San Francisco Giants

Barry Bonds gets rolled by sushi restaurant

As everyone knows by now, or at least everyone should know by now, Barry Bonds is just one home run away from tying the great Hank Aaron at 755 on the all-time list. There is virtually nobody outside of the San Francisco area that wants to see the suspected doper grab the record and one Colorado sushi joint, Hapa Sushi Grill, actually decided to let their opinion on Bonds be known in a half-page ad that ran in Thursday’s edition of The Onion.

Congratulations Hank Aaron on 755 home runs.” At the bottom of the page, the ad continues: “Organic beef and chicken, no added steroids

And if a half-page jab isn’t enough insult for your taste, full-page ads were run in a pair of Boulder newspapers on Friday. According to the founder of the restaurant, Mark Van Grack, it’s simply a way to encourage people to avoid fast food and eat his delicious and nutritious sushi.

Think about what you’re doing. Be healthy. You don’t need steroids do something great, as Hank Aaron did,” he said of the message.

C’mon, we know that this ad wasn’t released to promote the nutritional benefits of sushi, but rather to further humiliate the huge headed Bonds. While this isn’t as clever as throwing a giant syringe onto the field, we give the guys some extra credit for taking their insults national with this ad. Thanks for sharing with the country.


[]: Sushi Joint Takes Dig at Bonds

San Francisco Giants

Playboy makes life it a little more crappy for Barry Bonds

Talk about bittersweet; Barry Bonds is on the verge of breaking the all-time home run record and not only does he have to deal with steroid induced legitimacy issues and the impending boos that will rain down should he break the record on the road, but now he has to deal with a naked, big mouthed mistress.

Kimberly Bell’s nude spread and interview regarding the two’s relationship during 2005 when a grand jury began investigating perjury allegations will appear in Playboy next month.

The opportunity was there, and I took it,” she told The Associated Press in a phone interview Monday. The photo shoot “was one of the most liberating experiences of my life.

In addition to being “liberating,” Bell’s shoot with Playboy has got to be pretty darn financially rewarding as well. Although, Bell declined to reveal the number of zeros it took to get her naked. And we’re hoping that when the magazine hits the shelves on October 1, it will be pretty darn entertaining too, with stuff like:

He was very envious of Mark McGwire,” she said from her San Jose home. “He never said that was the reason, but I know it was.


If I had more self-esteem when I was younger,” she said, “I wouldn’t have been caught up with such a rotten man.

Keep it up Kim; now say something about his abnormally large head! Please!!


[]: Bonds’ gal pal in Playboy

San Francisco Giants

The Full Count: Bonds keeps creeping closer

1. 753: Before Thursday’s game, Barry Bonds was in a slump that included no hits since July 6 and no homers since July 3. Then he broke out of his slump in the biggest way possible, with his best game of the season. Bonds smacked two homers, giving him 753 for his career. He also went 3-3 with three runs and six RBIs. Now he is so close to the record, we can start to predict when he might break it. If this is the start of a nice streak for Bonds, then he should hit 756 next week at home against the Braves or Marlins. If he starts to struggle again, it might take until mid-August. Regardless of when the record is broken, it’s impossible to deny it will happen soon after Thursday’s performance. But no matter what happens, the Giants are still awful. They lost 9-8 to the Cubs despite Barry’s effort, putting them at 1-6 since the All Star break. They now have the National League’s worst record at 39-54. The Giants will travel to Milwaukee over the weekend.

2. Chris Young for Cy Young: After San Diego starter Chris Young’s superb 2006 season, many baseball experts said he would not nearly as successful this year. He’s proven them all wrong with a simply unbelievable year. Young pitched seven shutout innings on Thursday, lowering his ERA to a league-leading 1.85. It was Young’s sixth scoreless effort in his last nine starts. He also leads the league in WHIP (1.00), opponent’s batting average (.187), and opponent’s OPS (.531). He has dominated ridiculously at home, with a 0.73 ERA and five earned runs in 62 innings. Though few have heard of him, Chris Young (at this point) absolutely deserves the NL Cy Young.

3. Ace is Out: The Cardinals’ struggles will continue for the foreseeable future, as their ace, Chris Carpenter, will not return to the rotation until mid-2008. That’s because he will undergo Tommy John surgery to repair his elbow ligament. Without Carpenter, the St. Louis starters cannot be good enough to carry the team to the playoffs. They will have to wait until 2009 at the earliest to see postseason action again, most likely. Carpenter had 51 wins from 2004-06, ranking third in the majors, according to

Player of the Day: Barry Bonds, Giants: 3-3, 3 runs, 2 HRs (19, 753), 6 RBIs in a 9-8 loss to the Cubs.

San Francisco Giants

Barry Bonds’ brother would like to be heard

We strongly believe that relatives of athletes should be seen and not heard (see Wilma McNabb) so it comes as no surprise that by opening his mouth, Bobby Bonds Jr. makes us hate Barry Bonds even more.

Hank Aaron does not even want to support Barry. Being a black man going through what he went through in the past and not supporting my brother, it kind of makes me look at him like, ‘Are you serious, brother? Are you serious?’

Cut the steroids out, just look at my brother as a human being. He stole bases, he ran, he caught the ball. It’s so hard to justify what’s going on with baseball and how they’re treating him.

First of all, he’s actually criticizing Hank Aarons? Is this like black on black crime or something? Why should Hank Aaron support a guy breaking his record by cheating? Most athletes will say that records are made to be broken but they hope that it’s done by someone with more talent than them or worked harder, not by someone who has more syringes.

Second, hate to break it to you bro, but Barry Bonds sucks as a human being as well. Yes, that’s right, he ran, he caught the ball, he stole bases… in the past. Now all he is is a roided up mass of muscle waiting for one pitch to knock over the fence. You’re driving a forklift in NJ while Barry is making $15M this year. That’s insane. That’s just completely insane.

[]: Kid Brother Takes His Cuts

San Francisco Giants

Joe Buck paints a picture of Bond’s record breaker

Joe Buck was on the Dan Patrick Show earlier this week and, inevitably, the topic of Barry Bonds and his 756th homer surfaced. Patrick lobbed Buck a potential long ball when he asked the distinctly recognizable voice of the MLB to describe exactly how he would make the call if he were on the mic when Bonds passed Hank Aaron for the all-time home run record.

For some reason, we don’t think that Buck is real thrilled about the idea of Bonds moving up the ladder. Perhaps it’s the way Buck had Bonds foul a pair of balls off his stick before he finally goes yard. Or maybe it was the less than enthusiastic “Yea, Barry Bonds is the new home run king.” You can just imagine the uninterested Buck looking through the funny pages of the day’s paper and sipping on a cup of coffee while he makes the call.

San Francisco Giants

You know what they say about big feet… Yup – steroids

In a new epilogue to Game of Shadows, the authors dropped a little nugget on us about the incredible growing Barry Bonds:

Since joining the Giants, Bonds had gone from a size 42 to a size 52 jersey; from size 10 ½ to size 13 cleats; and from a size 7 1/8 to size 7 ¼ cap, even though he had taken to shaving his head. The changes in his foot and head size were of special interest: medical experts said overuse of Human Growth Hormone could cause an adult’s extremities to begin growing, aping the symptoms of the glandular disorder acromegly.

Now we understand that as you get older, your face might round out and give the illusion that your head is growing. So when folks say that Barry’s head isn’t that big, we don’t believe it but we can see the argument. However, has anyone you ever known grown 2 1/2 shoe sizes after the age of 30? Is there anyone left who still thinks Barry is innocent? Anyone? Oh wait, Bonds defenders now go to the “but it wasn’t illegal back then” argument. Oh it’s going to be a sad sad day when Barry breaks Hank Aaron’s record.

[SI]: Game of Shadows: The Aftermath

San Francisco Giants

Barry Bonds is a good teammate

The New York Daily News is reporting that Barry Bonds failed a drug test and violated MLB’s amphetamine policy last season but blamed it on a teammate. According to Bonds, he took a substance from Mark Sweeney’s locker and it turned out to be amphetamines. Hmmmm…. so what we have here is a world class athlete under intense scrutiny for performance enhancing drugs just randomly putting stuff in his body that he found in a teammate’s locker. Unless that substance was a bucket of friend chicken he found in Pedro Cerrano’s locker, we’re calling bullshit.

Amphetamines (speed), long used in baseball and known as “greenies” are a performance enhancing drug but does not fall under the steroid category so Bonds wasn’t suspended 50 games. Instead he was given counseling and treatment. A second offense would have meant a 25 game suspension.

Bonds and all his defenders have always said that he never did anything wrong because even if he took steroids, it was before the league banned them outright and he has never failed a drug test. Well, that argument is out the window. He has failed a drug test for a performance enhancer. Is there really any question that Bonds is not a “natural” athlete and a cheater? And on top of that, in a team sport, he throws a teammate under the bus. It really will be a shame if Bonds breaks Hank Aaron’s home run record.

[NY Daily News]: Failure leaves a testy Barry

[Palm Beach Post]: Baseball and amphetimines

San Francisco Giants

Everybody hates Barry… well ok two-thirds

Hank Aaron has broken out the old “afraid to fly” excuse to explain why he won’t be there when/if Barry Bonds breaks his 755 HR record.

First, I don’t like to fly. And if I come, there’s going to be some controversy. And if I don’t come, there’s going to be some controversy. I have pride in the record, but records are made to be broken. But the reason I don’t want to get involved is everybody is innocent until proven guilty, and we can talk, we can talk, we can talk, but until there’s proof, I have no comment.

Translation: Barry Bonds is a steroided up cheater and no way do I want to be there to see my record being broken. At least that’s the way we see it.

Meanwhile, an AP Poll found that only 33% of baseball fans want to see Barry Bonds break the all time Home Run record. To which we say, why are you doing most of the polling in San Francisco? That’s about 32% more than we expected.

[ESPN]: Aaron doesn’t plan to be there if Bonds hits No. 755
[MSNBC]: Only 33 percent of fans want to see slugger break home run record

San Francisco Giants

Odds and Ends: Barry Bonds to play in ’07

Barry Bonds’ agent told the Los Angeles Times that Bonds will play in 2007 and is expecting a call from the San Francisco Giants.  Many expect that the Giants would have to sign Bonds at whatever price he demands because they don’t want him breaking Hank Aaron’s home run record in another uniform.  However, we have said it before and we say it again — we hope that Bonds doesn’t get signed anywhere next year so that he can’t break Hank’s record. If Bonds gets to 756, baseball should be ashamed of itself.

In other news…

[AZ Central]: University of Phoenix gets naming rights to new Cardinals stadium but it’ll always be The Pink Taco to us

[dBusiness News]: signs deal wtih STATS Inc to beef up it’s football stats

[Sports Pad]: Rugby: The Most Unsafe Professional Sport

[Indy Star]: Jack Del Rio says Colts are a dirty team

[]: Simms out of intensive care

[The Hater Nation]: ESPN Rewrites History

San Francisco Giants

Odds and Ends: What if no one signed Bonds next year?

Very nice… how much?

We’re trying to ignore it as much as we can but Barry Bonds is inching closer to Hank Aaron’s homerun record and he’ll likely break it next season if he decides to play. Well, today, the owner of the Giants said that he’s going to delay making a decision on Bonds until the end of the season. Now, it’s unlikely that the Giants won’t resign him if Brett Favre Barry Bonds wants back in but what if… what if the Giants didn’t resign hi and nobody else in the league stepped up. That’s one way to end his home run chase.

In other news…

[ebay]: ebay fun: dress worn by Jose Lima’s wife up for auction. “It is 13” across at the bust. Obviously, there is considerable stretch and give in this material.

[Deadspin]: Remember the SNL skit saying you could hire the Black Eyed Peas for your bar mitzvah? Dead on. Is there anything these guy won’t do for a buck?

[Railbird Central]: Hey look, a record crowd got to see how washed up Brett Favre is. (Yes, we realize that’s the second shot at Favre this post.)

[The Hater Nation]: Holy crap, Brenda Warner doesn’t look like a man anymore… sorta.

[There’s your Karma Ripe as Peaches]: Mrs. Manning is not doing her son Peyteypie any favors