nfl-general
In response to the question posed by Awful Announcing: a resounding no. Hamsters and laxatives and tree houses and pregnancy; it was all just nonsensical gibberish to us. To Mike Tirico, on the other hand, it was “hysterical.”
Hey, Mike; Steve Carell isn’t funny, but Michael Scott is.
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[Awful Announcing]: Steve Carell On Monday Night Football
In case you missed the third quarter of Monday night’s game between New York and Atlanta then you didn’t miss much. Well, you didn’t miss much on the field. Inside the commentators box was a whole other story.
The MNF crew welcomed Jimmy Kimmel into the booth and then immediately regretted it as he started ribbing on Joe Theismann.
He joked about where Joe Theismann was (fired and replaced by Ron Jaworski); cracked that it was Tony Kornheiser who got Theismann axed; asked Kornheiser and Jaworski if they bet on games (they played along); and said, “I’d also like to welcome Joe Theismann, watching from his living room with steam coming from his ears.”
The last remark was ignored by Kornheiser, Jaworski and Mike Tirico.
Jay Rothman, ESPN’s “Monday Night” producer, called Kimmel’s comments “classless and disappointing. It was cheap. The more he went on, the worse he got.
Kimmel was basically banned from the show afterwards, but we’re curious to know what they expecting when they brought him in? You knew he was going straight for the throat before you even hunted him down to do the spot.
Theisman claimed to not have an opinion about the whole situation other than saying “it’s nice to know you’re missed” and “It’s interesting that people remember me.”
Aww, come on, Joe; of course we remember you! How could we forget the guy who tried to kiss Suzy Kolber on-air. Oh, wait, wrong Joe. Were you the guy who got his leg snapped?
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[NYTimes.com]: `Monday Night’ Is Not Amused by Kimmel
We heard the other day that a video of the Las Vegas Palms casino brawl between Levi Jones and Joey Porter had surfaced, but we kept thinking that this was just some ruse to get us all excited before an eventual letdown. You know, kinda like when you finally saw Ghost Rider. But we were wrong, the video actually exists and Porter actually is a cheap shot artist.
And you thought that Joey was just faking insanity when he did the “Dean Scream” (or any of the dozen or so other incidents) during the Monday Night Football lineups.
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[Awful Announcing]: Jay Glazer’s FOX Exclusive Tape of The Joey Porter – Levi Jones Fight
The Harris Interactive poll came out the other day and now we know a few things about the NFL that we didn’t know before. Like: “men (63%) are more likely to follow professional football than women (37%)” or “the more education one has, the more likely one follows professional football. While three in five (60%) of those with a post grad degree follow football, 45 percent of those with a high school degree or less follow it.”
Thanks Harris Interactive! Where would we be without surveys?
But, in reality, nobody cares about facts and figures on who watches football and who doesn’t. All anybody really wants to know is: “What are your two favorite National Football League teams?”
And the results are:
1. Dallas Cowboys
2. Indianapolis Colts
3. Pittsburgh Steelers
4. Green Bay Packers
5. Chicago Bears
6. New England Patriots
7. New York Giants
8. Philadelphia Eagles
9. San Francisco 49ers
10. San Diego Chargers
11. Oakland Raiders
12. Washington Redskins
13. Cleveland Browns
14. Miami Dolphins
14. Carolina Panthers
16. Denver Broncos
17. New York Jets
18. Cincinnati Bengals
19. Minnesota Vikings
19. Seattle Seahawks
21. New Orleans Saints
21. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
23. St. Louis Rams
23. Kansas City Chiefs
25. Detroit Lions
26. Tennessee Titans
26. Baltimore Ravens
28. Atlanta Falcons
29. Arizona Cardinals
30. Buffalo Bills
31. Houston Texans
32. Jacksonville Jaguars
See, Houston, if you would have picked Vince Young you could be tied for 26th most popular team in the league instead of sitting at No. 31. Oh, and you wouldn’t have gotten torched on that 39-yard touchdown run in overtime last year.
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[BusinessWire.com]: Dallas Cowboys and Indianapolis Colts are Two Favorite Teams…
We thought that we heard something about the NFL celebrating Hispanic Heritage Month during the Cowboys/Bears game, but we just shrugged it off and figured that it was one of the voices that come to life after we’ve polished off our usual Sunday suitcase of brews. What can we say, sometimes we hallucinate in Spanish. We also heard one of `em say something about Nike designing a shoe for Native Americans. That’s when we knew it was time to retire for the evening.
Then we came across a video of this guy going bonkers over what we had figured was just a figment of our imaginations. After watching this moron, we’re starting to feel a lot more normal now.
“What’s next! WHAT’S next! WHAT’S NEXT!!” *silence*
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[Kissing Suzy Kolber]: Yo Cabron, chinga tu madre!
As if the pathetic performances by most of the NFL’s elite running backs haven’t been disappointing enough for fantasy owners, here we are going into week four and some of the first round, money players are already getting bitten by the injury bug.
The enigmatic artists formerly known as the St. Louis Rams got some distressing news on Monday, but it’s not nearly as painful for them as it is for their star back. Steven Jackson will miss at least one week with a partial tear in his groin that he obtained in Sunday’s loss to the Buccaneers. According to Scott Linehan, Jackson’s status is week to week which is about as bad as it gets for fantasy GMs. We have no experience with torn groins, but we’re guessing that running full speed and cutting on a dime are probably pretty painful. Make room for Jackson at the end of your bench and grab rookie Brian Leonard if you can. This could be the beginning of a long guessing game for Jackson owners.
Then there is Seattle’s best, Shaun Alexander. The Seahawks running back ran for 100 yards on Sunday and then on Monday, Mike Holmgren said that he had a broken left wrist. Good news is that it’s a `play with the pain’ kinda injury and team doctors will just slap a cast on him and send him out on the field. This is defiantly a must monitor situation because we all remember how a fractured foot cost him six games last year.
Throw in other significant happenings in the league like Deuce McAllister‘s injury that will probably keep him out for the remainder of the season, Jake Delhomme‘s strained right elbow, Vernon Davis‘ sprained knee ligament, the Matt Leinart/Kurt Warner merry-go-round, Brian Westbrook‘s abdominal stain, Hines Ward‘s bruised knee, Calvin Johnson‘s bad back, Marc Bulger’s broken ribs
(whew!) and unless you had Kevin Curtis or Ronnie Brown blowing up for your team, you’re probably still bummed out over the fantasy hits you took this week.
By now, you must have heard about the Juice’s little Las Vegas incident that got him a total of 11 offenses ranging from conspiracy to commit kidnapping to robbery to assault, all by way of a deadly weapon. If O.J. is convicted then he could be facing life behind bars, but for now he’s out on bail.
Simpson had a hearing that lasted for about ten minutes on Wednesday morning and was granted bail by the judge. His bond was set at $125,000.
While we were a little shocked to hear that the loudmouthed decapitator is outta the clink, we were even more shocked to see the further softening of NFL commish Roger Goodell. Letting Bill Belichick off the hook is one thing, but letting O.J. back in the league is completely out of line.
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[AFP]: O.J. Simpson bailed by Las Vegas court on robbery charges
We don’t know about you, but we haven’t played Simon Says in a long, long, long time. So, we were pretty shocked to see that someone over the age of five could even bring themselves to play the stupid game. And we were really taken back when we saw that for some strange reason NFL players would subject themselves to this nonsensical torture. But, you could have knocked us over with a feather once we realized that Simon was in fact an 8-year-old Danny Pintauro look alike that had a fetish for putting L.L. Cool J and Jason Taylor in some rather uncomfortable positions.
“He knows game face! L.L. knows game face!”
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[Awful Announcing]: Who Wants To Watch A Video Of NFL Players Playing Simon Says?
Apparently the Tiki Barber/Eli Manning feud has reached a point where the normally reserved Peyton Manning has decided to step up to the plate for his little bro. But Peyton didn’t let his sharp tongue sting only Barber as he decided to take a shot at virtually all former players who decide to join the media upon retirement.
Manning added: “It’s supposed to be a code, teammates to teammates. That’s the problem we’re going to have with ex-players going to the media. When I retire, I know what I don’t want to do.
Boy, are we relieved to hear that! We were so afraid that Peyton would waste his time in a studio with Chris Berman or Bob Costas after he hung `em up. Hopefully this means that he’ll be focusing on his acting career once his playing days are over.
Links:
[NYTimes.com]: Manning Makes Strong Defense of Manning
When it comes to news about the NFL, ESPN is usually a pretty accurate channel to turn to. However, when it comes to the world of fantasy football, we’ve learned that it’s better to just skip out on the juggernaut’s advice or, at least, their fantasy draft specials.
Tonight at 6:30 CT, ESPN will be conducting their annual live fantasy draft and they’ve assembled another panel of boring “celebrity” blah to completely misguide you. This year’s drafters consist of the following ‘experts’: Cato June, Sean Salisbury, Mark Schlereth (aka Roc Hoover), Steve Young, Chris Mortensen, Michael Smith, Nick Bakay and Jerry O’Connell. Guess ESPN used up all their quality star connections in those stupid Who’s Now segments.
Listen, we know that most of these guys know their football, but that doesn’t mean they know their fantasy football. After all, Mortensen took Reggie Bush at No. 6 overall last year and Mike Ditka took the Bears defense in the fourth round! If that’s not pure homerism then we don’t know what is. And two years ago, Suzy Kolber dished out the worst advice in fantasy history when she took Brett Favre with her first pick! Sorry guys, but this crappy show just isn’t worth our valuable time or the 1.5% of our DVR’s memory that would be wasted to record it.
But now that we’ve mentioned lil’ Suzy, there’s no way we could not show her other career defining moment:
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[Awful Announcing]: ESPN “Celebrity” Fantasy Football League Filled With Big Names
