Categories
Kansas City Royals

Royals loyalty is worth $278.47

It’s sad that 25 years of being a fan to the laughingstock of the league is worth less than an uneaten hotdog from the Seahawks-Panthers championship game. But we guess that’s why Chad Carroll was so willing to part with his KC Royals fandom.

The auction stated:


I am sick and tired of being mathematically eliminated from playoff contention on or about April 7 of each year. So I am selling all rights to my loyalty to this organization. With your purchase you will accept all of the responsibilities of a true Royals fan. You will tell people (in public) that you actually like the Royals. You will tell them that we “won’t be as bad this year as we were last year”.

I will also include a Royals jersey with a 1985 World Series patch. There is no name on the back of the jersey, however. This will save you the money that I have wasted over the years on my Johnny Damon, Jermaine Dye and Carlos Beltran jerseys. I will also include a letter of authenticity from my brother (certified Royals fan and Yankees hater) certifying my “fan status” and a letter of intent from myself to never again watch another Royals game, to remove all Royals memorabilia from my home, and to never divulge to another living soul that I am, or ever was, a KC follower.

You will also have exclusive rights to my new era of pain. You can choose my new team…the only team that is off limits is the New York Yankees.

A bunch of his friends won the auction but still haven’t decided his new team. If it were up to us, we’d pick the Philadelphia Phillies. 1) They’re one of the losingest franchises in the history of sports. 2) They beat the Royals for their last World Series title. That, my friends, is a lesson on how to be cruel.

Links:
[Kansas City Star]: Maryland man auctions off 25 years of loyalty to the Royals
[eBay]: My loyalty to the Kansas City Royals (jersey included)
Thanks to Fark for the story.

Categories
MLB General

Full Count for May 5 2006: Brotherly love for Bonds


1. Welcome to Philadelphia, enjoy the boos: Barry Bonds heads into Philly for a three game stay and if the only thing that hits him in that giant noggin of his is an errant baseball, he’ll be relatively lucky. As Ashley Fox puts it in the Philly Inquirer, “No matter what the Phillies do for security, or how many undercover cops are in the stands, or how many uncomplimentary signs are confiscated, someone is going to do something stupid.” Remember, Philly fans, we want clever, not stupid. Calling Bonds a steroided up freak is obvious. Throwing a syringe onto the field was clever. Now, we expect you to step it up and do something even better. May we suggest a huge paper mache Bonds head with planets revolving around it?

2. Can anybody stop these guys?: With their 4-1 win over the Mariners, the White Sox improved to 20-8 on the year. They became the first AL team to reach the 20-win mark, and look even more unstoppable than they were last year, when they won the World Series. Jose Contreras improved to 5-0 on the year, and dating back to last year he has won 13 in a row. Jim Thome’s 3-run homer provided most of the offense for the White Sox, and was his 11th shot of the year.

3. Big Unit gets ripped and still wins: Randy Johnson has probably had the best luck of any pitcher in the majors this year. Despite an ERA over 5, he is 5-2 on the season. On Thursday, he allowed 5 runs to the Devil Rays, but the Yanks still won the game. The Yankees were powered by homers from Hideki Matsui and Johnny Damon on offense, and the bullpen was almost perfect in the win. New York remained in first place at 15-11, while the Devil Rays are at 11-18.

4. Winning away from home: The Royals, who have the worst record in the majors at 6-20, came into Thursday’s game against the Twins with an 0-13 road record. This tied them with the 1969 Astros and 1988 Orioles for the worst road record ever to start a season. After they edged the Twins 1-0 in Minnesota, the streak is now over. Four Royals pitchers combined to allow only 5 hits in the game, and Paul Bako hit an RBI single to provide the only score of the night.

5. Not used to being here: The Braves, after 14 straight division titles, are accustomed to being in first place in the NL East. After they lost to the Phillies last night 6-3, they dropped to third place, ahead of only the pitiful Marlins and Nationals. The Phillies completed a sweep of the Braves and won their 5th straight game. At 14-14, they only trail the Mets in the division. Ryan Howard and Jimmy Rollins had homers for the Phillies on the night.

Categories
All Other Sports

This video makes us want to head down to Yancy’s

This video of Raymond van Barneveld throwing a perfect nine dart finish during a competition is so exciting that we forget it’s darts. For those of you not in the know (and we assume that’s all of you), a nine dart finish is getting 501 points using only…well, nine darts. The darting equivalent to a 300 game in bowling. We’ll let Wikipedia explain it to you.

The best part about this clip is that the announcer goes looney tunes as he gets closer and closer to the perfect game. You see that, Kevin Harlan? The announcer gets excited for things that are actually exciting. Not just ballboys mopping up the sweat after a dunk, you loud, obnoxious, no-talent hack! Sorry, got sidetracked there. Anyway, enjoy the video and then head down to the local pub for the afternoon.

Categories
Golf

Michelle Wie finally makes the cut

It ain’t the PGA tour but Michelle Wie became the first woman to make the cut in a major men’s tour in 61 years. She shot a three-under 69 in the second round to finish 5 under and 6 strokes behind the lead. Pfffft that’s it? On Tiger Woods 2005 on the Xbox, we’re usually 10 under after two rounds.

While this is great for publicity, we look forward to a day when Michelle not making the cut is news. She’s only 16 (Yes, Charlie Sheen, she’s only 16.) so she’s got plenty of time to develop her game. Perhaps we should lay off the constant coverage until she’s actually good enough to play on the PGA Tour as she aspires to.

Links:
[Reuters]: Teenager Wie makes cut at men’s event in S.Korea

Categories
NHL General

Maggie the Monkey picks the 2nd round winners



4-4 in first round

Maggie the Monkey didn’t do too well in the first round of the NHL playoffs but since all of the top seeds in the Western conference were upended, neither did anyone else. With a respectable 4-4 showing (only 1 out of first place), Maggie is back for the second round. Frankly, with the way the NHL playoffs have gone, you could paint rats with team colors and race em for your predictions. Oh right, every team in the Eastern conference wears black, red and white. Well, you get the idea.

Anyway… in round 2, Maggie picks:

Ottawa over Buffalo

Carolina over New Jersey

Edmonton over San Jose

Anaheim over Colorado

Frankly, those aren’t bad. We would’ve taken NJ over Carolina and San Jose over Edmonton. But then again, we picked the Red Wings to win it all. Ooops.

Links:
[TSN.ca]: Monkey Business 2006

Categories
General Sports

Odds and Ends for Thurs May 5 2006: Tanith Belbin is still hot



Hottie

Tanith Belbin was about the only reason to watch the Olympics this year since all the media whores like Bode Miller and Johnny Weir ended up doing squat. Tanith at least took home the silver medal and looked good doing it. Why is this even news in May? We don’t know. But we do know that from this ESPN interview, Dave Matthews would have to be nuts not to be calling the Skating with Celebrities producers right now. That, and she’s a Killian’s Irish Red kinda girl. Fine, this entry just an excuse to express our love for Tanith.

In other news…

[TwinCities.com]: You know how Vice President of Player personnel for the Vikings lied on his resume, had a terrible draft, and then got fired? Well, he is suing the Vikings for wrongful termination. What else would he had have to have done for it to be a rightful termination? Use a sex toy on a stripper on a boat cruise? Wait…

[High and Tight]: We see your Mike Lupica and we raise you Stephen A Smith

[The Senturion]: See.. we told you they knew how to talk trash in Canada.

[Left at the Gate]: This guy knows more than us about the Derby so we’ll use his picks… as soon as we can decipher them.

[Vancouver Canucks Op Ed]: This is disturbing on so many levels.

[Mainichi Daily News]: Speaking of disturbing… who asked for this?

Categories
San Francisco Giants

Going to get a beer every time Bonds is at bat


CBP during Barry’s 715th homer

A few years ago, figuring out when Bonds was going to hit another 2 to 3 homers was pretty easy — just give him about a week. Well, he’s now 2 away from tying Ruth’s record and 3 from breaking it, and there’s a 3 game series at Philly over the weekend. He could do it in Philly or it could take him the rest of this month to jack up another 3. But unless he’s in the friendly confines or Willie Mays Park, there’s no telling the reaction he’ll get.

Philly is probably the last place you’d want to break the record if you were Bonds. Not only would you not get any cheers, you’d get roundly booed. Or, if some people get their way, you could hear a pin drop. Yes, some folks are saying that every time Bonds gets up to bat, the entire stadium should make a concession run. Theoretically, you’d have to start the mass exodus during Steve Finley’s at-bat. But you’re smart folks, you’ll figure it out.

If you truly think Bonds cheated and he doesn’t deserve to beat Ruth on the home run list, a deafening silence is more effective than any vitriol you can hurl Barry’s way. Hell, Barry loves being hated. If the stands were completely empty, Barry just might just curl up in a fetal position and cry. And that makes this potentially the most brilliant idea ever in protest. It would certainly make history.

Or, alternately, just start throwing feces onto the field.

Links:
[SI]:
Lidle: Bonds’ chase not ‘legitimate’
[Yahoo]: San Francisco Giants May Schedule

Categories
MLB General

Full Count for May 4 2006: Evil Empire is back in 1st

1. A-Rod: clutch?: Alex Rodriguez has taken many shots over his career about not being able to come through in clutch situations. This year, he is only hitting .242 with runners in scoring position. But last night, he won the game for the Yankees with a 10th inning RBI single. The Devil Rays chose to pitch to the slugger with runners on second and third and walk Hideki Matsui, but their plan backfired. The hit broke A-Rod’s 0-12 slump, and the win sent the Yankees to first place for the first time this season.

2. Showing his age: Greg Maddux has really had a spectacular season so far. At age 40, he started the year out 5-0, his best-ever start to a season. But he came back down to Earth on Wednesday, as he lost to Arizona. Maddux’s career record versus the D’Backs dropped to 1-9, his only losing record against any NL team. He was ripped for 5 runs and 10 hits in only 5 innings pitched in his worst performance of the season. Arizona’s Chad Tracy did most of the damage, with a homer and 4 RBIs. Miguel Bautista picked up the win, and surprising Jose Valverde achieved his 8th save of the year. The D’Backs are a game back of the Rockies for the NL West lead.

3. A week to remember: Only three games into this week, Travis Hafner has already put up unbelievable numbers. His homerun and 4 RBIs in the Indians rout of the A’s marked Hafner’s third straight game with these totals. So, in his last three games, he has 3 homers and 12 RBIs. The entire Indians lineup did well in a 14-3 win on Wednesday. Up 5-3 entering the 8th inning, the Indians ruined the A’s bullpen for 9 runs. In fact, no Oakland pitcher on the night allowed less than two earned runs. Indians starter Paul Byrd turned out one of his first decent performances of the year, with 3 allowed through 7. Cleveland is still 5 games back of the White Sox in the AL Central.

4. Back to 2003: Jason Schmidt has struggled ever since his magnificent 2003 and 2004 campaigns. Last night, he took the first step to getting back on track, with a shutout against the Brewers. He allowed only 5 hits and did not walk a batter on the night. This was Schmidt’s first shutout since August 2004. In other news, Barry Bonds failed to homer, going 0-4 on the night. He remained at 712 for the season. The Giants (14-13) are right in the middle of the packed NL West division, in which every team has from 12 to 16 wins.

5. Staying in Miami?: The Marlins, who have the lowest attendance and payroll in baseball, have talked about moving to a different city this year. San Antonio would certainly be a possibility. An amendment was approved by the Florida Senate that could give the team a new stadium. This is good news for a team that has the third lowest record in baseball and is in last place.

Categories
Calgary Flames

Flames and Bucks, please report to the first tee


The last of the top rated western conference seeds went down yesterday as the Ducks dropped the Flames 3-0 in Calgary. Watching the game on OLN, the Pengrowth Saddledome (what an awkward name) was dead silent when Salei scored to make it 2-0. Flames fans knew that a comeback was highly unlikely they way Ducks goaltender Bryzgalov was playing.

At the end of the game, they showed a Flames fan offering congratulations to a Ducks fan in the stands. Dare we say that if this was Philly, that would never have happened, unless the handshake was a ploy to drag the opposing fan closer for a punch in the face. We were rooting hard for the Flames too. Not because we have an interest in the club, but we imagine that a run through the Stanley Cup playoffs would have brought us more pictures like these. Ahhh… missed opportunities.

Meanwhile, in Detroit, the Pistons felt they had had enough of the Bucks and blew them out to clinch their series. With the other series going 6 or 7 games, the Pistons will get some rest as they await their next opponent.

Categories
NBA General

Charles Barkley is a big black whale

In the wake of John Daly’s admission that he lost over $50 million gambling, Charles Barkley has come out and said that he’s lost about $10M in gambling.


Yeah, I do have a gambling problem. But I don’t consider it a problem because I can afford to gamble… It’s not a problem. If you’re a drug addict or an alcoholic, those are problems. I gamble for too much money. As long as I can continue to do it I don’t think it’s a problem. Do I think it’s a bad habit? Yes, I think it’s a bad habit. Am I going to continue to do it? Yes, I’m going to continue to do it.

When I gamble I should be playing $1,000 a hand instead of $20,000 a hand, because if I played for $1,000 a hand I probably could lose $50,000 to $100,000 instead of millions of dollars.

This sounds suspiciously like John Daly’s quote that he should be playing $25 slot machines instead of $5000 slot machines. Here are 20 questions for Mr. Daly and Mr. Barkley.

Can you imagine Barkley and Daly meeting at the all you can eat buffet in between gambling binges? Man we’d hate to be within food-flyin distance of that mess.

Links:
[Yahoo]: Barkley says he’s lost about $10 million gambling