Author: clay

Categories
Soccer

The sport of soccer just made us laugh again

Like we’ve said before, we know that somewhere deep down inside of soccer there is something that is embodies the art and pageantry of sport, but with so many damn knuckleheads running around on the fields and in the stadiums it gets pretty hard to get past all the shenanigans. C’mon, how are we supposed to take futbol seriously when the refs are running around like that little kid on Ugly Betty.

We’d like to say that this is the fruitiest behavior we’ve ever seen on a soccer pitch, but that would be a blatant lie.

Categories
San Francisco Giants

The Full Count: Bonds keeps creeping closer


1. 753: Before Thursday’s game, Barry Bonds was in a slump that included no hits since July 6 and no homers since July 3. Then he broke out of his slump in the biggest way possible, with his best game of the season. Bonds smacked two homers, giving him 753 for his career. He also went 3-3 with three runs and six RBIs. Now he is so close to the record, we can start to predict when he might break it. If this is the start of a nice streak for Bonds, then he should hit 756 next week at home against the Braves or Marlins. If he starts to struggle again, it might take until mid-August. Regardless of when the record is broken, it’s impossible to deny it will happen soon after Thursday’s performance. But no matter what happens, the Giants are still awful. They lost 9-8 to the Cubs despite Barry’s effort, putting them at 1-6 since the All Star break. They now have the National League’s worst record at 39-54. The Giants will travel to Milwaukee over the weekend.

2. Chris Young for Cy Young: After San Diego starter Chris Young’s superb 2006 season, many baseball experts said he would not nearly as successful this year. He’s proven them all wrong with a simply unbelievable year. Young pitched seven shutout innings on Thursday, lowering his ERA to a league-leading 1.85. It was Young’s sixth scoreless effort in his last nine starts. He also leads the league in WHIP (1.00), opponent’s batting average (.187), and opponent’s OPS (.531). He has dominated ridiculously at home, with a 0.73 ERA and five earned runs in 62 innings. Though few have heard of him, Chris Young (at this point) absolutely deserves the NL Cy Young.

3. Ace is Out: The Cardinals’ struggles will continue for the foreseeable future, as their ace, Chris Carpenter, will not return to the rotation until mid-2008. That’s because he will undergo Tommy John surgery to repair his elbow ligament. Without Carpenter, the St. Louis starters cannot be good enough to carry the team to the playoffs. They will have to wait until 2009 at the earliest to see postseason action again, most likely. Carpenter had 51 wins from 2004-06, ranking third in the majors, according to ESPN.com.

Player of the Day: Barry Bonds, Giants: 3-3, 3 runs, 2 HRs (19, 753), 6 RBIs in a 9-8 loss to the Cubs.

Categories
All Other Sports

Someone ought to tell this guy that potty breaks should coincide with commercial breaks

We’ve all heard the stories of what football players do when they, you know, gotta go. And we’ve shown you video of a soccer player who just couldn’t hold it, but don’t be fooled into thinking that nature only calls on athletes during the job.

Dean Blevins is a former ABC college football analyst and current a sports director for KWTV 9 in Oklahoma City and during a recent appearance on a radio show, he couldn’t wait for the commercial break and took a wiz while on the air. Of course, Blevins thought the incident took place off-air which makes it even funnier. You going to have to wait through about the first 1:50 of the clip before the broadcasted peeing occurs; hopefully, can hold out that long because Blevins certainly couldn’t.

Links:

[Awful Announcing]: Dean “The Stream” Blevins on WWLS

Categories
College Football

It’s no east vs. west rap war, but the smack between USC and LSU is becoming pretty entertaining



Snoop recently gave LSU coach Les
Miles a verbal beat down.

Lots of peeps out there seem to think that we can look forward to a USC/LSU national championship game once January rolls around. Hopefully those people are right, because it looks we’ve already got some serious trash talk going down that will, with any luck, build up to epic proportions by the time the BCS starts pissing everyone off.

Les Miles recently made some comments about USC that were not very well received by the fan base.

I would like nothing better than to play USC for the [national] title,” Miles reportedly said in a speech to a heavily pro-LSU gathering in New Orleans. “I can tell you this, that they have a much easier road to travel. They’re going to play real knockdown drag-outs with UCLA and Washington, Cal-Berkeley, Stanford — some real juggernauts — and they’re going to end up, it would be my guess, in some position so if they win a game or two, that they’ll end up in the title [game].”

“I would like that path for us. I think the SEC provides much stiffer competition.

Hey, Les, the men and women of USC are probably the last people on earth that you want to piss off. Mainly because they have a big time rap star with a dirty mouth and stinging tongue that can’t wait to punk you out, which is exactly what Snoop Dogg did on Gump For Heisman. But before you hit play, if there are any young ‘uns in the room, now’s probably the time to throw on a set of earmuffs.

Links:

[Gump For Heisman]: Snoop Dogg disses… LSU coach Les Miles?
[The Wizard of Odds]: `Snoop Dogg’ Calls Out Les Miles

Categories
NBA General

Crooked NBA ref is about to get busted by the feds

We really hate when people try to bring up how sports today are fixed, normally we’d just shake our heads and save our breath because we want to hold out the hope that the courts and fields of America are centered on fair competition. Well, it’s going to become pretty hard to justify the validity of the games if the FBI is correct in their assumptions that one NBA referee has ties to the mob and was actually betting on games, including ones he was officiating.

The name of the ref is being withheld but the allegations are coming to the surface as the feds revealed that they began looking into the matter over a year ago and they are now ready to throw the ref and a bunch of his gangster buddies into the slammer. According to accounts, the zebra had a gambling addiction, bet on some games with illegal bookies, lost his ass and was forced by the mob to fix the games.

We can’t wait to find out who this punk is that’s tarnishing the legitimacy our sacred playing fields, because we really don’t appreciate it. And frankly, we’re going to have to going to have to suggest a good ol’ ferret legging be included somewhere in his punishment once sentencing time rolls around. While we don’t want to create speculation on who the crooked bastard could be, we will say that we’re praying for it to be Joey Crawford. After all, this is a blatant money making call if we’ve ever seen one:

Links:

[New York Post]: NBA In A `Fix’

Categories
Atlanta Falcons

Dodge rolls out their "Michael Vick edition" line of SUVs

Michael Vick is in a whole heap of trouble right now and, needless to say, his image is taking a serious hit that he will never recover from. People are disgusted by the nature of the crimes that he is being linked to and, as a result, all of his endorsement deals are going down the drain. Well, almost all of them. Apparently, Dodge Nitro is thinking about signing Vick to be the face of their new campaign. They’ve even created a vehicle security system that is personally designed for the Falcons QB.

“Charged with Adrenaline” and dog murder. Sounds like a great slogan to us.

Links:

[AdFreak.com]: Dodge Nitro kills defenseless peeing dogs

Categories
Cincinnati Reds

The Full Count: Reds win crazy game in Atlanta with crazy fans in the stands


1. The Marathon: The Braves-Reds game went 15 innings and featured crazy back-and-forth scoring. However, the end result was the same for the Reds, who completed a sweep with a wild 5-4 win. The game started out as a pitcher’s duel, with John Smoltz and Aaron Harang churning out great starts. With the Braves up 1-0 entering the eighth, Adam Dunn hit a two-run homer off Rafael Soriano. The Braves quickly tied it back up with a Jeff Francoeur sac fly, and the game went into extras. The teams traded runs in the 10th, but other than that there was no score until the 15th. Brandon Phillips hit a two-RBI single in the top of the inning, and Francoeur then hit an RBI single. But with two men on and one out, the Braves could not convert another run, giving Cincy the win. The sweep for the Reds ties them with Houston for last place in the division. The lucky Braves still are just two games back of New York.

2. The Unlikely Wins Leader: If you were told before the season that Carlos Zambrano would lead the NL in wins, it might not have surprised you. But considering his struggles for the first two months of this season, it is almost shocking that he became the first NL pitcher to win 12 games on Tuesday. Zambrano has now run off nine straight starts with three or fewer runs allowed, and is 7-2 over that stretch. He pitched five shutout innings as the Cubs crushed the Giants 12-1. Zambrano’s 3.69 ERA ranks only 17th in the league, quite odd for a wins leader. However, judging by his success over the past one and a half months, it seems as though his ERA will keep plummeting and Zambrano could be a Cy Young contender.

3. What a Relief: The Padres nearly wasted an excellent start by Greg Maddux, but in the end they won anyway. The 5-4 victory over the Mets gave San Diego a series win, but they are still a game behind Los Angeles. Maddux pitched five scoreless innings and added six strikeouts, but the bullpen proceeded to allow four runs, nearly blowing the game. Then Geoff Blum hit a key RBI single that broke a 4-4 tie in the eighth and won it for the Padres. Adrian Gonzalez hit a solo homer, breaking a month-long homerless streak for him. David Wright and Carlos Delgado both homered to supply all four runs for the Mets.

Player of the Day: Lenny DiNardo, A’s: 7 innings, three hits, no runs in a 6-0 win over Texas. DiNardo helped the A’s snap their awful nine-game losing streak.

Categories
Cleveland Cavaliers

LeBron and his little ball of joy

We just couldn’t bring ourselves to watch any of the repeated showings of the ESPY Awards last week, so, other than knowing who won what, we had no idea what went down. In fact, it wasn’t until this morning that we heard of the controversy surrounding co-host LeBron James and his baby boy. Apparently, some people think LBJ was completely out of line when he brought his infant son, Bryce Maximus James, on stage to teach him about hoops and the graceful art of the slam dunk, but we can’t seem to figure out what all the fuss is about. Just looks like normal father-son bonding type stuff to us.

That definitely gives a new meaning to the term “diaper dandy.”

Categories
All Other Sports

The Great Khali steals Johnny Nitro’s thunder



We know you don’t speak English, but you’re
holding the belt upside down.

We’ve known for a little while now that Johnny Nitro had a supposed mega announcement to make on ECW and we must admit that we were taken back at the show’s opening when some jerk-off in a suit told us that Nitro would never wrestle on ECW again. But after waiting an hour for the champ to have his official press conference, we were more than a little disappointed to find out that the reason Nitro wouldn’t be returning to ECW was because he had changed his name to John Morrison. The new moniker brought with it new entrance music and a new wannabe rock star image, but, unfortunately, Nitro Morrison still had the same crappy mic skills.

While we found the name change to be gripping television (note the sarcasm), Tuesday night gave us some news that was much bigger. No, not the return of Big Daddy V and his gargantuan man boobs; even bigger than that. At a taping of SmackDown, the 7-foot-3, 420-pound monster known as The Great Khali won the World Heavyweight Championship by surviving an unexpected 20-Man Battle Royal for the gold. SmackDown General Manager Theodore Long ordered Edge to relinquish his title after getting injured during last week’s episode and then put the belt up for grabs in the Battle Royal. Needless to say, more will be known on Friday when the show actually airs, but what we do know is that The Great Khali needs an opponent for The Great American Bash. So, Batista (Khali’s original opponent) and Kane (Edge’s original opponent) will compete in a match to determine the number one contender.

Edge had his pectoral muscle torn in a scuffle with Kane last week and will have to undergo surgery which will keep him out of action for at least four months. It’s unfortunate for Edge that his title reign was cut short due to injury, but all this really means is that the Rated R Superstar can add one more championship belt to his already incredible career because there is no doubt that when he returns he will become champion once again. It’s really just a matter of time.

Categories
New York Knicks

Stephon Marbury is planning on taking the Italian basketball world by storm



Hey, Italy, he’s all yours!

If you’ve been keeping up with the life and times of Stephon Marbury then you know that he’s been seemingly going insane of late. Maybe it’s from an overexposure to cheap sneaker materials or maybe it’s a crack addiction, but something is causing Starbury to say some pretty strange things. The latest head scratcher came when Marbury told the New York Post that when his contract with the Knicks expires in two years, he was going to leave the NBA and play in Italy!

I’m not just thinking of doing it, I’m going to do it,” Marbury vowed yesterday. “My wife loved it there. It’s like a [David] Beckham thing.

Oh, but the insanity doesn’t stop there for Steph; he really went nuts when asked if he’d be able to bring a championship to NY before heading overseas.

We’re on the verge right now in my mind.

In reality, we all know that the Knicks need a lot more than Zach Randolph to become a title contender, but we believe Marbury when he says they’re on the verge. After all, he did qualify the statement by saying that it was “in my mind” and we all know that his mind can be an odd, odd wonderland.

Links:

[NYPost.com]: Marbury Shocker: I’ll Play In Italy