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101-year-old plans on running in marathon despite having one foot in the grave

Some might say the story of 101-year-old Buster Martin is an inspiration. We say it makes us wanna puke. It’s not because he’s super old, it’s because he’s super old and he could smoke us in a race. However, we will not be competing against him in the London Marathon in mid-April. We choose not to run.

The 101-year-old London resident has announced plans to compete in his city’s marathon April 13, which will make him the oldest person to compete in a marathon.

“I’ve said I’ll attempt it,” Martin told Reuters. “I haven’t said I’ll complete it.”

Martin did run in, and finish, a half-marathon in Essex last Sunday, with his first words at the finish reported to be, “Where’s my beer?”

He plans to celebrate the London Marathon in similar fashion.

“I’ll do what I always do and have a pint and a [cigarette],” Martin told Reuters. “People ask what is my secret, but I haven’t got one. They say [cigarettes] and booze are bad for you, but I’m still here, aren’t I?

Hey, it seems to work for Amy Winehouse and you can’t argue with the results. Martin has produced 17 kids in his century-plus on the planet and he just finished a 13-mile half marathon in a bit over five hours! According to Martin, he could have finished the race with a better time if he didn’t stop for a beer and a smoke!


[]: At age 101, British runner can get by on fumes
[ABC News]: He’s 101 and Training for Marathon

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Indian running "coach" arrested for child abuse

There are some sick freaks in this world, but one of the sickest resides in India. Luckily Biranchi Das was arrested and charged with child abuse after he reportedly tortured a 6-year-old boy who he coached as a long distance runner. The boy, Budhia Singh, lived with Das and was at the center of numerous child rights controversies as he endured grueling marathons of 40 miles at the age of 4 and a 43-mile trek just last year. However, doctors forced Singh to stop after 40 miles due to symptoms of extreme exhaustion and discovered that he was “undernourished, anemic and under cardiac stress.”

Back in May, India’s child welfare department declared that the marathons were a form of “torture” on the child. But in addition to “coaching” the little kid into running unfathomable distances, Das was literally torturing the boy in horrifying manners.

Biranchi was beating him up regularly,” said the boy’s mother, Sukanti Singh. “He even once tied Budhia up from a ceiling fan and threw hot water on his body.

What’s worse is that this prick hasn’t been sharing with the boy’s mother any of the income he’s been raking in off the ill-treatment and cruelty that drew national celebrity.

He has given me very little, but he was earning a lot of money from my son’s hard work,” the Press Trust of India news agency quoted her as saying in a report Monday.

However, the story takes a very daytime soap opera twist when Das claims that he actually rescued the boy right before his mother was about to sell him for $15 to another villager. Regardless, we say throw him and Michael Vick in an Indian prison cell and let `em rot. Let’s go ahead and throw this jerk in there too.


[]: Coach is accused of torturing 6-year-old marathoner in India

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Another pointless world record is safe until further notice

Well, we know that all you faithful readers were mesmerized by Thursday’s compelling story of Dean Karnazes‘ world record attempt of running over 153.76 miles in 24 hours on a treadmill located in Times Square. It is a gripping tale, we must admit. Unfortunately, it is a story with an unhappy ending.

Karnazes came up a little short in his attempt as he could only manage to run 148 miles by the end of the day. But, we’re going to give him some serious props for giving it a shot. Who we are not going to congratulate however is because they can’t even do basic math.

The man who tried to break the world record for most miles run on a treadmill in 24 hours missed his goal by a marathon.

Last time we checked, 153.76-148=5.76; not 26, which is the number of miles in a marathon. So, either their algebra is all screwy or they simply have no idea what a marathon is. Either way, they look stupid and worse, they’ve made our boy Karnazes look like a chump. This is Mr. Endurance we’re talking about. Show some respect and at least get your facts straight.


[]: Man Fails To Break Record For Miles Run On Treadmill

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Another pointless world record is about to be broken

From that day on, if I was ever going
somewhere, I was running!

You probably think you’re a real speed demon when you take off to the local high school track and rip off a few laps around the ol’ quarter mile loop. Or you might even be a more serious runner who racks up the mileage, going 20, 30, maybe 40 miles a week. If you’re putting in that type of work then give yourself a hearty pat on the back. But guess what; you still suck compared to this guy.

Dean Karnazes is a freaking running machine! Some of his achievements include a running session of 350 nonstop miles, running 50 marathons in 50 states in 50 days, and running the equivalent of 90 marathons in 2006. Well, Karnazes has a new endurance record to demolish; this born again Steve Prefontaine is going to run over 153.76 miles in a 24 hour period on a treadmill.

Not that we’re going to bet against Dean, but we have no idea how this guy can possible do it. We get worn out after traveling 153 miles in a car. Hell, a plane ride that distance isn’t a picnic either.

This is all going down in the heart of New York City at Times Square, so there are sure to be some jerks giving the guy lip service as he runs in place. But we don’t think we’re the only ones who’ll agree that this beats the hell out of David Blain’s stupid gimmicks.


[]: Man Tries To Run More Than 150 Miles On Treadmill In 24 Hours

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The sweetest mop fighting action since Coming to America

This sounds like some ridiculous scene out of a movie:

Provo Police Capt. Cliff Argyle said distance runner Kyle Perry, 23, was traveling east on Center Street when he reportedly struck a pedestrian in a crosswalk with his car.

Argyle said after hitting the pedestrian, who was pushing a mop bucket, Perry is accused of getting out of his vehicle, grabbing a mop from the bucket and striking the pedestrian with the mop. The pedestrian reportedly grabbed another mop to defend himself, Argyle said.

Perry is accused of then shoving the pedestrian over a planter box and getting back into his car and attempting to leave the scene. But the pedestrian reportedly stood in front of the vehicle and didn’t allow Perry to leave until police arrived.

Which of course leads us to this scene:

Really, there was no need for Samuel L to shoot up the ceiling.

[Deseret News]: Y. runner arrested in mop-swinging assault


China’s nomination for "Father of the Year"

If you think that parents of young, talented gymnasts or baseball players can be too hard on their kids; just wait until you get a load of Zhang Jianmin. Jianmin is living the tough life in China and so, instead of busting hump to provide for his family, he makes his daughter, Zhang Huimin, run her ass off in hopes that she can become a celebrity runner in the 2016 Olympics. Oh, did we mention that the girl is only 8 years old?

Her dad started making her run at 4 and by the age of 6 she was running eight miles; at 7 she completed a marathon in 3 hours, 28 minutes and 45 seconds. The 42 pounds of little girl has to get up around 2:30 a.m. every weekend to run a marathon (26 miles) before school and she runs countless more miles before school every day during the week.

My plan is that we will have a hard five years,” he said, “and then, when she reaches 12 or 13 years old, she could take part in more national competitions. Hopefully, a professional team will take her.

Apparently, Jianmin used to be a bit of an athlete himself but his dreams never materialized, so we’re guessing that now he’s trying to recapture his glory days through his daughter while looking for a free meal ticket in the process. And we thought that Richard Williams was a crappy father.


[The Daily O’Collegian]: Going for gold
[Steroid Nation]: Eight year old girl runs a marathon schedule