Philadelphia Phillies

"Sweet! I got a C. Yeager autograph! Wait, who’s C. Yeager?"

Ever wonder what it would be like to be a pro baseball player? We certainly have. As kids, we would sit in class and practice signing autographs on a piece of notebook paper while daydreaming about having a tawdry love affair with Madonna. But nowadays, you don’t have to fantasize about your dream job and you don’t have to put in the years of hard work to gain proper recognition. Nope, apparently, you can just throw on a Phillies uniform, head down to the All Star Fan Fest and enjoy the good life as the red carpet gets rolled out. Worked for this prankster.



[]: All Star Fan Fest gets Punk’d by fake Phillie

Philadelphia Phillies

Kyle Kendrick would have probably prefered a shaving cream pie to the face

So the Phillies went balls to the wall, pulling out all the stops in order to pull a fast one on Kyle Kendrick and it worked like a charm.

The ol’ `traded to a Japanese baseball league’ gag works every single time.

Philadelphia Phillies

Being a big time baller ain’t all fun and games

Being a rookie sucks. You gotta bring in the doughnuts and coffee every morning, do the veterans bidding and, of course, humiliate yourself for the enjoyment of the team. Yup, being a rookie sucks. Luckily or unluckily, depending on how you view it, we, the fans, only see about one percent of the good stuff. If you think that getting taped to the goalpost is all that’s going on then you’re crazy. And thanks to Bugs and Cranks, we get to see the 2007 Phillies crop of rooks take their hazing in character. Enjoy.

Obviously, there’s no way around it, hazing totally sucks, but at least they weren’t on the East High School football team.

One of three East High School football players charged in 3rd District juvenile court in hazing episodes is now facing five additional felony charges involving sexual misconduct with two children, ages 8 and 11.

Court documents filed Thursday state that the 16-year-old held a gun to an 11-year-old boy’s head and to the head of another child and told them to clean a house. The teen also demanded that the 11-year-old perform a sexual act with him, according to court documents.

Prosecutors also state that the 16-year-old, on another occasion, held a gun to an 8-year-old boy’s head and told him to clean a room, then insisted the child perform a sexual act with him, which the younger boy refused to do. The 16-year-old then committed a sex act in front of the child, court documents state.


[Bugs and Cranks]: In 2007, Phillies rookies got hazed
[]: Teen charged in East High hazing faces more charges involving kids

Philadelphia Phillies

The Full Count: Philadelphia likes to hit the ball, a lot

1. Bring on the Hit Parade: Baseball can be a strange sport sometimes. Going into to Tuesday’s game against the Phillies, the Dodgers had a five-game winning streak going and the best record in the NL. But Philadelphia made them look like a Triple-A team with a 15-3 blowout win. The Phils recorded 26 hits, including five each by Shane Victorino and Aaron Rowand. Ryan Howard hit to homeruns to give him 24 on the year. Chase Utley had three RBIs to increase his league-leading total to 79. Even Phillies starter JD Durbin, who gave up one run in six innings, added three hits. Dodgers starter Mark Hendrickson was crushed for 11 hits and 7 runs in three innings, and reliever Eric Stults gave up eight hits and four runs. The Phillies now have 499 runs on the year, ranking them first in the National League and third overall in the majors.

2. The Yankees Get Closer: The Yankees are now closer to the division-leading Boston Red Sox than they’ve been in a while. With a comeback 3-2 win over Toronto combined with Boston’s loss to the Royals, the Yanks are now eight games back in the division. That’s still a lot, but for a while the lead has been double-digits. Blue Jays reliever Jeremy Accardo issued a balk in the ninth inning that tied the game, which the Yankees won in the tenth inning off a Robinson Cano RBI single. Alex Rodriguez notched his 90th RBI of the year as New York won their fourth game in a row. In Boston, the Royals teed off on Tim Wakefield for six runs in their 9-3 win. The Yankees’ upcoming schedule has been noted for its lack of winning teams, though the Red Sox don’t exactly have a murderer’s row either. They face the Devil Rays and Orioles a combined five times over the next month, so if they take care of business, it will be hard for the Yankees to catch up.

3. The Collapse Continues: The biggest losing streak in baseball right now belongs to the A’s, who have dropped nine games in a row. They are now 12 games back in the division and barely ahead of the lowly Rangers, who beat Oakland again on Tuesday. Texas’ 11-4 win was fueled by a 5-5 performance by Michael Young in addition to multiple errors by the A’s. Oakland starter Chad Gaudin, who used to be among the AL leaders in ERA, was rocked for his second straight start. This is the longest losing streak for the A’s since 1998, according to They are virtually eliminated from playoff contention already.

Player of the Day: Aaron Rowand, Phillies: 5-6, 3 doubles, HR (13), 2 RBIs in a win over the Dodgers.

Philadelphia Phillies

The Full Count: 10,000 strong and growing

1. The Biggest Losers: The Philadelphia Phillies became the first team in MLB history to lose 10,000 games after getting blown out 10-2 by the Cardinals. Albert Pujols hit two of the Cardinals’ six homers, giving the slugger 20 on the season. The Phillies had avoided the embarrassing mark for a while thanks to a three-game win streak, but now they officially are the league’s all-time losingest team. This mark, it should be noted, comes with an asterisk, because the Phils aren’t exactly the worst team of all time. They have a better winning percentage than the Rockies, Padres, Rangers, and Devil Rays, who have all been around a much shorter time than Philadelphia and therefore aren’t near 10,000 losses. Also, the Phillies have at least won 5 pennants and a World Series, something the Rangers or Nationals can’t claim in their 40+ year histories. In case you were wondering, the winningest team is the Giants with 10,151 victories in the same 124-year time period that the Phillies have been around.

2. The NL Heats Up: In June, the only National League divisional race that was close was in the West division as the Mets and Brewers were dominant. Now, however, the Braves and Cubs have been hot enough to inch closer to their division leaders. The Braves started off an easy homestand (Pirates, Reds, Cardinals) well by sweeping Pittsburgh. Their 5-1 win on Sunday gave them 50 wins on the season and put them 1.5 games back of New York. No longer can the Mets by simply penciled in for a playoff spot in the NL, as the Braves could pass them by next week (the Mets travel to San Diego and Los Angeles). Meanwhile, the Cubs completed a sweep of the Astros to move within 3.5 games of Milwaukee. They are one of the hottest teams in baseball, with a 15-4 record since June 22. As these divisional races are tightening up, the NL West remains close as the Dodgers lead the Padres by one game.

3. Are the A’s done? Though not many are talking about it, the Oakland A’s are one of the year’s most disappointing teams. They made the ALCS last year, but now find themselves 11.5 games back in the division. Oakland has dropped seven in a row, giving them a 44-48 record. They were recently swept in four games by the Twins, the first four-game sweep for Minnesota since last August. The problem with the A’s is clearly offense; they have only scored 21 runs in their last ten games. With their AL-best pitching staff, it’s unfortunate they can’t get any run support.

Player of the Day: Miguel Cabrera, Marlins: 2-2, 2 HR, 2 RBI, 2 runs, 2 walks. How awesome is that line? It’s common to see an all-1 line, but I’ve never seen it with 2’s before.

Philadelphia Phillies

Nobody enjoys losing more than Philadelphia

The Phillies have been losing for a really long
time now

There’s not a whole lot to cheer about these days in Philly. QB controversy is already coming down on Eagles camp, Allen Iverson split town and the Sixers have no real future to speak of at the moment, and then you have the Phillies. Actually, they are having a fairly decent year so far but that doesn’t mean that haven’t stunk something fierce in the past. In fact, as of this moment the Phillies are just 21 losses away from reaching the 10,000 loss plateau. And Charley DeBow thinks that is something to celebrate.

DeBow started up because, as he says, “Real phans love their losers.”

This year, the Philadelphia Phillies are poised to accomplish what no other team in professional sports history has before: 10,000 losses.

Not only is Philadelphia home to the franchise that has lost the most games in any sport, it’s also the city (with four major sports teams) that’s gone the longest without a championship.

This website is not about celebrating the Phillies 10,000th loss. It’s about celebrating the Phans. We’re the ones who suffer the most. Let’s celebrate each other because without each other we would be watching the games alone, high fiving the wall. Let’s make sure we keep our presence known.

Now, we understand that this site wasn’t intended to poke fun at the town’s loveable losers but, c’mon, there’s a huge ticker that is racking up the losses for cryin’ out loud. If enduring through 10,000 defeats is what it takes to be a good fan then we’d rather jump on the Mets bandwagon. DeBow is also planning a “celebration march” after the team finally loses that historical contest. Wow, and we thought that Raiders fans had lost their minds.


[]: You have to love a team a lot to devote a Web site to its 10,000 losses
[]: Celebrate 10,000 Home Page

Philadelphia Phillies

Letting it all hang out in Philly

Most TV broadcasts won’t show fans who run onto the field. It’s a smart policy to deter any other fans from doing the same thing in order to get their 15 seconds of fame. So for the guy who risks a $1500 fine and up to a year in prison just to show off his goods to a baseball stadium, the blogs are the last place to turn for some infamy. And we’re happy to comply.

We wonder if part of the job description for “ballpark security guard” includes covering up the junk of pasty streakers. The Phillies all got a laugh out of it though:

It was funny,” Nunez said. “I laughed. I couldn’t help it. He was dancing and moving. He was all skin. I never saw anything like that in my life. The guy is crazy. He either won some money or was very intoxicated.

[Philly Burbs]: Streaker brings smiles after loss
[Shoutfan]: The Phillies Are Streaking

Philadelphia Phillies

Charlie Manuel threatens to kick Howard Eskin’s ass

Someone kick his ass

Things are going from bad to worse here in Philly as the Fightins dropped to 3-9 after losing 8-1 to the Mets. But the story of the night was when things got all John Chaney in the post-game press conference and beyond when Charlie Manuel offered to kick Howard Eskin’s ass.

(For those of you unfamiliar with Howard Eskin, consider yourself lucky, he’s the biggest douchebag in Philly sports. He’s a smug bastard with no redeeming qualities and we are convinced he’s only employed because of the sheer amount of idiots in the Philly area and the photos he has of various people in compromising positions. Just to give you an idea of the level of douchiness, Eskin makes Stephen A Smith look like a decent human being. If Howard was on fire, not only would you not piss on him to put it out, you’d make a beeline for the closest gas station.)

Anyway… according to reports, Eskin baited Charley into a confrontation by asking him why he never got angry and whether it would light a fire under the Phillies if he did.

Good-naturedly, Manuel said, “There are times and ways to do it. For me to just go in there and throw a fit — I can go in there and tear the whole [expletive] locker room up. I can come in here and throw over every chair. I don’t see where that’s going to do any good.

Eskin persisted with his questioning at which time Charley invited Howard Eskin to to his office (along with a Phillies PR person) where everyone could hear him screaming at Eskin from behind the closed door. The two then left the office and Charley said he would kick Eskin’s ass and Eskin responded by telling him to grow up.

If only this were on video. This incident might not or might not turn around an already dismal season but it’s good to see someone take Eskin to task for being the instigator that he is. On the flip side, Charlie Manual isn’t doing the job he’s supposed to do. A team as talented as the Phillies shouldn’t be playing such uninspired ball. They’re leading the league with an average of 9.8 left on base a game. And it’s not just the bottom of the lineup that’s responsible, it’s Utley and Howard too.

Our favorite Phillies blog, Beerleaguer, is doing a great job chronicling all this.

[]: Manuel confronts reporter after loss

Philadelphia Phillies

Odds and Ends: Ryan Howard needs a hug

This slump must really be hitting Ryan Howard hard. A usually media friendly slugger decided that yesterday was “Ryan Howard Day” and announced he would not be talking to any reporters yesterday. Certain members of the press are ripping him (of course) but he probably should get a break. He’s not exactly pulling a Ryan Leaf here. For the record, Ryan Howard day is gonna be May 16 when the Phillies give out Ryan Howard MVP bobbleheads in a game against the Brewers. Let’s hope he’s figured out his hitting by then.

In other news…

[beRecruited]: The worst hairdo in the NCAA tourney

[ebay]: A pair of Michael Jordan game worn shoes goes fot $35,000 on ebay. (You’d think the seller would throw in free shipping.)

[SI]: NFL breaks paid attendance record for 5th straight year

[WISHTV]: ex-Colts DB arrested on gun, drug charges. Will sign with Cinci any day now

[Boston Herald]: Tom Brady’s dad says success doesn’t eliminate problems. Yeah but keeping your soldier helmeted does eliminate one.

And finally, even though we have a firm “no white guy not named Eminem should rap” stance, this “This is why Duke Sucks” video is pretty funny.

Philadelphia Phillies

Ron Howard can direct and he’s MVP!

Philly sure does know how to celebrate its heroes. After winning the MVP, Phillies 1B Ryan Howard got a giant banner on city hall, a Liberty Bell statue and a mayoral proclamation. Problem is that Mayor Street is a moron.

We are enormously pleased and we are very, very proud of our Phillies, and we are certainly proud of Ron Howard and his great achievements. We have somebody who we can really say, ‘It’s all right to be like Ron.’

for us, Ron Howard is a symbol of freedom that we’re going to have when we bring a world championship right down, you hear me? We are going to be free.

After a while, someone finally stepped to his side and whispered to Street that Ryan was the one with 58 homers and 149 RBI. But we’re sure Opie is very proub to be a symbol of freedom and world championship.

[]: Cheers for whatzisname

[]: Ryan toast of the town as NL MVP winner
[]: Ryan Howard info