Cincinnati Bengals

The Bengals are not big bird lovers

With a 1-2 record, the Cincinnati Bengals fans a putting up with a lot of crap. But the poop that’s been being produced on the field each week is the least of fans’ worries.

Eric Brown is the managing director at Paul Brown Stadium and he’s asking the city for permission to kill crap-dispensing pigeons with an air rifle! PETA should love this.

Apparently, the stadium is having a problem with the birds taking dumps anywhere and everywhere in the stadium: on people’s heads, in their food, in their $85 beers. They’re remorseless. Heck, these birds will probably even let one rip on the great Carson Palmer if they get a chance.

Brown is saying that he wouldn’t be hunting pigeons on game days. What, no `bring your pellet gun to the game’ day?

The Bengals used to be able to scare the birds away with noise, but the little critters are immune to the sounds now. Now officials are turning to other ideas, besides slaughtering `em all, and thinking about using strobe lights, noise makers, fake owls and netting to solve the problem. We’re guessing that any of those are going to go over better than just going on a shooting spree.

But, we say just embrace the birds. Maybe Ocho-Cinco can work them into one of touchdown celebrations. We suggest that he goes for an Ace Ventura tribute theme.


[]: Stadium wants to shoot pigeons

Anaheim Angels

Big league stadium food just got more disgusting

Angels Stadium is being overrun by rats! That’s right, county health officials have handed out 118 vermin violations over the past two and a half years! In fact, just days ago the stadium failed health inspections as it was discovered that a kitchen was full of coach roaches and a concession stand had a problem with rats.

We realize we have an issue at Angel Stadium,” said Richard Sanchez, the agency’s director of environmental health. “We’re stepping up enforcement.

But by the sounds of things, they stadium’s operators really only have themselves to blame for the nasty infestation. These morons don’t bother cleaning the stadium after a night game until the next freakin’ morning! That means that garbage just sits in the stands, kiosks and kitchens from 10 o’clock at night until 6:00 a.m. and that’s on a good day. Many times the trash doesn’t get picked up for more than 12 hours; talk about a completely unnecessary and disgusting public health risk.

When asked why the stadium isn’t cleaned immediately following games, the vice president of communications for the Angels responded with, “That’s a great question and that’s something I can’t answer.” So, considering that they have been completely blind and ignorant to this issue for the last couple of years, we’re going to assume that “stepping up enforcement” is really code for “we’ll try not to serve our customers actual fried rats.” Regardless, we’re going to be smuggling our peanuts and Cracker Jacks into the game from now on.


[]: Oh, Rats! Rodents Found In Angel Stadium
[]: Rat infestation at stadium