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Soccer

What’s that smell? Oh, it’s just soccer

Frankly, we just don’t get the obsession that some people have with soccer, but if you replace the soccer game that’s being shown in this commercial with a NFL game between the Raiders and the Browns and we’re in the exact same position.

And considering that most Saturdays are spent tailgating with copious amounts of greasy meat and adult beverages being consumed, this slice of life is pretty accurate for the Sportscolumn crew’s fall Sundays.

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Soccer

David Beckham finally bends it in America

So, David Beckham has official conquered America as he scored his first MLS goal on Wednesday night to lead the L.A. Galaxy to a 2-0 win over D.C. United. Everyone can breathe a collective sigh of relief now that the Barry Bondsesque anticipation has finally subsided. And if anyone needs to take a deep inhale after the historic moment, it’s that crazy Spanish announcer dude who just starts screaming anytime someone kicks the ball into the net. If you can block out the annoying ESPN talking head during this clip then you’ll hear exactly what we mean.

This guy has been yelling “GOOOOOOOOOOOOOL” for years now, but we can’t help but be impressed every time we hear it. No offense to the American commentators who called the game, but you guys totally suck butt in comparison.

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Soccer

Another soccer fan gets his melee on

Soccer always finds new ways to entertain us with it’s antics outside the normal realm of play. Most of the time it involves some type of violence and this time is nothing different. During a game between Trabzonspor and Sivasspor (at least that’s what The Offside tells us) in the 2007/2008 Turkish Premier Super League a typical soccer scuffle broke out between players following a foul. But then things got interesting as a lunatic fan ran onto the pitch and started throwing punches. Before you know it, it’s a free-for-all between players, fans and security.

We think that anyone who runs onto the field of play during any sporting event deserves whatever they get and we were happy to see that some of those knuckleheads got tackled with some force. But we still wish that this guy had been playing during the match.

Links:

[The Offside]: Fan Attacks Player in Turkey, Chaos Ensues

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Soccer

Soccer team gets popped by undercover cop for soliciting prostitution


Soccer players are no different than the rest of us…actually, they are because most people can resist the urge to pick up a skanky hooker on the street corner. After all, she is a skanky hooker on the street corner! Unfortunately for the Half Moon Bay soccer team, eight of their players had no such self control when recently visiting Springfield, Oregon for a tournament.

Apparently, there was a ho that they just couldn’t take their eyes off and when they approached her, it turned out that the prostitute was actually an undercover cop. D-oh!

It is a shame that we have this many people coming down, looking for love in all the wrong places,” Springfield police Sgt. Rich Charboneau said. “We’re going to continue doing these (stings) until our numbers are down.

While we would like to focus all the humiliation onto the soccer dudes, we’ve gotta admit that lots of other people got busted for the same thing in the same sting over the weekend. In addition to the eight players, 20 others were arrested for misdemeanor prostitution solicitation charges with the youngest being 19 and the oldest being a wrinkly 75.

We’re not surprised by the behavior of these guys at all and, in fact, we’re a little relieved. After all, it’s a helluva lot more normal than how this futboler decides to get his kinky kicks.

Links:

[CBS5.com]: Half Moon Bay Soccer Team Nabbed For Prostitution

Categories
Soccer

Another little kid gets labeled as the next big thing

Not too long ago, we brought you the story of Cody Paul who had been dubbed by The Commission as a “white Reggie Bush” at the tender age of 8 (though there is speculation that he could be much older). Well, Manchester United was sent a DVD of 9-year-old Rhain Davis by the boy’s grandfather and after they witnessed the little boy’s mad soccer skills they immediately snatched up the kid that’s being labeled as the next Wayne Rooney (and being Wayne Rooney is a very good thing from what we can tell).

While it’s a little odd that they would actively pursue someone based strictly on a video, apparently it’s a common practice to recruit kids this young in an attempt to develop their skills. In fact, United claims to get a hold of about 40 kids a year who are Davis’ age. Who knew?

Manchester United is proud of its history of developing talented young players, and invests considerable time and resources into trying to find the best young players of the future,” the club said in a statement.

So, here’s the video that landed Davis the opportunity of a lifetime.

Sorry, Cody, we’d like to say that the Miami Dolphins are calling you up to minicamp, but you gotta stay on top of your game and avoid injury for at least another ten to twelve years before your big break might come a knockin’. Damn, those bratty little soccer kids really do get all the perks.

Links:

[TheStar.com]: Man U recruits 9-year-old after YouTube audition

Categories
Soccer

Nobody will get mad about shoes made from kangaroo, right?


David Beckham just got to America and he’s already causing trouble. Apparently the California Supreme Court has banned the sale of soccer cleats that Beckham made popular because they are made from kangaroo leather.

The kangaroo hide seems to make a pretty sweet shoe, but, for some reason, people are all worked up over the humane treatment of animals right now and a group of activists sued Adidas over the products. Guess the fact that endangered kangaroos are being killed for their skin isn’t sitting too well with ’em. Oh, and shooting them during night hunting parties and clubbing baby joeys to death isn’t helping either.

We sued because of the horrific way kangaroos are killed,” said Lauren Ornelas of Viva International Voice for Animals, which filed the lawsuit. “We sued because of the way Adidas is snubbing their noses at California’s law.

But before everyone gets hot and bothered and starts calling Beckham soccer’s version of Michael Vick, just know that his Predator cleats are made with synthetic leather. So, at least we know that Beckham is consistent; he likes his wife and his shoes to be artificial.

Links:

[DeseretNews.com]: Beckham’s `Roo shoes create controversy

Categories
Soccer

The sport of soccer just made us laugh again

Like we’ve said before, we know that somewhere deep down inside of soccer there is something that is embodies the art and pageantry of sport, but with so many damn knuckleheads running around on the fields and in the stadiums it gets pretty hard to get past all the shenanigans. C’mon, how are we supposed to take futbol seriously when the refs are running around like that little kid on Ugly Betty.

We’d like to say that this is the fruitiest behavior we’ve ever seen on a soccer pitch, but that would be a blatant lie.

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Soccer

Fans riot during soccer game in Argentina

Well, here we go again. It’s another day and another black eye to the sport of soccer as another riot broke out during a soccer match, this time in Buenos Aires. Fans rushed the field during the final moments of the game and began brawling with opposing fans. It was an ugly, ugly scene as the “fans” beat each other with metal pipes, rocks and chairs until 78 people were arrested, 14 were injured and one was killed.

Links:

[WCBSTV.com]: Soccer Fan Killed When Game Turns To Brawl

Categories
Soccer

Futbol has finally redeemed it’s self…slightly

Most of the time when we talk about soccer, we focus on the ugly, nasty side of the sport: the riots, the package biting, the other riots, the Beckham’s American invasion, the murders, the attempted murders. But, believe it or not, we’ve actually found something about soccer that we like; when hotties play it in teeny tiny skirts and stomach revealing tops.

We are so relieved to find out that soccer actually had some untapped potential hidden deep down inside. This is honestly the greatest spin put on a sport since the Lingerie Bowl.

Links:

[Our Book of Scrap]: Girls Playing Soccer In Short Skirts

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Soccer

We always thought the butt slap was really fruity until this soccer player proved us wrong

We’re sure that soccer has amazingly athletic and graceful plays that occur from time to time, but for some reason the only news that catches our eye from the world of futbol seems to involve riots or, uh, well, riots. That is, until now. We’re still not moved to the point of showing you highlights or anything but we did come across a clip that we thought we’d share with you. Apparently it’s a few years old but that doesn’t mean the incredible gayness of the whole thing has diminished in the least.

And you fools thought that Chad Johnson and T.O. liked to “celebrate in a different way.” Even Dennis Rodman thought the soccer dude’s behavior was kind of disturbing.

Links:

[The Offside]: ‘Biting his Unit’ s certainly a different way to celebrate