Categories
Miami Heat

Sheriff Shaq; hmmm, it has a nice ring to it.


Shaquille O’Neal has a reputation for taking it easy during the off-season, but nobody can say that about the big fella this year. The Miami Heat took a beating in the playoffs when they were humiliated by the Bulls, but that seems to have lit a fire under Shaq’s colossal butt. Not only is he helping obese kids lose weight every Tuesday evening on ABC, now he’s planning his future career as possible sheriff of Broward County in Florida.

Giving the guy a badge and saying he’s a cop is one thing, but putting the Big Baryshnikov in office is a whole other story. We know that Shaq has a love for law enforcement and despite the bullying he does on the court, he’s got a big heart with good intentions, but the Diesel has been known to hold a grudge or two or three. You’d have to feel sorry for any poor sap getting busted in his jurisdiction because a petty crime could turn into a long term stint in the joint if he’s in sour mood. And don’t expect any second chances from O’Neal either because if he doesn’t get his way he’s probably just going to split town.

But, hey, if Charles Barkley has a chance to become the governor of Alabama then we’re not going to put it past Wilt Chamberneezy to become a law enforcement big shot. After all, 15 years of carrying a league on your back can earn you a few fans. Especially after he gave the state their first NBA Championship; Dwyane Wade helped out a little bit, but we don’t think that will hurt Shaq too much in the polls.

Links:

[CBS4.com]: Shaq Sets His Sights On Being Broward Sheriff

Categories
All Other Sports

Hulk Hogan’s kid is no champ behind the wheel

Nine times out of ten, we would never suggest that anyone go into professional wrestling, especially with the horrible writing that is dominating the WWE these days. And then there’s the whole Chris Benoit double murder-suicide thing that’s really putting a dark cloud over the world of pro wrasslin. But we think we might have found our exception to the rule: Nick Hogan.

The Hulkster’s kid is trying to become a race car driver but he doesn’t seem to be having much luck. Well, let’s just say he didn’t fare too well at the NOPI event held in Carson, CA on Saturday when he smashed up a perfectly good Dodge Viper. And we just so happen to have found some video of the crash from the inside out.

Good thing that pops has connections with the millions of Hulkamaniacs out there. Surely, one of them owns a body shop.

Links:

[TMZ.com]: Hulk Jr. Lays the Smackdown…On a Wall

Categories
NBA General

Odds and Ends: Behind the scenes of the NBA Draft with Stephen A. Smith

The hilarious videos just keep on coming as we’ve now gotten our grubby little hands on a clip of a puppet named Stephen A. Smith giving us an inside look at the NBA’s coming out party (via the fellas at Awful Announcing). In addition to the back stage discussions with some of the league’s newest stars, S.A.S. was gracious enough to give up the commentary on, well, the actual, real life, super annoying Stephen A. Smith. Now, we never have liked the guy, but thanks to this video, we like him even less than Slava Medvedenko and Rasho Nesterovic.

Watch out Triumph, there’s a new insulting sock in town.

In other news…

[ADN.com]: What the hell is in the waters of Alaska to produce 350+ pound fish!?!?

[NBC12.com]: Danica might be going Britney Spears on us.

[The Big Lead]: Woody Paige got a vasectomy. Uh, TMI.

[Our Book of Scrap]: Red Sox fan chugs a cup of mustard. Mmmmmmm, mustard.

[WISTV.com]: Another day, another f’d up twist in the Chris Benoit story.

[WAVE3.com]: NFL Europe finally folds; now we’re just waiting on the WNBA to go under.

[OrlandoSentinel.com]: Tiger Woods’ guest house goes up in flames. Don’t worry; we’re sure he has another one somewhere.

[SI.com]: Greg Oden wants to clean up the number 52’s ugly image.

And finally, for all your drunken sports fans out there who hate drinking warm beer, we’ve got one word for ya: Hopsicle!

Categories
All Other Sports

TNA Impact: one match, one belt, one hour



Kurt Angle is still the champ, but just
barely.

If you are anything like us, you’re getting burnt out on all the Chris Benoit talk surrounding murder, suicide, roids, divorce, retardation and so on. So, what better way to break away from the doom and gloom that is currently surrounding the WWE than to throw yourself into the bright and sunny world of TNA.

Hopefully you’re not a big fan of Shark Boy, Sonjay Dutt or Eric Young because there was simply no time for fringe losers to grab the spotlight on Thursday night as TNA Impact was dominated by a three man match for the TNA World Heavyweight title between Rhyno, Christian Cage and the champ Kurt Angle. In a 60 minute slug fest that saw plenty of close counts and interference from guys like Abyss, Sting, Samoa Joe, Tomko, AJ Styles, and others, it was Kurt Angle who eventually had his hand raised in victory. Thanks to a little beer in Rhyno’s eyes courtesy of a James Storm sudsy spit spritzer, Angle was able to finally obtain the one, two, three. The win teams up Angle with Joe in the Match of Champions at the Victory Road PPV against whoever ends up being the tag team title holders at the time. That will be determined next week when the current tag champs Team 3-D takes on LAX and the combo of Christopher Daniels and Styles.

While we still think that this Match of Champions is a bit of a looney idea, it could end up causing a pretty big ripple throughout the TNA roster as this match opens up a whole worm can full of possibilities. Who will Joe or Angle pick to become the other half of the tag champs should one of them pick up the pin? Would they be willing to set aside their differences and become a super power by selecting the other and sharing four titles between the two of them? Or will one of the tag champs, whoever that might be, win either the X-Division or World Heavyweight Championships? Can any of the three tag teams in the running for the match survive the jealousy of their partner holding a pair of titles without dividing the duo?

These might seem like petty questions, but isn’t it nice to ponder something besides what a sick bastard Benoit is every once in a while?

Categories
General Sports

A quick break from the world of sports

All right everyone, this has absolutely nothing to do sports, but we were cracking up so hard when we came across this clip on Can’t Stop The Bleeding that we just had to share it with all of you. So, sit back, kick your feet up and enjoy this musical tribute to all those cartoon hotties you grew up watching. We give to you: C.I.L.F.!

This guy is never going to win a Grammy with this kind of stuff, but if he can continue at this pace, he just might make to Weird Al Yankovic-type status one day.

Categories
Chicago Cubs

Another horrible rendition of "Take Me Out to the Ball Game"

George Thorogood just gave “Bad to the Bone” a whole new meaning when he took Cubbies fans out to “the old ba-ba-ba-ba-ball game.”

Okay, so Thorogood wasn’t completely horrid; it could have been a whole lot worse. He could have gone Eddie Vedder on us.

“Buy me some peanuts and crack”??????

Links:
[Can’t Stop The Bleeding]: (Very) Bad To The Bone: Thorogood’s Disloyalty To The Wilmington Blue Rocks

Categories
Dallas Mavericks

Mark Cuban proves he’s a moron…again


We all knew that Mark Cuban was a big brat from the first day he bought the Mavericks. We learned that he was a big baby when he started all his courtside shenanigans shortly after. We found out that he had a huge man crush on his German superstar when Dirk Nowitzki won the MVP award. Now, we know that he’s a sore loser and poor sport as well.

Cuban is suing Golden State Warriors coach Don Nelson because he is claiming that Nellie had “confidential information and he (Cuban) wants to enjoin Don from coaching the Mavericks” when his No. 8 eight seed club knocked off the top team in the league during the first round of this year’s playoffs. This is according to John O’Connor who is Nelson’s attorney.

Apparently, Cuban has verified that he has filed “claims” against the former Mavs coach, but he also admitted that he is “not sure how we are handling them” and then offered the classic “no comment” line when asked in person about the matter.

There is no basis in our view,” O’Connor said. “I suppose he [Nelson] knows [Dirk] Nowitzki likes to go right instead of left, but normally that’s not a trade secret.

Basically, Cubes is saying that it’s just not fair for departed coaches to play against their former teams. Guess the Lakers can’t play the Bulls while Phil Jackson is still in La-La Land. And we might as well put aside any scheduled games between Rick Adelman’s Rockets and the Kings or Blazers. But what if Larry Brown ever decides to return to NBA? His new club will have to shorten their season by about 60 games to avoid matching up with all of his old teams!

We know that this is a little different because of the short time span between Nelson’s two tenures, but Cuban’s coach, Avery Johnson, spent a lot of years learning the tricks of the trade from the Spurs Gregg Popovich before heading to Big D. Does this mean that San Antonio can sue the Little General for knocking the Spurs out of the 2006 playoffs in a Game 7 thriller?

This B.S. move by Cuban is simply an attempt to continue to his “thorn in the side” mentality against Nelson. The two have had contractual arguments since Nellie split town a few years back and Dallas’ first round fiasco did little to help mend their tattered relationship. We know that Cuban is an incredible businessman, but this is basically the equivalent of an old lady suing McDonald’s because her coffee was hot. Hopefully, this case won’t have the same bogus results.

Links:

[Star-Telegram.com]: Is Mavs owner now crying foul?

Categories
MLB General

The Full Count: A night of nice round numbers


1. Milestone Number 1: After the 2004 and 2005 seasons, in which he only played 108 combined games, it seemed like Frank Thomas would never stay healthy enough to reach 500 homers. But after a 39 homer season last year, and 13 more blasts this season, Thomas has joined the legendary 500 homer club. He is its 21st member, though he will be joined soon by Alex Rodriguez, who needs eight more. Jim Thome, Manny Ramirez, and Gary Sheffield are not far off as well. Many people think the 500 homer mark is diminished because of the large amount of members joining in recent years and steroid suspicions of these players. However, Thomas is one of those players that has always seemed clean, and the large majority of his homers were hit before the steroid era. This achievement just puts Thomas over the edge when it comes to making the Hall of Fame. Now, he’s likely a first-ballot type candidate. Oh by the way, Thomas’ Blue Jays lost to the Twins, 8-5.

2. Milestone Number 2: Amazingly, only hours after Thomas’ 500th homer, Craig Biggio reached the 3000-hit mark. He is the 27th player to reach that mark, though it is arguably more special than 500 homeruns the longevity and consistency it takes to reach. Biggio’s hit was his third of five hits on Wednesday in Houston’s extra-inning win over Colorado. It’s unfortunate that Biggio’s biggest career achievement comes in what is likely his worst season. Even after going 5-6, he still is hitting just .250 on the year with an awful .293 on-base percentage. This is Biggio’s 20th season, and it will probably become his 19th straight with more than 100 hits. He has also had all 3,002 of his hits with the Astros, making him the ninth player in history with 3,000 hits with one team. Whether he makes the Hall of Fame or not, Biggio’s career has been quite distinguished, especially for a second baseman.

3. Rogers Rules: A loaded team like Detroit doesn’t need any extra help, but that’s exactly what they’ve received thanks to the return of Kenny Rogers. After six shutout innings against the Braves in his season debut, Rogers improved to 2-0 with one run allowed in six more innings against the Rangers. The run allowed did bring an end to his under-publicized scoreless innings streak, however. Last year Rogers didn’t allow a run in 23 postseason innings, and he started this year with 11 straight shutout innings. With a 5-2 victory, the Tigers managed to avoid a sweep at the hands of the last-place Rangers. Gary Sheffield hit his 18th homer of the year as well for Detroit.

Player of the Day: Chase Utley, Phillies: 3-5, 2 HRs (15), 4 RBIs in an 8-7 win over the Reds.

Categories
All Other Sports

Oh, the hilarity of a high dive gone wrong

If you’ve ever ventured to the local swimming hole during the hot days of summer, there’s a really good chance that you’ve shown off your cannonball skills. You know what? Cannonballs suck! If you really want to give your friends a chuckle and show off your manliness then you gotta have a respectable belly flop in your arsenal. But what’s even better than showing off a highly honed BF is the completely unexpected one. Especially when you get to watch the stinging splashdown in slow motion.

Of course, things could be a heck of a lot worse. At least in America we have water.

Categories
NBA General

2007 NBA Draft: The Northwest Division gets a serious facelift



The future is now for the NBA’s stars of tomorrow.

Wow! It’s been a long time since the NBA has seen that much action in one night; we’re talking about Wilt Chamberlain on a Saturday night type of action here. The night got kicked off when David Stern spoke those magical words that every kid grows up dreaming about:

With the first pick in the 2007 NBA Draft, the Portland Trailblazers select Greg Oden from Ohio State University.

Okay, so scratch the Portland Trailblazers part out because no kid is ever going to dream about going there, but other than that it’s a shooting star’s wish come true. That, of course, was followed by the easiest pick in the history of draft picks as Seattle scooped up the scraps left by Portland and selected Kevin Durant with the second overall pick. And by scraps, we mean the most polished freshman ever! But that was all pretty common sense stuff for the most part after rumors starting spreading on Thursday that the Blazers were committed to Oden. The real fun started after the no-brainers were off the board.

Seattle continued to change the Sonics guard and promptly shipped off Ray Allen and the rights to Big Baby Glen Davis to Boston for the fifth pick which turned out to be Jeff Green, Delonte West and Wally Szczerbiak. We’re guessing that Paul Pierce would rather have Kevin Garnett on his team, but Allen will make a nice compliment to Pierce. And in the East, there’s no telling who’s going to be making the postseason anymore.

Then there’s the evolving Portland squad that kicked the troublesome Zach Randolph out the door as soon as Oden’s name was read. And of course, Isiah Thomas was the sucker that took on the talented but troubled semi star. But we have to commend Zeke for finally getting rid of Steve Francis who has been nothing but a pain for the team since arriving. The Blazers also sent Dan Dickau and Fred Jones in the deal and New York shipped Channing Frye along with Francis. Now, Portland has a fierce front court with Oden joining a hopefully healthy LaMarcus Aldridge.

Then there are the Bobcats who are desperate to get their hands on an All-Star caliber player and ended up trading off their eighth pick in Brandan Wright for Jason Richardson. Charlotte also picked up Golden State’s second-round pick Jermareo Davidson. Warriors fans are probably pissed that they got rid of a huge part of their recent only playoff success, but it was a great move financially as Richardson is owed $51 million over the last four seasons on his contract.

But even after all that; the real thing that we’re going to remember this draft for is the gosh awful outfit that Joakim Noah wore to the big show. We’re sure Chicago must be so proud.

The rest of the results from the 2007 NBA Draft, broken down by team, can be found after the jump.

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