Categories
Dallas Mavericks

Avery Johnson lives up to his nickname of "Little Big Man"


It sure looks like Mavericks coach Avery Johnson was drinking his milk over the summer. Why do we say that? Well, (A) he shot up from 5-foot-11-inches to well over the head of 6-foot-5-inch Josh Howard. (B) Because he’s standing on a milk crate and there’s no milk in it. (C) He’s got the evidence all over his face and (D) the ad tells us so.

Coaching my team to the top was a tall order. Good thing milk was my #1 pick. Some studies suggest the protein helps build muscle, plus teens who choose it instead of sugary drinks tend to be leaner. Like I tell my guys: If you want to keep breaking records, keep hitting the glass.

We know that Johnson is from Louisiana and he can be difficult to understand at times (even when reading quotes), but the milk dudes did not just make him say “Coaching my team to the top was a tall order,” did they?

Maybe we’re being a little picky here, but they do know that Avery’s Mavericks committed two of the biggest choke jobs in NBA postseason history over the last couple of years, right?

Links:

[CBS11TV.com]: Mavs Player-Coach Combo In `got milk’ Ad
[Mavs.com]: got milk? Avery Johnson and Josh Howard sure do

Categories
Philadelphia Eagles

Hey, Calvin! Head over to Paddy’s Pub and tell `em we sent ya


As you’ve probably already figured out, we like to keep up with the latest fashions and trends. So, we thrilled to hear from Philadelphia Will Do that the latest fad is making fun of your favorite team. Luckily for Philadelphia Eagles fans, that shouldn’t be too hard to do. Let’s see:

Horrible record? Check!

Division cellar dwellers? Check!

Coaching controversy? Check!

Humiliating loss to division rivals? Check!

Diminished expectations? Check!

All righty then; send us over a box of those generic Calvin shirts pronto! These sound like quality, cheap Christmas gifts if you ask us. But don’t worry if you’re one of our close and dear friends; the X-Mas surprise isn’t ruined yet. You still don’t know if you’re getting an Eagles shirt, a Vick `em shirt, a West Virgina tee, a Rockies Suck shirt, or the always popular six pack of Oklahoma Sucks Beer.

See, Christmas is still on and popping this year!

Links:

[Philadelphia Will Do]: `Dallas Sucks, T.O. Swallows’ Shirt Factory Changes Course

Categories
New York Yankees

Hey, that’s my boy over there. No, not the Sox fan! He’s the baton-twirling cheerleader.

We know that the MLB season is over and the Red Sox are atop the baseball world again, but that doesn’t mean that Yankees fans aren’t still bitter.

Wow, as outsiders to the whole New York/Boston thing; we gotta admit, after seeing that father disown his ‘Sox son’ for Sonjaya’s Caucasian brother, we finally see how powerful this rivalry really is!

Categories
Detroit Pistons

Around the Rim: Wrestling with the truth


1. Welcome back, Rasheed
The NBA season is rolling, but something just doesn’t feel right. Something is missing. Ah, of course! Rasheed Wallace hasn’t done anything stupid yet. Wait; looks like we can check that off our list. Here’s what Sheed had to say about the Pistons being eliminated from the playoffs by Cleveland in six games last year.

“There’s a lot of people out here who think they really beat us,” Wallace sniffed, apparently ignoring the fact that five close games were followed by a 16-point Cavs blowout in Game 6. “It was ourselves. We beat ourselves. We fell victim to the little, personal NBA thing where they’re trying to make it a world game and get ratings and all that.

“They wanted to put their darling (LeBron James) in there, and they did put him in there. Look what ended up happening.”

“So this game, this ain’t basketball no more, it’s entertainment. It’s like WWF. Ain’t no more real (than) wrestling. All the days of Ric Flair and Rick Rude and Jake the Snake. … It’s so fake.”

That’s more like it, we feel much better now.

2. Seeing green

So far, so good for the green clovers. Sure, they’re just two games into their season, but the Boston Celtics tremendous trio is looking pretty intimidating at the moment. After spanking Washing by 20 points on Friday, the Celtics returned to action on Sunday against Washington and when it came time for someone to step up for the game winning shot, Ray Allen made a 3-pointer to give Boston a 98-95 victory over Toronto in overtime. Allen led the way with 33 points, including seven treys, and Kevin Garnett followed up his double-double debut with 23 points, 13 rebounds, six assists and three steals. Celtics senior Paul Pierce dished in 13 points, five rebounds six assists and a pair of steals. So far, the green’s big three have Boston fans feeling like kings of the sports universe with the Celtics joining the Red Sox, Patriots and Eagles atop their respective sports.

3. No Stoudemire, no sweat
Despite missing their star big man Amare Stoudemire, Phoenix rolled over Cleveland in the second half and sent the Cavaliers on to Golden State with a 103-92 defeat. The defending Eastern Conference champs are now 1-2 on the young season, getting handled by the pair of western big boys they’ve faced. LeBron James had a great game, leading the team in every major stat except for rebounds, and the Cavs out-rebounded Phoenix by 11 (51-40), but the team’s 18 turnovers proved too much to overcome. Steve Nash played like Steve Nash (30 pts, 10 ast), Shawn Marion did his thing (23 pts, 12 reb, 2 stl, 2 blk) and before you know it, BAM, the Suns have 103 points off an eight man rotation, seven if you exclude Marcus Banks’ five minutes of play.

Sunday’s Player of the Day: LeBron James @ Phoenix 43 min, 27 pts (FG: 11-26, 3FG: 3-5, FT: 2-2), 5 reb, 8 ast, 2 stl, 4 blk

Monday’s Game to Watch: Houston (3-0) @ Dallas (2-1)
It’s easy to call this our “Game to Watch” because it’s the only contest on the calendar. But even if they weren’t flying solo on Monday night, they’d still have a legitimate claim for the NBA’s top billing. Dallas bounced back from an embarrassing loss to Atlanta on Friday to pop a hapless Sacramento team in the mouth on Saturday. The Mavericks looked good in their 123-102 spanking of the Kings, but Kevin Martin, Francisco Garcia and Brad Miller really don’t compare to in-state rival Houston’s lineup of Tracy McGrady, Shane Battier and Yao Ming. The Rockets are finally starting to look like the team everybody expected to see when McGrady first joined the crew in 2004. Luis Scola is shaping up to be a steal from the Spurs based on his effort alone. It should be another 1,2,3 finish for the three Texas teams in the Southwest division, but this year could be the year Houston escapes the bronze medal.

Buzzer Beater: It was discovered over the weekend that a pair of NBA notables recently turned up their noses to a pair of different offers. First, Phil Jackson said that Grant Hill wouldn’t return his phone call over the summer while he was deciding on his future as a free agent. “I figured he didn’t entertain the idea very much if he didn’t return that call,” said Jackson. We can understand that considering that Hill actually wants to win a title and not just be Kobe’s shadow in the midst of a storm of uncertainty. Then comes the bad news for Philly fanatics. It appears that Andre Iguodala has declined the team’s final offer of a contract extension. Apparently, $57 million just isn’t enough to keep him settled in Philadelphia for the next five years. Again, we can’t blame him; have you seen the freaks that live in that dump? Not to mention he’d still be on the Sixers.

Overtime Buzzer Beater: Dirk Nowitzki loves him some NASCAR-Nextel Cup. Herren, fangen Sie Ihre Motoren an!

Categories
College Football

Now Darren McFadden sees the SEC single-game rushing record, now he doesn’t (sorta)


On Sunday, Adrian Peterson showed off his skillz once again to the NFL. But we’re thinking that he might have just been doing his best Darren McFadden impression. Of course, Peterson can’t afford to have the same thing happen to him that happened to McFadden if he wants to hold onto the single game all-time rushing record.

Darren McFadden had two yards subtracted from his rushing total from Saturday night, meaning he only tied the Southeastern Conference single-game record.

McFadden was initially credited with 323 yards on 35 carries in Arkansas’ 48-36 win over South Carolina, but Razorbacks spokesman Kevin Trainor said Sunday that a review of the film showed the star tailback was given too many yards. A 3-yard run by Felix Jones was mistakenly credited to McFadden, and McFadden was shortchanged a yard on one of his carries.

McFadden is now credited with 321 yards on 34 carries. Jones’ updated totals for Saturday night: 13 carries for 166 yards.

Vanderbilt’s Frank Mordica rushed for 321 yards in a 1978 game.

Sure, it’s a total bummer that McFadden lost sole possession of the record, but we’re not going to be shedding any tears for him just yet. According to SportingNews.com, McFadden moved from No. 10 to No. 5 on the SEC career rushing list. In the game, he jumped Carnell Williams, Sonny Collins, Emmitt Smith, Charles Alexander and Dalton Hilliard by racking up 4,076 4,074 yards on the ground for his career.

And since we brought up Peterson who broke Jamal Lewis’ single game rushing record by one yard on Sunday, why not compare what could possibly be the greatest one-two punch in a single weekend between a pro and college back.

Adrian Peterson vs. San Diego: 30 carries, 296 yards, 9.9 yard average, 3 TDs; 1 catch, 19 yards

Darren McFadden vs. South Carolina: 34 carries, 321 yards, 9.4 yard average, 1 TD; 1 catch, 4 yards; 1/1 passing, 23 yards, 1 TD; 2 kick returns, 30 yards

Links:

[SportingNews.com]: McFadden emerges again with performance for the ages
[CBSSports.com]: After further review, McFadden only tied SEC record

Categories
Detroit Lions

Shaun Rogers needs a bye week following his 66-yard TD run

So, what do you get when you cross a touchdown hungry, rumbling, stumbling, 6-foot-4-inch, 340 pound defensive tackle and a 5-foot-11-inch, 207 pound running back turned wannabe tackler? Well, you get yourself a spatula and peel Selvin Young’s carcass off the turf.

Categories
Minnesota Vikings

All hail the new king of rushing! All hail King AD!


Maurice Jones-Drew was probably feeling pretty darn good about himself after he ran a kickoff back for 100 yards, tying his game at 14 as time expired in the first quarter. Unfortunately, the good feeling was short lived as the Jaguars proceeded to get blasted by the Saints over the final three quarters and lost 41-24.

But we’re guessing that MJD still had a smile on his face as he entered the locker room; after all, it’s not very often that someone goes the length of the field for a score. Of course, it couldn’t have taken too long for word of Antonio Cromartie’s 109-yard return of a missed field goal attempt for San Diego to reach the sophomore. Yup, that’s the longest scoring play in NFL history and one major buzzkill for Jones-Drew.

But don’t fret too much Maurice, your fellow running back made sure that nobody would even care about the return by the time he was finished on the field.

Adrian Peterson has become rookie gold for the Minnesota Vikings with his incredible combination of speed and strength. And now, just eight games into his ‘rookie of the year’ campaign, this kid holds the record for most rushing yards in a single game!

Peterson lived up to his nickname of A.D. or All Day against the Chargers as he scampered for 296 yards (30 carries) and three touchdowns on the ground. He scored like clockwork in first, third and fourth quarters with TD runs of 1, 64 and 46 yards respectively. Peterson now has 1,036 rushing yards which is on pace to surpass Eric Dickerson’s 1983 rookie record of 1,808 yards and possibly his all-time record of 2,105 yards which was set in 1984.

We’re thinking that it’s pretty safe to say the ROY race is all wrapped up. In fact, the Peyton Mannings, Tom Bradys and LaDanian Tomlinsons of the league might want to start looking over their shoulders because there’s a 22-year-old who’s nipping at their heels for league MVP credentials.

A battle of undefeateds, a 100-yard kickoff return, the longest play in league history, TO’s return to Philly; sorry, but none of it compares to the performance of the Vikings young stud.

Links:

[MSNBC.com]: Yo Adrian! Vikings ride Peterson’s record day
[The Sports Network]: Saints Brees past Jaguars

Categories
All Other Sports

The first lady of pro wrasslin’ will always have our hearts in a `schoolgirl roll-up’

We try to keep our pro wrestling news to a minimum around here, but sometimes we come across a story that we just can’t ignore. Like when one of the legends of the squared circle passes on to the great traveling sideshow in the sky.

Lillian Ellison, aka the Fabulous Moolah, died on Friday at the age of 84 at Dunbar Funeral Home in Columbia, S.C.

Born Mary Lillian Ellison in 1923, she was dubbed the Fabulous Moolah after saying she wrestled “for the money … for the moolah.”

She was a longtime champion and the first woman inducted into the World Wrestling Entertainment Hall of Fame.

We’re sure the WWE is absolutely distraught over this news. After all, now they only have one little old lady to humiliate for cheap kicks.

Anyways, any time we get a chance to play a clip of the Iron Sheik reliving the good ol’ days, then we’re gonna take it. A little warning, the Sheik likes to cuss like a drunken sailor.

R.I.P. Moolah and next time, just say you like the “medicine.”

Links:

[KSDK.com]: Pro Wrestling’s Fabulous Moolah Dies At 84

Categories
College Football

Kansas is ripping the head off the BCS

After using the Nebraska Blackshirts as toilet paper and racking up 76 points on the Huskers, Kansas found themselves at No. 4 in the latest BCS Standings. We know, we can’t believe it either. The Jayhawks are sitting at fifth in both the Associated Press Top 25 and the USA Today Poll after going undefeated through nine games. This is the highest Kansas has been ranked since they spent three weeks at No. 3 in the AP poll back in 1968!

As expected, the Kansas faithful are handling their new found prestige with the utmost humility and modesty.

Links:

[The Wizard of Odds]: A Profane Statement by Jayhawk Fans

Categories
Soccer

Pair of Brazilian soccer clubs just can’t leave it on the field

Say what you want to about the great American sports rivalries, but if you want to see some real animosity then look no further than soccer outside of the States. As if there is soccer inside the States.

A pair of Brazilian teams (Atletico Paranaense and Gremio if you’re keeping score) brawled like Peter and the chicken all over town after an Atletico Paranaense player was attacked kung-fu style during a post-gamematch interview.

See what we mean? Have you ever seen Peyton Manning deliver a flying dropkick to Tom Brady’s kisser?

The rivalry between the two clubs began earlier this season when Paranaense forward Alex Mineiro was injured in a clash with Gremio midfielder Tcheco.

Tcheco was sent off in Wednesday’s match for persistent dissent and both clubs said that as he left the field he clashed with Petraglia.

After the game, Paranaense midfielder Claiton said he was attacked from behind by a Gremio player who lunged at him with a karate-style kick as he was giving a media interview.

Claiton said he went to a police station to file a complaint.

Gremio accused Paranaense of being bad hosts at the end of the match.

“We were badly received here,” said Cesar Pacheco, another member of the Gremio delegation. “They spent the week threatening us.

“This can’t happen in football.”

Now, we know that some of this soccer stuff is tough to believe but, thanks to The Offside, we’ve got the video to prove it. *”no need to watch after the 1:00 minute mark if you don’t speak Portuguese”

End of story, right? Wrong. On Thursday, the two clubs just conveniently happened to bump into each other at the airport and, well, you know where this is going.

The two clubs blamed each other for the fracas at the Afonso Pena airport in Curitiba as they resumed hostilities after Paranaense’s 2-0 win in a Brazilian championship match the previous evening.

Paranaense director Mario Cesar Petraglia said he was waiting for a flight to Sao Paulo when he was set upon by the Gremio delegation.

“I was reading my newspaper when they went for me, with physical and moral offences,” Petraglia told his club’s Web site (www.caparanaense.com).

Gremio, who were heading home to Porto Alegre, said Petraglia was with security men who joined in the fight.

“(Vice president of football Paulo) Pelaipe is with the airport police filing a complaint,” Gremio director Alfredo Oliveira told Radio Bandeirnates.

“He lost a tooth and his face has swollen up.”

Thank goodness here in the fity states, we don’t have to worry about that level of immaturity and poor sportsmanship from our athletes.

Links:

[Yahoo.com]: Brazilian clubs brawl again at airport
[The Offside]: Brazilian Teams Brawl in the Dressing Room, Airport