Categories
Soccer

Soccer showoff gets no respect for his skills from his peers

We don’t know a lot about soccer, but we do know that most of these guys enjoy a good fight. So, when some punk decides to stop using his feet and begins to rely solely on bouncing the ball on his head like a seal, you know that someone is gonna get pissed. Luckily for us, that someone delivered a hit to `seal boy’ that would make Ray Lewis beam with pride.

Don’t you wish Lefty would have the same reaction should Tiger ever decide to get cocky and do his little ball-bouncing wizardry at the course again? Okay, maybe it’s just us.

Links:

[The Offside]: A Seal Clubbing in Brazilian Football

Categories
Soccer

Talk about taking one for the team!


On Monday afternoon, Manchester United manager Alex Ferguson was just chillin’ outside a train station in London, waiting on a ride, when some bum named Kevin Reynolds started staggering towards him. Right when he was probably getting ready to tell the that bum he didn’t have any change for his booze, the drunken bastard punched him right in the nuts. On Wednesday afternoon, Reynolds was in front of judge and plead guilty to the random genital punching.

The court was told that Ferguson thought the man staggering toward him was a beggar. Instead, Reynolds punched him and said: “I’m sorry Fergie, I did not know it was you.”

Reynolds then allegedly chanted “Fergie, Fergie, shut your mouth” – a soccer chant common in Scotland.

The court was told that Reynolds had consumed half a bottle of vodka and several beers before the attack.

Thanks for saying that you’re sorry for the crotch shot, but is that really going to help Ferguson with his “soreness and tenderness” downstairs? The jerk could get up to two years in the slammer for his drunken junk jab. But if that gets you two years, what the hell does something like this get you?

Oh, and Fergie, be glad you weren’t in Oklahoma.

Links:

[FoxSports.com]: `Fighting drunk’ pleads guilty to assault

Categories
Soccer

Goal celebrations in soccer just ain’t what they used to be

There is absolutely no way on God’s green earth that anyone knows what a soccer player is going to do next. Heck, we don’t think that they even know what they are doing half the time. Sure, these guys know what to do when the ball is in play, but it’s the post goal celebrations that have us shaking our heads.

According to The Offside, this guy earned a $1,200 fine and a six-month suspension for his undie escapade. If that kind of revelry gets a fella six months then we’re figuring that this `jubilant’ soccer dude got a lifetime ban from the sport following his celebration.

Links:

[The Offside]: Iranian Striker Celebrates Goal by taking off his Pants

Categories
Soccer

What’s that smell? Oh, it’s just soccer

Frankly, we just don’t get the obsession that some people have with soccer, but if you replace the soccer game that’s being shown in this commercial with a NFL game between the Raiders and the Browns and we’re in the exact same position.

And considering that most Saturdays are spent tailgating with copious amounts of greasy meat and adult beverages being consumed, this slice of life is pretty accurate for the Sportscolumn crew’s fall Sundays.

Categories
Soccer

David Beckham finally bends it in America

So, David Beckham has official conquered America as he scored his first MLS goal on Wednesday night to lead the L.A. Galaxy to a 2-0 win over D.C. United. Everyone can breathe a collective sigh of relief now that the Barry Bondsesque anticipation has finally subsided. And if anyone needs to take a deep inhale after the historic moment, it’s that crazy Spanish announcer dude who just starts screaming anytime someone kicks the ball into the net. If you can block out the annoying ESPN talking head during this clip then you’ll hear exactly what we mean.

This guy has been yelling “GOOOOOOOOOOOOOL” for years now, but we can’t help but be impressed every time we hear it. No offense to the American commentators who called the game, but you guys totally suck butt in comparison.

Categories
Soccer

Another soccer fan gets his melee on

Soccer always finds new ways to entertain us with it’s antics outside the normal realm of play. Most of the time it involves some type of violence and this time is nothing different. During a game between Trabzonspor and Sivasspor (at least that’s what The Offside tells us) in the 2007/2008 Turkish Premier Super League a typical soccer scuffle broke out between players following a foul. But then things got interesting as a lunatic fan ran onto the pitch and started throwing punches. Before you know it, it’s a free-for-all between players, fans and security.

We think that anyone who runs onto the field of play during any sporting event deserves whatever they get and we were happy to see that some of those knuckleheads got tackled with some force. But we still wish that this guy had been playing during the match.

Links:

[The Offside]: Fan Attacks Player in Turkey, Chaos Ensues

Categories
Soccer

Soccer team gets popped by undercover cop for soliciting prostitution


Soccer players are no different than the rest of us…actually, they are because most people can resist the urge to pick up a skanky hooker on the street corner. After all, she is a skanky hooker on the street corner! Unfortunately for the Half Moon Bay soccer team, eight of their players had no such self control when recently visiting Springfield, Oregon for a tournament.

Apparently, there was a ho that they just couldn’t take their eyes off and when they approached her, it turned out that the prostitute was actually an undercover cop. D-oh!

It is a shame that we have this many people coming down, looking for love in all the wrong places,” Springfield police Sgt. Rich Charboneau said. “We’re going to continue doing these (stings) until our numbers are down.

While we would like to focus all the humiliation onto the soccer dudes, we’ve gotta admit that lots of other people got busted for the same thing in the same sting over the weekend. In addition to the eight players, 20 others were arrested for misdemeanor prostitution solicitation charges with the youngest being 19 and the oldest being a wrinkly 75.

We’re not surprised by the behavior of these guys at all and, in fact, we’re a little relieved. After all, it’s a helluva lot more normal than how this futboler decides to get his kinky kicks.

Links:

[CBS5.com]: Half Moon Bay Soccer Team Nabbed For Prostitution

Categories
Soccer

Another little kid gets labeled as the next big thing

Not too long ago, we brought you the story of Cody Paul who had been dubbed by The Commission as a “white Reggie Bush” at the tender age of 8 (though there is speculation that he could be much older). Well, Manchester United was sent a DVD of 9-year-old Rhain Davis by the boy’s grandfather and after they witnessed the little boy’s mad soccer skills they immediately snatched up the kid that’s being labeled as the next Wayne Rooney (and being Wayne Rooney is a very good thing from what we can tell).

While it’s a little odd that they would actively pursue someone based strictly on a video, apparently it’s a common practice to recruit kids this young in an attempt to develop their skills. In fact, United claims to get a hold of about 40 kids a year who are Davis’ age. Who knew?

Manchester United is proud of its history of developing talented young players, and invests considerable time and resources into trying to find the best young players of the future,” the club said in a statement.

So, here’s the video that landed Davis the opportunity of a lifetime.

Sorry, Cody, we’d like to say that the Miami Dolphins are calling you up to minicamp, but you gotta stay on top of your game and avoid injury for at least another ten to twelve years before your big break might come a knockin’. Damn, those bratty little soccer kids really do get all the perks.

Links:

[TheStar.com]: Man U recruits 9-year-old after YouTube audition

Categories
General Sports

We’ve got more bloopers than you can shake a stick at

There’s nothing we love more than a good blooper reel, so we were totally stoked to come across this collection of classic clips coupled with some great footage we’d never seen before. So, kick back, relax and try to forget all about the drama of dogfighting, steroids, crooked refs and the other scandals that are encompassing the world of sports. All that crap will be waiting for you once the montage is over, but at least you’ll escape to a happy place for 3 minutes and 27 seconds of your day.

Categories
Soccer

Nobody will get mad about shoes made from kangaroo, right?


David Beckham just got to America and he’s already causing trouble. Apparently the California Supreme Court has banned the sale of soccer cleats that Beckham made popular because they are made from kangaroo leather.

The kangaroo hide seems to make a pretty sweet shoe, but, for some reason, people are all worked up over the humane treatment of animals right now and a group of activists sued Adidas over the products. Guess the fact that endangered kangaroos are being killed for their skin isn’t sitting too well with ’em. Oh, and shooting them during night hunting parties and clubbing baby joeys to death isn’t helping either.

We sued because of the horrific way kangaroos are killed,” said Lauren Ornelas of Viva International Voice for Animals, which filed the lawsuit. “We sued because of the way Adidas is snubbing their noses at California’s law.

But before everyone gets hot and bothered and starts calling Beckham soccer’s version of Michael Vick, just know that his Predator cleats are made with synthetic leather. So, at least we know that Beckham is consistent; he likes his wife and his shoes to be artificial.

Links:

[DeseretNews.com]: Beckham’s `Roo shoes create controversy