manchester united – Sportscolumn Blog

On Monday afternoon, Manchester United manager Alex Ferguson was just chillin’ outside a train station in London, waiting on a ride, when some bum named Kevin Reynolds started staggering towards him. Right when he was probably getting ready to tell the that bum he didn’t have any change for his booze, the drunken bastard punched him right in the nuts. On Wednesday afternoon, Reynolds was in front of judge and plead guilty to the random genital punching.

The court was told that Ferguson thought the man staggering toward him was a beggar. Instead, Reynolds punched him and said: “I’m sorry Fergie, I did not know it was you.”

Reynolds then allegedly chanted “Fergie, Fergie, shut your mouth” – a soccer chant common in Scotland.

The court was told that Reynolds had consumed half a bottle of vodka and several beers before the attack.

Thanks for saying that you’re sorry for the crotch shot, but is that really going to help Ferguson with his “soreness and tenderness” downstairs? The jerk could get up to two years in the slammer for his drunken junk jab. But if that gets you two years, what the hell does something like this get you?

Oh, and Fergie, be glad you weren’t in Oklahoma.

Links:

[FoxSports.com]: `Fighting drunk’ pleads guilty to assault

Another little kid gets labeled as the next big thing

Not too long ago, we brought you the story of Cody Paul who had been dubbed by The Commission as a “white Reggie Bush” at the tender age of 8 (though there is speculation that he could be much older). Well, Manchester United was sent a DVD of 9-year-old Rhain Davis by the boy’s grandfather and after they witnessed the little boy’s mad soccer skills they immediately snatched up the kid that’s being labeled as the next Wayne Rooney (and being Wayne Rooney is a very good thing from what we can tell).

While it’s a little odd that they would actively pursue someone based strictly on a video, apparently it’s a common practice to recruit kids this young in an attempt to develop their skills. In fact, United claims to get a hold of about 40 kids a year who are Davis’ age. Who knew?

Manchester United is proud of its history of developing talented young players, and invests considerable time and resources into trying to find the best young players of the future,” the club said in a statement.

So, here’s the video that landed Davis the opportunity of a lifetime.

Sorry, Cody, we’d like to say that the Miami Dolphins are calling you up to minicamp, but you gotta stay on top of your game and avoid injury for at least another ten to twelve years before your big break might come a knockin’. Damn, those bratty little soccer kids really do get all the perks.

Links:

[TheStar.com]: Man U recruits 9-year-old after YouTube audition