Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do, like change your underwear in front of a stadium full of onlookers.
Wonder how much those sweaty undies could fetch on eBay?
Links:
[The Big Lead]: Try Not to Leer at Jelena Jankovic While She Changes Her Underwear in the Middle of a Match
Sure, being a pro athlete sounds great and wonderful, but they have lives full of stress, demands, headaches and tons of physical activity. Sound familiar? Everything except the physical activity, of course. They might get paid millions more, but, in reality, they deal with the same crap as us normal folks, but just on a higher level. So, some guys decide to turn to drugs to help cope with the pressures of everyday life and, just like millions of others, they get busted for it. See, they’re not so different. At least, Matt Jones and Brad Miller aren’t so different.
Jaguars wide receiver Matt Jones has been arrested on cocaine charges in Arkansas.
The Washington County Sheriff’s Office says officers arrested Jones and two other men as they sat in a Toyota 4Runner in an unlit parking lot in a known drug area.
The preliminary arrest report shows an officer saw Jones sitting in the back seat of the car with a white card with a white powdery substance on it, and a credit card in his other hand.
The officer said he opened the door and asked Jones to “put his hands where he could see them.”
Authorities say Jones didn’t comply right away and hid his left hand. The officer drew his gun and ordered Jones out of the vehicle. Jones got out and the officer put him in handcuffs.
Oh, Matt, Matt, Matt. A 4Runner in an unlit parking lot in a known drug area? That’s just asking for trouble, shouldn’t be long until we get one of these from Mr. Jones: a public apology.
“I want to apologize to my family, teammates, fans and entire Kings organization, ” Miller said in a statement released by the team. “I made a mistake. It was an error in judgment and I’m very sorry. I regret it deeply. It’s something I won’t and can’t take lightly. I hope to bounce back from this as a better person and I’m excited about the upcoming season.”
Huh, we never would have figured sitting out five games for the Kings would be considered a punishment. Sounds like a good way to avoid participating in the first five losses of the season to us.
Links:
[FirstCoastNews.com]: Jaguars WR Matt Jones Arrested on Cocaine Charges in Arkansas
[SacBee.com]: NBA suspends Kings’ Miller for violating anti-drug program
Awful Announcing brought our attention to a peak and our breakfast back into our mouths when they relayed a story from ABC News concerning what lies ahead for Diamondbacks catcher Chris Snyder and his recently fractured testicle. Here are some of the chilling details.
Still, a testicular fracture is not something that is easily shaken off. In simple terms, a testicular fracture involves a “crack” in the testicle; the organ retains its shape, but it is damaged. Though different from a testicular rupture, which involves a complete hemorrhage of the testicle, a fracture in this delicate organ can be extraordinarily painful — and may even require surgery, in many cases.
“It is indeed extraordinarily painful,” said Dr. Mark Litwin, professor of urology and public health at the University of California at Los Angeles. Litwin adds that the natural vulnerability of testicles is “one of these anatomical curiosities med students never understand.”
“The placement of ovaries makes sense. … [Testicles] are in the worst place you could put them. They really are in harm’s way.”
Hey, Doc, you don’t need to tell wrestler D.J. St. James about that.
“When he fell down, his foot came up between my legs,” St. James said. “His foot exploded my testicle.”
St. James didn’t realize the extent of his injury at first. He finished the match with a victory. But the seriousness of the situation soon hit.
“After I walked off the mat, I fell to the ground when I felt the pain,” he recalled. “I can’t describe how much it hurt. … It swelled up bigger than my fist.”
Sweet.
In other news…
[Sports Crackle Pop]: We got two words for ya: Drunk referee
[JarrettCarter.com]: High school basketball players strike back
[OnlineSportsFanatic.com]: NCAA football is right around the corner…NCAA Football 09, that is
[MMA Chump]: Forrest Griffin and Rampage Jackson get suspended following UFC 86
[Grab Your Balls]: Kevin Durant might be a Thundercat. Snarf, snarf!
[NewsOK.com]: Michael Vick’s exact opposite
[Lion in Oil]: What do the sons of Wayne Gretzky, Joe Montana and Will Smith have in common? The gridiron, of course
[The Angry T]: So much money and, yet, such horrible taste in ink
[People.com]: Tony Romo is soooo whipped
[Tirico Suave]: Real life Tony Soprano waves Jeter home
And finally, a day at the beach with a sweet voice-over.
This is one of those rare times when we would actually encourage drivers to participate in overly-aggressive fits of road rage.
Americans love their sports and, more importantly, they love their sports stars. Of course, we’ll turn our backs on you in a heartbeat if you cross the line between athletic ability and stupidity. In-game stupidity is one thing, but once an athlete starts displaying questionable behavior off the field/court/ice/etc. then it’s usually game over from a fan’s perspective. However, all the inconvenience of hate mail, on-air/in-print rippings from the media, loss of endorsement deals and reverberating boos during work can be avoided if athletes will just avoid breaking any of the Seven Deadly Sins of Sports Celebrity as identified by the fellas over at East Coast Bias.
Any scandal involving even accusations of racism immediately takes on another level of significance. Sportswriters just love any chance to trot out pages of righteous indignation that race is still an issue in America today.
Examples: Jimmy the Greek, Duke Lacrosse, Kelly TilghmanAnything Involving Figure Skating
For some reason, figure skating scandals are always bigger than they should be. Maybe it’s because there’s not much else going on in the Winter Olympics or maybe the sports media thinks they can attract some female readership. Whatever the reason, figure skating scandals reach epic proportions very quickly.
Examples: Harding-Kerrigan, Canadian Silver Medalists (the French judge)Old White Men Having Kinky Sex
The idea that old white men (especially the straight-laced ones) might have interesting sex lives is always a big story. It’s hilarious to think that the guy who reads you the scores during the day is dressing up in drag that night.
Examples: Marv Albert, Pat O’Brien, Max MoselyGambling
Gambling scandals bring with them a degree of seediness. When people think of gambling scandals, there’s always intimations that maybe the mob is involved. Gambling also calls into question the integrity of sports, so people take it very seriously.
Examples: Tim Donaghy, Charles Barkley, Pete Rose, Nikolay DavydenkoCruelty to Animals
This one caught a lot of people off guard when the Mike Vick dog fighting story broke. People assumed that a scandal involving dogs wouldn’t be that big of a deal. Those people were wrong. Americans love their dogs more than their families, and anyone treating animals badly will quickly become a pariah.
Examples: Mike Vick, Vince YoungAnything Involving Feces
Poop makes a scandal way more interesting. Or maybe disgusting. Or just smelly. Whatever it is, if an athlete is involved with a poop scandal, it will haunt him for the rest of his career.
Examples: Najeh Davenport, Osi UmenyioraKilling Your White or Pregnant Wife
The granddaddy of them all. If you kill your white or pregnant wife, even if you are acquitted, you’re in trouble.
Examples: OJ Simpson, Rae Carruth
Oh, and don’t forget about blasting your limo driver with a shotgun and then attempting to make the death look like a suicide or attempting to frame your murdered player as a drug dealer in order to cover your own ass.
Links:
[East Coast Bias]: Seven Deadly Sins of Sports Celebrity
We’ve learned to live with Deion Sanders. Growing up, we absolutely loved watching Primetime work his magic on the field. Now, we’re just stuck listening to the guy because he’s one of the biggest camera hogs to ever to hit the small screen. Still, if Deion tells us to buy Pizza Hut, Nike, Pepsi and Burger King then we’re out the door buying Pizza Hut, Nike, Pepsi and Burger King products galore. Hell, we even bought a buttload of the Deion Sanders Hot Dog Express makers to shower on our friends come Christmas time. (Bet you’re wondering how to get on that list, huh?) However, we’re abhorred over Sanders’ latest endorsement, but it has nothing to do with the merchandise itself; we just refuse to buy anything approved by Pacman “Don’t Call Me Pacman” Jones.
Links:
[You Been Blinded]: Adam Jones Pimpin Cars With Deion Sanders
If you thought that Baron Davis heading to the Clippers or Elton Brand bolting from the same squad was shocking then just wait until you hear the latest news involving two of the league’s brightest superstars. On Monday night, LeBron James stopped by his hometown of Akron, Ohio with his buddy Chris Paul by his side and together they conducted the second annual LeBron James Skills Academy. The bombshell wasn’t that James and Paul showed up, although that caused a bit of a ruckus at the gym; no, the real eye-opener was that the duo damn near got run off the court during their stay.
Three times, in fact.
Swear to LeBron, a team featuring Paul and James — plus Cavs rookie Darnell Jackson — won four games and lost three, and this does not bode well for our Olympic dreams, I don’t think. Furthermore, if this is the result when James plays with other great players perhaps Cleveland general manager Danny Ferry is doing the right thing by surrounding his star with garbage, but that’s another column for another day.
Anyway, the group that gave Team James-Paul the most trouble was comprised of Jonny Flynn (Syracuse), Patrick Beverley (Arkansas), Patrick Christopher (California), Terrence Williams (Louisville) and Jarvis Varnado (Mississippi State). They went 2-2 against Team James-Paul and created memories they seemed to cherish immediately.
Yup, whooping the King at his own event is probably something that’s going to stick with these kids. We’re just wondering if LBJ had to score 29 of his team’s last 30 points in order to secure the series.
Links:
[Sports Crackle Pop]: Lebron James and Chris Paul play hoops with campers and….LOSE
[Sportsline.com]: LeBron, Paul provide unforgettable scene, stirring memories
If you think double-dipping is disgusting then what about finger-dipping? You know, when someone sticks their finger in something, sucks it clean and then walks away. Like Puck and the peanut butter back when The Real World was actually worth watching. Well, according to the New York Post, if you happen to work in the same stadium as Yankees radio announcer John Sterling then you might want to get a vomit bucket ready.
Ewwwww. Kid Rock and Tommy Lee won’t even touch those sloppy seconds.
In other news…
[BostonSportz.com]: Even NFL coaches think Tom Brady is hot catch
[FightChat.com]: Need inspiration to become a MMA superstar? Well, here’s the caliber of chicks you could bang
[NBA.com]: Its official! Suck on that Seattle!
[PerezHilton.com]: For once, we agree with Mr. Rainbow Bright
[BooshMagazine.com]: It’s time to play everybody’s favorite game: Legal or Olympic Jailbait!
[The Wall Street Journal]: The NBA mines New Delhi for talent
[FightChat.com]: 16 MMA knockouts in the blink of an eye
[Babble.com]: A-Rod loves him some strippers
[NFLJuice.com]: We like big butts and we cannot lie…
[Tirico Suave]: Go, go, Power Plaschke!
And finally, this is why you always, always, always lock up your lightsaber.
If you think watching a minor league baseball game is boring, just try working at one. Here’s how the guys in the booth for the Trenton Thunder break-up the mind-numbing monotony.
Wow, even this chick thought that was a pretty funny practical joke.
Links:
[SI.com]: Hot Clicks
There’s cage fighting and then there’s gay fighting and rarely do the two ever mix. But gay-cage fighting is exactly what a crowd of Little Rock spectators got when they showed up to an event called “Blue Collar Brawlin” back on June 5 which was actually an elaborate gag for Sacha Baron Cohen’s new film entitled Bruno.
Fort Smith police Sgt. Adam Holland said organizers told him a character named “Straight Dave” would goad a planted audience member into the ring for a fight.
The two men would then wrestle, rip away some of their clothes and share a brief kiss reminiscent of one between Baron Cohen and Will Ferrell in the film Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby.
Producers said “there would be a romantic embrace,” Holland said. “They said it was kind of to essentially make fun, poke fun at wrestling — two guys rolling around on the floor, all sweaty.”
An elaborate array of mounted and handheld video cameras caught the crowd of 1,600’s reaction as the two men “went right up to the line” of the city’s morality laws, Holland said. The two men stripped down to their underwear, kissed and rubbed on each other, the sergeant said.
The audience, as well as local fighters drawn to take part in the show, became enraged. “It set the crowd off lobbing beers,” Holland said. “They had beers in plastic cups. Those things can get some distance on them actually.”
Holland said it took officers about 45 minutes to clear the convention center, as the two actors sprinted away through a specially set-aside tunnel.
So, the fight wasn’t real; big deal. According to Lyoto Machida, neither was the Forrest Griffin-Rampage Griffin fight.
Links:
[GlobeAndMail.com]: Arkansas fight fans fall for Baron Cohen stunt
