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Dallas Cowboys

Odds and Ends: TO powderkeg temporarily defused



Dude, I had the curry!

Like they say, winning is the best defuser. (Or was that deodorant?) In any case, a weekend that had the potential for being the one in which Owens blew up quickly turned into a lovefest as the Cowboys got to take on the Texans at home. It was coming folks. After a report that TO got into a verbal altercation with his wide receivers coach Todd Haley because he was late to practice with stomach problems, an upset by the Texans would have sent everyone over the edge. Jerry Jones was quoted as saying that Haley would be disciplined for his part in the argument. TO said the relationship was ruined. Drew Bledsoe stinks on ice. Three ingredients for a meltdown. Instead, a 3 TD performance by the player resulted in hugs for the wide receiver coach, TO being a good teammate and now the Cowboys are denying any discipline for Haley. So for those of you in the Terrell Owens Meltdown Pool, week 6 wasn’t it. It’s coming though. It’s coming.

In other news…

[TwinCities.com]: Stephen Jackson says he was only defending teammates

[BBC Sport]: Baseball’s steroids problem so rampant, it’s now affecting cricket

[STLToday]: Hell, even chess players are cheating now

[People]: Thank goodness, what would we do without more shots of Eva Longoria in the stands

[The Hater Nation]: Ed Hocholi makes Scott Linehan look foolish

[Phillies Nation]: A-Rod to the Phillies is a recipe for suicide watch

[The Pink Seats]: Bet the over on # of athletes bagged by Paris Hilton

Categories
Carolina Panthers

2004 Carolina Panthers loved their steroids



Who wants to inject me in the ass?

The Charlotte Observer today reported that 6 players from the 2004 Super Bowl Panthers team took “disturbing, particularly alarmingly high amounts” of steroids on their late season Super Bowl run. Among the players named by the newspaper are offensive linemen Kevin Donnalley, Jeff Mitchell, Todd Steussie, TE Wesley Walls, Defensive lineman Henry Taylor, and some practice squad scrub. All this was pieced together during the investigation of Dr. James Shortt who plead guilty to illegally distributing steroids and human growth hormone.

The performance enhacing drug of choice was HGH which cannot be detected in urine tests. The NFL does not currently require blood tests. It’s no surprise that the NFL drug testing policy has been called a joke.

The report says that more prescriptions were written to cover up the harmful effect of the original steroids such as shrunken testicles and hair loss for Jeff Mitchell. We don’t have any fancy degrees from any fancy medical schools but we do know that if anything starts shrinking around your groin area, it’s best to stop doing whatever it is you’re doing. That’s just a general rule of thumb for guys.

Remember kids, if you want a leg up on your competition, all you gotta do is shrink your balls.

Links:
[Charlotte Observer]: Medical records of ex-Panthers reveal ill effects, multiple refills leading to Super Bowl

[Charlotte Observer]: NFL needs to clean up steroids act

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All Other Sports

Odds and Ends: Andy Roddick vs PONG

OK, we realize it’s just a marketing site masquerading as a game but we can’t help but get sucked into the Andy Roddick vs PONG game. It’s got the three things we look for in a flash game: 1) it’s simple to play 2) it saves high scores for all to see and 3) it’s a complete time-suckage. Sure, it’s not as fun as the Yeti swatting a penguin flash game but it’s kind of addicting. The only problem we have is that we can’t play as PONG. Cause we’d love to kick Andy Roddick’s ass. There’s something about him we don’t like but we can’t quite place a finger on it.

In other news…

[SI]: Ex Blue Jays player shoved down the stairs by his son

[USA oday]: Coach backs Marion Jones, questions positive drug test (maybe she was dehydrated)

[Philly.com]: Stephen Davis tries out with the Eagles

[AZCentral]: If only this comes to pass: New AZ Cardinals stadium could be called Pink Taco Stadium

[AP]: Police: Teen Posed As Reporter at Shea

[Reuters]: Russia declares war on NHL

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All Other Sports

Say goodbye to Floyd Landis



Negative branding for Oakley

99.9% of the world couldn’t have picked Floyd Landis out of a lineup prior to this year’s Tour de France. And now we imagine he’s going to start growing a beard and sporting dark glasses like Rafael Palmeiro to avoid recognition in public. Despite his protests that the doping allegations were unfounded, it seems he did in fact cheat.

Just last Friday, Landis claimed that it was a natural occurence and the testosterone in his body was “natural and and produced by my own organism.”


I don’t know what the explanation for it is, whether it was a mistake or whether it’s an occurrence from some other circumstances that go on in the race or something I did.

But it was not from an exogenous outside source of testosterone.

Well, today, reports are that the urine sample that showed some of the testosterone in his body was from an external source.

How did Landis actually think he could get away with this? I guess when you’re already past the point of no return, why not just start lying your ass off? Some people take the “I didn’t know my massage therapist rubbed me with testosterone” route, Landis decided to take the ‘I didn’t do it’ route. The results of the second test are expected this Saturday.

All the pundits are claiming that Landis has ruined the Tour de France. But can you really ruin something that no one cares about? It’s like saying the slam dunk ruined the WNBA.

Links:
[Sign On San Diego]: Devastating news for Landis in report
[NY Times]: Testosterone in Landis test is said to be not natural

[BBC ]: Landis B result set for Saturday

Categories
MLB General

August 1 in Sports History: Raffy caught with steroids



I did not have sexual relat..

In 2005: Just 135 days after self-righteously wagging his finger in front of Congress and the nation, claiming, “I have never used steroids, period,” Rafael Palmeiro of the Orioles is suspended for using steroids. Palmeiro stood by the statements he made on March 17, claiming that he did not knowingly take anything illegal (where have we heard that one before?). He was still suspended for 10 days, however, and the Orioles cancelled a celebration of his recent 3,000th hit. Palmeiro only appeared in seven more games and is currently out of baseball.

In 1978: Pete Rose’s National League record-tying 44-game hitting streak came to an end, 12 games short of Joe DiMaggio’s 1941 feat. Rose’s streak (shared with Willie Keeler) began on June 14 in Cincinnati against the Cubs, and ended against pitchers Larry McWilliams and Gene Garber in Atlanta. After the game, Rose publicly blasted both pitchers for not throwing him any fastballs, despite the game being a 16-4 rout in favor of the Braves. Charlie Hustle would go on to become the all-time leader in hits with 4,256. He was permanently banned from baseball for gambling in 1989 (baseball-almanac.com).

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All Other Sports

No Happy Ending for Justin Gatlin



Victim of bad massage

On Saturday, Justin Gatlin (record sharer for the 100 meters) revealed that he failed a drug test after a race in Kansas City on April 22. Gatlin picked exactly the right time to do so as it came on the heels of the Landis doping controversy which is a much bigger story. However, Gatlin and his coach Trevor Graham are claiming that he was sabotaged by a massage therapist.

According to Graham, a therapist rubbed testosterone cream on Gatlin’s knee without his knowledge.


We know who the person is who actually did this. Justin is devastated. Myself, too. We’re extremely [upset] right now. We are trying to go out and make sure we can prove his innocence, and we hope this individual has the guts to come forward and say he did it.

This sounds suspiciously like the “I was told it was flax seed oil” defense. If he is unable to prove his innocence, Gatlin will be banned from competition for life. Graham said he’s hired a private investigator to follow around the therapist and will seek criminal charges. Considering that Graham has been linked to 6 athletes accused of doping and is being investigated as part of the BALCO scandal, we think this is just a smokescreen.

Links:
[Washington Post]: Gatlin’s Coach Blames Massage Therapist

[Pure Pedantry]: Floyd Landis and Testosterone Testing: All the Background You Want and Need
[Telegraph UK]: Champion Gatlin fails drugs test

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All Other Sports

So much for Floyd Landis — Latest American Hero



Hold the champagne

Floyd Landis tested positive for excessive testosterone after stage 17 of the Tour de France. The organizers will test another sample and if that one comes up positive, If he will be stripped of his victory. Landis and team have a chance to do a counter analysis to determine if there was a mistake. But considering that Landis has disappeared and pulled out of two races in the past two days, he probably knows the jig is up.

The only positive to come out of this is that we absolutely know that cycling’s governing body isn’t a corrupt agency. It’s bad enough to suspend a couple of favorites before the race but it’s absolutely catastrophic to have to strip away a victory. This scandal will cost cycling the 16 fans they have left.

Landis career is over as well. For all the accolades and newspaper and magazine fluff pieces that came out in the past week, there will be more roastings as writers get revenge for being embarassed writing articles like this and this.

Links:
[Reuters]: Tour de France winner Landis tests positive
[Guardian UK]: Landis positive test final blow for Tour de France

Categories
San Francisco Giants

Bonds could get suspended

According to the Washington Post, Bud Selig is considering suspending Barry Bonds should he get indicted next week by the federal grand jury for tax evasion, money laundering and perjury charges.

Being indicted doesn’t mean you’re guilty but come on.. this is Bonds. The whole third stage of his career practically reeks of guilty. Steroids? Guilty. Tax evasion? Probably guilty. Money laundering? Probably guilty. Perjury charges? Guilty. Being an asshole? Guilty.

There’s no precedent for Bud Selig suspending Bonds for an indictment and former commissioner Fay Vincent doesn’t think any suspension would stick. However, some say this might just be a ploy by the league office to get Bonds to leave the game on his own accord. If Bonds says he won’t be back next season (and therefore not threaten Hank Aaron’s record), the talk of suspending him will just magically disappear.

They really should have called his reality show “Everybody Hates Barry”.

Links:
[MSNBC]: MLB might suspend Bonds if he’s indicted

[International Herald Tribune]: Bonds snaps back as legal case nears

Categories
San Francisco 49ers

Odds and Ends (07.17.06): Didn’t Jerry Rice retire already?

We could’ve sworn that Jerry Rice retired last year when he finally figured out that he couldn’t play when he couldn’t even break into the lineup for the Denver Broncos. But now, Jerry says he wants to sign a one day contract to retire as a Niner. We think it’s always a classy move when a player of longstanding tradition goes back to the ball club he started with to retire. However, Jerry Rice should have retired as a Niner about 6 years ago before he tarnished his legacy. Of all modern football players hanging on to glory too long, Jerry Rice might have been the saddest of our generation.

In other news…

[BBC]: Wayne Rooney can only sleep with something sucking or blowing on

[Reuters]: Garnett is proselytizing in India

[Newsday]: Dallas Stars sign Eric Lindros

[Kukla’s Korner]: Hockey isn’t doing too well in LA

[Yahoo ]: Doctor who supplied several Panthers with steroids gets 1 year in jail

Categories
MLB General

The Full Count: The return of Mark Teixeira

1. Big Tex’s Big Game: Of all the disappointing players from the first half of the season, perhaps none was more puzzling than Mark Teixeira. The slugger, who was an All Star in 2005 with 43 homers and 143 RBIs, only had 9 and 49, made his first step to a comeback yesterday. He crushed 3 homers and 7 RBIs off the weak Orioles pitching. That means in one day he achieved one-third of his first-half homerun total and one-seventh of the RBIs! Tex wasn’t the only offensive star in the Rangers’ 15-1 rout of the O’s. Mark DeRosa went 4-4 and homered, and Brad Wilkerson drove in four runs. The awful Baltimore bullpen combined to allow 11 runs, including 5 homers.

2. Albert Again: When people think of the great clutch hitters in baseball, David Ortiz and Derek Jeter usually come to mind. But now that short list should definitely include Albert Pujols, who once again won the game for the Cardinals yesterday. Pujols homered in the 14th inning to break a long-lasting 2-2 tie. It was his 30th homer of the year, and he also has 77 RBIs. Pujols also won a game last Saturday with a homerun.

3. Offense rules: That saying is apparently upheld by the Rockies and the Reds, two perennially high-scoring teams who combined for 4 multi-run innings at the Great American Ballpark last night. The Reds started the scoring with a three-run first, including a two-RBI single, a steal, and a run by Adam Dunn. The score was 4-1 Reds in the sixth when the Rockies’ Todd Helton connected with a two-run shot. The seventh inning was all-Reds, as Ken Griffey Jr. and Juan Castro both hit shots to right to lead a 5-run inning. The game was apparently sealed in the ninth, with the Reds up 9-3. But no lead is too large when you have the Reds’ bullpen, and Jason Standridge and Eddie Guadardo nearly blew the game in the ninth. They allowed four runs, all charged to Standridge, but Guadardo struck out Helton with two outs to finally end this showdown.

4. Why’d they do that?: The Reds had more action last night than just their game. They were also involved in a semi-blockbuster trade. Cincy sent shortstop Felipe Lopez and outfielder Austin Kearns to the Nationals, but they didn’t acquire a big-name player from the willing-to-deal Washington organization. In return for these two offensive standouts, the Reds got relievers Bill Bray and Gary Majewski in addition to three other players. The Reds are desperate for bullpen help, but this might be going a little too far. They traded two everyday players to get relievers with mid-three’s ERAs on the year. In our esteemed opinion, that’s not a good deal.

5. His life: That might be the only thing that Jose Canseco is not willing to give federal officials. Yesterday Canseco told investigators the names of more former major league players who used steroids. Even more importantly, he told them the names of managers and administrators who might have known about the illegal drug use but did nothing to stop it. Canseco is even willing to join the investigators and “use his friendship with [the players] to talk to them comfortably [about steroids].” Canseco probably isn’t the most trustworthy of sources in our books. He recently called baseball the “mafia” and said they played favorites with drug tests.