General Sports

SportsCenter needs some new blood, even if it is 83-years-old

You know, ESPN wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t for all the clowns they use in front of the cameras. Thank goodness the NBA Finals finished up in just four games because we couldn’t take any more of Stuart Scott’s on-location improv. And while the nausea begins with the Cyclops for most fans, unfortunately the mother ship’s horrifically annoying lineup is deep; real deep. John Anderson, Scott Van Pelt, Kenny Mayne, John Buccigross, Steve Berthiaume, Neil Everett; the list goes on and on. And don’t even get us started about that sick freak Chris Berman. So, when we heard that SportsCenter was taking celebrity applications, we had just five words for the ESPN bigwigs: “Bob Barker, come on down!”

Talk about an impressive audition! He’s already got more charisma and mass appeal than any of those dopes we listed earlier, and who wouldn’t want to her Bob’s World War II stories during slow news days? Then you’ve got Barker’s Beauties. Now, those are some women that Joe Namath would want to kiss even if he wasn’t piss drunk. Sorry Suzy, you know you’re like a little sister to us.

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