We all knew that golf without Tiger Woods was going to be tough, but nobody expected it to be this brutal. It’s like watching the Bulls dynasty play without Michael Jordan. Sure, it’s a’ight, but if Leave It to Beaver comes on or it starts raining outside your window then you’re probably going to be easily distracted. Yup, life without Tiger sure does suck and here’s a catchy tune so you don’t ever forget it.
“Listen, kid, I said `No autographs!!'”
In football, all of a team’s players have to be on the exact same page at the exact same time for things to execute perfectly. Sometimes this unity is required on the gridiron, but other times it’s about coming together off of the field…in the shower, for example. At least, that’s where the Ohio State boys did their heavy thinking.
ESPN: I hate to make you describe a shower scene, but take me back to after the LSU loss when you and the other juniors talked about coming back for this season.
MF [Marcus Freeman]: Just a lot of emotion. Sitting on that bench and thinking, ‘Hey, I don’t think I’m going to come back and have this feeling again.’ But we got in the shower, everybody’s disappointed. I forget who was the first person to say something, but it was weird that all of us that had major decisions about coming back were all in the shower at the same time. (Alex) Boone or Malcolm Jenkins or someone said, ‘Hey, I’m coming back. I’m not leaving college football like this.’ And then James Laurinaitis said, ‘I’m coming back, too,’ and I said, ‘I’m coming back, too.’ We all knew we really had to go home and think about it, but that was the first feeling of, ‘Hey, let’s come back and do it one more time. Let’s go out with a bang our senior year.’
Sure, making a life-altering decision like coming back for your senior season in the shower seems kinda silly, but it’s no crazier than passing up the opportunity to turn pro while sitting in barren kitchen.
[Malcolm] Jenkins (smiling): Every time you look in your refrigerator and you’ve only got peanut butter and jelly, you know, it makes you (think) like, “Dang, I wish I would’ve taken that 15 million dollars.”
Links:
[FanHouse]: Ohio State Players Decided to Return to College While Showering Together
[BuckeyeXtra]: For love of game: Ohio State juniors decide as one
Ever since Nike came up with their “Swoosh” logo, other shoe companies have desperately attempted to distinguish themselves with a similarly iconic symbol. Most, if not all, have failed to even breath the same air as Nike when it comes to logos and it’s primarily because of ideas like this one.
In other news…
[SportsFriends.com]: Steve Nash is sooo friggin cool it makes us sick
[Hugging Harold Reynolds]: We’re sorry, what did you say Erin? We were busy staring at your rack
[ThePhinsider.com]: Jason Taylor: From Fins to Skins
[OneFunnyBastard.com]: The Karate Kid gets a facelift
[AZStarNet.com]: The man behind your favorite championship belts
[WrestlingTruth.com]: Lima, Peru just can’t get enough John Cena
[LiveLeak.com]: Don’t worry little one, President Bush has that effect on most people
[Tirico Suave]: Eh, we weren’t impressed with Heath Ledger. This guy shoulda played The Joker
[Cuzoogle]: Best full court shots ever
[Blazer’s Edge]: Nate Robinson gets honored, kinda
[YouTube]: Top putback dunks eva’
[Steady Burn]: If you can write an essay then you can get shot down by Natalie Gulbis
[The Ghosts of Wayne Fontes]: The best, uh, worst, no, best athlete images of all-time
[StupidCelebrities.net]: Danica went Danica on Milka Duno. Meeeeeow
[Awful Announcing]: The most inconsequential awards show on the planet aired last night
And finally, rapping about the F.U.P.A. Totally not safe for work or kids.
If anyone out there was foolish enough to doubt the power of Anderson Silva, they got a serious wakeup call on Saturday night upon witnessing the Spider step up in weight and waste James Irvin is about a minute.
Hey! Was that Mandy Moore?? We were distracted by the gigantic cut under Irvin’s eye and this wicked knockout.
Sports are peppered with tons of sexual innuendos. Personally, we can’t hear the description “deep penetration” without giggling like little school girls. And we all know about getting to first, second, and, if you’re lucky, third base with a chick. But what about the underappreciated other metaphors that rarely see the light of day? They’re out there, you just probably never understood the references behind the everyday descriptions. So, here are some phrases besides “slump buster” to listen for the next time you’re watching a baseball game or listening to your buddies talk about their weekends on the prowl.
First Base Coach: This represents your wingman. Once you get to first, he advises you to either make your way to second or stop at first if he knows you won’t make it.
Check Your Swing: This symbolizes being about to get with a girl, but then at the last moment decide that it’s not a good idea, and that you’ll try your chances when a better girl/pitch comes along.
Fielder’s Choice: This term comes into play when 2 guys are both trying to get with the same girl, and you know that she is going to throw one of them out and one is going to reach base.
Foul Ball: This has the simple meaning of being shut down, but in a nice way. You try to put the ball in the field of play to get on any base, but you a turned away and must try again on a different pitch.
Ace: This is a girl that rarely lets any guys get on base. Only if a guy is a really good hitter will he have any chance of getting anywhere with this girl.
Bases Loaded: This is just a full out orgy. You have a guy on first base, second base, and third base all at the same time, all within the same area. If you reach base, you know at least one of them is going to reach home plate.
Strikeout Looking: This term means the girl has given the guy a clear sign she wants him on one of the bases, but he just lets it go by and the opportunity is lost.
Stealing Home: Rape.
Links:
[CollegeHumor.com]: Less Common Baseball Sex Terms
Yet another reason why you should never, ever, ever get into a fight with a girl. You might think they’re all nail-scratching and crotch-kicking, but they’re not. Sometimes they can actually kick your butt and let us be the first to tell you, that sh** is embarrassing. You might want to lash out and retaliate, but no matter how many punches she delivers cleanly to your face, you just can’t go off and do this:
Seriously, what kind of a lowlife hits a chick like that?
Growing up, we were all about the numbers players sported on their jerseys. All you had to do was mention the digits and we instantly knew who you were talking about. Nowadays, not so much. What can we say; the passion for numbers has faded over the years. Still, we love sports and we love good debates and Yardbarker put together a list of the NFL’s best players to ever wear each number and it’s pretty interesting. So, who’s your favorite No. 42?
00. Jim Otto
1. Jim Thorpe ~~~(He also worn #’s 3 & 21) so Warren Moon could also go here.
2. Charley Trippi
3. Bronko Nagurski ~~~ (if you put Warren MOON @ #1, JIM THORPE WOULD GO HERE)
4. Brett Farve
5. Paul Hornung
6. Benny Friedman
7. George “PAPA BEAR” Halas (He started it all for us); John Elway, if you don’t agree w/”PAPA BEAR”
8. Troy Aikman… Toss up with Steve Young, I went w/ the SB wins
9. Carson Palmer (today); Sonny Jergenson (Past)
10. Fran “THE MAN” Tarkenton
11. Norm Van Brocklin
12. Tom Brady (Smooth under pressure, SB wins, & Future HOF’er) Terry Bradshaw
13. Dan Marino (Tough call here no SB wins but a HOF’er) Don Maynard (my 2nd choice @ this #)
14. Y.A. Tittle
15. Bart Starr
16. Joe Montana however, George Blanda (Played 2 positions, {QB & K} & had the record for several years for most points scored in NFL history)
17. Don Meredith
18. Payton Manning but coin flip for Charlie Joiner as a close 2nd, but now that Randy Moss wear this #, would you guys in the Yard vote him over Payton? I don’t think so. You?
19. Johnny Unitas
20. Barry Sanders, Brian Dawkins or Ed Reed
21. LT2 (SD RB)
22. Emmitt Smith over Paul Krause & Roger Wehrli
23. Devin Hester James Lofton
24. Lenny Moore Champ Bailey
25. Fred Bilentnikoff
26. Herb Adderley over Rod Woodson
27. Ken Houston
28. Darrell Green
29. Eric Dickerson
30. Bill Willis
31. Jim Taylor
32. Jim Brown
33. Sammy Baugh over Tony Dorsett (Sorry Dallas Fans)
34. Walter “SWEETNESS” Payton over Earl Campbell
35. Pete Pihos
36. Brian Westbrook Jerome Bettis
37. Doak Walker
38. Mack Strong
39. Larry Csonka
40. Gale Sayers
41. Terrence Newman
42. ***THIS WAS {1} OF THE TOUGHEST #’s TO PICK FOR ME*** Paul Warfield, Ronnie Lott, Charlie Taylor & Sid Luckman…I’ll go CHARLIE TAYLOR
43. Troy Polamalu
44. John Riggins
45. T.J. Duckett Ladell Betts Emlen Tunnell (HOF’er) (this is a hard # to come up with the BEST EVER to Wear #45) Little Help here BARKERS..
46. Ladell Betts
47. Mel Blount
48. Justin Snow
49. Tony Richardson
50. Mike “WIDE EYED” Singletary
51. Dick Butcus
52. Mike Webster over Ray Lewis
53. Keith Bulluck over Harry Carson
54. Randy White over Brian Urlacher
55. Lance Briggs
56. LT (NYG LB) over Shawne Merriman
57. Dwight Stephenson
58. Jack Lambert
59. Jack Ham
60. Chuck Bednarik
61. Bill George
62. Jim Langer
63. Gene Upshaw over Willie Lanier
64. Dave Wilcox
65. Tom Mack over Elvin Bethea
66. Ray Nitschke in a close one over Larry Little & today’s Alan Faneca
67. ***MY SURPRISE PICK*** Tony Ugoh (if he keeps college #), I can’t think of any other that wore #67, can the yard help here?
68. Joe Delamielleure
69. John Runyan
70. Rayfield Wright over Art Donovan & Sam Huff
71. Walter Jones over Fred Dean
72. Dan Dierdorf
73. Ron Yary over John Hannah
74. Merlin Olsen over Ron Mix
75. Joe Green over Deacon Jones
76. Steve Hutchinson
77. Red Grange
78. Anthony Munoz over Jackie Slater & Art Shell oh and Bobby Bell
79. Bob St. Clair
80. Jerry Rice Steve Largent James Lofton Kellen Winslow, Cris Cater (all he did was catch touchdowns)
81. Dick “NIGHT TRAIN ” Lane over Doug Atkins and Randy Moss (he could be here at 81, 84 or 18..where does the yard put him) & Terrel Owens (TO)
82. Ozzie Newsome
83. Ted Hendricks
84. Randy Moss before he went to #18 (oh no, now who do you pick #18 if you don’t put randy here)
85. Jack Youngblood
86. Dante Lavelli over Buck Buchanan
87. Dave Casper over Willie Davis
88. John Mackey Marvin Harrison Alan Page Michael Irvin
89. Gino Marchetti over Mike Ditka
90. Julius Peppers
91. Tommie Harris
92. Reggie “Minister of Defense” White
93. Dwight Freeny
94. DeMarcus Ware
95. Shawn Phillips
96. Adalius Thomas
97. Patrick Kerney
98. John Henderson
99. Dan Hampton Jason Taylor Jerome Brown
Wondering why some of this looks familiar? Well, back in January, the Yard put out a similar list involving current NFL players. Equally interesting and debatable because there has just got to be a better No. 35 out there than Selvin Young.
Links:
[Yardbarker.com]: LIST: BEST Players to ever wear the number…
[Yardbarker.com]: The Best NFL Players by Number
If you’re anything like us then a lot of your childhood consisted of comic books and sports. When our nose wasn’t buried in the latest edition of X-Men, Punisher or Green Lantern, we would be pretending we possessed super powers while trying to school each other on court/field/diamond/whatever. So, when Brahsome.com released their 2008 Super Hero All-Stars, we instantly thought “What the hell! Why isn’t Nightcrawler playing in the outfield?!?”
2. Spiderman (CF) — You think Torii Hunter can climb walls? Please. Spidey sense tells him how to line up the defense and his webbing and speed turns him into some freakish combination of Willie Mays and Junior. Plus, it just seems like he could slap singles all day long.
3. Superman (LF) — X-Ray vision and faster than a speeding bullet probably don’t “hurt” anyone in the batter’s box. Flying isn’t a bad superpower to rock out in the field either.
4. The Thing (DH) — An incredibly strong dude made of literal rock isn’t much good for anything besides cleaning up. Like Papi, but with less fat and more taterjacks.
5. Batman (3B) — The only man on the planet with more tools than David Wright.
6. Wolverine (C) — Just in case you thought you got through the heart of the order, Wolvie is here to gnash at six. Literally a meast. And obviously not someone you want to try and bowl over at home plate. Shink-shink, son.
7. Punisher (RF) — He doesn’t really have any “super” powers, per se. But go ahead, try and tag up from second to third and see if he doesn’t gun your ass down. Go ahead. No, really. Guns.
8. Mr. Fantastic (1B) — If it seems like he might be a better fit elsewhere in the field, just remember that he has a decent reach and range on throws over to first. Also see: collapsible strike zones.
9. Captain America (2B) — Kind of like the Mark Lemke of super heroes, he’s not particularly great at anything. But he works his ass off. And he’s American. Plus, he can’t possibly be worse than Dan Uggla.
SP: Human Torch — What can we say? The guy’s got a gascan attached to his right arm. (Would you prefer “he throws fire?”)
CL: The Hulk — You could argue that you want the Hulk to bat. But what happens when this loser steps up to the plate? Plus, just wait until the top of the ninth and put matches in between his toes or tell him Torch f’d his sister and all of a sudden your closer makes Papelbon look like Ghandi.
In other news…
[AZSportsHub.com]: Chris Snyder would like to encase his balls in protective steel one day, but a Nutty Buddy will work for now
[SportsBy Brooks.com]: Beware Be scared of flying bats
[The Beardown]: 10 reasons why Europe is wrong for Jennings
[Football Jabber]: “Legacy?!? We spit in the face of our legacies!”
[Reuters.com]: They thought it was a hot dog eating competition. It’s an innocent mistake
[East Coast Bias]: Ugliest famous faces in sports
[SI.com]: So, ESPYs, does the carpet match the drapes?
[OrlandoSentinel.com]: A brief history of athletes showing all in Playboy
[Tirico Suave]: Oh those zany McCowns
[The World of Isaac]: Breaking down the finer points of Charles Barkley’s golf swing
And finally, hey, is that a young John Cena?
Man, oh, man! No matter how many times we see this, it never gets old. Football can’t get here soon enough.
Links:
[Deuce of Davenport]: The Bears Still Suck