Philadelphia Flyers

Patrick Thoresen wants to play after devastating groin injury. Is he nuts?

Hockey players are tough dudes. They don’t need to take pucks off their junk to prove they’re manly men, but that’s exactly what Patrick Thoresen did on Friday in Game 1 of the Flyers/Capitals playoff series. However, the Philadelphia forward was back in the locker room on Monday – with a bag of ice in his groin – cracking jokes and making light of the injury that nearly cost him a testicle and even admitted he would take another slapshot to nuts any day for his team.

“That’s my job, “Thoresen said. “I’m sacrificing myself for the team. That’s what it’s all about, especially in the playoffs.”

The next time Thoresen has to talk about a cup, he hopes it’s for hoisting the Stanley Cup and not about the dented, protective one that saved his testicle from removal.

“He sacrificed himself, there,” center Daniel Briere said. “Those are big plays and sometimes you’re going to lose guys. It shows how much he’s willing to sacrifice for his teammates.”

That’s a lot to sacrifice.

“It’s a lot,” said Briere, chuckling. “But that’s the way you’re going to win. That’s what you have to do.”

While men everywhere surely felt queasy watching the replay, Thoresen laughed about the incident and cracked a couple off-color, one-liners about his uncomfortable condition.

As for the protective cup that took the brunt of Mike Green’s shot, Thoresen said, “That’s one I can’t use again.” …

Thoresen didn’t have a problem with the play continuing while he rolled around the circle in complete agony. Not that he really cared at that point.

“I didn’t have time to think because the pain was so, so huge,” Thoresen said. “I was like, get me off the ice and give me some ice. It was a little scary.”


[]: Puck to groin likely to keep Flyers forward Thoresen out of Game 3


Talk about taking one for the team!

On Monday afternoon, Manchester United manager Alex Ferguson was just chillin’ outside a train station in London, waiting on a ride, when some bum named Kevin Reynolds started staggering towards him. Right when he was probably getting ready to tell the that bum he didn’t have any change for his booze, the drunken bastard punched him right in the nuts. On Wednesday afternoon, Reynolds was in front of judge and plead guilty to the random genital punching.

The court was told that Ferguson thought the man staggering toward him was a beggar. Instead, Reynolds punched him and said: “I’m sorry Fergie, I did not know it was you.”

Reynolds then allegedly chanted “Fergie, Fergie, shut your mouth” – a soccer chant common in Scotland.

The court was told that Reynolds had consumed half a bottle of vodka and several beers before the attack.

Thanks for saying that you’re sorry for the crotch shot, but is that really going to help Ferguson with his “soreness and tenderness” downstairs? The jerk could get up to two years in the slammer for his drunken junk jab. But if that gets you two years, what the hell does something like this get you?

Oh, and Fergie, be glad you weren’t in Oklahoma.


[]: `Fighting drunk’ pleads guilty to assault