Detroit Red Wings

Lord Stanley would be so proud

Better check your tongue for diaper

When it comes to the partying and wild behavior, the Stanley Cup has seen more than its fair share. In fact, if you tested the Cup right now, the metal would probably consist of about 75 percent alcohol and 15 percent body fluids from hookers. The last 10 percent, well, the Red Wings Kris Draper is going to have to explain that one.

Red Wings forward Kris Draper revealed during the weekend that his diaperless baby, Kamryn, did a number on the Cup last month. A number two, to be exact.

“A week after we won it, I had my newborn daughter in there, and she pooped in the Cup,” Draper said. “That was something. We had a pretty good laugh.

“I still drank out of it that night, so no worries.”

You still drank out of it!! Dude, that’s sick! Not even this guy would put that thing near his lips after a baby dropped a deucer in it.


[]: Draper’s diaperless daughter finds new use for Stanley Cup

Cincinnati Bengals

The Bengals are not big bird lovers

With a 1-2 record, the Cincinnati Bengals fans a putting up with a lot of crap. But the poop that’s been being produced on the field each week is the least of fans’ worries.

Eric Brown is the managing director at Paul Brown Stadium and he’s asking the city for permission to kill crap-dispensing pigeons with an air rifle! PETA should love this.

Apparently, the stadium is having a problem with the birds taking dumps anywhere and everywhere in the stadium: on people’s heads, in their food, in their $85 beers. They’re remorseless. Heck, these birds will probably even let one rip on the great Carson Palmer if they get a chance.

Brown is saying that he wouldn’t be hunting pigeons on game days. What, no `bring your pellet gun to the game’ day?

The Bengals used to be able to scare the birds away with noise, but the little critters are immune to the sounds now. Now officials are turning to other ideas, besides slaughtering `em all, and thinking about using strobe lights, noise makers, fake owls and netting to solve the problem. We’re guessing that any of those are going to go over better than just going on a shooting spree.

But, we say just embrace the birds. Maybe Ocho-Cinco can work them into one of touchdown celebrations. We suggest that he goes for an Ace Ventura tribute theme.


[]: Stadium wants to shoot pigeons