We’ve seen some pretty ingenious practical jokes in our days, but weighing down a soccer ball so that it’s as hard as a rock is about as good as it gets. The simplicity of it all is what really makes this a classic prank.
The leapfrog gag is a tad outdated, but we still appreciate the effort. Now the the creepy/hilarious voiceover, that’s just strange.
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[Our Book of Scrap]: Something To Wake You Out of Your “Mike Vick? Indicted?” Fog
1. Bring on the Hit Parade: Baseball can be a strange sport sometimes. Going into to Tuesday’s game against the Phillies, the Dodgers had a five-game winning streak going and the best record in the NL. But Philadelphia made them look like a Triple-A team with a 15-3 blowout win. The Phils recorded 26 hits, including five each by Shane Victorino and Aaron Rowand. Ryan Howard hit to homeruns to give him 24 on the year. Chase Utley had three RBIs to increase his league-leading total to 79. Even Phillies starter JD Durbin, who gave up one run in six innings, added three hits. Dodgers starter Mark Hendrickson was crushed for 11 hits and 7 runs in three innings, and reliever Eric Stults gave up eight hits and four runs. The Phillies now have 499 runs on the year, ranking them first in the National League and third overall in the majors.
2. The Yankees Get Closer: The Yankees are now closer to the division-leading Boston Red Sox than they’ve been in a while. With a comeback 3-2 win over Toronto combined with Boston’s loss to the Royals, the Yanks are now eight games back in the division. That’s still a lot, but for a while the lead has been double-digits. Blue Jays reliever Jeremy Accardo issued a balk in the ninth inning that tied the game, which the Yankees won in the tenth inning off a Robinson Cano RBI single. Alex Rodriguez notched his 90th RBI of the year as New York won their fourth game in a row. In Boston, the Royals teed off on Tim Wakefield for six runs in their 9-3 win. The Yankees’ upcoming schedule has been noted for its lack of winning teams, though the Red Sox don’t exactly have a murderer’s row either. They face the Devil Rays and Orioles a combined five times over the next month, so if they take care of business, it will be hard for the Yankees to catch up.
3. The Collapse Continues: The biggest losing streak in baseball right now belongs to the A’s, who have dropped nine games in a row. They are now 12 games back in the division and barely ahead of the lowly Rangers, who beat Oakland again on Tuesday. Texas’ 11-4 win was fueled by a 5-5 performance by Michael Young in addition to multiple errors by the A’s. Oakland starter Chad Gaudin, who used to be among the AL leaders in ERA, was rocked for his second straight start. This is the longest losing streak for the A’s since 1998, according to ESPN.com. They are virtually eliminated from playoff contention already.
Player of the Day: Aaron Rowand, Phillies: 5-6, 3 doubles, HR (13), 2 RBIs in a win over the Dodgers.
Michael Vick was indicted Tuesday on some pretty nasty charges of competitive dogfighting, procuring and training pit bulls for fighting and conducting the enterprise across state lines. Vick and three of his associates could be facing six years in the slammer and $350,000 in fines if they are found guilty.
As if dog fighting wasn’t already bad enough as a general practice, we learned a little bit more about Vick’s sick rehabilitation plans for the pups at “Bad Newz Kennels.” Turns out that fighting might not even be the worst or most dangerous part for some of these dogs because it is reported that around eight dogs were killed in April in some very inhumane ways, namely by hanging, drowning, electrocuting, shooting or simply “slamming at least one dog’s body to the ground.” Call us crazy, but we don’t think that is the kind of hand’s on relationship the jury is going to want to see out of Vick the kennel owner.
Needless to say, the NFL was not too pleased with the latest development surrounding the man who at one time was considered the future of the league.
We are disappointed that Michael Vick has put himself in a position where a federal grand jury has returned an indictment against him,” NFL spokesman Brian McCarthy said.
“The activities alleged are cruel, degrading and illegal. Michael Vick’s guilt has not yet been proven, and we believe that all concerned should allow the legal process to determine the facts.
Even John Goodwin of the Humane Society was taken back by the horrific methods that Vick used to kill the dogs, saying that “Some of the grisly details in these filings shocked even me, and I’m a person who faces this stuff every day.” Everyone knew that Michael Vick had to be a pretty cold person to involve himself in the blood sport to begin with, but now it’s starting to look like he’s simply a truly psychotic, uncaring murderer. And what do we do with psychotic, uncaring murderers? We ferret leg those bastards and then we throw `em in prison. Duh.
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[BuffaloNews.com]: Vick indicted in dogfight case
There’s nothing worse than having a major sporting event canceled or postponed because of the stupid weather. And with the 2008 Olympics quickly approaching, nobody wants to see Beijing become a wet mess when the world is watching. So, Chinese weathermen are planning to shoot rockets into the sky in hopes of blowing up rain clouds. No, seriously.
Zheng Guoguang is Mr. Meteorology when it comes to China and he said that tests are ready to get underway for the weather altering experiments. It seems that, there’s some data showing that there is a 50/50 chance for rain during the opening and closing ceremonies and this summer marks the final chance to test the theory under conditions similar to those expected when the games kick off. And you thought that rockets were just used to bring about destruction. Nope, sounds like they can be used to bring sunshine to the world as well.
Now, we don’t know about you, but this is all a bit farfetched for us to wrap our heads around. Honestly, it sounds like a great idea, but, then again, it also seems like some crazy scheme concocted by Dr. Evil or Mr. Burns. But if this technology can someday keep us from having to waste five days on a single tennis match, like we did with Rafael Nadal and Robin Soderling at Wimbledon a few weeks back, then we’re all for it.
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[ABC12.com]: China hopes to use rockets to keep Olympics dry
While we don’t do a lot of rugby reporting, you’ll never catch us calling rugby players soft; especially after we heard about Ben Czislowski. Back on April 1, Czislowski was rugby-ing it up for his Australian club (Wynnum) against the appropriately named Tweed Heads when he had a nasty collision with the competition’s Matt Austin. Czislowski’s head had to be stitched up, but it’s all in a day’s work for rugby dudes, right? Not quite.
Four months later, Czislowski went to the doctor because he was suffering from pains in his head and felt lethargic. The good doctor quickly discovered the source of Ben’s problem: Austin’s tooth was embedded in his head!!
“I’ve got the tooth at home, sitting on the bedside table,” he said. “‘If he (Austin) wants it back he can have it. I’m keeping it at the moment as proof that it actually happened.
Now, we know that having a tooth stuck in your head for four months has got to be totally lame, but we’re still trying to decide on how it compares to having a pearly white lodged in other parts of your anatomy. Hmm, this sounds like a question for Mick Foley. Oh, Mick…
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[Metro.Co.UK]: Rugby player finds tooth stuck in head
1. The NL’s New Leader: Either the Brewers, Mets, or Padres have held the National League’s best record for most of this season. But now, the Dodgers have the league’s top mark at 53-40. They crushed the Phillies last night 10-3 as Brad Penny improved to 11-1. Penny pitched seven innings, allowing one run and striking out eight. He joined Carlos Zambrano and Cole Hamels as the NL’s only 11-game winners. The Dodgers’ offense pounded Jamie Moyer for 10 runs, including three-run homeruns by Jeff Kent and Matt Kemp. The Dodgers have now won five in a row, but they’re still only a game up on the Padres.
2. Welcome Back: Horacio Ramirez was having a poor season for the Mariners, battling both injuries and ineffectiveness. But in his return off the DL, he looked excellent as the Mariners topped the Orioles. Ramirez allowed two runs in seven innings as Seattle won 4-2. He still has a 5.89 ERA, .317 opponents’ average, and only 15 strikeouts in nine starts. If Ramirez can continue this one good start into a string of good performances this second half, he won’t make the Mariners feel quite as stupid for trading him for stud reliever Rafael Soriano.
3. Playoff Preview?: In a matchup of two teams that could face each other in October, the Padres and Mets started a three-game set on Monday. The Padres won 5-1 behind a strong start from David Wells. Wells gave up on run in six innings in his 7th quality start in his last 11 starts. Michael Barrett powered the Padres with 3 RBIs and 3 hits. Jorge Sosa pitched well in his return from the DL, but he wasn’t supported by the offense or the bullpen. The Mets’ division lead stays at a game and a half as the Braves were pounded by the Reds.
Player of the Day: Kason Gabbard, Red Sox: 9 innings, 3 hits, no runs in a 4-0 win over the Royals.
We don’t know what show this clip is from, but we’re guessing that it’s the equivalent of America’s Got Talent. And even though there’s no Hoff in the house, you can still color us impressed by this gimmick.
You gotta admit, it’s a helluva lot better than the crappy “talents” we get stuck with here in the States:
If you’re curious about how Ron Artest is spending his off-season, you’d probably be surprised to know that the NBA’s bad boy is currently in Nairobi, Kenya, with Theo Ratliff, Maurice Evans, Etan Thomas and NBA Players Association president Billy Hunter in a joint effort with “Feed the Children.” Surprisingly, Artest is being productive for a change. At least he’s not the latest celebrity to treat a third world country like a petting zoo as they look for a cute native child to pluck from some village. And thank goodness, no child deserves to be raised by Ron Ron. What’s even more surprising than Artest actually participating in a charitable cause is that he seems to be learning from the experience.
“And little 1-year-old babies are walking around and playing right next to it, wearing clothes that look like they’ve been in a New York train station and run over by a ‘7’ train 100 times. All the ghettos in New York City, the only thing that can compare to this is New Orleans when Katrina happened. And this is worse than Katrina.
We say any maturity is good maturity when it comes to Artest, so we’re pretty impressed with his actions. But, even more shocking than Ron starting to act his age is that he plays streetball in the ghetto with David Lee.
Wow, does this sound like a real life White Men Can’t Jump or what?
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[Newsday.com]: Ron Artest now a man on a mission
Kurt Angle thought he was pretty big stuff as he strutted around the IMPACT! Zone sporting a pair of big, shiny belts; especially since one of the belts is the most coveted prize in TNA. But after the Match of Champions, Angle is going to have to swallow a bit of his pride because his archenemy Samoa Joe is now walking around with three title belts around his pudgy waist.
Thanks to a little opportunistic measure that would have made Edge envious, Joe sneakily picked up the pin on Brother Ray of Team 3D after Angle nailed him with the Olympic Slam and, not only retained his X Division championship, but won both of the World Tag Team Titles! Now, after a month of madness, scenarios and possibilities ran wild en route to Victory Road, the only question that remains on the heels of the PPV is who will Joe choose to be his new tag team partner? We’re not too sure who Joe’s going to recruit, but we’re pretty certain we’ll have a much better idea on Thursday evening around 9:30 ET.
But Joe’s got a lot more to think about than just crowing a fellow tag team champ, he’s also going to have to contend with an increasingly unstable Christopher Daniels who won the Ultimate X Gauntlet match. By grabbing the giant “X” dangling over the center of the ring, Daniels became the number one contender for Joe’s X Division crown. As usual, the contest was full of high risk for the wrestlers and high rewards for the fans and while Daniels won the match, it was Kaz who stole the show. As Daniels lay prone, hanging upside down from the suspended ropes, Kaz nailed a Diamond Cutter that sent both men crashing to the mat below. Needless to say, chants of “TNA! TNA!” rang out throughout living rooms across America.
But no PPV would be complete without a show stopping performance from the Instant Classic. While Chris Harris isn’t even close to being in Christian Cage’s class, the two were able to put on an entertaining bout that saw The Wildcat kick out of pin attempt after pin attempt. But in the end, Cage won the match after Goldust Dustin Rhodes interfered by attacking Harris from behind. To some it would be considered a tainted victory, but to Cage it’s just another day at the office.
Complete results from Victory Road
Christopher Daniels won the Ultimate X match to become the new number one contender to the X Championship
The Voodoo Kin Mafia defeated Basham & Damaja
James Storm defeated Rhino
The Motor City Machineguns beat Jerry Lynn and Mr. Backlund
Eric Young & Gail Kim defeated Robert Roode & Ms. Brooks
Christian Cage defeated “Wildcat” Chris Harris after interference from Dustin Rhodes
Sting and Abyss beat Tomko and AJ Styles
Samoa Joe won the Match Of Champions to win the TNA World Tag Team Championship
Lots of people can’t stand SportsCenter, but they suffer through the broadcasts because, lets face it, nobody can stomach the FSN crews. But SC‘s days might be numbered if Flash Sports Tonight takes off. So, please, please let FST catch on.
Personally, we love the way Doc and Jock Jarrelson tackle the issue of steroids in sports. While a music montage might not exactly be hard-hitting sports journalism, it beats the hell out of watching those stupid Who’s Now segments. And even though FST wasn’t able to show the entire “What a Bunch of Cheating Liars” clip, we were able to get our hands on the exclusive extended video. Top that Cyclops Stu!
