Steve Nash makes an impulse buy, invests in women’s soccer league

Even David Beckham couldn’t breathe life into soccer in America, but that’s not going to stop Steve Nash from trying. The two-time NBA MVP is using his deep pockets in an attempt to put the Women’s Professional Soccer league on the map.

Nash and former Yahoo president Jeff Mallett will provide some startup money for the league, which hopes to begin operations in 2009 in eight American cities. An official announcement is expected Tuesday.

“I’m investing more blindly and on passion,” Nash told the St. Louis Business Journal. “I want to watch the games and go out and support [the league].”

Soccer is in Nash’s blood – his father used to play professionally in South Africa.

“Whether I see a return on my investment or not, I’m excited to give it a go and see what impact it can have on young girls in inspiring them to reach for the best,” the Phoenix Suns guard told the paper.

Might sound like a long shot, but everybody thought the guy was crazy when he bolted from Dallas for Phoenix. Minus the brutal post season disappointments year after year after year, that turned out all right for Nashty.


[]: Nash to invest in U.S. women’s soccer league


Soccer done done it again

Another reason to be suspicious of all things soccer surfaced on Monday when news came out about Howard University’s men’s soccer coach Joseph Okoh going to the slammer after falling for the old ’13-year-old girl on the internet wants to have sex with me gag’. Man, where’s Chris Hansen when you need him?

Joseph E. Okoh, 40, was caught in a sting operation conducted by the Louisa County Sheriff’s Office as part of the Southern Virginia Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force, authorities said.

Okoh, of Arlington, allegedly traveled to Louisa County thinking he would meet the girl, authorities said. The person turned out to be an undercover investigator, and Okoh was charged with using a communications system to solicit a person under 15 with lascivious intent, a felony.

He has been suspended from all Howard University activities and duties pending completion of the investigation, school officials said.

Okoh, who was arrested Friday, was held without bond after a hearing at the Louisa County Juvenile and Domestic Relations Court. He has a follow-up hearing scheduled for Friday, authorities said.

We’re not sure what this waste is facing, but we’re hoping it’s a long time; 13 years sounds appropriate. And we’ve seen Oz enough times to know what happens in those cells. So when he finally gets out, hopefully he’ll be using the internet in its intended fashion, instead of as a perverted sex machine.


[]: Howard Men’s Soccer Coach Arrested in Youth Sex Sting
[]: Howard University head soccer coach arrested


Pair of Brazilian soccer clubs just can’t leave it on the field

Say what you want to about the great American sports rivalries, but if you want to see some real animosity then look no further than soccer outside of the States. As if there is soccer inside the States.

A pair of Brazilian teams (Atletico Paranaense and Gremio if you’re keeping score) brawled like Peter and the chicken all over town after an Atletico Paranaense player was attacked kung-fu style during a post-gamematch interview.

See what we mean? Have you ever seen Peyton Manning deliver a flying dropkick to Tom Brady’s kisser?

The rivalry between the two clubs began earlier this season when Paranaense forward Alex Mineiro was injured in a clash with Gremio midfielder Tcheco.

Tcheco was sent off in Wednesday’s match for persistent dissent and both clubs said that as he left the field he clashed with Petraglia.

After the game, Paranaense midfielder Claiton said he was attacked from behind by a Gremio player who lunged at him with a karate-style kick as he was giving a media interview.

Claiton said he went to a police station to file a complaint.

Gremio accused Paranaense of being bad hosts at the end of the match.

“We were badly received here,” said Cesar Pacheco, another member of the Gremio delegation. “They spent the week threatening us.

“This can’t happen in football.”

Now, we know that some of this soccer stuff is tough to believe but, thanks to The Offside, we’ve got the video to prove it. *”no need to watch after the 1:00 minute mark if you don’t speak Portuguese”

End of story, right? Wrong. On Thursday, the two clubs just conveniently happened to bump into each other at the airport and, well, you know where this is going.

The two clubs blamed each other for the fracas at the Afonso Pena airport in Curitiba as they resumed hostilities after Paranaense’s 2-0 win in a Brazilian championship match the previous evening.

Paranaense director Mario Cesar Petraglia said he was waiting for a flight to Sao Paulo when he was set upon by the Gremio delegation.

“I was reading my newspaper when they went for me, with physical and moral offences,” Petraglia told his club’s Web site (

Gremio, who were heading home to Porto Alegre, said Petraglia was with security men who joined in the fight.

“(Vice president of football Paulo) Pelaipe is with the airport police filing a complaint,” Gremio director Alfredo Oliveira told Radio Bandeirnates.

“He lost a tooth and his face has swollen up.”

Thank goodness here in the fity states, we don’t have to worry about that level of immaturity and poor sportsmanship from our athletes.


[]: Brazilian clubs brawl again at airport
[The Offside]: Brazilian Teams Brawl in the Dressing Room, Airport


Soccer coach moons a bunch of little girls

Happy Halloween kids!

We’re not speaking from experience here, but we’re figuring that turning your daughter over to a male coach is probably about as nerve racking as letting her go out on her first date. After all, there are a lot of sick dudes out there in the guise of a coach. So, how do you know who to trust in this day and age? Well, if you ever see any type of behavior that resembles this, then you should probably pull daddy’s little girl from the program immediately.

Sonoma County authorities Monday were investigating a report that a Petaluma soccer coach mooned a team of teenage girls during a weekend match.

The Sonoma County Sheriff’s Department said the incident was reported at about 2:30 p.m. Saturday after a Windsor Cup Soccer game had been played by female players under the age of 16.

Deputies learned that the game had become heated and erupted into several arguments, after which the Petaluma team’s coach walked to the center of the field and allegedly exposed his rear to the opposing team, according to the sheriff’s office.

Several of the Windsor team players and their parents called police and reported the incident. However, the coach has denied the allegations, according to the sheriff’s department.

Wait, he denied it? This guy walks to center field, drops trou and moons an entire team of young girls in the middle of the day and he’s got the guts to say it was just a figment of their imagination. Wow, and we thought that Isiah Thomas was full of crap.


[The Offside]: Coach Suspended for Mooning Girls’ Youth Team
[]: Soccer Coach Suspended For “Mooning” Opposing Team


Soccer balls are basically crotch-seeking projectiles

As much as we love sports, we really can’t stand soccer. There is just absolutely nothing appealing to us about the sport. Sure, the rest of the free world can’t get enough of the stuff, but we really don’t care if we never see one more second of soccer footage for the rest of our lives. In fact, if we do see another soccer highlight then we’re going to have to…wait, what? Soccer guys getting kicked in the nads? Roll it!

We stand corrected; this sport isn’t so bad after all.


Guaranteed to be the best seven seconds of your day

If you’ve never taken a soccer ball to the face then congratulations because you are one of the lucky ones. The rest of have all felt the sting of having Spalding slapped across out forehead. But everyone has at least seen someone get pounded by a ball. Well, you’ve never seen it quite like this:

Ho-ly crap! That was so sweet.


[Our Book of Scrap]: Little Girl Eats Soccer Ball


Don’t worry WNBA, you’re not the only ones who get asked that question

We never have been big fans of soccer, considering how we as Americans are totally oblivious to fact that sport even exists except when our morning SportsCenter is continually canceled for some boring women’s `futbol’ match between Zimbabwe and Northern Hungary. So, seeing that we can’t stand the game, we really think their refs have a crappy job. Except for this guy, he’s having way too much fun out on the pitch.

But we never realized just how lame their lives were until we heard that the refs at a recent women’s soccer match were reduced to performing nut checks to verify genders of the players.

Banyana Banyana coach Augustine Makalakalane has described as mischievous claims allegedly made by a top Ghanaian official that SA used a male player in their Olympic qualifier at the Caledonian Stadium last month.

“I don’t know what the official is up to, but what he is quoted as saying can be best described as utter rubbish,” fumed Makalakalane. “We’ve never cheated and maybe he should consult with his captain in future before he makes such irresponsible comments.

“Fact of the matter is that they raised a suspicion against our striker, Alice Noko Matlou from Limpopo and the officiating referee made an inspection in our dressing room in the present of the Ghana captain. After everyone concerned was satisfied that our player was a girl, she was allowed to feature in the game. The referee would not have allowed her to be part of the game if Alice or anyone else was indeed male.

“If it is indeed correct that the Ghanaian official has said this, then I’m personally disappointed with his conduct. But if it’s an attempt to play mind games against us ahead of the return game in Ghana in December, then let me inform them that we are not only bringing Alice, but the whole Banyana Banyana. They can also expect another player with male features in our team for that contest, and that will still not be cheating,” he said.

Sure, looking down a soccer chick’s pants might sound cool, but you gotta realize that if you have to look down her pants to determine if it’s a dude or a lady then she’s probably not the Jennie Finch or Anna Kournikova kinda athlete. But this practice could be useful here in America; after all, if our refs would perform inspections like this then Christian Laettner would have never been allowed to taint the Dream Team.


[The Offside]: Genitalia Inspection now part of Referees’ job description
[]: Banyana dispute gender cheating claims
[The Sun]: Spot the ball please, ref


Soccer showoff gets no respect for his skills from his peers

We don’t know a lot about soccer, but we do know that most of these guys enjoy a good fight. So, when some punk decides to stop using his feet and begins to rely solely on bouncing the ball on his head like a seal, you know that someone is gonna get pissed. Luckily for us, that someone delivered a hit to `seal boy’ that would make Ray Lewis beam with pride.

Don’t you wish Lefty would have the same reaction should Tiger ever decide to get cocky and do his little ball-bouncing wizardry at the course again? Okay, maybe it’s just us.


[The Offside]: A Seal Clubbing in Brazilian Football


Talk about taking one for the team!

On Monday afternoon, Manchester United manager Alex Ferguson was just chillin’ outside a train station in London, waiting on a ride, when some bum named Kevin Reynolds started staggering towards him. Right when he was probably getting ready to tell the that bum he didn’t have any change for his booze, the drunken bastard punched him right in the nuts. On Wednesday afternoon, Reynolds was in front of judge and plead guilty to the random genital punching.

The court was told that Ferguson thought the man staggering toward him was a beggar. Instead, Reynolds punched him and said: “I’m sorry Fergie, I did not know it was you.”

Reynolds then allegedly chanted “Fergie, Fergie, shut your mouth” – a soccer chant common in Scotland.

The court was told that Reynolds had consumed half a bottle of vodka and several beers before the attack.

Thanks for saying that you’re sorry for the crotch shot, but is that really going to help Ferguson with his “soreness and tenderness” downstairs? The jerk could get up to two years in the slammer for his drunken junk jab. But if that gets you two years, what the hell does something like this get you?

Oh, and Fergie, be glad you weren’t in Oklahoma.


[]: `Fighting drunk’ pleads guilty to assault


Goal celebrations in soccer just ain’t what they used to be

There is absolutely no way on God’s green earth that anyone knows what a soccer player is going to do next. Heck, we don’t think that they even know what they are doing half the time. Sure, these guys know what to do when the ball is in play, but it’s the post goal celebrations that have us shaking our heads.

According to The Offside, this guy earned a $1,200 fine and a six-month suspension for his undie escapade. If that kind of revelry gets a fella six months then we’re figuring that this `jubilant’ soccer dude got a lifetime ban from the sport following his celebration.


[The Offside]: Iranian Striker Celebrates Goal by taking off his Pants