Categories
Washington Redskins

LaRon Landry takes a paintball to the package


Okay, so we promised that we weren’t going to be giving you any more stories about jocks’ jocks but there was no way we could let this pass us by. Washington Redskins rookie LaRon Landry was injured on Wednesday when he was shot in the groin with a paintball during a “team-building outing.” According to the new old ol’ ball coach Joe Gibbs, Landry should be fine after a few days of rest. Maybe we’re skeptics, but it sounds to us like the No. 6 overall pick just wanted to get out of minicamp. C’mon, who hasn’t used the old “shot in the groin with a paintball” excuse?

What’s really funny about all of this is that Marcus Washington claims he had no idea that paintballs could cause an injury.

I didn’t know paintball was that dangerous,” linebacker Washington said. “I hope it wasn’t friendly fire.

There’s a joke involving Pat Tillman in there somewhere but we’re just going to let it slide.

Links:

[NBC4.com]: Paintball Injury Sideline Redskins’ No. 1 Pick

Categories
General Sports

Odds and Ends: $20 says he eats it


Chris Berman has ruined basically everything good about sports and specifically football with his fat face and his ridiculous anchor work (just think “well dressed Amani Toomer” and “whoop whoop whooop”). So while this story may or may not be true, we’re going to go ahead and assume that it is and spread it around.


So here I am staring at this guy, feeling a little weird about it and it happens. This guy, Chris Berman takes his finger and shoves it as far up his nose as he can get it!! (LOL, I am laughing and typing this at the sametime) WTF..I think, maybe the booger is really bothering him. The only problem was, THE MAN DIDN’T STOP THERE.

He picked his nose none (sic) stop and in-between picks you would think he would have wiped them on a tissue, his shirt, hell, the back of the seat in front of him! But no, this man proceeded to pop each booger in his..umm..yup you got it…MOUTH. These weren’t average sized boogers either, my husband to this day refers to them as Earthworms!! Same color, shape everything. HOW GROSS!!

Does this surprise anyone? (Via Sports By Brooks)

In other news…

[Orlando Sentinel]: MLB wants to charge fantasy sites for using players’ names

[Sportsline]: Former NFL DL charged with bank fraud

[Philly.com]: Brett Myers, former wife beater, is rehabbing his image while on rehab

[Our Book of Scrap]: Ghetto Tranny Fight Club?

[Bright Side of the Sun]: Suns fans just a little bitter about the Spurs dynasty

[Steroid Nation]: TMI, Cuban, TMI

Categories
Soccer

That new Gatorade A.M. crap goes right through us too

We thought that Byron Houston’s little incident was going to be enough public exhibitionism for the day but then we were horrified to find out that Houston isn’t the only pervert with no shame to rear his ugly head today. Turns out that some whacky soccer guy (is there any other kind?) named DeMarcus Beasley had a few too many Capri Suns before the game and ended up taking a piss right on the sideline. But he was very subtle about it so that nobody could tell. Of course, we’re guessing that he didn’t know there was a camera focused in on him the entire time.

And unless Zydrunas Ilgauskas or Scot Pollard decides to relieve their frustrations of getting swept out of the finals by the Spurs by flashing pedestrians on the street, we’re not going to bring you anymore news about wieners for the rest of the day. Promise.

Links:

[Our Book of Scrap]: Hey, When You Gotta Go, You Gotta Go

Categories
NBA General

How does he do it? We can’t even eat in the car without making a mess


Former NBA player Byron Houston was just minding his own business on Wednesday, driving around Oklahoma City while masturbating and giving all the passing vehicles a clear look at his dirty deed. And for some strange reason, a woman got offended, called the police and got Houston arrested. Geez, lady, you’re no fun at all.

Houston got tossed into the clink on charges of indecent exposure, engaging in a lewd act and driving with a canceled license. That’s gotta be pretty humiliating for the guy. Oh, never mind, he’s actually been convicted three prior times for indecent exposure so the humiliation must have worn off long ago. Hell, this is getting to be old hat for the guy. But if Houston gets convicted on this most recent charge, he could be facing anywhere from 20 years to life behind bars in prison. Oh, and Byron, it might be a good idea to keep everything under wraps if you go to the big house because exposing yourself could lead to other things that you probably don’t want to be involved with.

Houston definitely has a few screws loose if this is how he’s spending his free time. But at least now we know where Eddie Griffin picked up the nasty little habit.

Links:

[KOCO.com]: Former OSU Star Accused Of Indecent Exposure

Categories
MLB General

June 14 2007 MLB Power Rankings Roundup

Here’s a completely biased question: Why aren’t the Phillies getting more love from the writers of the Power Rankings? The A’s, the Mariners and the Diamondbacks are getting plenty of love. Why not the Phils? Just asking.

Rank Sportscolumn ESPN FoxSports Sportsline USA Today TSN.ca
1 Angels Angels Red Sox Red Sox Red Sox Red Sox
2 Red Sox Padres Angels Angels Angels Padres
3 Indians Red Sox Indians Tigers Indians Mets
4 Tigers Tigers Mets Indians Mets Angels
5 Padres Indians Padres Mariners Padres D’backs
6 Dodgers A’s Tigers A’s Tigers Braves
7 D’backs Dodgers D’backs Padres Dodgers Tigers
8 Mets Mariners Mariners Dodgers D’backs Mariners
9 Mariners Mets A’s D’backs A’s A’s
10 A’s Yankees Dodgers Phillies Braves Indians
11-30 more more more more more more

Categories
Indianapolis Colts

Colts Super Bowl Rings are pretty sweet


The Colts ring is pretty sweet if the people who designed it would just shut the hell up about it. It’s a diamond encrusted ring with a blue horseshoe prominent in the middle and it’s nice and simple. That’s probably where the description should end. But of course, here’s owner Jim Irsay on the ring his wife helped design (of course):


There’s obviously some bling. But we wanted it to have some beautiful simplicity and we wanted to feature the horseshoe. The symbol of the horseshoe is so universal, so powerful.

That’s the powerful thing about it,” he said. “In life we use symbols. .. the art of symbols and reminders are part of our culture.

Uhhh what? The horseshoe is a symbol of luck so I guess that’s the most prominent aspect of the Colts’ culture.

Oh and on one side of the ring is “Our Time” and on the other side is “Faith”. Irsay said that faith “gives you the strength to have the perseverance to move forward even after many disappointments.” Of course, the faith thing was probably demanded by Tony Dungy and his in your face Christianity. Stupid Dungy.

Finally, you know exactly where you are in the Colts organization pecking order: players and top execs got the $5,000 ring. Some employees got a scaled down version worth around $2,000. And finally the proles got a third-tier ring that is worth less than the box that the top-tier rings came in.

Links:
[USA Today]: Colts receive Super Bowl rings in private ceremony

Categories
Miami Heat

Shaq doesn’t pay for sex, he pays them to leave afterward


Remember when Kobe was accused of raping that girl in Colorado? It was a minor case so you might not have heard of it. Anyway, back when that happened, Kobe remarked that he should just pay them hush money to go away like Shaq does and told police that Shaq paid $1M in total for such a situation. Well it turns out that Kobe was partially right.

You see, Shaq probably did some girls hush money, but then he also paid prostitutes straight up for sex according to the NY Post. And the type of prostitutes he used are the discrete type. A Las Vegas police report detailing the operation of a madam named Esperanza Brooks that was made public this week and included the names of Shaquille O’Neal and Bill Clinton.

Oh and to top it off, Esperanza Brooks worked as a cheerleading coach at the Andre Agassi College Prep Academy. Now that’s a hell of a farm system.

Links:
[NY Post]: VEGAS POLICE SLIME BILL, SHAQ
[MSNBC]: Shaq angrily denies paying sex hush money

Categories
MLB General

The Full Count: Yankees are creeping up


1. Make it 9: The Yankees extended the longest winning streak in the majors to 9 games after sweeping the Diamondbacks. They won 7-1 on Thursday thanks mainly to Andy Pettitte’s eight-inning, one-run start. Pettitte has quietly posted a 2.93 ERA this season, the best mark on the Yankees’ staff. The Yankees’ offense and pitching are on a roll as they’ve outscored their opponents 67-24 during the streak. Alex Rodriguez drove in two runs to give him 21 RBIs in his last nine games. Hideki Matsui’s three RBIs give him 12 during the nine-game win streak. The Yankees took advantage of another loss by the Red Sox to move within 7.5 games. They will face the Mets, who are on a five-game losing streak, over the weekend.

2. Start Wasted: Tim Hudson outdeuled Johan Santana, but the Braves wasted his efforts with a meltdown by the bullpen. Hudson pitched seven scoreless innings, allowing just two hits and one walk. Santana went seven strong as well and struck out nine, but he allowed two runs. The pitcher’s duel didn’t decide the game though, as Bob Wickman gave up three runs in the ninth inning to lose the game for Atlanta. The 3-2 win completed a sweep for the Twins, who have won four in a row and are just 5.5 back of the Indians. The Braves moved behind the Phillies for the first time all season, albeit by just a half game. The road won’t get any easier for the Braves, as they travel to Cleveland, who has the second-best home record in the majors.

3. How `bout that Royals offense!: In a bizarre occurrence, the Royals of all teams have scored 17 runs in two of their last four games. After beating the Phillies 17-5 last Sunday, they topped the Cardinals 17-8 on Thursday. Mark Teahen had five RBIs and leads the team with 35 on the year, and Alex Gordon homered as the Royals destroyed St. Louis. They scored 8 runs in the second inning, then 6 runs in the fourth. What a powerhouse! The Cardinals’ Kip Wells had six earned runs in one-plus inning and extended his major league lead in losses to 11. Now the Royals rank 22nd in runs scored, leaving their usual last place in that category. Now the White Sox can be considered the league’s worst offense.

Player of the Day: Justin Germano, Padres: 6 innings, no runs, in a 7-1 win over Tampa. The nearly unknown Germano is 5-0 with a 2.36 ERA on the year.

Categories
San Antonio Spurs

Around the Rim: The Spurs Dynasty


They’re considered dull by many and boring by most but it really doesn’t matter what anyone thinks about their style because the San Antonio Spurs have now joined the Celtics, Lakers and Bulls as the only franchises in league history to grab four championships. But the Spurs have something those teams don’t: the all-time best winning percentage in the finals. In their four trips to the game’s greatest stage in the past nine years, San Antonio has amassed an impressive 16-6 record (.727).

And while Tim Duncan will get all the coverage as possibly being the best player since Michael Jordan suited up, Tony Parker scooped up the MVP honors after he averaged 24.5 points per game in the series and put in 24 in the trophy clinching Game 4. But, as always, it was a complete team effort by SA that derailed the Cavaliers’ hopes of digging out of a 0-3 hole.

Duncan struggled from the field (4-15 FGs) and from the line (4-10 FT), but he still managed to finish with a typical Big Fundamental stat line of 12 points, 15 rebounds, three assists, two steals and two blocks. Manu Ginobili came up big in the fourth quarter where he scored 13 of his game-high 27 points. And while his offensive output is normally nonexistent, Bruce Bowen has got to be allowed a few extra days with the Larry O’Brien Trophy because his smothering of James on almost every possession was key to the sweep. Sure, LeBron got his numbers anyway (24 points, 10 assists, six rebounds), but his shots were constantly contested as he finished the series shooting just 32-of-90 from the field.

So, does this officially qualify the Spurs as a “dynasty”? While four titles in nine years is awfully impressive, San Antonio needs to snatch up a ring in an even numbered year to join the truly elite. Specifically, they’ll have to win it all in 2008 to get labeled with the D-word. Should they manage to pull it off, the Spurs would have back-to-back championships and a streak of five titles in ten years; ensuring a decade of domination.

Categories
Soccer

Odds and Ends: Get me the hell out of Haiti


I’ve never been to Haiti but I’m pretty sure it’s not exactly the greatest place in the world. This is based primarily on constant news reports of people dying and the film The Serpert and the Rainbow. Still, it doesn’t surprise me in the least that on a layover in JFK on their way to a tournament in South Korea 13 members of the Haitian Under-17 soccer squad would decide to just bail on the team. “Five or six” have since turned themselves into team officials but rest are still on the lam. You know, they probably would have been better off playing in the tournament first and then ditching the team and seeking refuse in the friendly confines of NYC.

In other news…

[Denver Post]: Apparently, J.R. Smith of the Nuggets is a wanksta

[AP]: The Univ of Montana is down one CB

[Seattle Times]: Jose Guillen is riling up the Wrigley natives

[The Offside]: It beats employing Najeh Davenport as your groundskeeper

[Houston Chronicle]: The artistry (or thuggery) of Bruce Bowen in pictures

[Can’t Stop the Bleeding]: Justine Henin is not ashamed of her herpes