviously this country is football crazy, especially during November and December, but the show is called SportsCenter, right?

Boxing– 0:00:25
Etc– 1:19:32
MLB– 1:35:23
MLS– 0:02:28
MMA– 0:00:00
NASCAR– 0:47:13
NBA– 3:46:36
NCAA Basketball– 1:53:13
NCAA Football– 4:38:22
NCAA Women’s Basketball– 0:05:15
NCAA Other Sports– 0:00:00
NFL– 10:40:46
NHL– 0:32:58
Olympics– 0:00:53
Tennis– 0:01:46
WNBA– 0:00:00


[Awful Announcing]: Breaking Down Sports Center In November

General Sports

Can somebody please throw Stu Scott in front of a moving bus?

Trying to explain what a douche Stuart Scott is has become like trying to explain the science behind what happens to a star when it gets sucked into a black hole. Sometimes it’s just easier to observe the subject’s behaviors in order to quantify their complexity or, in Stu’s case, his doucheiness.

This kind of crap has gone on long enough and we here at SportsColumn aren’t going to take it anymore. So, our plan is to assassinate Stuart Scott immediately. However, to do so we will need monetary contributions from Stu Scott despisers like you. So, please partake in our fund raiser. The sooner you do, the sooner this one-eyed nightmare will be over.

Spoken word.


[Awful Announcing]: Stu Scott’s Ridiculous Deaf Poetry Slam

All Other Sports

Athletes have some big mouths and we are so thankful for it

Sports are best known for the drama, spectacle and pure athleticism that surround the competition, but there’s another reason that we watch sports and it has nothing to do with offense, defense or special teams. It has to do with the whacky stuff that comes outta athletes’ mouths nowadays. We’d love to say that we’ve spent hours pouring over all the post game interviews, tv appearances and press conferences that have transpired over the years, but, of course, ESPN beat us to the punch. So, here are the Top 10 One Liners in sports history:

Hey, we’re usually not big fans of the SportsCenter losers, but if there hard work gets us outta the office a little earlier today then we’ve gotta give a Stu Scott sized shout-out to our new homies in Connecticut. So, this is for you guys: “BOOOOOOOOOO-YAAAAAAA!!”

General Sports

ESPN finally has some competition and Jim Mora is leading the charge

Lots of people can’t stand SportsCenter, but they suffer through the broadcasts because, lets face it, nobody can stomach the FSN crews. But SC‘s days might be numbered if Flash Sports Tonight takes off. So, please, please let FST catch on.

Personally, we love the way Doc and Jock Jarrelson tackle the issue of steroids in sports. While a music montage might not exactly be hard-hitting sports journalism, it beats the hell out of watching those stupid Who’s Now segments. And even though FST wasn’t able to show the entire “What a Bunch of Cheating Liars” clip, we were able to get our hands on the exclusive extended video. Top that Cyclops Stu!

All Other Sports

The fellas on Around The Horn suddenly look a lot more intelligent

We complain a lot about the annoying guys behind SportsCenter desks, but at least they’re better than what is offered across the pond. Although, we could totally see Stu Scott and Scott Van Pelt doing some of the exact same things.

General Sports

SportsCenter needs some new blood, even if it is 83-years-old

You know, ESPN wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t for all the clowns they use in front of the cameras. Thank goodness the NBA Finals finished up in just four games because we couldn’t take any more of Stuart Scott’s on-location improv. And while the nausea begins with the Cyclops for most fans, unfortunately the mother ship’s horrifically annoying lineup is deep; real deep. John Anderson, Scott Van Pelt, Kenny Mayne, John Buccigross, Steve Berthiaume, Neil Everett; the list goes on and on. And don’t even get us started about that sick freak Chris Berman. So, when we heard that SportsCenter was taking celebrity applications, we had just five words for the ESPN bigwigs: “Bob Barker, come on down!”

Talk about an impressive audition! He’s already got more charisma and mass appeal than any of those dopes we listed earlier, and who wouldn’t want to her Bob’s World War II stories during slow news days? Then you’ve got Barker’s Beauties. Now, those are some women that Joe Namath would want to kiss even if he wasn’t piss drunk. Sorry Suzy, you know you’re like a little sister to us.