Tag: funny

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All Other Sports

We knew watching The Karate Kid would pay off one day

For all you out there who don’t know about G4, it’s a cable channel that’s shows all kind of weird shows and covers the world of video games and comic books. Basically, it’s a nerd’s best friend. One of the channel’s shows is Ninja Warrior and G4 is currently conducting a competition to find one select ninja wannabe to be flown to Japan this fall where they will compete to become the next official Ninja Warrior! Considering that we’re a bunch of nerds at heart and becoming a ninja has always been a passion of ours, we decided to send in an audition tape of our own.

Oh, we’re definitely bringing the Ninja Warrior title to Sportscolumn! See ya in Japan, suckers!

Links:

[MiamiHerald.com]: TV show seeking ninjas
[G4TV.com]: Ninja Warrior Home Page

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San Antonio Spurs

Tony Parker is having one busy summer

Now that Tony Parker and Eva Longoria are officially married, you might think that Tony is going to take a break from his rapping career, right? Wrong! Unfortunately, the Finals MVP is still chasing the bling-bling dream of a glitzy hip-hop vocation and we have his new video to prove it. Here is Mr. Longoria’s latest single, Premier Love. Enjoy.

Personally, we think that Parker should stick to penetrating the lane, but he seems to have a pretty good life built up for himself right now with the championship rings, trophies and some premiere eye candy on his arm. Yup, the rapping might stink, but we can’t argue with the fact that Tony Parker is currently sitting on top of the world.

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All Other Sports

Chicks + exercise ball + boredom = funny stuff

For the most part, we’re used to watching idiotic guys doing dumb and painful stuff on camera, so it was rather refreshing when we came across this video of some girls going Jackass with an exercise ball. While we doubt that these girls ever get their own show on MTV, we’re stoked that they’re at least giving the whole ‘hurt yourself for laughs’ routine a go.

Hey, Steve-O started off by swallowing a fish and then regurgitating it and look at him now. We say keep up the good work girls and shoot for the stars. Of course, we’re talking about the stars that are seen after a good whack to the noggin, but if fame follows, more power to ya.

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All Other Sports

The future of sports drinks is upon us

We don’t know about you, but we’re getting sick of Powerade and Gatorade and Gatorade A.M. and Gatorade P.M. and all of the other Gatorade flavors out there. Frankly, we’re burnt out on all of `em and we’re not even sure that they even make a difference in our performance on the court. So, boy were we glad when we saw that the sports hydration drink business finally had some new competition. Playa-Ade is in the house boy!

We’ve tried Playa-Ade and we’ll take Fsho’ Green Apple over that old school yellow crap any day, but be warned, they ain’t lying about the side effects. We’re still suffering from fits of screaming and can’t seem to stop ourselves from getting in peoples’ grills.

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All Other Sports

Could sibling rivalry could be behind fencing "accident"? We say yes.


We know that people absolutely love the Pan American Games and even more than that, people absolutely love the sport of fencing. One of our personal favorites in the world of fencing is Brazilian Ivan Schwantes. Unfortunately, Schwantes was forced to withdraw from the competition after his brother and our new most hated man in the world of fencing, Athos, accidentally stabbed him during a practice session in Rio De Janeiro on Monday.

Ivan had to undergo surgery to drain blood and air from his lung after the evil Athos poked him too hard, snapping his epee close to his right armpit. While Ivan will recover from his injuries, it won’t be in time to compete for the crown of top fencer.

We need to think about his health before anything else, so he won’t participate in the games,” Brazil’s delegation chief Marcus Vinicius Freire said in the statement.

The Brazilian team named a replacement for the squad, but the group just won’t be the same without Ivan there. Hell, the PanAm’s won’t be the same without Ivan there.

Damn you Athos, damn you!

Links:

[SI.com]: Fencer leaves PanAm Games after accidental stabbing

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NFL General

Another reason why the NFL needs better drug testing

For all you people out there who think that rage is the only emotion that can result from illegal drug use in the world of football, think again. There can be a variety of reactions that can occur from taking medications that are not specifically prescribed for an athlete. So, the next time you are watching your favorite team and wondering if they might be on drugs, here a few giveaways to look out for:

That goes a long way in explaining the Raiders pitiful offensive performance last year.

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All Other Sports

IRL didn’t like the Kanaan/Hornish fight, but we did

The fines finally came down after the brawl between the crews of Tony Kanaan and Sam Hornish Jr. following a race in Watkins Glen, N.Y., on Sunday and the Indy Racing League didn’t go easy on the fellas. Both drivers have been fined an unknown amount and placed on probation for the remainder of the year, while each driver’s team was fined $25,000 for unsportmanlike conduct and also placed on probation until 2008.

The most memorable moment from the whole pit road debacle was when Hornish’s pops gave a two handed shove to Kanaan and started the big brawl. Daddy was given a one race suspension and got the same probation sentence as everyone else who was involved. We know that the IRL can’t put up with this kind of crap from their drivers and crews, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t totally entertaining.

If it was up to us, every race would end with a brawl and a bunch of smack talk. It’s better than climbing a stupid fence.

Links:

[SI.com]: IRL fines teams $25,000 each for Watkins Glen fracas

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All Other Sports

The fellas on Around The Horn suddenly look a lot more intelligent

We complain a lot about the annoying guys behind SportsCenter desks, but at least they’re better than what is offered across the pond. Although, we could totally see Stu Scott and Scott Van Pelt doing some of the exact same things.

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Portland Trailblazers

Greg Oden is already skipping practice


The Portland Trailblazers knew that they would have to go through some growing pains when they drafted Greg Oden with the No. 1 pick last month, but they probably weren’t expecting this. Oden is expected to miss the remainder of the team’s summer league games because he has to have his tonsils removed. Geez, despite having the look of a 35-year-old, turns out that this kid really is just a kid.

The surgery date hasn’t been set yet, but Oden is expected to attend the ESPY awards before heading to the hospital and going under the knife. Recovery time is expected to be about two weeks; unfortunately, the Blazers don’t have two weeks to spare at the moment. Everyone knows that Oden has all the potential to be the next big thing in the NBA, but his first summer league game shows that he has a lot of work to do. In his debut, he picked up a whopping ten fouls!

Oh, well, we doubt that anyone in Portland is really worried about the fouls or the tonsils at the moment. After all, considering all the crap that city has gone through with their team over the last eight years or so, they’ll give their rookie all the rest and ice cream in bed that he can eat if it translates into a winning record and a shot at a postseason slot.

Links:

[KGW.com]: Oden and tonsils: Out for summer

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All Other Sports

Venus Williams’ has the thrill of a lifetime: reading a Top Ten list


Venus Williams is atop the tennis world again after she dominated on the famous grass courts of Wimbledon yet again. And while getting a nice fat check, a big trophy and more international fame might be some of the little perks that come along with the victory, the grand prize for busting her butt and winning against the best competition the world has to offer is a complimentary trip to the Late Show with David Letterman where Venus got to read a very special Top Ten list.

Top Ten Things Venus Williams Would Like To Say After Winning Her 4th Wimbledon Title

10: “I blew my prize money on a sandwich and a medium soda at the concession stand”

9: “It always helps to tip the line judges”

8: “Frankly, I prefer racquetball”

7: “At the rate I’m going, I’ll have won 50 Wimbledon titles by the age of 120”

6: “I owe it all to my new iRacket”

5: “I’m taking some time off to polish my trophies”

4: “The secret to my forehand smash? I imagine the ball is Letterman’s head”

3: “Imagine how I’d do if I practiced”

2: “Don’t tell me how I did in the finals. I TiVo’d it”

1: “Steinbrenner just signed me to save the Yankees”

Links:

[CBS.com]: Today’s Top Ten