Arizona Diamondbacks

Odds and Ends: More testicle news than you can stuff in a sack

Awful Announcing brought our attention to a peak and our breakfast back into our mouths when they relayed a story from ABC News concerning what lies ahead for Diamondbacks catcher Chris Snyder and his recently fractured testicle. Here are some of the chilling details.

“I don’t think [Synder will] have a difficult time with it,” he [Jack Llewellyn] said. “With catchers it’s a little bit of a different situation, because catchers are usually perceived as the more rugged guys on a team. They’re used to being hit by foul tips.”

Still, a testicular fracture is not something that is easily shaken off. In simple terms, a testicular fracture involves a “crack” in the testicle; the organ retains its shape, but it is damaged. Though different from a testicular rupture, which involves a complete hemorrhage of the testicle, a fracture in this delicate organ can be extraordinarily painful — and may even require surgery, in many cases.

“It is indeed extraordinarily painful,” said Dr. Mark Litwin, professor of urology and public health at the University of California at Los Angeles. Litwin adds that the natural vulnerability of testicles is “one of these anatomical curiosities med students never understand.”

“The placement of ovaries makes sense. … [Testicles] are in the worst place you could put them. They really are in harm’s way.”

Hey, Doc, you don’t need to tell wrestler D.J. St. James about that.

St. James was a freshman wrestler competing at a high school tournament six years ago. During one match, he was performing a single leg takedown on his opponent when he sustained a sudden and surprising injury.

“When he fell down, his foot came up between my legs,” St. James said. “His foot exploded my testicle.”

St. James didn’t realize the extent of his injury at first. He finished the match with a victory. But the seriousness of the situation soon hit.

“After I walked off the mat, I fell to the ground when I felt the pain,” he recalled. “I can’t describe how much it hurt. … It swelled up bigger than my fist.”


In other news…

[Sports Crackle Pop]: We got two words for ya: Drunk referee

[]: High school basketball players strike back

[]: NCAA football is right around the corner…NCAA Football 09, that is

[MMA Chump]: Forrest Griffin and Rampage Jackson get suspended following UFC 86

[Grab Your Balls]: Kevin Durant might be a Thundercat. Snarf, snarf!

[]: Michael Vick’s exact opposite

[Lion in Oil]: What do the sons of Wayne Gretzky, Joe Montana and Will Smith have in common? The gridiron, of course

[The Angry T]: So much money and, yet, such horrible taste in ink

[]: Tony Romo is soooo whipped

[Tirico Suave]: Real life Tony Soprano waves Jeter home

And finally, a day at the beach with a sweet voice-over.

See morefunny videosand funny pictureson CollegeHumor
High School Sports

After childhood accident, high schooler literally plays `foot’ ball

Charlie Shannon is a one-footed football player. If that sounds like the opening line of stupid joke to you then you’d be completely off base. You’ve come to the wrong place if you’re looking for sophomoric humor like that. And if you started giggling in anticipation of what you thought was coming next then shame on you.

Shannon lost his foot to a wicked lawnmower accident when he was just 2 years old. In addition to losing most of his right foot, he also part of his leg muscle and his buttocks. But that didn’t stop Charlie from pursuing and excelling at football. He says that he doesn’t consider himself disabled and because of it, he is on his Iowa high school varsity team where he plays both center and nose guard.

When interviewed by Dan Withers, Shannon made clear how he is exactly like all the other kids who take to fields across America. Yup; just your regular ol’, normal, boring jock. Absolutely nothing out of the ordinary here.

I tackled a kid and I got up. I was heading back to the huddle and I didn’t have my foot. It wasn’t there. It was laying out in the middle of the field,” Charlie explained.

Okay, you can laugh guilt free now.


[]: One-legged Football Player Triumphs

All Other Sports

Locker room penetration leads to lawsuit for Texas school district/football coaches

We’ve known for some time now that wrestling can beget a little butt hole penetrating `prank’ or two. Or maybe they’re legitimate moves, what the hell do we know? We try to keep our anuses away from other peoples’ fingers at all costs. But now we’re finding out that the anal rapes have jumped into the hallowed high school football locker rooms of America. Okay, maybe not all of them (at least we hope not), but these disturbing behaviors did infest Donna High School in Texas and now the victim is suing the school district and his former coaches for turning a brown eye to the problem.

The federal lawsuit claims a culture of “deliberate indifference” led to the attempted sexual assault of four younger players at the hands of older teammates.

Four players were indicted on charges that they participated in 2004 and 2005 in holding down the younger players and trying to insert a gloved finger into the anuses of the victims.

Each has since pleaded guilty to lesser charges or arranged separate punishments with prosecutors.

The lawsuit claims the district maintained customs and policies that encouraged hazing and neglected to investigate complaints of abuse.

It seeks unspecified “punitive” damages.

Hey, while this totally sucks, uh …, ass, at least the bastards were limiting themselves to “a gloved finger” when it came time to go mud digging. Some sick people will just rape you with the first thing they can find.


[]: Former player sues school district, coaches over sex hazing

High School Sports

Darby High, you just got punk’d!!

Some people would have you believe that kids today are just a bunch of slackers and deadbeats. And, frankly, we can’t really argue that point considering all the floppy haired kids that we see smokin’ pot just off campus of the local high school during lunch. But there are a lot of talented, dedicated, hardworking and ingenious kids out there as well; kids like Kyle Garchar.

Garchar is a senior at Hilliard Davidson High School in Ohio and he spent about 20 hours concocting the perfect prank for the school’s big football game against the cross-town rival. What he came up with was a series of cardboard placards that the opposing team’s fans would hold up to collectively spell out “We Suck” instead of “Go Darby.” The plan worked like a charm and the whole thing got posted up on YouTube.

Unfortunately, the killjoy principal of Davidson HS didn’t think the prank was very sportsmanlike and decided to give Garchar and his buddies that helped out a little dose of in-school suspension and banned them from extracurricular activities for a semester.

This is one of the more tedious pranks we’ve seen in a while. The only thing we’re bummed about is that we didn’t get to see the reactions of the fans when they realized what message they were conveying. We’re guessing that their reactions we’re probably just about as sour as this dude’s.


[]: Ohio High School Student Suspended for Prank