Ever wonder what it would be like to be a pro baseball player? We certainly have. As kids, we would sit in class and practice signing autographs on a piece of notebook paper while daydreaming about having a tawdry love affair with Madonna. But nowadays, you don’t have to fantasize about your dream job and you don’t have to put in the years of hard work to gain proper recognition. Nope, apparently, you can just throw on a Phillies uniform, head down to the All Star Fan Fest and enjoy the good life as the red carpet gets rolled out. Worked for this prankster.
Suckers!!
Links:
[Philly.com]: All Star Fan Fest gets Punk’d by fake Phillie
When it comes to the partying and wild behavior, the Stanley Cup has seen more than its fair share. In fact, if you tested the Cup right now, the metal would probably consist of about 75 percent alcohol and 15 percent body fluids from hookers. The last 10 percent, well, the Red Wings Kris Draper is going to have to explain that one.
Red Wings forward Kris Draper revealed during the weekend that his diaperless baby, Kamryn, did a number on the Cup last month. A number two, to be exact.
“A week after we won it, I had my newborn daughter in there, and she pooped in the Cup,” Draper said. “That was something. We had a pretty good laugh.
“I still drank out of it that night, so no worries.”
You still drank out of it!! Dude, that’s sick! Not even this guy would put that thing near his lips after a baby dropped a deucer in it.
Links:
[Freep.com]: Draper’s diaperless daughter finds new use for Stanley Cup
What do Brett Favre and Jon Bon Jovi have in common? Well, they’re both buddies with Ron Jaworski and their careers just won’t seem to die, but that’s not all. Thanks to the guys over at Ryan Parker Songs, we now know that they also have this crappy song in common. The words are included, so sing along. And don’t pretend you don’t know the rhythm; we saw you at the stadium when the Slipper When Wet Tour rolled through town.
I’ve been missing playing ball since I called it to an end,
So I went out for some two hand touch with some neighbors and a friend,
As I passed the ball around, it felt so good, I think I found,
That number 4 could still play ball, so I gave the Packers one more call,
And said I’ve got good news, yeah, I’m coming back,
But they told me I was smoking crack,
They said never, but I’ll play forever,
Never say goodbye, never say goodbye,
I’ll find somewhere that I can play even if it’s not Green Bay,
Say goodbye, never say goodbye,
Now Aaron Rodgers is the guy, but number 4 will never say goodbye,
I’m inspired by what some guys have done like when Jordan played for Washington,
Oh I hope that time’s been good to me and I’m more like Foreman than Ali,
No, I’ve got no secrets unrevealed and I don’t need cash like Holyfield,
I just want to find somewhere to throw even if it’s for Bon Jovi’s Soul,
Cause I’ve still got skills, I’ve still got game,
I’m not ready for the hall of fame,
Never, cause I’ll play forever,
Never say goodbye, never say goodbye,
I’ll find somewhere that I can play even if it’s not Green Bay,
Say goodbye, never say goodbye,
Now Aaron Rodgers is the guy, but number 4 will never say goodbye,
I probably made John Madden cry cause number 4 will never say goodbye …
In other news…
[YardBarker.com]: The question on every fantasy football player’s mind
[SoxAddict.org]: The Material Girls goes to Toronto to see A-Rod play
[BleedEaglesGreen.com]: First Elton Brand and now Chauncey Billups, maybe Philly can be the next Boston
[The Angry T]: Rejected EA Sports NCAA 2009 covers
In every sport, it’s bound to happen. People are going to make mistakes. Whether we’re talking about basketball, hockey, fishing, boxing, poker or golf, goof-ups are inevitable. Still, the extreme sports are hands down the winners when it comes to making the most humorous mistakes. After all, there’s no way shooting an airball or falling off a boat could ever compete with flubs like this:
MLB’s All-Star break is finally upon us and that can mean only one thing, it’s time for the Home Run Derby, which ultimately means only one thing, it’s time for the Home Run Derby‘s Second Annual Home Run Derby Drinking Game. So, call up all your friends, pick up a couple suitcases of Natty Light on your way home from work and get the vomit buckets ready because it’s time to compete for the coveted lampshade crown. Here’s the rules.
Short Version
* Put 911 on speed dial
* Take a drink every time Chris Berman says “Back” as in “Back-Back-Back”
* Take a drink every time Joe Morgan says something stupid.
* Wake up next week
Longer (and more fun) version
* Drink for every Home Run. Drink twice if it lands in Monument Alley.
* Drink twice if a Home Run lands in the second deck. Drink three times if it lands in the third deck.
* Drink if Zack Hampel catches a ball like he did at last year’s HRD in San Fran. Get out more if you knew that he’s the guy who has snagged 3,500 baseballs at games in his life.
* Drink every time they mention this is the last season at Yankee Stadium.
* Drink when you hear “The House that Ruth Built”
* Drink when any of the Yankees’ 26 Championships are mentioned.
* Drink when they tell you this is the first Home Run Derby at Yankee Stadium.
* Drink every time they mention a Yankees great. Drink twice if he’s in Yankee Stadium.
* Drink when someone (probably Berman) wonders how Babe Ruth would have performed in a Home Run Derby.
* Drink when you see a player with a video camera.
* Drink when you see a player’s kid on the field.
* Drink if Alyssa Milano is shown. Drink twice if she’s drooling over Chase Utley.
* Drink anytime you see or hear Erin Andrews. Keep your tongue in your mouth, Traina.
* Drink when Chris Berman says “He hit that to Brooklyn-Shea Stadium-The Polo Grounds-Laguardia … or some other NY landmark
* Finish your drink when (not if) Berman mentions the Statue of Liberty and/or The Empire State Building.
* Finish your drink and go get another one and finish that if CHRIS BERMAN SAYS NOTHING during a Home Run. It happened once in 2006.
* Drink for every ball dropped in the outfield by the kids shagging flies.
* Drink if someone breaks a bat. Drink twice if it’s maple and it shatters.
* Drink when they mention that Alex Rodriguez isn’t participating.
* Drink every time they mention Josh Hamilton’s recovery from addiction.
* Drink when someone mentions that Ryan Braun is Jewish.
* Drink when someone mentions that Justin Morneau is Canadian.
* Drink if someone spells out Dan Uggla’s last name.
* Drink if they put up a picture of Evan Longoria next to a picture of Eva Longoria.
* Drink if someone mentions that there are NO Dominicans in the Derby this season.
* Drink when you realize you don’t miss Dusty Baker in the Home Run Derby booth.
* Drink every time Joe Morgan mentions that he led off the 1977 All-Star Game at Yankee Stadium with a Home Run. Drink twice if there’s video.
* Finish your drink if there’s any reference to “You’re With Me Leather”
* Take a drink if Yankees radio announcer Suzyn Waldman is shown. Finish it if she’s crying.
* Drink and shout “MAZEL TOV” if Ryan Braun wins the Derby.
* Drink and hum the theme from “The Natural” if Josh Hamilton wins the Derby.
* Drink some Canadian Club if Justin Morneau wins the Derby.
* Drink and giggle like a drunken horny Alyssa Milano if Chase Utley wins the Derby.
In case you missed it, which was very easy and distinctly possible, Jose Canseco got his ass handed to him on a platter by former NFL Pro Bowler Vai Sikahema during the “War At The Shore” over the weekend. Here’s the highlights, er, lowlights of the fight, er, manhandling.
Oh, and in an equally amusing Canseco tidbit, he is now claiming Madonna wanted his juice to make a super baby. Truth. Just check out his interview on Usmagazine.com.
Us: What can you tell us about your relationship with Madonna?
Jose Canseco: Well it’s in the book. We were not intimate.
Us: She was interested but you were not, correct?
JC: No, I was married at the time. I was interested in my wife.
Us: Where did she approach you? Where was the first time you met? How did it happen?
JC: At her house I think it was in the Hollywood Hills. Our people set it up. Her people approached me saying she was interested in meeting me.
Us: What did they say was the reason?
JC: She wanted to get married and have a child with me. [note from ed: Lourdes was born in 1996]
Us: That was her intention to have a child with you?
JC: Yeah, I’m Cuban and she wanted a Cuban child.
Us: And she barely knew you at this point.
JC: She didn’t.
Us: So she was interested in your genes.
JC: Yeah, I’m Cuban 6-foot-3, athletic, built. …
Us: Do you think that part of the attraction was that you were intimidated or that you were married?
JC: No, I think it was that I am Cuban and tall and a big athlete.
Us: So she was very interested in making a attractive, talented child?
JC: Yes.
Links:
[UsMagazine.com]: Jose Canseco: Singer Madonna Begged Me to Impregnate Her
We were as shocked as the next guy to see Kendall Gill provide a little guest commentary during ESPN Friday Night Fights In Your Corner, but there he was. But, hey, the former NBA journeyman does own a 3-0 record as a cruiserweight, making him a shoe-in for best pro baller turned brawler. Gill’s appearance got The Caveman Network to thinking about what other NBA stars could make it in the fight game. Here’s their top five:
5. Richard Hamilton : Yeah, he’s skinny, but so is Paul Williams. Hamilton’s fluidity and conditioning are something to behold, and he’s stronger than he looks. Just like he punishes would-be defenders by running them through screens, Hamilton would torture opponents in the ring with his great conditioning and work rate, just like Williams, aka “The Punisher”.
4. Kobe Bryant : His competitive ability means he will technically master whatever combat sport he dedicates himself to. He will also carry the killer instinct from the court to the ring or cage. Just like he plays basketball like a game of chess, he will be a chessboxer in the ring.
3. Ron Artest : He was the main villain in the Malice in the Palace. He boxes. He broke Michael Jordan’s ribs. He’s a little crazy. He’s jacked (6-7, 240 lbs). Imagine Rampage Jackson with a loose screw in his head.
2. Allen Iverson : If one of them were his main sport, he could be great in either boxing or MMA. He’s a born athlete with great ability and instincts. He’s wiry strong, lightning quick and super-coordinated. He tops it all with long arms and unbelievable creativity.
1. Latrell Sprewell : He’s not in the NBA anymore, but nevertheless, Spree has and lean and mean body to dominate almost any sport he puts his mind to. He’s got a compact torso, long limbs, and not a wasted bone or muscle for peak athletic performance. He’s explosive, both in terms of quickness and temperament. He’s the type of guy you just don’t mess with. Whenever he enters the ring or cage, he will be looking for the kill, and his body will help him get it.
Of course, we can’t forget about Stephon Marbury. He already acts punch-drunk and with his new tat, he’s working on his Iron Mike mentality. But if we’re talking about a kung-fu street fight, it’s Bruce Bowen all the way.
Links:
[The Caveman Network]: Cool Out!: Top 5 NBA Players Likely to Make Great Fighters
As soon as we saw this picture of Tim Tebow, we knew we had to post it. After all, could anything be better than a photograph of the only sophomore to ever win the Heisman Trophy breaking out “the pose” with a baby in hand while wearing a pair of Florida Gators colored Crocs. Simply put, no. Thanks, Busted Coverage.
In other news…
[FanHouse.com]: Slump Buster is back with a whole new look
You remember Street Fighter, right? No, not the horrible, horrible movie with Jean-Claude Van Damme and Kylie Minogue (yes, that Kylie Minogue). We’re talking about the video game sensation that swept the nation. As kids, we would literally walk for miles with a pocket full of quarters to the nearest gas station just to play. We always got beaten up and had our change taken once we got there, but at least we got to watch the high school kids play. Turns out, Uncoached had a similar love for the game and now, all these years later, they found a connection between the MLB and Street Fighter: Pitchers. See what you think about these comparisons.
Red Wings forward Kris Draper revealed during the weekend that his diaperless baby, Kamryn, did a number on the Cup last month. A number two, to be exact.
