Tag: video

Categories
General Sports

The Portland Beavers are giving away bobbleheads of a total stranger. Yippie!

Baseball is known for their oh so stupid promotions to get fans in the park and butts in the seats. And to borrow a quote from one of the greatest cinematic features of all time:

Just when I thought you couldn’t get any dumber, you go and do something like this… and totally redeem yourself!

The Portland Beavers are the Triple-A affiliate of the Los Angeles Dodgers and they decided that they would give away bobblehead dolls to the first 2,000 through the gates on August 18. But these aren’t going to be just any normal bobbleheads; no, the Beavers have put their own unique twist on the giveaway. Back in February, the promotions team decided to make “Bobblehead” day into “Bob L. Head” day and assembled a long list of people whose legal name was Bob L. Head (or any version of Bob, such as Bobby, Robert or Roberto).

Now, the list has been narrowed down to three lucky Bobs and it is up to you to determine which one makes the final cut. Voting will last through the end of the month but you can only vote once per computer. So, there will be no unfair stuffing of the ballot box for all you desperate folks who want Bob Lee Head from Indiana to win. But be sure to inform yourself about each of the candidates before you hit that Vote button because this is no laughing matter we’re talking about. 2,000 Bob L. Head bobbleheads are on the line here and even though we have no idea what it’s like to have a toy made in our image, we’re guessing that it feels a little something like this:

Links:

[PortlandBeavers.com]: Get Out the Vote: Bob L. Head race down to three
[OregonLive.com]: Early Bob L. Head nod goes to…

Categories
NBA General

Inside the NBA and sound bites; a match made in heaven

There’s only one thing we love more than an NBA playoff game, well there is that high school pole vaulter…ok, so there’s two things we love more than an NBA playoff game: apparently pole vaulting and, of course, an NBA playoff game on TNT. See, ordinary playoff coverage on ABC and ESPN brings you the facts and nothing but the facts. How boring. But the fellas at Inside the NBA show their audience that the game goes beyond the 48 minutes spent sweating on the court. So if you missed any of the great late night action with EJ, the Jet and Chuckles then here’s a quick recap.

It is going to be one sad day indeed when Charles Barkley decides to hang up his microphone. Mainly because it means that he’ll probably be running for governor of Alabama, but also because we won’t get to hear classic phrases like “Go to that box! Go to that box! And punish them midgets!” But we figure that with a mouth that big there is now way to avoid blunders of gubernatorial proportions should he get elected. Hey, if two steroid pumping meatheads from Predator can get into office then we’re saddened to say that Sir Cumference probably can too.

Categories
NFL General

Mark Schlereth shows TV land why people call him Stink

We don’t usually talk about soap operas here at Sportscolumn, but when one of our favorite talking heads from ESPN decides to join the cast of Guiding Light, it tends to grab our attention.

You probably know him as the guy with the great hair on NFL Live or you might know him as Stink from his days with the Broncos. But regardless of how you know Mark Schlereth, you can now start to refer to him as Roc Hoover. Don’t believe us? Check it out for yourself.

What’s next? Is Barry Melrose going to join the crew of Laguna Beach?

It’s probably safe to say that Roc is going to be looked at a bit differently by his co-workers and ex teammates now. But who really cares? After all, Schlereth could be sharing the set with the next Eva Longoria. Perhaps they’ll even twist his arm and get him to hop in the sack with one of the daytime divas for a cheesy love scene. And, if you ask us, that’s not too bad of a way to earn a few extra bucks.

Categories
Ottawa Senators

Another stupid song takes a city by storm

Every time the playoffs come rolling around in any sport, it can only mean one thing: it’s time for some opportunistic musician to exploit the occasion by making a crummy song about some team that attempts to unify a city’s dreams. In Ottawa that opportunistic musician is local rapper Belly and that crummy song is cleverly entitled “Go Sens Go.”

I’m a Sens fan like everybody else,” Belly says. “I just wanted to get the team hyped every time they got out on the ice.

We don’t know if the song is actually hyping up the players necessarily since it has only been played inside the arena once, which was during Monday night’s win in Ottawa that gave the team a 3-0 lead in the East finals, but it certainly appears to be mesmerizing the locals. Since debuting the song last Thursday, as many as 50 calls per hour have been flooding the Hot 89.9 station. So, without further ado, we give to you “Go Sens Go;” crappy voiceover by Ray Emery at the beginning and all.

Did we just see Snoop sporting a Senators jersey? Damn, talk about a jumping on the bandwagon! Last month Snoopy was rooting for the Ducks and now this. And what ever happened to being purple and gold through and through? This guy jumped on The City’s postseason wagon as well. What’s next? Are we going to start seeing The Dogfather in the stands in Salt Lake City during the West finals?

Links:

[Canada.com]: Rapper psyched for Sens

Categories
Dallas Mavericks

Mark Cuban turns into a sniveling little girl when it comes to his MVP

Today was supposed to be Dirk Nowitzki’s big day as he received the franchise’s first ever MVP award from David Stern. But, then again, this was supposed to be happening during the pregame festivities of a playoff game and not from inside a conference room in Dallas. So, what should have been a celebration for the Mavericks organization felt an awful lot like a funeral. Here’s Mark Cuban delivering the eulogy.

Geez, Mark; guess it’s pretty tough to see your little boy all grown up, ain’t it? We haven’t seen a sadder owner since Roy Jackson had to put Barbaro down. And while the clip ends a bit prematurely, in typical Maverick style for the year, there was an incredibly awkward hug between the owner and his star after Cubes left the podium. In fact, Cuban looked like he was going to melt away into Dirk’s giant arms. We’re actually pretty surprised that Mark didn’t go for the double-underhook hug on his man crush. But wipe away those tears, baby boy, and turn that frown upside down; you’re starting to make Andrei Kirilenko, Dick Vermeil and Emmitt Smith feel a bit uncomfortable.

Categories
Oakland Raiders

Raiders fans are some douche bags, ya heard?

We all know that Raiders fans are a bunch of whackos that are one chromosome short of becoming full fledged human beings. So, it’s not really fair to put these mutants up against their rivals, 49ers fan, in a fist fight. Everyone knows that the brute physical strength would give those meatheads a decided advantage over the flower smelling hippies in San Francisco. What is fair, however, is to give Raider fan an opponent of equal mental capacity; like a 49er helmet for example.

First off, here’s a little insight from an outsiders perspective: you guys aren’t black! What’s with all the Ebonics? But that’s beside the point. We love how these guys think that a firecracker is just going to blow the helmet to smithereens. You gotta give these douches an “A” for effort though, but eventually even a Raider fan was able to figure out that no firecrackers, samurai sword, scooter, gun or blow darts can compete with a good ol’ fashioned smackin’ from a nine iron. Ya’ know what I mean, kid?

Keep an eye out for our favorite moment of dialogue when one of the dumbasses looks into the camera and says “I’ll shoot your motherfuckin’ ass with a blowdart, dawg.”

Links:

[49ersNews.com]: Video: Why Raider Fans Shouldn’t Inbreed

Categories
General Sports

Mr. President, sir, your problems in Iraq are over. O.J. Simpson is on the case, sir.

Have you seen the television series starring O.J. Simpson? No, not the one where he pretends to be Ashton Kutcher as he attempts to sell unsuspecting car buyers his infamous white Bronco; we’re talking about The O.J. Simpsons.

Broadcaster.com has released a series of animated briefs that parody FOX’s The Simpsons but instead of Homer eating doughnuts, mmmm doughnuts, you get the Juice licking blood off a butcher’s knife. Apparently FOX isn’t too happy about the mockery of their famous animated family and wants all the cartoons removed. Good luck with that.

Here’s a look at an episode entitled “Warzone.”

Don’t worry, there’s more where that came from. After the jump, you can see O.J. explain what happened to mommy to the Simpson kids in “If I Did It” and then enjoy the antics of the Juice and his buddies Mel Gibson and Michael Richards as they celebrate the holidays in “Black and White Christmas.”

Links:

[CNN.com]: `O.J. Simpsons’ parody earns Fox’s ire
[Ad Freak]: Fox unamused by `O.J. Simpsons’ parody

Continue reading “Mr. President, sir, your problems in Iraq are over. O.J. Simpson is on the case, sir.”

Categories
All Other Sports

"The boys took a beatin on that one"

First off, we apologize to everyone who lost their lunch watching this video last week. But that’s not going to stop us from posting another terrible injury. Don’t be afraid to watch it though, it’s more funny pain than horrific pain. And you must have the sound on full volume to fully appreciate the clip.

It’s not often you get to hear the moment when future generations are all destroyed. It was like a million tiny voices crying out in unison and then suddenly silenced. Ohhh messieure!

(Hat tip: Sports By Brooks)

Categories
MLB General

Didn’t these guys learn anything from "A League of Their Own?"

Apparently the good people over at Maxim do more than just compile sexy spreads of some of the hottest babes under the sun. In fact, according to our sources, their magazines actually have words in them. Who knew? As a result, we did a little hunting of our own and found one of these mysterious “articles” we had been told of, and it turned out to be quite entertaining. So, without further ado, we give to you “Baseball’s Biggest Wuss Bags.”

#10-Mike Piazza, Oakland A’s

#9-Chuck Finley, California Angels

#8-Barry Bonds, San Francisco Giants

#7-Vince Coleman, New York Mets

#6-Jose Canseco, The Surreal Life

#5-This guy

#4-John Kruk, Philadelphia Phillies/Baseball Tonight

#3-Mark Prior, Chicago Cubs

#2-Bobby Crosby, Oakland A’s

#1-Carl Pavano, New York Yankees

It’s a pretty accurate list considering that it came from a picture book. Ya know, Playboy might want to consider this concept of using stories in their mag as well.

Links:

[MaximOnline.com]: Baseball’s Biggest Wuss Bags

Categories
Washington Wizards

Gilbert Arenas is all giddy over game cover

The All-NBA teams were announced today and after having an outstanding year, the Wizards’ Gilbert Arenas was named to the second team. That’s not too shabby for a guy who was selected 31st overall in the 2001 draft. We figured that nothing could be a bigger thrill for the Hibachi than to make the team, but then we came across this clip of Arenas after he was named to be the cover boy for NBA Live 08.

Talk about being as happy as a little girl! Was that Gilbert Arenas or one of those whacked out contestants on Deal or No Deal?