General Sports

Nobody wants a numb penis or a sore labia

We’ve seen a lot of weird ads for workout gear in the past but this one absolutely takes the cake. Descente, which manufactures cycling, isn’t holding back in their ads for their new cycling shorts. In the print ad, Dr. Frank wants to talk to you about cycling and your scrotum.

Compression of arteries in your perineum restricts blood flow. That’s the space between your penis, vagina, and anus. AKA, the “t’aint.”

And the results aren’t pretty. A numb penis. A sore labia. An erection that points to the left or right. (Which looks silly, by the way). Or, in some really extreme cases, impotence.

Well, damn. If the buy these shorts can help us prevent weird pointing erections and impotence, then they’re worth every penny. But is it really necessary to put the word t’aint in an ad? Too bad Descente doesn’t make football gear, Eli Manning sure could use something for his sore labia.

[Ad Freak]: Truth in advertising: Descente bike shorts

General Sports

Odds and Ends: Amanda Beard Playboy cover

The fine folks at Playboy were nice enough to send us this pic of Amanda Beard’s Playboy cover. The cover is standard stuff, nothing too provocative or over the top but you can still see that killer body, even with a strategically placed forearm over the goodies. The blogosphere is going to be exploding with the actual scans of her nude shots soon but we’ll probably just point you in the right direction instead of posting them.

Anyway, if you’re in the NYC area next week, Amanda Beard will be signing her July issue from noon to 2:00 at the Virgin Megastore in Times Square. We’ll try to get some candid shots from that event as well.

In other news…

[Rocky Mountain News]: The Braves manager who went apeshit got himself a 3 game suspension.

[CNBC]: Nike re-signs Kobe to a multi-year extension

[]: Sheffield’s words just plain racist

[SBS]: Why the UFL will fail

[Larry Brown Sports]: Hmmm… the London Olympics logo does look like two people having sex

[Randball]: How would a riot caused by 10-cent-beer night in 1974 be covered today?

And finally, we really can’t make heads or tails of this post but you can’t deny the sheer entertainment value of two blogs titled “Arcade Fire Stole my Basketball” and “Arcade Fire Didn’t Steal Dude’s Basketball“.

NFL General

Odds and Ends: You know who Chunky Soup should sign? Jesus

Chunky Soup has announced their latest lineup of “Mama’s Boys” and fans are hoping that their players aren’t affected by the Chunky Soup Curse. The eight man roster of LaDainian Tomlinson, Matt Hasselbeck, Vince Young, Larry Johnson, Jonathan Vilma, DeMarcus Ware, Devin Hester and Todd Heap is the largest that Chunky has ever had.

In a completely unrelated bit of info, we’ve previously stated that Jesus shouldn’t have any part in sports, especially in the Masters, but apparently some people don’t agree. And apparently he plays for the Dallas Cowboys.

In other news…

[Our Book of Scrap]: Speaking of curses, some Chargers fans are so concerned about the Madden Curse that they’ve started a petition against having LaDanian on the cover.

[10,000 Takes]: Cedric Griffin kicked out of a nightclub for not pulling up his pants. Hey, at least it wasn’t for pulling down his pants.

[Yahoo]: Oh sure, Agassi, go to the ‘I accidentally hit my wife with a racket during a fundraiser’ excuse. Jason Kidd sure does wish he’d thought of that one.

And finally, we’ve seen elephants playing soccer and puppies getting flagged for pooping in the Puppy Bowl but this might take the cake. Check out this video of a bunch of crazy Japanese drivers in some sort of weird demolition derby/soccer game.

NHL General

Odds and Ends: The NHL gets its very own Heidi game

If you’re a struggling network who is probably the NHL’s sole hope of getting popular again, you can’t afford to screw up the way Versus did. The finish of the instant classic 4 OT game between the Canucks and the Stars wasn’t seen in some markets because some affiliates inexplicably switched to an infomercial.

Versus has received reports that last night’s Dallas/Vancouver game was switched to an infomercial in the fourth overtime,” the network said in a statement. “We are obviously very disappointed to hear that some fans in a few select markets have reported that they did not see the end of this great game.

The game did run in its entirety on the Versus network feed, but based on the information we have received we are currently working with our affiliates in the affected markets to find out what caused the problem.

Sadly, we don’t even get Versus so we couldn’t even see the infomercial.

In other news…

[Mainichi Daily News]: Japanese fans tune in for Matsuzaka-Suzuki showdown

[Scatter O’ Light]: Reebok might want to fire some copyeditors

[Our Book of Scrap]: Has Major League Baseball Watered Down Jackie’s Honor?


[Sports Review Magazine]: Larry David, New York Jets Consigliere?

[Steroid Nation]: The most famous player in NFL Europe

Boston Red Sox

Next thing you know, Budweiser will sponsor the basepads

Budweiser is launching their new Red Sox bottles today for the Boston home opener with the Red Sox logo is prominently displayed on new aluminum bottles of Budweiser and Bud Light. About 75,000 to 100,000 cases of the bottles are expected to be sold.

Anheuser-Busch, the brewer of Bud, is the official beer of Major League Baseball so they get to do almost anything they want even though MLB has strict standards for alcohol advertising. For example, players are not allowed to do sponsorship deals with beer companies. If the players association was smart, they’d look into repealing this rule as Dice-K already has a beer commercial for Asahi and it features the Red Sox logo in the ad.

Sam Kennedy, SVP of Sales and Marketing for the Red Sox, said that the promotion didn’t cross any lines: “What would be unacceptable would be any targeted advertising that is in an environment where there is a larger percentage of kids [than adults].” Sure. The Red Sox can do whatever they want to make money but let’s not pretend that beer advertisement isn’t also targeted towards teenagers. This isn’t nearly as bad as alcohol ads on Nascar vehicles but let’s just own up and call it a cash grab, ok?

[Boston Herald]: Bud’s latest pitch: Brewed for buffs

NFL General

Hello… people in TV land… does anyone actually own a Fathead?

You know those photos that people send which are so disturbing that you have to forward it to someone so that they will be disturbed too (e.g. Britney’s cooch, Harry Potter’s unit)? Well consider this the blog entry equivalent for us. It’s not disturbing, just a complete goddamn waste of time.

Fathead issued a press release today that the first overall pick in the draft will make history by becoming the first rookie to get a Fathead without playing a single down. Uhhhh… sure. That’s a great honor. You get to make a commercial where you look like a complete douchebag. (If you haven’t seen a Fathead commercial, you must not have watched any NFL games or highlights last year.) Never mind the millions in guaranteed money, being a Fathead is the height of your career. God we hope the Raiders take a punter with the first pick.

Here’s the question. Does anyone you know actually own a Fathead? We believe this is about the same as the number of people you know who have caught a foul ball at a ballgame. We realize it’s targeted for kids but the damn thing costs over $100! Who the hell is spending this kind of money? That Walter Payton poster we had on the wall only cost 3 chances at the clown water balloon game at the carnival.

But Fathead still is making more products and innundating us with shitty commercials so someone has to be buying these ugly oversized shrinky dinks. Who is it? Who are you? And why… dear god why?

Well, that’s it folks, that’s the end of the rant for today. But before we go, here’s a classic comment from a reader at Fark: “I got FatheadĀ® last night… They always do it better.” Well done.

[Fark]: NFL’s first overall draft pick will get FatheadĀ®

NBA General

Around the Rim: Christmas Comes Early

1. A Lump of Coal for Boston
Paul Pierce has a bum foot and will miss the next two to three weeks of action. Now, if the Celtics struggled to go 10-14 with a healthy roster, the injury would lead you to believe that Boston will begin to make a serious Greg Oden run without their All-Star and his sidekick, Wally Szczerbiak who is out with a sprained ankle. Obviously this is a hard blow for Boston to take right now. Pierce is having one of the best seasons of his career as he carries an inexperienced team, and it’s tough to see how Delonte West or Gerald Green could adequately fill-in for the league’s 10th highest scorer. Looks like Philly’s going to have some competition for worst team in the Atlantic Division over the next few weeks.

2. Denver’s Stocking Stuffer
It’s finally here. After weeks of waiting, Allen Iverson will suit up in a new uniform at his Denver debut tonight when the Nuggets host Sacramento. Of course, it will still be a while until A.I. teams up with Carmelo Anthony, but all that means is that Iverson gets the stage all to himself until late January. Now, the only things standing between Iverson and the Pepsi Center floor are a physical and the residual effects of a severe snow storm. But once Iverson gets the official nod to join the team, no blizzard is going to be able to keep the Nugget faithful from enjoying their Christmas present three days early.

3. Dreaming of a Green Christmas
Nike appears to be reaping the rewards of having two of the brightest stars in the NBA signed to shoe contracts with them. Thanks in part to the latest kicks associated with LeBron James and Dwyane Wade, Nike’s quarterly earnings showed an increase in profit by eight percent in the United States and 15 percent in Asia. While eight and 15 percent might not sound like a lot at first, when dealing with a corporation the size of Nike, it can add up to millions. Wade is not directly endorsed by Nike, but he is signed by Converse who is owned by Nike. The juggernaut of the shoe world will be packing quite a punch for some time considering the duo are only in their fourth season and it is merely a matter of time before their faces are etched onto the Mt. Rushmore of the NBA’s newest generation.

Thursday’s Player of the Day: Kevin Martin vs. Washington 46 min, 40 pts (FG: 13-23, 3FG: 4-10, FT: 10-11), 4 reb, 4 ast, 1 stl, 1 blk

Friday’s Game to Watch: Houston (15-10) @ San Antonio (20-6) While Yao Ming has been elevating his game to new heights this season, the Rockets have struggled to find wins of late; especially on the road where they have dropped five of their last eight. And no relief is in sight as they go up against the leagues best team and their 10-3 home record. The Spurs have won nine of ten games, including their current five game winning streak, thanks to a deep squad that has seen five different players lead the team in scoring over the last ten games.

Buzzer Beater: The Heat have been inconsistent this year, to say the least. However, they have managed to be consistently poor against high scoring teams. When allowing 100 points or more, the Heat are a pathetic 1-11. Unfortunately, Miami’s next three games are all against teams that average triple-digit scoring. So, even though Christmas is right around the corner, Miami is not going to be in a giving mood.

NFL General

Reggie Bush joins Adidas "uprising"

Sure there’s a new report today about transcipts that tie Reggie Bush to the shady wannabe sports agency called New Era Sports & Entertainment but like he said, “it’s no big deal.” Especially when he knows it will absolutely have no effect on his draft status or his ability to sign big money endorsement deals.

On Wednesday, Bush signed a multi-year contract with Adidas that is reportedly worth $1 million a year to promote football apparel and launch a cleat in 2007. It’s not exactly LeBron money but kids don’t walk around the halls wearing football cleats either.

It’s going to be a great, long relationship. Adidas is on the uprise, and I want to be part of it.

This is just the appetizer for his big pay day on Saturday. The Texans have narrowed the choice to Reggie Bush or Mario Williams with the first pick and there is no way Bush drops past 2 in the draft. Based on last year’s numbers, he will get at least $20 million in guaranteed money.


[Yahoo]: Reggie Bush Signs Adidas Endorsement Deal

[NY Post]: Bush could lose Heisman