Categories
College Football

Appalachian State has spirit, yes they do! ASU has spirit, how `bout you!

It’s Tuesday and after two full days of letting it sink in, you probably still can’t believe that Appalachian State knocked off No. 5 Michigan in the Big House on opening day. Well, believe it, it actually happened. A lot of people are even calling it the biggest upset in college football history. For a while we were kinda leaning in that direction, but then we remembered that while ASU might not even be on the same stratosphere as the major U’s like Michigan when it comes to recruiting, they are one thing that big time programs aren’t: Appalachian is Hot Hot Hot!

Gooooooo `Neers!! Lenoir-Rhyne should be a cakewalk after sending thousands of Wolverines fans to seek the comfort of a dark closet and a bottle of whiskey until the end of the three day weekend forced them to face the cold, cruel world. Sorry Big Blue, but it is gonna be a long and painful season regardless of how the remainder of your schedule goes. After all, the win in Ann Arbor sent Mountaineer fans to tear down their own goal posts at Kidd Brewer Stadium in Boone, N.C.! It’s pretty tough to put something like that outta your memory.

Categories
All Other Sports

Cincinnati screws little kids after murder ends their football tournament



Just what any confused and
depressed kid wants to see.

A group of children witnessed the horrific sight of a homicide as they participated in a football tournament back on August 12. The game, which was established to promote nonviolence throughout the Cincinnati community, was cut tragically short when Dante Allen cold-bloodedly shot Earnest Crear in the head near the stadium. Needless to say, it could take a normal adult months or years to get over something that ghastly, but it could scar a 6 to 12-year-old kid, the age range of the participating players, for life.

So, how does the city go about caring for the young bystanders that were subjected to the violence? You’d probably figure that the city council members would extend some type of counseling to the children and their families, but you’d be wrong. No, Cincinnati’s big wigs and the community church leaders decided to give the runts tickets to the circus and call it even. Are you kidding?! The freakin’ circus!! These kids are subjected to a violent murder and all you can do is give `em a free pass to watch 27 clowns tumble out of a 1973 VW Bug after some douche launches himself out of a cannon? Yeah, that promotes healing.

Look, we’re not asking you to stop the world and cater to these kids all the way through adolescence, but a little more compassion than a $7 ticket to a ¾ empty arena would be nice. Maybe the next time tragedy strikes your city’s youth you can just sweep it under the rug by handing out vouchers good for one free bookmark the next time they visit the Cincinnati public library. Hey, at least this takes some heat off the mayor for his horrendous opening pitch.

Links:

[Local12.com]: Kids Who Witnessed Murder Get Tickets To Circus
[KSBY.com]: Shooting ends kid’ football tournament aimed at promoting nonviolence in Cincinnati

Categories
NFL General

NFL stars are not the most talented Simon Says players out there

We don’t know about you, but we haven’t played Simon Says in a long, long, long time. So, we were pretty shocked to see that someone over the age of five could even bring themselves to play the stupid game. And we were really taken back when we saw that for some strange reason NFL players would subject themselves to this nonsensical torture. But, you could have knocked us over with a feather once we realized that Simon was in fact an 8-year-old Danny Pintauro look alike that had a fetish for putting L.L. Cool J and Jason Taylor in some rather uncomfortable positions.

“He knows game face! L.L. knows game face!”

Links:

[Awful Announcing]: Who Wants To Watch A Video Of NFL Players Playing Simon Says?

Categories
Washington Wizards

Fall into the rabbit hole that is Gilbert Arena’s mind


There’s really nobody kookier in the NBA than Gilbert Arenas. So, anytime we come across something involving Agent 0, we know that it should be entertaining. Needless to say, we weren’t disappointed when we came across an article on FoxSports.com entitled 10 Things Straight From Agent Zero. So, without further ado we pass along to you ten random thoughts from the mind of the man they call the Hibachi.

1. The rehab for my knee injury is going excellent. I’m way, way, way ahead of schedule. I bike, like, 18 miles a day. I’ve started making cuts on the court, slowly. I like to say I’m “keeping a San Antonio pace.” Pretty soon I’ll be able to go full throttle.

2. I’m gonna work out with DC United, the soccer team, this summer. I’m gonna do a lot of stuff with them, conditioning and like on-the-field soccer. I just need to try different things.

3. I shot the cover of NBA Live ’08 with Kevin Durant while he was doing the cover of the NCAA game. Kevin Durant, aka “K-Smooth.” I’m like a big brother, father-type to him. He’s part of the frat now. I’ll give K-Smooth the same type of advice that I give to all young guys: Learn to manage yourself. Learn about business. Get yourself a nickname the kids will like. Stuff like that.

4. Video game curses are a football thing. The year Dwyane Wade was on the cover (of NBA Live), he won a championship. The year Tracy McGrady was on the cover, he played in the the most games he’s ever played in. Same with Vince.

5. The rudest thing someone ever said to me was Gary Payton, my first year in the NBA. He scored 16 straight on me in the first few minutes, so I’m nervous. I’m scared. He says, “You’re lucky I’m not an A.I. type of player. I would score 50 on you in the first half.” To this day, I have to try and score 35 in the first quarter every time against Gary Payton.

6. One time in Dallas, someone said, “We’re gonna treat you like some hoes. We’re gonna get a little a@@ and get on out of here.” I say that now.

7. People say to me all the time, “You guys could have beaten Cleveland if you were able to play.” At the end of the day that doesn’t really mean anything, though. If I was healthy, we probably wouldn’t have even played Cleveland in the first round, you know?

8. I’m the face of my team, but I’m not involved in player personnel decisions at all. I’m really not. I’m just a player. It makes my job and my life easier that I’m not mixed up in that stuff. I’m not going to be one of those “Trade this guy” or “Package these guys for picks” type of guys. That’s how your teammates start to hate you.

9. Right now I’m working on a book. I’ve only been in the League for six years, so there’s no point in doing a biography yet. It will be a funny Gilbertology book.

10. I want to do some type of advertising/business show. That will be funny because I don’t know anything about business. I’ll be like Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie. Or I’ll be saying things like Jessica Simpson, telling people I can’t eat buffalo wings because I don’t eat buffalo.

Don’t worry Gilbo, if you keep spitting out lines like you did in No. 6 then we’re pretty sure that MTV will have a prime spot for you right between Celebrity Rap Superstar and reruns of America’s Next Top Model.

Links:

[FoxSports.com]: 10 Sense with Gilbert Arenas

Categories
High School Sports

Darby High, you just got punk’d!!

Some people would have you believe that kids today are just a bunch of slackers and deadbeats. And, frankly, we can’t really argue that point considering all the floppy haired kids that we see smokin’ pot just off campus of the local high school during lunch. But there are a lot of talented, dedicated, hardworking and ingenious kids out there as well; kids like Kyle Garchar.

Garchar is a senior at Hilliard Davidson High School in Ohio and he spent about 20 hours concocting the perfect prank for the school’s big football game against the cross-town rival. What he came up with was a series of cardboard placards that the opposing team’s fans would hold up to collectively spell out “We Suck” instead of “Go Darby.” The plan worked like a charm and the whole thing got posted up on YouTube.

Unfortunately, the killjoy principal of Davidson HS didn’t think the prank was very sportsmanlike and decided to give Garchar and his buddies that helped out a little dose of in-school suspension and banned them from extracurricular activities for a semester.

This is one of the more tedious pranks we’ve seen in a while. The only thing we’re bummed about is that we didn’t get to see the reactions of the fans when they realized what message they were conveying. We’re guessing that their reactions we’re probably just about as sour as this dude’s.

Links:

[WKYT.com]: Ohio High School Student Suspended for Prank

Categories
MLB General

The Full Count: The NL East just got very interesting


1. Philly Power: The Philadelphia Phillies beat the Mets in wild fashion to complete a four-game sweep of New York and climb within two games of them in the division. Philly’s 11-10 win on Thursday was highlighted by four homers, including two by Pat Burrell and Ryan Howard’s 36th on the year. The Phils got out to a 5-0 lead in the third off Aaron Rowand’s homer, but then the Mets scored five straight runs of their own. After Philly scored to make it 8-5, the Mets put up five more runs in the eighth. Philly rallied the last two innings to win the game, winning on a Chase Utley single in the ninth. The win sent them within two games of the Mets in the division. The Phils were seven back as recently as Saturday. The Braves have a chance to make up some ground on New York over the weekend, as the Mets travel to Turner Field for a three-game set.

2. The Pointless Sweep: The Yankees swept the Red Sox, but in doing so they ended up about where they were last week. At five games back, they still have a lot of work to do. The Yanks beat the Sox with pitching, especially on Thursday, when Chien-Ming Wang completely shut down Boston in a 5-0 win. Wang went seven innings with one hit and no runs allowed. He improved to 16-6, tying Josh Beckett and John Lackey for the major league wins lead. Wang had a no-hitter going through six innings. Robinson Cano hit two homers for the Yankees, who have taken 8 of 15 games against Boston this season. Curt Schilling’s above-average effort for the Red Sox was ruined by the lack of offense and Hideki Okajima’s three runs allowed in the eighth. The next and final Red Sox-Yankees meeting this year will be September 14-16 at Fenway.

3. Keeping the Lead: The Diamondbacks scored five runs off Cy Young candidate Chris Young and got out to an 8-0 lead, but they still had to hold on to win the game and take the division lead over San Diego. The Padres rallied in the 7th-9th innings, scoring seven runs. However, after Milton Bradley’s solo homer in the ninth with one out, they were unable to score again. The D-Backs now have a one game lead over the Padres in the division. San Diego will face the red-hot Dodgers this weekend, who have won four straight and are four games back. Then they will play the D-Backs again in a hugely important series.

Player of the Day: Magglio Ordonez, Tigers: 3-4, HR (26), 3 RBIs in the Tigers’ 6-1 win over the Royals. Ordonez, who has 119 RBIs, helped the Tigers avoid an embarrassing sweep at the hands of KC.

Categories
MLB General

The Full Count: Oh these divisions races are excellent


1. The Lead is Gone: The Diamondbacks’ NL West lead over the Padres, which was 4 games on August 19, has now disappeared. San Diego has won the first three games of their series with Arizona and 7 of their last 8 overall. The Padres won 3-1 on Wednesday thanks to Greg Maddux’s excellent pitching. Maddux issued no walks for his sixth straight start, going seven innings with one run allowed. The Padres won the game in the eighth with two runs off Arizona relievers. Arizona, which has dropped three of its last seven games, will face the Padres four more times within the next week. Ace Chris Young will take the mound for the Padres in the final game of the series as they try to complete the sweep.

2. Statement Series: The Angels showed the Mariners who’s boss in the AL West division by sweeping them in dominant fashion. The Angels outscored the M’s 24-8 on the series, including an 8-2 win on Wednesday. Jered Weaver was excellent, throwing eight innings with one earned run, five strikeouts, and no walks. The offense backed him up well, with 17 hits. Red-hot Garrett Anderson went 4-5, and Vlad Guerrero hit his 22nd homer on the year. The Angels teed off on Felix Hernandez, who allowed a season-high 13 hits and 6 runs. The Angels won their fourth straight while Seattle lost for the fifth time in a row. The gap in the AL West has increased to 5 games, though it was only one at this time last week.

3. Indian Warfare: The Indians are crushing all opponents and widening their lead over the Tigers at the same time. Cleveland has won five straight and extended their division lead to a huge 4.5 games. Meanwhile Detroit continues to struggle, losing two straight to the Royals. The Indians completed a sweep of the Twins with a 4-3 win on Wednesday. In a matchup of Cy Young candidates, CC Sabathia proved to be better than Johan Santana. Both went six innings, with Sabathia allowing two runs and Santana four. Santana had his second straight below-standard start after that 17-strikeout performance a couple weeks ago. He lost his fourth game since the All Star break, when he usually dominates. Sabathia allowed exactly two runs for the sixth straight start, and has a 2.97 ERA since the All Star break. He became the eighth member of the 15-win club with the victory.

Player of the Day: Aaron Harang, Reds: 9 innings, two hits, no runs, 8 strikeouts in an 8-0 win over the Pirates. The underrated Harang has by far the best winning percentage in the league with a 14-3 record.

Categories
Sacramento Kings

Ron Artest wants to be Michael Vick’s Big Brother


You know that your world is going to hell in a hand basket when Ron Artest wants to be the person to help you turn things around. Well, guess what? Michael Vick’s world is already reaching the bubbling depths of eternal fire and despair and, you got it, Ron Ron wants to be the one to pull Vick out and help him better understand that God fella he’s supposedly found overnight.

I want to call him and support him, you know, be there for him,” Artest said. “(He) lied and then came back and apologized to everybody, I felt that was classy. … I was touched that he took full responsibility. I felt that was a real man. I know for a fact he’ll come out a better person.

I think athletes just gotta be more aware,” he said. “At times things happen so fast in your life, you just stay living that same lifestyle. You can’t do it no more. I just hope people can take the mistakes I made, mistakes other people are making and just learn from them.

Listen, Artest, you can’t even learn from your own mistakes, how are you expecting Vick to learn from `em? That’s like asking Mike Tyson to help you through your domestic abuse incident. And that, my friend, would be simply inconceivable.

Links:

[MSNBC.com]: Role model? Artest wants to help support Vick

Categories
All Other Sports

Sometimes a bunch of strategically positioned translucent boxes are absolutely priceless

Ever wonder what the locals do during the other eleven months of the year when the Tour de Farce France isn’t in town?

We don’t know about ya’ll, but there’s no way we’re changing a tire on anything with our manhood hanging out. Not even if there’s shrinkage of frightened turtle proportions.

Categories
Atlanta Falcons

Joey Harrington is not gay, but his fans are


People having been calling Joey Harrington `gay’ for years now; not because of his sexual orientation, but because of his limp wrist release and a tendency to go down in flames. Well, the often ridiculed Harrington’s odyssey has landed him in Atlanta where he will have a chance to become the metrosexual face of a now faceless franchise. And according to Outsports.com, Harrington has a whole slew of new fans in Hotlanta that are more than willing to accept him into their backfield for years to come, if you know what we mean. (wink, wink) Here are a couple of their comments:

Mike Horton, a gay football fan in Atlanta who roots for the New England Patriots, says Harrington may change his perspective and prompt him to give the Falcons a second look: “It’s interesting what an extreme opposite Harrington is to our previous quarterback. I like the fact that he’s suave and polished, but boy, is he pretty. I think I might try to make a few more games this year.

Brian Johnson, a gay University of Georgia graduate who lives in Atlanta, is “primarily a college football fan – 99%,” but the “other 1% is saved for Joey Harrington and the Falcons. … “I’m a Falcons fan only because I was born and raised here,” he said. “But I wouldn’t say I get upset when they lose. Harrington is hot. He is much better looking than Michael Vick, much easier on the eyes and the dogs.

Uh, Mr. Johnson (if that is your real name), we really hope your talking about pit bulls and not making reference to the ol’ twig and berries (hey, callin’ `em “dogs” in our office is pretty tame). Not only would that be really disgusting, but we don’t think his new wife would like to hear about how Joey makes your dogs bark.

Links:

[Freep.com]: Gay fans back Joey Harrington in Atlanta