All Other Sports

Lance Armstrong has great taste in women, but horrible taste in music

Lance Armstrong will always be in the news. Apparently, overcoming cancer, winning the Tour de France seven times and constantly being accused of cheating will do that to a guy. Of course, nowadays his publicity revolves around his social life and not his ability to pedal straight up the side of a mountain at breakneck speed, which means the stories are always about who he’s dating now. For a while there, we were starting to worry about Lance, seeing how he courted old lady Sheryl Crow and one of the Olsen twins after his divorce, but it seems like he finally got it right.

Lance Armstrong and Kate Hudson are certainly spending some quality time together.

The seven-time Tour de France winner and the actress were spotted in Austin on both Friday and Saturday nights. First, the pair dined at Eddie V’s, a high-end restaurant frequented by Armstrong, according to a restaurant insider.

“They came in [Friday] and had dinner together, it’s true,” the insider tells PEOPLE.

The next night, Hudson, 29, and Armstrong, 36, ate at the casual Hula Hut with the athlete’s three children and a group of friends. “They came in with the kids and a large group of people,” says another restaurant source. “They ordered dinner – tacos, burgers and fries and that sort of stuff.”

Asked if the pair looked romantic, the source merely said, “They looked like they were having fun.”

Hudson and Armstrong were also in the same place on Thursday: Both were spotted in New York at the Wildwood Barbeque restaurant at the afterparty following Kid Rock’s Madison Square Garden concert.

Step aside Tony Parker and Eva Longoria, we might have our next hot Hollywood meets sports love connection right here.


[]: Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong’s Weekend in Austin

All Other Sports

Hey Lance, nobody cares what you think

Hey, everyone gather round, Lance Armstrong, doping expert and medical doctor doesn’t believe that Floyd Landis took any banned substances when he won the Tour de France last year.

I think conventional wisdom is that he will lose (his arbitration hearing), because USADA has never lost a case,” said Armstrong, the guest speaker Tuesday at an Aspen Ideas Festival health forum discussion.

“The arbitrators don’t ever rule for the athletes,” Armstrong said, according a story in Wednesday’s edition of The Aspen Times. “Quite frankly, the system is set up against the athletes. Unfortunately for him, I don’t think he did it. That’s always been my position and still is today.

So despite multiple positive tests and expert testimony that the levels of testosterone could not have been produced naturally, Dr. Lance Armstrong has decided that Floyd Landis isn’t guilty of doping. Oh, and don’t forget the story about Landis’ manager threatening Greg LeMond if he testified against Landis.

There’s about 100% chance that Floyd Landis doped up for the Tour de France. There’s a slightly less than 100% chance that Armstrong did too and just never got caught. So Lance, shut the f up and go back to hawking crappy yellow bracelets.

[Fox Sports]: Armstrong: Landis is innocent of doping

General Sports

Nobody wants a numb penis or a sore labia

We’ve seen a lot of weird ads for workout gear in the past but this one absolutely takes the cake. Descente, which manufactures cycling, isn’t holding back in their ads for their new cycling shorts. In the print ad, Dr. Frank wants to talk to you about cycling and your scrotum.

Compression of arteries in your perineum restricts blood flow. That’s the space between your penis, vagina, and anus. AKA, the “t’aint.”

And the results aren’t pretty. A numb penis. A sore labia. An erection that points to the left or right. (Which looks silly, by the way). Or, in some really extreme cases, impotence.

Well, damn. If the buy these shorts can help us prevent weird pointing erections and impotence, then they’re worth every penny. But is it really necessary to put the word t’aint in an ad? Too bad Descente doesn’t make football gear, Eli Manning sure could use something for his sore labia.

[Ad Freak]: Truth in advertising: Descente bike shorts

General Sports

Odds and Ends: Amanda Beard on Letterman

The Amanda Beard publicity blitz is in full swing with her appearance on Letterman last night. I can’t tell whether it’s the quality of Youtube or she isn’t looking that great but… she isn’t looking that great. Flash Warner claims that it’s because “you can’t airbrush TV.” Ouch. Anyway, decide for yourself. She’s relatively funny and didn’t do anything to make us hate her or anything. Her publicist is probably angry at her for mentioning the boyfriend though. Men like their illusions.

In other news…

[India eNews]: Pretty soon the Tour de France won’t have any champions because of doping

[]: Spurs will give away free T-shirts to all fans at the game tonight. Wonder why no one has come up with this before.

[Sports By Brooks]: What’s the point of this Fast Cars and Superstars thing if they don’t race each other?

[Our Book of Scrap]: Danica Patrick And The “Real” Media Annoy Me

[The Vancouver Sun]: The Business of Don Cherry

All Other Sports

This Floyd Landis case is out of control

What was supposed to be a small (medium sized?) cheating case in the Tour de France has turned into a year long ordeal by Floyd Landis to find the real killers dopers. Well, that’s not all folks, it’s time to mix in a little blackmail and sex.

According to reports, Greg LeMond (legendary cyclist for you youngins) had a phone conversation with Landis where Landis leaned towards an admission of performance enhancing drug use. LeMond then confided to Landis that he was sexually abused as a child by his uncle.

But it doesn’t end there. The night prior to LeMond’s testimony at the Floyd Landis hearing, someone called LeMond cell claiming to be his uncle and said “they would play hide the weenie tomorrow”. Well, there goes thousands of dollars in therapy out the window. The cell phone call was traced back to Will Geohagen, Landis’ friend and manager. Geohagen admitted making the call and was promptly fired by Landis.

Obviously, LeMond was not happy about this painful childhood memory being a matter of public record and lashed out at Landis and his crew:

It was a real threat, it was real creepy, and I think it shows the extent of who it is,” LeMond said before leaving the Pepperdine law school after his spellbinding day. “I think there’s another side of Floyd that the public hasn’t seen.

Actually, the public doesn’t want to see another side of Floyd Landis. The public would like Landis and his A sample s and B samples and urine to just go away. Permanently.

(Photo note: when we think child molestation, we think Gordon Jump.)

[Steroid Nation]: Landis friend admits making threatening call to LeMond

All Other Sports

Landis: It’s a conspiracy! C-O-N… spiracy

Ugly ass uniforms caused
my high testosterone

By now, you know that Floyd Landis’ second blood sample came up positive for synthetic testosterone and he’s been stripped of his Tour de France title and his career is over. Well, Landis is now grasping onto the railing of the Titanic of excuses. In addition to naturally high testosterone. thyroid medication, cortisone cream, Jack Daniels, and dehydration, you can add conspiracy to the list.

There’s some kind of agenda there. I just don’t know what it is. I put in more than 20,000 kilometers of training for the Tour. I won the Tour of California, Paris-Nice and the Tour de Georgia. I was tested eight times at the Tour de France, four times before that stage and three times after, including three blood tests.

Only one came back positive. Nobody in their right mind would take testosterone just once. It doesn’t work that way.

Or, Floyd, perhaps another way to look at this is that you didn’t get caught during the Tour of California, Paris-Nice or Tour de Georgia. We shouldn’t be asking whether there’s a conspiracy but what’s wrong with the testing system in those three races. Man, you got caught. All this protestation in the media isn’t going to help your cause at all. Just slink away and let us get back to real sports.

[MSNBC]: Landis claims ‘agenda’ behind test results
[Reuters]: Landis begins campaign to win hearts and minds

All Other Sports

Say goodbye to Floyd Landis

Negative branding for Oakley

99.9% of the world couldn’t have picked Floyd Landis out of a lineup prior to this year’s Tour de France. And now we imagine he’s going to start growing a beard and sporting dark glasses like Rafael Palmeiro to avoid recognition in public. Despite his protests that the doping allegations were unfounded, it seems he did in fact cheat.

Just last Friday, Landis claimed that it was a natural occurence and the testosterone in his body was “natural and and produced by my own organism.”

I don’t know what the explanation for it is, whether it was a mistake or whether it’s an occurrence from some other circumstances that go on in the race or something I did.

But it was not from an exogenous outside source of testosterone.

Well, today, reports are that the urine sample that showed some of the testosterone in his body was from an external source.

How did Landis actually think he could get away with this? I guess when you’re already past the point of no return, why not just start lying your ass off? Some people take the “I didn’t know my massage therapist rubbed me with testosterone” route, Landis decided to take the ‘I didn’t do it’ route. The results of the second test are expected this Saturday.

All the pundits are claiming that Landis has ruined the Tour de France. But can you really ruin something that no one cares about? It’s like saying the slam dunk ruined the WNBA.

[Sign On San Diego]: Devastating news for Landis in report
[NY Times]: Testosterone in Landis test is said to be not natural

[BBC ]: Landis B result set for Saturday

All Other Sports

So much for Floyd Landis — Latest American Hero

Hold the champagne

Floyd Landis tested positive for excessive testosterone after stage 17 of the Tour de France. The organizers will test another sample and if that one comes up positive, If he will be stripped of his victory. Landis and team have a chance to do a counter analysis to determine if there was a mistake. But considering that Landis has disappeared and pulled out of two races in the past two days, he probably knows the jig is up.

The only positive to come out of this is that we absolutely know that cycling’s governing body isn’t a corrupt agency. It’s bad enough to suspend a couple of favorites before the race but it’s absolutely catastrophic to have to strip away a victory. This scandal will cost cycling the 16 fans they have left.

Landis career is over as well. For all the accolades and newspaper and magazine fluff pieces that came out in the past week, there will be more roastings as writers get revenge for being embarassed writing articles like this and this.

[Reuters]: Tour de France winner Landis tests positive
[Guardian UK]: Landis positive test final blow for Tour de France

MLB General

July 25 in Sports History: Roseanne Barr wrecks the National Anthem

In 1990: Before the start of the Reds-Padres game in San Diego, somebody for some reason let Roseanne Barr “sing” the National Anthem. While not quite up to Whitney Houston’s version at the Super Bowl that year, it wasn’t even Carl Lewis-sad-funny or that little-girl-who-forgot-the-words cute. After screeching through an off-key rendition, Roseanne showed her patriotism by grabbing her crotch and spitting. The crowd booed, and many people were upset, including President Bush, who called it “disgusting,” and a “disgrace.” She later apologized.

In 1999: Nearly dead from cancer just three years earlier, cyclist Lance Armstrong comes all the way back to win the Tour de France for the first time. Armstrong was only the second American to win the Tour (Greg Lemond did it three times in the late ‘80s and early ‘90s). Given just a 40 percent chance to live after testicular cancer had spread to his lungs and brain, Armstrong’s feat was considered one of the greatest comebacks in sports history. Although this 1999 victory would’ve have been enough, he went out and won the event seven straight times, including this day in 2004.

Edmonton Oilers

Odds and Ends (06.30.06): More on the Chris Pronger rumor

Yesterday, we reported on the rumor behind Chris Pronger’s trade request was because his wife was upset he got a local television reporter pregnant. Well, the rumor probably isn’t true and Christie Chorley, the alleged baby momma in the rumor has issued this statement on her website.


JUNE 29, 2006


I would appreciate your help in putting an end to my name being linked to this situation, as it is completely WITHOUT ANY MERIT OR FACTUAL BASIS.

Any further slander or defamation can and will result in swift legal action.

From the ALL CAPS, you can tell Christie is VERY UPSET ABOUT THIS. But still, is a speculative rumor really grounds for a slander or defamation lawsuit?

Of course he’s a soccer fan!

In other news…

[Lets Go Sox]: The mystery is solved folks! The Middle Finger Kid–Exposed!

[USS Mariner]: The A’s aren’t that good

[MSNBC]: avorites among dozens barred in drug scandal
Last year’s 2-3-4 finishers Ullrich, Basso, Mancebo out

[AP]: Duke player who sent email about killing some strippers reinstated.

[USA Today]: AL is 127-75 against NL in interleague play