We know that Emmitt Smith has 18,355 career rushing yards and 175 total touchdowns. And we know that he can do the salsa, the tango and probably even the Macarena. But those don’t involve the forming of coherent sentences.
We never thought anyone could make Stu Scott look appealing, but congrats E, you’ve made history again.
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[Awful Announcing]: Emmitt Smith’s Analogies Need Some Work
After news broke of Kobe Bryant and Phil Jackson’s little spat the other day, it was just a matter of time before the Round Mound of Rebound weighed in on the situation. Especially considering that the season tips off tonight and Sir Charles just happens to have his weekly forum back. You’re going to have to tune in to TNT to see what he says live, but we already have a pretty good idea of what it might be.
What Phil Jackson said yesterday, that was like they’re at the point of no return now. There’s a point where you know you can make a marriage work, but what Phil Jackson said yesterday, that was the end of it,” Barkley said at a luncheon with fellow studio analyst Kenny Smith.
“That’s the one thing I respect most about Kevin Garnett. Even though he played on terrible teams, there is not a player in the last 10 years who played harder than Kevin Garnett. And that’s the one thing that disappoints me. Phil said that Kobe’s just going through the motions. … And if your coach tells you you’re just going through the motions, that’s pretty much the end of the straw.
“The end of the straw”??? Charles, have you been hanging out with Emmitt Smith again?
But Barkley wasn’t done with the drama in La La Land just yet.
“When Jerry Buss comes into training camp and says they’re going to trade Kobe, Kobe says, All right, I’m going to take a week’s vacation,’ ” Barkley said.
“Jerry shouldn’t have said that. Wasn’t no doubt in my mind (Bryant) was just blowing off games and practice because he was (mad) about what Dr. Buss said. They shouldn’t have said that. He should have went to Kobe Kobe you want to be traded, we’ll try to make it work.’ But the guy’s skipping practices, going through the motions.
Okay, we haven’t even started the season yet and we’re officially sick of the Lakers. Can we just skip the games and go straight to `Where We At?‘
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[AZCentral.com]: Barkley calls out Kobe
We’re not speaking from experience here, but we’re figuring that turning your daughter over to a male coach is probably about as nerve racking as letting her go out on her first date. After all, there are a lot of sick dudes out there in the guise of a coach. So, how do you know who to trust in this day and age? Well, if you ever see any type of behavior that resembles this, then you should probably pull daddy’s little girl from the program immediately.
The Sonoma County Sheriff’s Department said the incident was reported at about 2:30 p.m. Saturday after a Windsor Cup Soccer game had been played by female players under the age of 16.
Deputies learned that the game had become heated and erupted into several arguments, after which the Petaluma team’s coach walked to the center of the field and allegedly exposed his rear to the opposing team, according to the sheriff’s office.
Several of the Windsor team players and their parents called police and reported the incident. However, the coach has denied the allegations, according to the sheriff’s department.
Wait, he denied it? This guy walks to center field, drops trou and moons an entire team of young girls in the middle of the day and he’s got the guts to say it was just a figment of their imagination. Wow, and we thought that Isiah Thomas was full of crap.
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[The Offside]: Coach Suspended for Mooning Girls’ Youth Team
[FoxReno.com]: Soccer Coach Suspended For “Mooning” Opposing Team
We had absolutely no desire to watch the Dolphins and Giants game from London on Sunday. But then it hit us like a ton of bricks: streakers! And sure enough, what did we miss out on? Yup, a guy with a football over his pylon living it up at right there on the center of the pitch, er, field.
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[Our Book of Scrap]: Tom Brady Also Threw This Guy A Touchdown Pass Yesterday
Even though the World Series is over and done, you’ve probably still have the silky smooth voice of Joe Buck running through your head. Well, if you just can’t get enough of his impassioned calls then we’ve got the perfect treat for you. It’s Bucky making some of the biggest calls in sports history.
“And President Kennedy is outta there.”
Over 40 years later and that still seems a little too soon. Oh, well; Slam-A-Lama-Ding-Dong! It’s still a homer.
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[Our Book of Scrap]: Joe Buck Is A Really Good Sports Television Announcer
The Kobe Bryant saga with the Lakers has been going on for months as the dispute over whether he’s staying or going rages on. Well, after having all off-season to hash this thing out, here we are one day from the start of the regular season and we still don’t know what is going on. What we do know is that Bryant and the Zen Master traded a few shots the other day.
“Obviously he hasn’t thrown his heart and soul into performing on the floor,” Jackson said, the Times reported. “That hurts me a little bit. . . . He was going to work at this thing and (would) put his full being into this. Right now, he’s having a hard time doing that.”
Bryant shot back with comments of his own.
That (should be) the least of (Jackson’s) concerns or anybody’s concerns,” Bryant told the Times. “You don’t have to worry about that. . . . I’m ready to play. Period. You don’t have to worry about me.”
Bryant didn’t travel to Las Vegas with the team and his status was day-to-day, Lakers spokesman John Black said. Bryant was injured after Utah center Mehmet Okur struck him Tuesday night in an exhibition game in Anaheim.
If Bryant is anything, he’s a baller. We don’t need to go all A.I. on you, but, c’mon, we’re talking about practice. Not a game. Listen, Bryant could be in a coma for 20 years like Rip Van Winkle, wake up and go off for 55 against the Pacers. We gotta agree with Kobe on this one, when you’ve got a roster with Kwame Brown, Maurice Evans, Chris Mihm, Sasha Vujacic and Coby Karl then the last person Jackson needs to be complaining about is No. 24.
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[MSNBC.com]: Jackson questions Kobe’s commitment
There were a lot of great games and a bunch of fantastic finishes in another wild week of college football, but the most out of this world ending of all came in the mighty Division III. About the only thing missing from this improbable touchdown is a trombone player getting blasted in the end zone and an overly emphatic announcer wetting his pants on-air. Actually, we’ve got the announcer thing covered.
Nobody has said it yet, so we will: that was “the most amazing, sensational, dramatic, heartrending, exciting, thrilling finish in the history of college football!”
We know that it is hard to look forward to the NBA season when the pigskin is still flying, but the drama of professional hoops gets underway on Tuesday whether you watch it or not. However, before the refs can toss up the opening jump ball, there’s one small piece of business that has to be taken care of first. David Stern has some hardware to hand out.
But Stern might want to be careful whenever it comes time to give Brent `Bones’ Barry his ring. After all, when the Spurs got their 2005 rings from the commish, it was Barry that planted a big ol’ smooch on Stern.
If a French kiss is what happens after two rings, we’d hate to be Stern should San Antonio go for a repeat. Hmmm, maybe his refs can help him prevent that situation from occurring. Ah, never mind; that would imply the NBA is crooked and we all know better than that.
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[WOAI.com]: Will Brent Barry Kiss the NBA Commissioner?
Whether you like him or not, Brady Quinn has a lot of things going for him. He’s young, rich, and talented, the ladies think he’s good looking and he parties like a rock star. However, he’s probably not the most rational guy in the world; at least, not when it comes to being objective about his Fighting Irish.
Seriously, he thought they could win the game straight up? No points? If anybody is looking to make a quick buck, just bet Brady that Notre Dame doesn’t make a bowl game. Easy money.
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[Our Book of Scrap]: Brady Quinn In A Trojans Jersey
Listen up Red Sox fans; you’re probably stoked about being up 2-0 in the World Series, but do you have any idea what kind of irreparable damage could be done should your boys go on to victory? According to a professor of American culture and history at Bates College, you’re looking at a serious case of identity crisis.
Margaret Creighton says that all those years of being complete and total losers has taken over the souls of the Sox faithful and winning would be such a shock to the system that the entire fan base could potentially experience full-blown existential meltdowns.
A fan herself, the professor in 2005 taught “Red Sox Nation,” a course examining the culture and history of the team and fans, and she plans to offer it again next year.
The underdog mentality has been forged by decades of disappointment, she said.
Fans think, “We may be scruffy, we may look like ruffians, but we’re scrappy and we fight and work hard,” Creighton said.
Citizens of Red Sox Nation remain fundamentally pessimistic, even after the 2004 victory, she said. “When the Red Sox were down 3-1 against Cleveland, it felt very familiar, almost a little comfortable, because this is where we’ve been.”
Success, she said, would bring accusations that Red Sox fans are arrogant, haughty, “that the Red Sox are the Yankees,” Creighton said. She questions whether fans can handle a second championship “with a degree of humility.”
First off, where the heck were these classes when we were in college? If we had courses like “Super Bowl History” and “NBA: 101” then we might have been able to graduate on the four-year plan.
Secondly, we can’t believe that this broad had the audacity to question the Red Sox loyalists’ ability to display “humility.” If Red Sox fans are anything, it’s meek and humble.
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[Boston.com]: Professor questions whether Sox fans can cope with success
