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Pacman Jones is the champion of the world!


Pacman Jones isn’t playing in the NFL this season, but that doesn’t mean he’s not still ballin’ because Mr. Jones is now wearing TNA gold after winning the tag team championships.

In a title bout against the then champs Sting and Kurt Angle, Pacman showed his selfish side by refusing several attempted tags from his partner Ron “The Truth” Killings. Of course, once Angle did all the dirty work by turning on Sting and hitting him with the Angle Slam then Pacman got busy and simply covered Sting for the easy 1-2-3.

Yea, we’re as shocked as you that Team Pacman came up with the gold, after all it’s basically a one man show with Killings doing all the heavy lifting. What’s worse is that in addition to not being able to wrestle thanks to restrictions placed on him by the Titans, Pacman totally sucks being behind the mic.

So, he can’t wrestle and he can’t shoot the crap to the fans; how the hell is he gonna be a wrestler worthy of carrying any professional title? Oh well, looks like we’ve got another Hulk Hogan on our hands. Maybe commissioner Goodell would cut some time off that suspension Pacman’s serving if he’d just start pushing prayers and vitamins.

Links:

[TNAWrestling.com]: Official Results From Sunday’s No Surrender PPV

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Pacman Jones describes himself as a "man" on TNA…uh, thanks for the update

So, TNA pulled a fast one on us on Thursday night’s episode of Impact where Pacman Jones was supposed to make his professional wrestling debut. But instead of getting the actual deviant, we got a video of Pacman saying that he was going to be making his first in-person appearance this Sunday at the pay-per-view event Hard Justice.

Of course he is. So, now it looks like not only are we’re going to have to wait a few more days before we start getting some answers about his role within the promotion, but we’ve also gotta shell out $35 or so to see him do it. Thanks TNA. At least we got this teaser to get ready for the big introduction:

Wait, did Pacman say that he was a “team player”? Damn, guess wrestling really is fake after all.

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Pacman Jones is headed to TNA

Its official! Adam “Pacman” Jones has signed the dotted line with professional wrestling promotion TNA and will be making his premier appearance this Thursday at 9 p.m. ET.  So, despite the controversy surrounding Pacman, as if that’s something new for the cornerback, it sounds like he’s really excited about the new opportunity that’s growing out of his rotting NFL career.  But, we’re not sure if Pacman knows exactly what he’s getting into because it seems like he’s a bit confused on how the squared six-sided circle works.

I am a big fan of wrestling, so I wanted to give it a try,” Jones said. “I respect wrestling and I’m not coming in like it’s just a show. I want to prove that I am the greatest team-sport athlete.

We know that they put on tag team bouts in TNA, but we can’t see it really improving your stock as “the greatest team-sport athlete” by participating.  After all, lots of pro players have walked through the doors of TNA and, unfortunately, none of them are of GOAT status.  And anyways, we know that the only thing he’ll be working out is his vocal chords.

Over the next couple of months, I think the world is going to see a different side of Pacman, one it hasn’t seen before,” Jeff Jarrett (Pacman’s trainer) said. “You will really see his personality come out, not just his athletic ability.

Hey, Jeff, just a word of advice: work more on the athletic ability because his personality is what got him in trouble in the first place and is the exact reason why people hate him!  

Links:

[TNAWrestling.com]: Adam “Pacman” Jones Signs Contract With Total Nonstop Action (TNA) Wrestling

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Pacman Jones’ backup plan in life: pro wrestling

So, what do you do when you get suspended from your job for being a notorious malcontent with a rap sheet that would make Suge Knight blush? Well, if you’re Pacman Jones, you go to the only place on earth where criminals are openly accepted: pro wrestling!

That’s right, Pacman is stepping into the squared circle for a body slamming good time according to “sources close to WTVF-TV in Nashville.” But before you go off thinking that Vince McMahon has just done it again by cashing in on some real life notoriety, you should know that Pacman isn’t signing with the WWE. Nope, turns out that the spontaneously combusting McMahon (that was fake, right?) got scooped on the deal and the suspended Titan will be joining the high-flying, hard-hitting crew at TNA. So far, there has been no comment from the big wigs at TNA, but they did say that they would release a statement soon.

Personally, we’re as sick of Pacman as the next guy and we really just want to see him rot in a cell, but now that we’ve gotten wind of this little gimmick, we’re starting to change our mind. After all, if there’s even a sliver of a chance that we could see Abyss slam Pacman onto a pile of thumbtacks then we’re all in. And, anyways, there’s no way he could be any worse than this, right?

Unfortunately, it looks like the Titans could be big party poopers as they are now threatening to pull the plug on the whole deal because it would be a violation of his contract. While, we’d love to see Pacman get slammed right on his head, if he’s relegated to a strictly speaking role it could be equally, if not more, entertaining. But we’re still holding out hope that there is a Steiner Recliner somewhere in Pacman’s future.

Links:

[VolunteerTV.com]: Pacman Jones A Professional Wrestler?

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TNA’s Victory Road recap


Kurt Angle thought he was pretty big stuff as he strutted around the IMPACT! Zone sporting a pair of big, shiny belts; especially since one of the belts is the most coveted prize in TNA. But after the Match of Champions, Angle is going to have to swallow a bit of his pride because his archenemy Samoa Joe is now walking around with three title belts around his pudgy waist.

Thanks to a little opportunistic measure that would have made Edge envious, Joe sneakily picked up the pin on Brother Ray of Team 3D after Angle nailed him with the Olympic Slam and, not only retained his X Division championship, but won both of the World Tag Team Titles! Now, after a month of madness, scenarios and possibilities ran wild en route to Victory Road, the only question that remains on the heels of the PPV is who will Joe choose to be his new tag team partner? We’re not too sure who Joe’s going to recruit, but we’re pretty certain we’ll have a much better idea on Thursday evening around 9:30 ET.

But Joe’s got a lot more to think about than just crowing a fellow tag team champ, he’s also going to have to contend with an increasingly unstable Christopher Daniels who won the Ultimate X Gauntlet match. By grabbing the giant “X” dangling over the center of the ring, Daniels became the number one contender for Joe’s X Division crown. As usual, the contest was full of high risk for the wrestlers and high rewards for the fans and while Daniels won the match, it was Kaz who stole the show. As Daniels lay prone, hanging upside down from the suspended ropes, Kaz nailed a Diamond Cutter that sent both men crashing to the mat below. Needless to say, chants of “TNA! TNA!” rang out throughout living rooms across America.

But no PPV would be complete without a show stopping performance from the Instant Classic. While Chris Harris isn’t even close to being in Christian Cage’s class, the two were able to put on an entertaining bout that saw The Wildcat kick out of pin attempt after pin attempt. But in the end, Cage won the match after Goldust Dustin Rhodes interfered by attacking Harris from behind. To some it would be considered a tainted victory, but to Cage it’s just another day at the office.

Complete results from Victory Road

Christopher Daniels won the Ultimate X match to become the new number one contender to the X Championship

The Voodoo Kin Mafia defeated Basham & Damaja

James Storm defeated Rhino

The Motor City Machineguns beat Jerry Lynn and Mr. Backlund

Eric Young & Gail Kim defeated Robert Roode & Ms. Brooks

Christian Cage defeated “Wildcat” Chris Harris after interference from Dustin Rhodes

Sting and Abyss beat Tomko and AJ Styles

Samoa Joe won the Match Of Champions to win the TNA World Tag Team Championship

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Sorry Kurt, but Bob Backlund is our American hero


Abyss showed his ugly face for the first time last week and then he followed that up by kicking Lance Hoyt’s butt all over the six-sided ring to open Impact on Thursday night. But the real fun came after the match when Abyss showed the world that he actually has a voice by screaming at his Victory Road opponents (A.J. Styles and Tomko) with his tag partner Sting by his side. We know that TNA is trying to make Abyss a fan favorite before James Mitchell brings in his newest monster, but we preferred the Abyss that was just a straight up ass kicking machine. Still, this is a helluva lot better than the emotionally fragile Abyss they were shoving down our throats not too long ago.

In the main event, Robert Roode joined forces with Christian Cage and his coalition of Styles and Tomko to take on all four competitors in the Match of Champions. It was obvious from the beginning that Team 3-D and Samoa Joe wanted nothing to do with Kurt Angle and his continually inflating ego. And for good reason as Angle offered no support during the match until Joe put Styles in the Muscle Buster; that’s when your Olympic hero jumped into action by tagging himself into the match. A chop to Joe’s leg sent the fat boy to the mat and Angle covered Styles for the easy 1-2-3. It’s all in a day’s work for the egomaniacal face of TNA.

During the broadcast, TNA announced that at Victory Road there would be a 10 Man Ultimate X Gauntlet Match to determine the No. 1 contender for the X Division Title. Now, we don’t need to tell you that the Ultimate X matches are some of the most entertaining the sport has ever seen. So, that match alone might be worth the price of the PPV. What sucks for these guys is that the match only gets them top contender status and they’ll still have to take on one of the four Match of Champions contestants for the belt. Talk about a difficult road to the top!

But the real reason we tune in each week isn’t to see the high flying or big impacts; no, we keep coming back for the great skits put together by Paparazzi Productions. This week was a debate between old and new school, with Kevin Nash mediating, that ended in a comedic brawl between Alex Shelly, Chris Saban, Jerry Lynn and Bob Backlund. And, as always, Backlund went absolutely berserk, leaving us in stitches as he slapped the Chicken Wing onto Shelly, ranting the entire time. Leave it to TNA to pull off the impossible and make Mr. Backlund cool again.

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TNA Impact Recap: The Dudley Boys did it…NOOOOOOOO!



We’d be a lot more accepting of Team 3-D
if Stacy Keibler was still around.

After last week’s hour long, hardcore, three-way (it’s not what it sounds like) between Kurt Angle, Christian Cage and Rhino, we were a little worried that we might be looking at another 60-minute marathon when Impact kicked off their show with a triple threat match for the TNA Tag Team Championship. But it ended up being an incredibly action packed bout between the champs, Team 3-D, L.A.X. and A.J. Styles and Christopher Daniels that was so entertaining that time wasn’t a factor. It should have ended after Styles took a wicked Border Toss from Hernandez, but Daniels pulled the ref out of the ring before his hand hit the mat for the third count. Next thing you know, Hernandez and his huge frame are flying over the top rope for a suicide dive on Brother Devon, Daniels and Styles. Pretty amazing stuff by a 300-pounder!

Just when you think you’ve seen it all, Brother Ray leaps off the top turnbuckle to the floor below, crushing both members of L.A.X. and an unfortunately misplaced Styles in the process. But the match would end suddenly when Team 3-D nailed the 3-D on Daniels to retain their TNA Tag Team belts. Ugh, again the future is sitting and waiting while the past gets to bask in their 20-title reign with yet another main event to their credit. When will poor Styles, quite possibly the most talented wrestler in the biz, ever get another big break? But we digress; so, in the Match of Champions at Victory Road, it will be Team 3-D taking on the uneasy combination of TNA Heavy Weight Champion Kurt Angle and X-Division champ Samoa Joe with a variety of outcomes hanging in the balance.

Then there was a hardcore, three-way, catfight (it is what is sounds like) between TNA eye-candy Ms. Brooks, Gail Kim and Jackie Moore. We haven’t seen three ladies tear into each other like that since that tequila filled Spring Break in Mexico back in ’02. While there are really no losers in a match like this, at least for the entire male viewing audience, Moore ended up taking the fall as Kim got the pinfall.

But the highlight of a highlight filled evening was Kurt Angle’s self appreciation night after he whopped Brock Lesnar in some gimmick match in Japan. And just as Angle was getting around to how great he was for the fifth or sixth time, Team 3-D had the nerve to interrupt his monologue with an old fashioned ass kicking. But all’s well that end’s well for the champ as he capped off the night by putting Joe through a table. This partnership is off to a smashing start.

Oh, but there’s still more; we finally got a look at Abyss’ ugly mug without the mask on and it wasn’t a pretty sight. He was wearing Sting’s face paint and looked an awful lot like a bloated Gene Simmons from KISS’ heyday. Next week, the freak speaks; stay tuned!

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TNA Impact: one match, one belt, one hour



Kurt Angle is still the champ, but just
barely.

If you are anything like us, you’re getting burnt out on all the Chris Benoit talk surrounding murder, suicide, roids, divorce, retardation and so on. So, what better way to break away from the doom and gloom that is currently surrounding the WWE than to throw yourself into the bright and sunny world of TNA.

Hopefully you’re not a big fan of Shark Boy, Sonjay Dutt or Eric Young because there was simply no time for fringe losers to grab the spotlight on Thursday night as TNA Impact was dominated by a three man match for the TNA World Heavyweight title between Rhyno, Christian Cage and the champ Kurt Angle. In a 60 minute slug fest that saw plenty of close counts and interference from guys like Abyss, Sting, Samoa Joe, Tomko, AJ Styles, and others, it was Kurt Angle who eventually had his hand raised in victory. Thanks to a little beer in Rhyno’s eyes courtesy of a James Storm sudsy spit spritzer, Angle was able to finally obtain the one, two, three. The win teams up Angle with Joe in the Match of Champions at the Victory Road PPV against whoever ends up being the tag team title holders at the time. That will be determined next week when the current tag champs Team 3-D takes on LAX and the combo of Christopher Daniels and Styles.

While we still think that this Match of Champions is a bit of a looney idea, it could end up causing a pretty big ripple throughout the TNA roster as this match opens up a whole worm can full of possibilities. Who will Joe or Angle pick to become the other half of the tag champs should one of them pick up the pin? Would they be willing to set aside their differences and become a super power by selecting the other and sharing four titles between the two of them? Or will one of the tag champs, whoever that might be, win either the X-Division or World Heavyweight Championships? Can any of the three tag teams in the running for the match survive the jealousy of their partner holding a pair of titles without dividing the duo?

These might seem like petty questions, but isn’t it nice to ponder something besides what a sick bastard Benoit is every once in a while?

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TNA slaps their weekly full nelson on the WWE



Damn, fat boy’s got the gold again!

There’s really no denying it anymore; TNA is consistently putting on a better show than the WWE. Vince McMahon and his, oh wait; The late Vince McMahon and his boys are struggling for good storylines while TNA pushes the envelope with new ideas. Now, we’re not saying that all of TNA’s ideas are spectacularly compelling, but they constantly provide fresh, new stories. And their talent pool is getting deeper and deeper by the week.

Why do you think the WWE is reaching so far into their bag of tricks of late? The three hours specials, the draft, the insane McMahon explosion that grabbed the mainstream media’s attention; it’s all an attempt to grab back some of the viewers who are starting to jump ship. After all, this is the most competition the WWE has encountered since the old Monday Night Wars.

Like we said, not all of TNA’s concepts are the best. One example is their latest craziness involving the tag champs (Team 3-D), the new X-Division champ (Black Machismo), and the new TNA champ Kurt Angle. There’s all sorts of things going on with this that we’re having a hard time following, but what we do know is that the tag champs will take on the other two champs in a match and anyone who gets pinned loses their belt to the pinner at the next PPV, Victory Road. Make sense? Yea, we didn’t think so.

All you need to know right now is that Samoa Joe pinned Chris Saban in a three-way match, which also included Black Machismo, for the X Division championship and advanced to the Match of Champions. Damn Black Machismo, we thought you could hold onto the belt longer than that. Now, we gotta wait until next week to see who else advances and becomes Joe’s partner because there will be another three-way match between Christian Cage, Rhyno and the champ Kurt Angle next Thursday. Considering the history between Joe and Angle, we wouldn’t be surprised to see TNA give Angle the match and put another twist on their rivalry.

But the real kick to the WWE’s balls came when Jeff Jarrett revealed the reason why he’s been mysteriously out of action recently. In a tear filled interview, the King of the Mountain broke character and revealed that he lost his wife to cancer. This really makes the “mock murder of Vince McMahon” plotline look even more ridiculous.