General Sports

Avoiding Career-Threatening Scandals For Sports Dummies

Americans love their sports and, more importantly, they love their sports stars. Of course, we’ll turn our backs on you in a heartbeat if you cross the line between athletic ability and stupidity. In-game stupidity is one thing, but once an athlete starts displaying questionable behavior off the field/court/ice/etc. then it’s usually game over from a fan’s perspective. However, all the inconvenience of hate mail, on-air/in-print rippings from the media, loss of endorsement deals and reverberating boos during work can be avoided if athletes will just avoid breaking any of the Seven Deadly Sins of Sports Celebrity as identified by the fellas over at East Coast Bias.

Any scandal involving even accusations of racism immediately takes on another level of significance. Sportswriters just love any chance to trot out pages of righteous indignation that race is still an issue in America today.
Examples: Jimmy the Greek, Duke Lacrosse, Kelly Tilghman

Anything Involving Figure Skating
For some reason, figure skating scandals are always bigger than they should be. Maybe it’s because there’s not much else going on in the Winter Olympics or maybe the sports media thinks they can attract some female readership. Whatever the reason, figure skating scandals reach epic proportions very quickly.
Examples: Harding-Kerrigan, Canadian Silver Medalists (the French judge)

Old White Men Having Kinky Sex
The idea that old white men (especially the straight-laced ones) might have interesting sex lives is always a big story. It’s hilarious to think that the guy who reads you the scores during the day is dressing up in drag that night.
Examples: Marv Albert, Pat O’Brien, Max Mosely

Gambling scandals bring with them a degree of seediness. When people think of gambling scandals, there’s always intimations that maybe the mob is involved. Gambling also calls into question the integrity of sports, so people take it very seriously.
Examples: Tim Donaghy, Charles Barkley, Pete Rose, Nikolay Davydenko

Cruelty to Animals
This one caught a lot of people off guard when the Mike Vick dog fighting story broke. People assumed that a scandal involving dogs wouldn’t be that big of a deal. Those people were wrong. Americans love their dogs more than their families, and anyone treating animals badly will quickly become a pariah.
Examples: Mike Vick, Vince Young

Anything Involving Feces
Poop makes a scandal way more interesting. Or maybe disgusting. Or just smelly. Whatever it is, if an athlete is involved with a poop scandal, it will haunt him for the rest of his career.
Examples: Najeh Davenport, Osi Umenyiora

Killing Your White or Pregnant Wife
The granddaddy of them all. If you kill your white or pregnant wife, even if you are acquitted, you’re in trouble.
Examples: OJ Simpson, Rae Carruth

Oh, and don’t forget about blasting your limo driver with a shotgun and then attempting to make the death look like a suicide or attempting to frame your murdered player as a drug dealer in order to cover your own ass.


[East Coast Bias]: Seven Deadly Sins of Sports Celebrity

College Basketball

Going gay for Coach K

Please tell us you remember last year’s video of the year. No, not Rihanna’s “Umbrella;” we’re talking about the Cameron Crazies getting punk’d in Peter Rosenberg’s “This Is Why Duke Sucks.” Well, like any good up and coming artist, Rosenberg knows that timing is everything when it comes to dropping new singles, so now on the opening day of NCAA Tournament play we present to you the much anticipated “Duke Fan Stan.”


[College Humor]: Duke Fan Stan

All Other Sports

Prosecutor: On second thought, nevermind about that Duke rape case

“Rogue prosecutor” Mike Nifong

North Carolina Attorney General Roy Cooper dismissed all criminal charges against the three Duke lacrosse players who were accused of raping a stripper from nearby North Carolina Central University. Cooper took over for former District Attorney / overzealous idiot Mike Nifong after Nifong was charged with ethics violations in his handling of the case. Finding nothing to collaborate the stripper’s case, Cooper concluded no attack occurred.

The three lax players accused are breathing a huge sigh of relief but they must also feel a lot of anger at a “rogue prosecutor” that used their case as a means to further his own agenda. They have every right to be angry, and we would be too in their shoes. (It is estimated that one family spent $3M on legal fees.) But in the end, justice was served. They were not convicted and sent to jail. Whether they were unfairly tried in the papers shouldn’t change the fact that the legal system worked. This isn’t the first time that someone has been unfairly accused and it won’t be the last. Let Bob Dylan tell you the story of the Hurricane.

This is an ugly ugly story. So much so that the Attorney General isn’t going to charge the accuser of any crime because she “may actually believe” the stories she told. He wants to just put this in the rear view mirror, and who can blame him? Everyone is a loser in this case.

Finally, an article in the Baltimore Sun said that some news outlets leapt to conclusions. Some? We would guess more like ‘all’. Everyone loved this story. It had sex, race, and class. Throw in some drugs and it would have hit for the cycle. Plus, it was Duke of all places, the southern bastion of white privilege. And on top of that, it was a lacrosse team, a sport aligned closely with prep school wealth. It was a story we all ran with, not quite presuming guilt but highly skeptical of innocence nonetheless. Well, in the end, we were all wrong — journalists, reporters, and bloggers alike. So David Evans, Reade Seligmann, and Collin Finnerty, we (at least here on SC) apologize.

[AOL]: Prosecutors Drop All Charges in Duke Case
[CNN]: Duke lacrosse players: Case closed

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Odds and Ends: In case you want to get Jeff Garcia something for his wedding

Some guy over at the Fanhouse did some top-notch investigative journalism and found Jeff Garcia and Carmella DeCesare’s wedding registry on Williams-Sonoma. For a guy who just signed a $7M contract, Garcia’s registry is somewhat normal. Outside of a $1,600 knife set (on sale for $1,200!), it’s like a registry you’d find for poor people. (Poor relative to NFL players poor, not we’re registered at K-Mart poor.)

Anyone want to chip in on some Blueberry Waffle & Pancake Mix? Only $9.50 plus shipping!

In other news…

[AP]: EU wants barriers to sports bets lifted. (meanwhile we can’t even legally have an office pool)

[Seal Clubbers]: Seattle closes the door on Jerramy Stevens

[Can’t Stop the Bleeding]: Hey at least he didn’t wait till he was 24 like Shaun Alexander

[Newsday]: Bob Uecker’s stalker is back!

[Awful Announcing]: Does this mean we have to hate UNC now?

[49ers News]: Look out Niners fans, Rosenhaus is trying to ruin your team

College Basketball

Actually Billy, this is the definition of cheap shot

We’ve hated Billy Packer since he dissed St. Joes a couple of years ago. Here’s more Billy Packer magic as he tells us that the Gerald Henderson’s shot to Tyler Hansborough’s face with his elbow wasn’t a cheap shot.

Do Billy Packer and Dick Vitale have a conference call every month to coordinate their schedules for hanging off Duke basketball’s collective jock?


Odds and Ends: Eagles fans – here’s your English soccer team

Remember when Bill Simmons went about looking for an English Premiere League team to cheer for and ended up taking Tottenham Hotspur? Well, Philadelphia Eagles fans now have their very own British soccer team to root for. Unfortunately, they play in Football League One which is 2 levels below the EPL. Why Millwall? Because “unnamed investors – thought to be linked with the Philadelphia Eagles American football team – want to sink an initial £5million into the Lions.” (Mirror UK)

And, as Bob from the Offside (and fellow Eagles fan) tells us, “Millwall’s fans have a reputation for thuggery much like the Eagles fans. A marriage made in heaven.” Well, that clinches it for us. Go Lions! (Now, to do something about those Cowboys colors…)

In other news…

[]: Cricket player is willing to cut off his injured finger… Ronnie Lott says, whatever

[LA Times]: Dodgers pitcher owns rock quarry worth billions

[The Offside]: Barcelona midfielder likes his hookers… take that, Lasorda

[Steroid Nation]: Are the Little Sisters of the Poor using that much Winnie and HGH?

[The Big Lead]: Scottie Pippen on Deal or No Deal is just sad

[SI]: Grocery store clerk indicted in last year’s dirty bomb hoax

[The Onion]: Report: Almost Nobody Raped During Duke’s First Lacrosse Match

[Valentine’s Views]: Schilling just can’t shut up

NFL General

Odds and Ends: What? No Christian Slater in the booth?

I have friends who are A-listers

The lead producer of Monday Night Football has admitted that perhaps having “B-listers” in the booth for Monday Night Football was a mistake this year and points specifically to Christian Slater. If you were lucky enough to miss Christian Slater promoting a movie during the Seahawks-Raiders game, well, it was extremely painful. When asked whether he was a football fan by Joe Theisman, he replied, “I have friends who are football fans.” Ummm… ok. So next year, ESPN will no longer have any B-list celebs in the booth during games, although there will be plenty of A-list celebs promoting Disney movies.

In other news…

[Call of the Green Monster]: To Welcome Matsuzaka, Manny Plans to Learn “Chinese”

[]: Gilbert Arenas responds to Kobe

[Fox News]: Prosecutors drop rape charges against Duke lacrosse players (still face kidnapping and sexual offense chargers)

[]: NHL is considering realigning to 4 divisions

[Newsnet5]: Personal Info On Dozens Of Ballplayers Taken From Dumpster

[Basketbawful]: Whatever happened to Armon Gilliam and his gumby haircut

[Steroid Nation]: Fighter submits a sample of “non-human urine or urine from a dead human being”

New York Yankees

Odds and Ends: Trash Talk Scoreboard – Jeter 1 Ortiz 0

Jeter to Ortiz: Sit down

On Sunday, Big Papi decided to talk a little trash and say that Derek Jeter’s MVP candidacy was illegitimate because of the Yankees murderer’s row of hitters.

Don’t get me wrong, he’s a great player but he’s got a lot of guys in that lineup. Top to bottom, you’ve got a guy who can hurt you. Come hit in this lineup, see how good you can be.

Jeter responded by pointing to the division standings.

I’m not thinking about the MVP right now. We’re thinking about winning a division. We’ve still got something to play for.

In other news…

[All Headline News]: New GM Garth Snow and crazy Isles owner Charles Wang gives DiPietro 15 year $67.5M contract

[MSNBC]: Coach K decries ‘cloud’ of rape case. Basketball coach says it’s unfair that all of Duke athletics were tainted

[Footyblog]: Top Wives and Girlfriends in English soccer

[WHDH Boston]: Red Sox fan cursed at Red Sox players, shook his seat loose from bolting and throws seat in the face of a Maine woman nearby

[Superflav]: Off Topic but very cool: best rock video choreography you’ll ever see live

College Basketball

JJ Redick arrested for DUI

The Duke lacrosse team would like to thank JJ Redick for his support. First, during the tourney, he spoke up for them and said they were a great bunch of guys. Now, his arrest for DUI means that when you search for Duke+crime, you aren’t automatically redicted to the Duke lacross homepage.

Early this morning, JJ spotted a police checkpoint and decided that he was too drunk to drive so he made an illegal u-turn and headed the other way. Unfortunately for him, that move only raises suspicions and the cops followed him and pulled him over. Redick blew. Oh, and he also registered a .11 on the breathalyzer in a state where the legal limit is .08. Redick was arrested, booked, and released on $1000 bond.

When asked how he paid the bond, he said, “Straight cash homey. Ain’t nothing but a grand. What’s a grand to me? Ain’t shit … Next time I might shake my dick.”

[News 14 Carolina]: Redick arrested on DUI charges

All Other Sports

Duke lacrosse case rears its ugly head again

We’ve been Duke lacrosse scandal-free for the past couple of weeks but a new development in the case has surfaced. Forensic scientists have found tissue under a fingernail of the alleged victim that was “consistent” with one of the 46 lacrosse players but ruled out a match with any of the other 45 players.

However, there was only a partial match and a DNA expert, Theodore D. Kessis, owner of Applied DNA Resources, details the odds.

It really depends then upon how partial is that profile. A lot of people are of the opinion, including myself, that if it’s supposed to test for 13, it should get 13, and something less than 13 is starting to hinge on the reliability of the result.

When you get down into the two or three partial match, you get numbers that might be 1 in 6, it might be 1 in 10, so what happens then is the question of what’s the probative value of the report. … People play the lottery on worse odds.

Sources also said that the DNA pattern was consistent with the mysterious “third person” that the dancer was only able to identify with 90 percent accuracy. Also a male pubic hair was linked to the case. We believe the legal term for this is… Ruh Roh Raggy.

[Herald Sun]: First DNA link possible in lacrosse case
[News & Observer]: The cabbie who was the alibi for Colin Finnerty arrested for previous misdemeanor.
[NBC17]: Duke Official: Rape Report Based On Overheard Conversation