Category: Atlanta Falcons

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Atlanta Falcons

I suppose you can tell me of a better place to keep my bling?


Michael Vick finally spoke publicly for the first time since his suspicious bottle incident at the Miami International Airport two months ago, and frankly his story doesn’t hold water. Vick says that the bottle which was confiscated for having a secret compartment that stunk of the sticky-icky-icky was actually a jewelry box. OK, Mike, we believe you. It was a jewelry box that you hid your marijuana in.

We went through all of this because there was a little water at the top,” Vick said. “I told them it was my stash box for jewelry. That is what I told everybody, but that wasn’t written.” He then went on to say that, “As for the smell and where that came from, I sat in the airport for another hour and 30 minutes. If there was something wrong, we could have handled the situation on the spot.

Vick also said that he’s been doing this for years but he’s never run into any trouble before.

I have had that bottle for years, for a long time,” said Vick. “If you had seen the bottle, you would have never known there was any jewelry in there,” he said. “I have had things stolen out of hotels. But I had never checked it through the airport.

Oh, now it’s all making sense. So, the smell came from your expensive weed scented jewelry that you keep in an Aquafina water bottle jewelry box that you’ve been using for years. Rumor has it that Levi Jones is using the same security system.

Links:

[AJC.com]: Vick: Water Bottle Place to Keep Jewerly
[The Smoking Gun]: Vick in Airport Water Bottle Incident

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Atlanta Falcons

Is there more to the Patrick Kerney rape story?


We were going to let this rape story go quietly into the night. Or at least quietly into the daily Odds and Ends entry. But it seems that there might be more to this story than was originally reported.

According to newspaper reports, a female friend of Patrick Kerney’s went to a party and invited some guys back to Kerney’s place for a night cap. She then fell asleep on the sofa and woke up in the bedroom where the suspect was having sex with her. She then escaped by telling the suspect that she was going to get a friend to join in and escaped through the bathroom window. (Ahhh, the old promise of the threesome foils the rapist story.) Kerney said that he has been informed of the assault but was asleep at the time and the victim said that Kerney was not involved.

Seems like a pretty cut and dried story right? Girl invites the wrong guys back to her place and someone slips her a roofie and rapes her. Well, we’ll let the big lead do the rumor mongering.


Our Georgia tipster says that Atlanta radio is buzzing with rumors and innuendo. “The Lodge, where the party started, was the big happening with [Kerney’s] former teammates. Then the afterparty went to his house. Word is the suspect was african american and a former player.” We’ll keep the updates coming as we get them.

Yikes, more bad news for the NFL. With Pacman Jones and the Bengals already blazing up the arrest charts, the last thing Roger Goodell needs is another black eye. By the way, “african american and a former player”? That rules out Morton Anderson.

Links:
[Seattle PI]: Woman friend of Seahawk is assaulted

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Atlanta Falcons

It Was Either This Or A Head Shop



Why is everyone always checking
out what I’m drinking?

We all know how much Michael Vick loves to smoke pot, so it only makes sense that the Falcons’ quarterback would open his own restaurant to handle his frequent late night munchies. On Wednesday, The Tasting Room became a reality; opening in suburban Atlanta and for profits sake Vick had better pray that Falcons fans have forgotten about the dirty bird that No. 7 dropped on them after getting booed off the field following a 31-13 home loss to the Saints in November.

Maybe this will offset some of that attention I’ve been getting, whether positive or negative. It’s good for people to see that I’m giving back to the community, where people can see me trying to do something that’s positive. There’s a lot of people speculating about things I do that are not so positive.

You mean like trying to sneak a MacGuyveresque homemade bottle meant for smuggling dope on to an airplane? It’s not speculation after you get caught.

Links:

[11Alive.com]: VICK OPENS EATERY, MUM ON PROBLEMS
[AJC.com]: RESTAURANT OPEN, BUT VICK NOT

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Atlanta Falcons

Just when you thought NFL players couldn’t sink any lower



Awwwwwwwwwww

Atlanta Falcons DT Jonathan Babineaux was arrested for felony animal cruelty last week for allegedly killing his girlfriend’s dog. The dog died of blunt force trauma to the head which Babineaux claims happened when the dog accidentally hit his head against the wall. An autopsy on the dog will be released this week.

PETA (which we have absolutely no use for) sent a letter to Commissioner Goodell asking for Babineaux to be suspended for a year and a letter to the Falcons asking them to release him if found guilty.


It’s the kind of thing people can’t identify with,” said Dan Shannon, the manager of youth outreach and programs at PETA’s Virginia headquarters. “You just can’t think there is any way you’d kill a dog.

No but everyone can imagine slamming a stripper’s head against a stage because she dove for some money.

Babineaux’s lawyer said that Babineaux did nothing wrong opened his mouth and lied about something.

Links:
[New York Times]: Death of a Dog May Be Latest Mess for N.F.L.

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Atlanta Falcons

Jim Mora Jr is not smart



Insert foot

On a Seattle radio show this morning, Jim Mora Jr. told the interviewer that he’d pack up his stuff from Atlanta and take the University of Washington job if it were available in a heartbeat.


I’d do it, I promise you that. Now, I want to see Ty succeed, and I want to see that program succeed. But if he decides at some point that he’s ready to move on and they want me, I will be there. I don’t care if we’re in the middle of a playoff run, I’m packing my stuff and coming back to Seattle… That’s the job I want. [Host: You’d leave the Falcons for that job?] Absolutely.

Junior immediately issued an apology as soon as the comments spread around the web and sports radio.

First and foremost, I’m sorry. Despite my off-the-cuff intentions, what I said was not appropriate for my players, the Falcons organization and our fans, and Tyrone Willingham. I got too relaxed with the radio talk show host who is a former college roommate, and I got carried away with the banter.

I want every fan in Atlanta to know that my heart and passion are right here with the Falcons and winning our game this weekend.

Hmmm… that’s smart. Piss off the fans of a town that is struggling as a sports town by “joking” that you’d take a college job over their Falcons at the drop of a hat. And on top of that, every player will have to answer the question of whether their coach would quit on them… right before an important matchup against the Cowboys that has huge playoff implications. That Cowboys -3 line is looking better and better.

Here’s an mp3 of the clip where Mora discusses wanting the Huskie job courtesy of KJR radio in Seattle.

Links:
[Sportable]: Jim Mora should probably shut up

[Atlanta Journal Constitution]: Mora says he’d love to coach at U. Wash

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Atlanta Falcons

Michael Vick has a message for the fans


That love affair Atlanta has with Michael Vick might be coming to an end soon. You can pretty much do anything you want as a professional athlete as long as it doesn’t involve a live boy or a dead girl. Murder accessory to murder of two people? Use your cell phone to sell some drugs? Kill someone while driving drunk? Fans are willing to forget all that. But you cannot flip the fans off.

Fans can call your mother a whore and your wife a disease infested stripper (she probably is a stripper anyway), but you cannot retaliate. So when Michael Vick flipped the bird to some hecklers on his way off the field (after Atlanta’s fourth loss in a row, by the way), he got himself into a whole mess of trouble. Now, Atlanta isn’t the most passionate of sports towns but we have to imagine that running this photo over and over won’t help Vick’s current on the field struggles.

Vick did issue a statement apologizing to the fans:


First and foremost, I would like to apologize for my inappropriate actions with fans today. I was frustrated and upset at how the game was going for my team, and that frustration came out the wrong way. That’s not what I’m about. That’s not what the Atlanta Falcons are about. I simply lost my cool in the heat of the moment. I apologize and look forward to putting this incident behind me.

“That’s not what I’m about”? Hmmm… and Kramer isn’t a racist. We always knew Michael Vick was overrated, we just didn’t know he was a punk too.

Links:
[AJC.com]: Vick apologizes for obscene gesture

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Atlanta Falcons

Falcons sign Morten Andersen



The kick that won the NFC

Fantasy Alert! Fantasy Alert! OK… maybe not. But Morten Andersen has rejoined the Atlanta Falcons to handle the short field goal duties. The Falcons were understandably unhappy with their current kicker Michael Koening after missing 6 out of 8 attempted in the first two games of this season. Koenen is the punter that won the FG kicking duties by being spectacular in preseason but terrible when the games actually counted.


I’m coming to a great organization with a lot of outstanding players and coaches,” Andersen said. “I plan on helping them continue to build on the success they’ve already had this season and also help out Michael [Koenen] in any way I can.

If Andersen can remain on the roster until next season, he will surpass George Blanda as the oldest person ever in the NFL, which Andersen stated was his goal. No word on whether Koenen has been sharpening his knives today.

Links:
[Atlana Journal-Constitution]: Falcons bring back Andersen

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Atlanta Falcons

Michael Vick needs some Herpicin-L



Herpes simplex 7

We don’t know who MediaTakeOut.com is but they have an “exclusive” photo of Michael Vick “embracing” a blunt and what appears to be a herpes cold sore on his mouth. (First, “embracing a blunt”? Second, how exclusive can it be if they got the photo from a myspace profile page. Then they put their website address on it. Jesus guys, we know you want more traffic but myspace is only read by 60 trillion people. If that’s exclusive, then so is Paris Hilton’s cooch. That site is absolutely worthless but since they found the photo, we’ll follow the blogging rules. Now back to our regularly scheduled programming…)

We find this story to be hilarious not because of the blunt in his hand but because of the cold sore. We always knew the story of Ron Mexico was true but here’s actual proof. We gotta say this about Michael Vick, a little cold sore doesn’t keep him from partying, unlike, say, those guys from Spinal Tap.

God bless Michael Vick. Everytime we see the Valtrex commercials on TV, we start thinking about Vick looking confused in the pocket as Paul McGuire continues to talk about how great he is and we always have a good laugh.

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Atlanta Falcons

Ron Mexico settles out of court


Sonya Elliot, the woman who sued Michael Vick for giving her herpes simplex II (much milder than the dreaded herpes simple ten) has settled out of court for an undisclosed sum.

This woman is one of the unsung heroes of modern sports pop culture. Without her, we would never have Ron Mexico. Without her, thousands of fans wouldn’t be able to throw tubes of Herpecin-L and make outbreak jokes at Michael Vick. What? No one throws tubes of herpecin at Ron Mexico? That’s just a wasted opportunity.

Links:
[Atlanta Journal Constitution]: Attorney: Vick suit resolved

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Atlanta Falcons

It’s not my fault I’m mentally deficient



Stop criticizing me!

Michael Vick on the WCO:

I thought the West Coast offense was supposed to be a lot of quick, dink-and-dunk passes and it’s not being run that way. I’m not saying it’s because of coach Knapp, but he’s calling the plays. My perception of the West Coast thing is starting to change too. We’re not doing what I see Seattle doing or San Francisco doing or Green Bay doing. We’re not doing those things. I don’t know if it’s Knapp changing those things around but as far as I know, it’s not the West Coast system as far as the way we run it.

We’re not dinking and dunking the way it’s supposed to be done. It may be hurting me. It may be hurting the offense. I’m a little lost right now.

Hey, uh, Ron Mexico, perhaps the reason that you don’t run a pure West Coast offense is because you’re not smart enough to read defenses and have no idea how to be a good quarterback. Matt Schaub is a better QB than you.

Vick blames most of his problems on the knee injury he suffered in week 4. Perhaps that’s because he’s a running back in a wide receiver’s body. If Vick can’t juke and cut, he’s useless because he is not an NFL quality QB. The biggest joke is that he made the above statement from Honolulu. Vick deserves to be in the Pro Bowl as much as the Lombardi trophy belongs in Pittsburgh.

[Atlanta Journal Constitution]: Falcons QB admits to frustration with West Coast offense