Tag: funny

Categories
NFL General

Touchdown celebrations just aren’t what they used to be

2007 was definitely a down year for clever touchdown celebrations in the National Football League, we mean the No Fun League. Chad Johnson tried his best to get the year off to a good start, but, unfortunately, donning a “Future Hall of Famer” jacket was both the highlight and lowlight of end zone elation this season. So, we’re going to go fire up the `way back’ machine and bring you a classic football celebration to make up for this year’s lack of luster. It’s not Johnson’s Irish jig, Steve Smith’s boat ride or pole slide, Terrell Owens’ Sharpie or even Gus Frerotte’s head-butt. Nope, this celebration is much nuttier than any of those.

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Toronto Raptors

Give America what it needs, vote for Chris W. Bosh in ’08

You know Chris Bosh as rebound-grabbing, slam dunk-delivering, shot-blocking machine. Needless to say, some of you have already bubbled in his name on the 2008 ballot as an Eastern Conference All-Star. Well, Mr. Bosh appreciates all your recent support. And for all the undecideds, Chris W. is here to assure you that if you vote for Bosh, your vote will not be cast in vain.

Please America, don’t make W. beg. “For the love of god, just let the boy play in the All-Star game!!!”

Links:

[Chris-Bosh.com]: Home

Categories
New York Jets

Jets fans get cut off during the team’s season finale


Normally testosterone filled men are willing to put up with almost anything in exchange for a brief glimpse at a pair of boobs. However, we did say “almost anything” because every man has a line that they just won’t cross; for `J-E-T-S, JETS, JETS, JETS!’ fans, that line in the sand has to do with booze.

After Jets fans got busted for having halftime flashing parties in the innards of the stadium, the franchise decided to ban alcohol for the Jets’ final home game this past Sunday. So, not only were the fans boobless, but they were beerless and they had to watch the lame Jets play a meaningless contest against an equally awful Chiefs squad. Needless to say, the natives were a bit restless about the situation, especially since the Jets blindsided fans with the announcement just prior to kickoff.

The beer ban was not announced before the game so that fans would not “overindulge” in the parking lot ahead of kickoff, [James R.] Minish [executive vice president of facilities for the New Jersey Sports & Exposition Authority] said.

Jets spokesman Bruce Speight said the ban was primarily aimed at curbing excess at a game that, with a post-4 p.m. kickoff, allowed for lots of tailgating and took place just before a holiday.

“At times, when we think there is a greater chance of alcohol consumption, we take steps to adjust our policy,” Speight said Monday, adding the team imposed a similar ban in 2005. “This was not specific to Gate D.”

The Jets prevailed 13-10 in overtime of their season finale against the Kansas City Chiefs, but some fans let authorities know they missed their suds.

“We want beer!” some chanted at halftime, The Star-Ledger of Newark reported.

Meanwhile, over at Ralph Wilson Stadium, the puckheads were tailgating in full force. And while we feel sorry for the Jets fans that had to watch their team sober, if they were just a little more prepared, like hockey fans, then this wouldn’t even be a problem. Unlike football fans, hockey fans will do anything to get drunk before a game. No surprise ban is gonna keep them from being sloshed in the stands. Heck, who else does pregame bowling ball shots in the parking lot?

And there’s a bar set up for those interested in having a shot of Polish cherry liqueur poured out of the thumbhole of a bowling ball.

“I call it my 16-pound shot glass,” [Ken] Johnson said. “It actually tastes (awful). I don’t know why people drink it. But I go through 12-14 bottles of this a game.”

Links:

[WCBSTV.com]: Jets Plan To Resume Beer Sales Next Season
[Charlotte.com]: Fans cook up a flurry of fun

Categories
All Other Sports

The Chick-fil-A cows aren’t the only ones who want to be left alone

Normally we don’t report on the world of cow acrobatics, but when we see a calf with a better standing dropkick than Randy Orton’s then we just gotta show it off to the masses.

Categories
New England Patriots

Bill Belichick does his best Santa Scrooge impression


The Patriots are on the verge of immortality. With a win over the Giants on Saturday night, they can brush aside those annoying, geriatric Dolphins from yesteryear, becoming the only team to go a perfect 16-0 in the regular season. Sounds like a pretty good Christmas gift to us. Bill Belichick, on the other hand, is still gonna be a “bah humbug” until that Super Bowl trophy is in his hands again. So, leave it to Sports Illustrated to have a little fun with the NFL’s grumpiest guru, digitally putting Belichick into a Santa suit for the cover of the year-end special of SI.

We gotta give it to the guys at SI, other than seeing a bikini clad babe sprawled across the magazine’s face, this was the year’s best cover. Heck, even Belichick seemed to enjoy it.

Being associated with Santa Claus, there’s a lot worse associations to have,” he said yesterday. “I’ll take it. When you’re a kid, sometimes you dream about being on the cover of Sports Illustrated. That’s not actually the one I pictured, but it’s pretty funny. Whatever sells.

“…not actually the one I pictured”??? You didn’t want to grace the swimsuit edition cover, did you?

Links:

[TheStar.com]: `Santa’ Belichick latest coverboy

Categories
College Football

Ball boy blunder at bowl game befuddles billions

After watching the wildest college football season in history unfold over the previous months, nobody wanted the wackiness to end with the regular season. Well, one person might be wishing for a more mundane postseason contest.

Mack Brown’s stepson got really, really lucky on that one because if Arizona State rallied back to beat the Horns, Chris Jessee might be tarred and feathered on Sixth Street in downtown Austin minutes after the team charter lands. Luckily for Brown, Jessee and the Longhorn faithful, all ended well in Pacific Life Holiday Bowl for Texas and the tar and feathers will be packed away for now, patiently waiting for the next loss to Oklahoma or Texas A&M. At least we all learned something from this unbelievable brain fart: Kirk Herbstreit has eyes like a hawk!

Categories
General Sports

When little red wagons attack!

Remember when you were a kid and you’d wreck on your bike trying to do a trick? Sure, it was embarrassing and painful, but at least you weren’t on television for the whole world to see like this dufus from the Discovery Channel.

If you ask us, that was just his own personal tribute to the late, great Evel Knievel.

Categories
Memphis Grizzlies

Yes, those were areolas you just saw on the Jumbotron

We always thought Jumbotrons were being underused in arenas and stadiums across the country. Well, we were right and earlier this week at a Memphis Grizzlies game, Stephanie Simpson proved that the million-dollar, giant televisions weren’t just meant to show highlights and dot races.

Wait, arrested! For flashing! Geez, seems a bit harsh considering how many times the Grizzlies have been exposed on the court this year. Teams are robbing Memphis of its dignity every night. Trust us, there is no way a pair of cans could be more traumatic than sitting through 48 minutes of horrible basketball. Unless Rudy Gay is dropping a game-winner on Tim Duncan then we say all eyes in the FedEx Forum should be fixed on the big screen in hopes of catching another glimpse of the “Flash Cam”.

Links:

[Awful Announcing]: You’re Not Going To Believe This One, A Woman Was Arrested At Grizzlies Game For Flashing The Jumbotron

Categories
Dallas Cowboys

Like Nick Lachey, Terrell Owens tells Jessica Simpson to get lost


If you thought Tony Romo was disappointed in his poor performance in front of his honey, then just wait until you hear how disappointed his teammates were. As if the Cowboys hadn’t already begun to eat their own when camera crews started broadcasting reactions to Roy Williams `horse-collar’ suspension, now we got Terrell Owens telling Jessica Simpson to beat it.

Right now, Jessica Simpson is not a fan favorite – in this locker room or in Texas Stadium,” Owens said Wednesday.

The Cowboys lost 10-6 to the Philadelphia Eagles and Romo had what was statistically the worst game of his career, all while Simpson sat in a luxury box wearing a pink No. 9 jersey she proudly showed off for television cameras.

The problem for her is, Romo’s previous worst game came last December at home to the Eagles when then-girlfriend Carrie Underwood was in attendance.

“With everything that has happened, obviously with the way Tony played and the comparison between her and Carrie Underwood, I think a lot of people feel she has taken his focus away,” Owens said, echoing the chatter on sports-talk radio and blogs. “Other than that, she was high on my list until last week.

“Oh, I got a message for her when we make the playoffs. Just stay tuned.

All this Jessica Simpson stuff has gotten out of hand. Girlfriends and wives are in the stands every game and we’re not slamming other players’ pitiful contributions to the fact their woman was in the bleachers. Romo stunk it up and that’s the end of the story. If Jessica doesn’t show up to the next game and Romo sucks even worse, is everyone going to start clamoring for her return a luxury box?

We’re just saying that we should keep the incidents separated. Why do we have to play connect the dots with everything that happens in sports? Let’s just keep our Tony Romo’s bad game insults over here and our Jessica Simpson’s big boobs and horse face insults over there and call it a day.

Links:

[WJZ.com]: T.O. To Jessica Simpson: Stay Away

Categories
All Other Sports

You’ve got nacho cheese on your face, you big disgrace!

Say what you want, but sports just wouldn’t be the same without the fans. Sure, athletes make the whole thing go round, but without the average Joes filling the seats then what do you got? A whole lot of nothing, that’s what you got. So, we want to honor all you dedicated fans who pay for overpriced tickets because when the times get tough, you guys are as solid as a rock, unwavering in your support of the franchise. Of course, you’re probably too plastered to know they suck, but we’ll still take it.