Categories
General Sports

John Daly would be perfect as The Penguin. Are you listening, Christopher Nolan?

The latest Batman movie is quickly becoming the most popular ever in the series. And we see no end in sight. The Batman franchise will live forever and as long as hunky actors are willing to strap on the rubber abs and cod piece then so will the Batman movie empire. But to keep things spicy, here are some suggestions for athletes who could play some of the more notorious villains. After all, we all know how incredible athletes are at acting. Right, Darius?

10. The Scarecrow = Bob Sanders
Like Dr. Jonathon Crane, the 5-7 Sanders isn’t physically imposing at first glance. But both Scarecrow and Sanders are masters of creating fear. Just ask any NFL receiver who try to go over the middle against the Colts.

9. Ichiro = Ra’s al Ghul
After hearing about Ichiro’s profanity laced All-Star Game pep talks, is there any doubt that he’d make a great superhero villain? People also seem to believe the impossible from Ra’s al Ghul, which is kind of similar to how everyone thinks Ichiro could hit a lot homers, you know, if he was into that sort of thing.

8. Poison Ivy = Madonna
Though she’s not technically an athlete, Madonna has been at the center of sports biggest story for the last month. Anyways, we’re pretty sure he could kick Mike Fontenot’s ass, so that’s got to count for something.

7. Catwoman = Camilo Villegas
The picture speaks for itself.

6. Mr. Freeze = Greg Norman
Get it, because Norman `freezes’ up in golf’s biggest moments? Come on, I thought it was creative. Plus, Norman’s wife, former tennis star Chris Evert, is old enough to soon be cryogenically frozen. The similarities are remarkable.

5. The Riddler = Ricky Williams
Much like Edward Nigma, you never know what you’re going to get from Williams. One day he was the NFL’s best tailback, the next he quit the league and forfeited millions so he was free to get cheesy.

4. Bane = Shawne Merriman
Both Bane and Merriman seem to possess other worldly strength, and neither did it naturally. Still, I personally have never seen Bane taken out by Maurice Jones Drew. Advantage: Bane.

3. The Joker = Milton Bradley
The Joker is all about anarchy, and I would imagine Milton Bradley shares the same values. Both Joker and Bradley seem to act on a whim, while destruction surrounds them. Just the way they like it.

2. Two Face = Carlos Boozer
Boozer seemed like a good guy at Duke and in Cleveland, just as Harvey Dent did as Gotham’s DA. But both took a turn for the worst. Say what you will about Dent, but at least he never screwed over a blind man.

1. The Penguin = John Daly
Both are fat slobs that moonlight as heroes of the underground. Both have bad vices: for Daly, it’s Hooters and ciggarettes, for Penguin it’s birds and umbrellas. Maybe the strangest coincidence? Both of these freaks are filthy rich.

Links:

[TopTenChicagoSports.com]: Top ten athletes that would make great Batman villains

Categories
Boxing

Down goes Canseco! Down goes Canseco!

In case you missed it, which was very easy and distinctly possible, Jose Canseco got his ass handed to him on a platter by former NFL Pro Bowler Vai Sikahema during the “War At The Shore” over the weekend. Here’s the highlights, er, lowlights of the fight, er, manhandling.

Oh, and in an equally amusing Canseco tidbit, he is now claiming Madonna wanted his juice to make a super baby. Truth. Just check out his interview on Usmagazine.com.

Us: What can you tell us about your relationship with Madonna?

Jose Canseco: Well it’s in the book. We were not intimate.

Us: She was interested but you were not, correct?

JC: No, I was married at the time. I was interested in my wife.

Us: Where did she approach you? Where was the first time you met? How did it happen?

JC: At her house I think it was in the Hollywood Hills. Our people set it up. Her people approached me saying she was interested in meeting me.

Us: What did they say was the reason?

JC: She wanted to get married and have a child with me. [note from ed: Lourdes was born in 1996]

Us: That was her intention to have a child with you?

JC: Yeah, I’m Cuban and she wanted a Cuban child.

Us: And she barely knew you at this point.

JC: She didn’t.

Us: So she was interested in your genes.

JC: Yeah, I’m Cuban 6-foot-3, athletic, built. …

Us: Do you think that part of the attraction was that you were intimidated or that you were married?

JC: No, I think it was that I am Cuban and tall and a big athlete.

Us: So she was very interested in making a attractive, talented child?

JC: Yes.

Links:

[UsMagazine.com]: Jose Canseco: Singer Madonna Begged Me to Impregnate Her

Categories
General Sports

Odds and Ends: The 12 Highest Earning Hotties

What she no longer has in age or
looks, she makes up for with money

The only thing sexier than a beautiful babe is a rich, beautiful babe. After all, what good is having a bombshell girlfriend if she can’t take you out on expensive dates and buy you nice things? So, for all you bachelors out there, here’s a list of The 12 Highest Earning Hotties on Earth. You can thank WallStreetFighter.com.

12. Adriana Lima – $6 Million
11.Kate Moss – $9 Million
10.Jennifer Aniston – $14 Million
9.Tyra Banks – $18 Million
8.Angelina Jolie – $20 Million
7.Maria Sharapova – $23 Million
6.Gwen Stefani – $26 Million
5.Beyonce – $27 Million
4.Nicole Kidman – $28 Million
3.Gisele Bundchen – $33 Million
2.Shakira – $38 Million
1.Madonna – $72 Million

What?? No Oprah??

In other news…

[ChicagoSports.com]: Another classic sports star mug shot

[Larry Brown Sports]: So far, the Chris Bosh curse has been unsuccessful in Beantown

[DrunkAthlete.com]: Allen Iverson does his best Vince Young impersonation

[MopUpDuty.com]: Sidney Ponson Career Screwup #117

[Bugs & Cranks]: Ball girl’s occupational hazard No. 12: Falling fat dudes

[YouTube]: So that’s why the officiating has been horrible through the first two games of the NBA Finals

[Awful Announcing]: Shaq steals the show at the Belmont Stakes

[Sportaphile.com]: Wicked first round knockout by Paul Williams

[ShackNews.com]: From Wii Fit to Wii Stupid

[Undrafted Free Agent]: Yet another reason kickers get no respect

And finally, extremely funny or extremely disturbing? You decide.


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