Carolina Hurricanes

NHL butt-head delivers a head-butt

If you thought that head-butts were exclusive to WWE murdering psychopaths, idiotic foreign kids, Zinedine Zidane and tiny jockeys then you are sorely mistaken. Of course, you’re not as sore as Mike Fisher is after he took a few fists and a forehead to the face from the Hurricanes Scott Walker.

Nice technique. Walker must have been taking lessons from this guy.


[SLAM! Sports]: Canes’ head-butt `cheap’
[James Mirtle]: Walker’s headbutt

College Football

Isn’t throat slashing illegal in college football?

This was a horribly scary and sobering weekend to be an athlete. Not only did Jamaal Tinsley get blasted at by some green-eyed goons out way past their bedtimes, but a South Carolina football player got his throat slashed in a fight near campus.

Senior defensive end Jordin Lindsey, who was ineligible to play this year because of poor grades, got into a fight with two men early Saturday morning when he was cut by something, possibly a broken bottle. And talk about a tough kid, Lindsey needed surgery but was released on Sunday.

The elder Lindsey [father Billy] said Jordin Lindsey and his twin, Dustin, also a Gamecocks player, were walking early Saturday morning in Five Points, a neighborhood known for its college bar scene and restaurants.

Two men yelled at the brothers from across a street, but the twins didn’t think much about it — until they heard footsteps and Jordin Lindsey was stabbed, Billy Lindsey said.

We’re glad to hear that Lindsey is recovering, but we’re somewhat disappointed to hear that being 6-foot-3 and weighing 256 pounds just doesn’t intimidate like it use to. Then again, these punks did have to attack from behind, displaying the yellow streaks running down their backs. But don’t worry, according to Dr. Gordon Nuber, in 50 years or so, athletes might not ever have to worry about someone trying to pick a fight with them.


[]: Attacker slashes Gamecock’s neck

Philadelphia Flyers

Hockey fight! Hockey fight! Hockey fight!

Our reactions were a bit delayed in getting this video of the Riley Cote/Aaron Asham fight posted, but kinda like our participants’ duel, it’s totally worth the wait. It takes a second for these guys to get going, but once they do, it’s like they’re holding jackhammers to each other’s face.


[]: Riley Cote, Bam! Kapow! Splat!

Boston Bruins

It’s clobbering time!

Normally, we would say that you should never throw down with somebody who has a helmet on. It just doesn’t make any sense, but, then again, we can’t argue with results.

There is really nothing better than a little blood on the ice. And, by the way, we love the whole “Tale of the Tape” graphics that are being incorporated.


[Larry Brown Sports]: Don’t **** With Zdeno Chara

NFL General

Joey Porter vs. Levi Jones and it doesn’t even cost $49.95!

We heard the other day that a video of the Las Vegas Palms casino brawl between Levi Jones and Joey Porter had surfaced, but we kept thinking that this was just some ruse to get us all excited before an eventual letdown. You know, kinda like when you finally saw Ghost Rider. But we were wrong, the video actually exists and Porter actually is a cheap shot artist.

And you thought that Joey was just faking insanity when he did the “Dean Scream” (or any of the dozen or so other incidents) during the Monday Night Football lineups.


[Awful Announcing]: Jay Glazer’s FOX Exclusive Tape of The Joey Porter – Levi Jones Fight

All Other Sports

Peewee football parents are making K-Fed and Britney look like the Cleavers

Just when we thought you couldn’t get any dumber, you go and do something like this… and totally demean yourself!

Parents never cease to amaze us with their complete stupidity when it comes to their kids and sports. We all know about the `overbearing baseball dad’ and the `crazy soccer mom’ and now we know about `umbrella-wielding football parents.’

Two people were arrested and another man was hospitalized after a fight that involved at least 15 people at a youth football game Saturday.

The fight occurred when a parent of a child on the losing team struck a parent from the winning team with an umbrella, Lacey police officer Roland Sapinoso said.

The fight broke out at about 3:30 p.m. in a practice field next to South Sound Stadium after a game between two Black Hills Youth Football teams made up of second- through fourth-graders.

The president of the Oregon football league, Chuck Farrar, had some incredible insight when he told reporters that the people who started the brawl were parents “who took a game of second- through fourth-graders way too seriously.”

That Chuck, he’s got some great observation skills. He must have learned from this video how to pick up on subtleties like that.


[]: 2 arrested in fight at youth ball game
[]: Brawling Parents Banned From Future Football Games

All Other Sports

Is anybody drug testing these mascots? Sure seems like roid rage to us

By now you’ve probably seen the fight between Donald and Shasta. Well, you can consider that to be the undercard, because we had another incident of mascot misbehavior.

Coastal Carolina and James Madison hooked up on the football field last week and then Duke Dog and Chauncey the Chanticleer hooked it up on the sidelines.

Said Coastal freshman Andrew Moore: “He was belligerent. He was trying to get our mascot.”

As the Duke Dog resisted, police dragged him off the field and into a stadium tunnel.

“They ripped off his head,” JMU junior Brad Tephabock said. “They slammed him against the wall.

Ripped his head off? Who do these cops think they are? Michael Vick.

Apparently, people in the stands started yelling “Don’t tase me, bro” as security pulled the two apart. Classic.


[Washington Post]: Duke Dog Decked in Mascot Furfight

General Sports

Kyle Petty gets visor-flippin’ mad at Denny Hamlin

We’ve been known to give an unfriendly gesture or two to our fellow motorists after being cut off or tailgated. So, we can only imagine how prickly we’d be if you ratcheted up the MPH to around 200. In fact, we’d probably act a lot like Kyle Petty did after Denny Hamlin smacked him from behind during Sunday’s race at Dover International Speedway.

While the two were always being restrained and we never got to see any real brawling, we did get a verbal back-n-forth between the two. Petty thinks Hamlin is too aggressive and Hamlin thinks Petty is a meanie. You know, the usual stuff.

It’s a shame that a guy with that much talent has to drive like that,” Petty said. “We’ve seen it a lot. We’ve seen it all year long. Even his teammate, Tony Stewart, talked about it. I think it pretty much speaks for itself.

And your counter Mr. Hamlin?

Don’t smack me on the helmet,” Hamlin said. “You smack me on the helmet and I’m going to punch you in the face, bottom line. So I’d like for him to call me some time this week.

“You don’t come to my car. You don’t come to my pit. You meet me somewhere else and we’ll settle it. I have the utmost respect for Kyle, but don’t lay your hands on my head.”

Petty also accused Hamlin of lacking focus after winning the Busch Series race on Saturday. Hamlin shot down that accusation, saying he has too much to worry about in his pursuit of a Nextel Cup title.

“The biggest thing is that I know Kyle gets run over a lot and a lot of the reason is that he’s so far off the pace,” Hamlin said. “We’re in a clutter of leaders and he’s racing his own little battle and some days it’s your day and some days it’s not. Get out of the way.

Yeah, Kyle; “it’s the fastest who get paid and it’s the fastest who get laid.” Shake and bake!


[]: It’s On! Angry Petty lays the smack down in garage on Hamlin

NBA General

Joey Crawford’s back and he’s ready to piss more people off

Five months ago, the biggest problem facing the NBA was a no-nonsense, technical foul-yielding referee that mysteriously threw Tim Duncan out in the final minutes of a game against the Dallas Mavericks and then, according to Duncan, challenged him to a fight. Well, after being suspended indefinitely since April, Joey Crawford has been reinstated into the league.

Based on my meeting with Joey Crawford, his commitment to an ongoing counseling program, and a favorable professional evaluation that was performed at my direction, I am satisfied that Joey understands the standards of game management and professionalism the NBA expects from him and that he will be able to conduct himself in accordance with those standards,” said NBA commissioner David Stern.

It’s amazing how little things like referees picking fights with superstars can all be forgiven when there’s some jerk-off zebra messing with the mob and fixing games.


[]: NBA Reinstates Official Joey Crawford


Soccer showoff gets no respect for his skills from his peers

We don’t know a lot about soccer, but we do know that most of these guys enjoy a good fight. So, when some punk decides to stop using his feet and begins to rely solely on bouncing the ball on his head like a seal, you know that someone is gonna get pissed. Luckily for us, that someone delivered a hit to `seal boy’ that would make Ray Lewis beam with pride.

Don’t you wish Lefty would have the same reaction should Tiger ever decide to get cocky and do his little ball-bouncing wizardry at the course again? Okay, maybe it’s just us.


[The Offside]: A Seal Clubbing in Brazilian Football