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All Other Sports

Jose Offerman charged the mound and then got charged with assault


Former MLBer and current Long Island Ducks shortstop Jose Offerman was arrested on Tuesday night after he went ballistic and attacked Bridgeport Bluefish pitcher Matt Beech with his bat following a beaning in the second inning.

The game started off pretty good for Offerman as he homered in the first inning, but a fastball to the calf in the second caused Offerman to charge the mound, bat in hand, and a major league fight broke out in the minors. Offerman was charged with a second-degree assault and reportedly got out of the pokey after posting the $10,000 bond.

He hit him with a cut fastball in the left calf,” Bluefish manager Tommy John said. “And the next thing you know, Offerman’s going to the mound with his bat over his head taking swings at Beech. He took at least two, maybe even three [swings].

Luckily, the only thing that was seriously injured in the scuffle was Offerman’s integrity. The focus of Offerman’s fury escaped the assault with a broken middle finger on his non-throwing hand, but catcher John Nathans ended up being an unintentional victim in the whole ordeal as he went home sporting symptoms of a concussion.

It may have only been John Nathans taking one on the backswing in the head to have saved Matt Beech from really taking one in the face,” said Bluefish pitcher Mike Porzio.

Listen, we love a good dust-up as much as the next guy, but is this baseball or a reenactment of the infamous brawl in The Warriors? Whatever happened to simply charging the mound and matching fists with the guy? Maybe Offerman was afraid something like this would happen.

Links:

[NewsDay.com]: Ducks’ Offerman, wielding bat, attacks pitcher

Categories
New York Giants

We know about hairy palms, but what causes purple palms?


New York Giants tight end Jeremy Shockey just got punk’d. But don’t expect him to be appearing with that douche Ashton Kutcher on MTV anytime soon because this prank wasn’t some elaborate scheme concocted the notorious MILFaholic. Nope, this was an inside job and Shockey is determined to get to the bottom of it.

The crap hit the fan after Tuesday’s practice when Shockey went to sign some autographs and when he pulled off his gloves his left hand was stained purple with dye that banks use to mark money. The embarrassment of the stain should last for days, but that’s nothing compared to the eternal embarrassment Shockey lives with daily. Nevertheless, he was pissed.

Dead man walking,” he warned

Apparently, guard Rich Seubert is the resident prankster and while all the fingers are pointing directly at him, he swears up and down that he had nothing to do with the glove conspiracy.

Everyone thinks it’s me,” said Seubert, who offered “a cash reward” to anyone who revealed the mastermind behind the purple hand. “I think it was the ballboys. They’re all getting dumped in the cold tub.

Links:

[NYPost.com]: Prankster has Jeremy in rage

Categories
College Basketball

To prove she’s not a nappy headed ho, Rutgers player wants cash


Kia Vaughn is suing Don Imus, CBS Radio, CBS Corp, and possibly anyone with money because Imus called her a nappy headed ho on the radio. Just when you thought lawsuits couldn’t get more ridiculous in this country and just when you thought the stupid Don Imus thing was finally dead, here comes the cash grab. Frankly, we’re suprised it took this long.

According to the lawsuit and her scumbag lawyer, the comments caused Vaughn to be humiliated, embarrassed and publicly mocked. So much so in fact that the “full effect of the damage remains to be seen.” (Translation: settle with us out of court before we ask for more money.)


This is about Kia Vaughn’s good name,” Ancowitz said. “She would do anything to return to her life as a student and respected basketball player — a more simple life before Imus opened his mouth on April 4.

Wait… what? Who the fuck is Kia Vaughn? Before she filed this lawsuit, we don’t think anyone outside of her dorm knew who she was. Now her reputation is ruined? Listen, ho(ney), you’ve done more to damage your “good name” by filing this lawsuit than anything that idiot Imus said. You think people are saying to her as she’s walking down a street, “hey, you’re that nappy headed ho!”? No. Nobody could pick her out of a lineup even if they put her next to five midgets.

But hey, listen, we understand, the WNBA only pays about $35k a year.

Links:
[Yahoo]: Rutgers basketball player sues Imus and CBS Radio, alleging defamation of character

Categories
MLB General

The Full Count: Tigers claim first place


1. The Rally for First: Once again the Detroit Tigers are the division leaders after beating Cleveland 6-2 in ten innings. They won thanks to four runs in the tenth off Indians closer Joe Borowski. Gary Sheffield started it off with an RBI single, then red-hot Magglio Ordonez hit a three-run homer. Ordonez has re-inserted himself into the AL MVP race with an unbelievable August. Ordonez has 6 homers and 20 RBI this month, both American League-leading totals. He also has a 1.363 OPS this month, which is first in the majors. Starter Jeremy Bonderman broke out of his slump in this one with 7 innings, 2 runs, and 8 strikeouts. It was Bonderman’s first quality start since July 19. The Tigers and Indians will play again tomorrow, then a three-game set next week.

2. Padre Power: The San Diego Padres gained a game on the Diamondbacks after pounding Colorado 8-0. They scored all their runs in the first four innings off Jeff Francis, including a 6-run second inning. Kevin Kouzmanoff hit a homer and three RBIs, and Morgan Ensberg added a long ball as well. Greg Maddux pitched five-plus shutout innings, lowering his ERA to 4.00. The Padres have now won two in a row compared to Arizona’s two straight losses, bringing them within two games in the divisional race. San Diego also leads the wild card by a game over Philadelphia.

3. You’re Outta Here: Yet another record was set on Tuesday. This one has been waiting almost two months to be broken. Bobby Cox, the Braves’ legendary manager, was ejected for the 132nd time in his career, breaking John McGraw’s major league record. He was tossed for arguing balls and strikes after Chipper Jones was struck out looking with the Braves trailing 3-0. The Braves rallied to win 5-4, ironically winning off Jones’ hit in the ninth. It was the first ejection for Cox since June 23, giving him 43 straight games without an ejection before this one. McGraw had been ejected 14 times as a player, so Cox already held the record for managers.

Player of the Day: Jack Cust, A’s: 2-3, 2 HRs (20), 3 RBIs in a 4-3 win over the White Sox. Cust has 12 RBIs in his last six games, and is on pace for 30 homers this season.

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All Other Sports

Indian running "coach" arrested for child abuse


There are some sick freaks in this world, but one of the sickest resides in India. Luckily Biranchi Das was arrested and charged with child abuse after he reportedly tortured a 6-year-old boy who he coached as a long distance runner. The boy, Budhia Singh, lived with Das and was at the center of numerous child rights controversies as he endured grueling marathons of 40 miles at the age of 4 and a 43-mile trek just last year. However, doctors forced Singh to stop after 40 miles due to symptoms of extreme exhaustion and discovered that he was “undernourished, anemic and under cardiac stress.”

Back in May, India’s child welfare department declared that the marathons were a form of “torture” on the child. But in addition to “coaching” the little kid into running unfathomable distances, Das was literally torturing the boy in horrifying manners.

Biranchi was beating him up regularly,” said the boy’s mother, Sukanti Singh. “He even once tied Budhia up from a ceiling fan and threw hot water on his body.

What’s worse is that this prick hasn’t been sharing with the boy’s mother any of the income he’s been raking in off the ill-treatment and cruelty that drew national celebrity.

He has given me very little, but he was earning a lot of money from my son’s hard work,” the Press Trust of India news agency quoted her as saying in a report Monday.

However, the story takes a very daytime soap opera twist when Das claims that he actually rescued the boy right before his mother was about to sell him for $15 to another villager. Regardless, we say throw him and Michael Vick in an Indian prison cell and let `em rot. Let’s go ahead and throw this jerk in there too.

Links:

[DesertNews.com]: Coach is accused of torturing 6-year-old marathoner in India

Categories
New England Patriots

Tom Brady is Tom Brady’s biggest fan

The NFL season is just about to get underway and for all the dudes out there that means Sundays full of beers and barbeque and Monday Night Football/poker night at your buddy’s pad. But for the ladies, the kickoff to the NFL season has a whole other significance: its Tom Brady time!

Rickey Henderson and Chad Johnson better watch out because Tom Brady refers to himself in the third person more than either of those two loudmouths. And who knew that Brady had a persona bigger than Bill Brasky’s? No wonder chicks like Gisele are throwing themselves at his feet.

Categories
Pittsburgh Steelers

The Steelers road trip demands get revealed


You’ve probably seen some of those whacky demands that pop stars make when they take their multi-million dollar acts on the road. Well, NFL football teams are some pretty big performers in their own right and when they travel, they gotta have things just they way they want `em. If you thought that Maria Carey was a diva, just get a load of the 17-page hotel checklist that the Steelers are insisting on. Here’s some highlights:

Players are not permitted to have alcohol in their room, please do not stock the mini-bar with alcohol.

Include the following bottled condiments:
Heinz Ketchup (MUST BE HEINZ)

The bedroom of Dan Rooney must have foam rubber pillows.

Garrett Giemont or Jack Kearney will meet security on one of the players’ floors at 10:45 PM for player bed check.

At omelet station have the following items: diced chicken breast, cheese, mushrooms, bell peppers, ham, bacon, onions, tomatoes, salsa, etc. Also, please provide three or four portable burners.

Gatorade will be shipped to the hotel. Place Gatorade and bottled water in an ice chest near elevators on each player floor.

Block the players on one floor if possible. If players can’t be on one floor, then they must be on consecutive floors. There should be no other hotel guests on a player floor. Steelers’ staff members are okay.

The Steelers might be a little finicky about how they get treated on the road, but they are professional athletes after all so, we’re going to give them a pass. And at least the team is concerned about what the players consume while away from home. Heck, if we were on the road as much as these guys, our list would resemble something more along the lines of this.

Links:

[ThePittsburghChannel.com]: Steelers Hotel Demands Leaked Online
[TheSmokingGun.com]: Are You Ready For Some Bed Check?

Categories
NFL General

Madden 08 hits the shelves, but not for long


Best Buys and other electronic stores got bum rushed last night around midnight by tons of pale, pimply skinned button pushers who just couldn’t wait one more second to get their grubby little paws on the latest edition of the Madden video game. In fact, don’t be surprised when you walk into the office today and about half the male contingency is out with a mysterious “head cold” because when Madden drops, the addicts just gotta get their fix.

Ah. I will pick up my game at midnight, play until about 7 a.m., sleep for about three hours, and then hit the sticks for about 24 hours straight. And yes, I told my boss that I was taking the entire day off to play a video game,” Madden super fan Brad DeVito said.

We don’t know exactly how “Madden Day” compares with the NCAA tournament for workers lack of productivity, but we’re guessing that it has to be pretty high on list considering that in 2006 “Madden 2007” sold a whopping 1.8 million copies. And that’s just on the PlayStation 2! We’re not even counting all the copies sold for the Xbox, Xbox 360, PlayStation 3, P.C., the Nintendo Wii, the Nintendo GameCube, and the variety of handheld consoles.

And while most people are absolutely stoked to start dropping back for virtual hail marys or laying the electronic wood to their opponents, other people are already making excuses for when the big Madden tournament eventually rolls around.

Last year I had a fumbling problem where if you breathed on my character he dropped the ball,” Matt Leinart said. “This year, my strength rating is awful. I’m going to get my butt kicked in the game.

Links:

[MSN.FoxSports.com]: Madden…know it, live it, love it

Categories
MLB General

The Full Count: What happened to the Dodgers’ bats?


1. Where’s the Offense?: The Dodgers won’t make the playoffs unless they start hitting the ball right now. They have scored 20 runs their last 11 games, going 2-9 in that span. Roy Oswalt shut them down on Monday, with eight innings, six hits, and one run in the Astros’ 4-1 win. With another loss the Dodgers fell to 6.5 games back in the NL West, a deficit that will be hard to make up with three teams ahead of them. The Dodgers rank 23rd in runs scored this season, 27th in homeruns, and 29th in runs since the All Star break. They are hitting .226 so far in the month of August. If the hitting doesn’t magically improve within the next couple of weeks, the one-time division favorites will be out of the picture.

2. The Mariners’ Magic: Given the tough league they’re in and the teams they’re competing against, the Seattle Mariners should not be tied for the wild card lead right now. But they are at the top along with the red-hot Yankees, despite having scored 130 fewer runs than the Yanks and allowed 15 more. Looking at the expanded standings, two things stand out. The Mariners have the best record in the league against lefty pitchers (22-8) and are among the best against losing teams (39-24). They won in both of those situations on Monday, as they faced lefty Johan Santana and the 58-60 Minnesota Twins. The Mariners blew a lead in the seventh inning, but then won off Richie Sexson’s walkoff homerun. They are 66-50 now with a 12-4 record in their last sixteen games. The Mariners are certainly the surprise team in the American League this year.

3. Another Record Down: On Sunday Placido Polanco tied the major league record for consecutive errorless games at second base. On Monday, he was perfect again, breaking what was a very impressive mark. Polanco is one of three perfect American Leaguers in the field this year (excluding pitchers), along with Kevin Youkilis and Ichiro Suzuki. Obviously, with second base being one of the toughest positions to field, Polanco has been far more impressive than the other two. However, the Tigers still lost on Monday, 7-2 to the A’s. Oakland pitcher Chad Gaudin ended a personal five-game losing streak and set a career-high in strikeouts with nine. The Tigers couldn’t get anything going, besides two more RBIs for Magglio Ordonez (104 on the year). They are tied with Cleveland, but that will change today as the two teams face each other.

Player of the Day: Tim Wakefield, Red Sox: 8 innings, two hits, no runs, six strikeouts in a 3-0 win over Tampa. Wakefield (14-10) has registered a decision in each of his 24 starts this season, which is approaching the top all-time in that category according to baseball-reference.com.

Categories
Soccer

Another soccer fan gets his melee on

Soccer always finds new ways to entertain us with it’s antics outside the normal realm of play. Most of the time it involves some type of violence and this time is nothing different. During a game between Trabzonspor and Sivasspor (at least that’s what The Offside tells us) in the 2007/2008 Turkish Premier Super League a typical soccer scuffle broke out between players following a foul. But then things got interesting as a lunatic fan ran onto the pitch and started throwing punches. Before you know it, it’s a free-for-all between players, fans and security.

We think that anyone who runs onto the field of play during any sporting event deserves whatever they get and we were happy to see that some of those knuckleheads got tackled with some force. But we still wish that this guy had been playing during the match.

Links:

[The Offside]: Fan Attacks Player in Turkey, Chaos Ensues