Category: All Other Sports

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All Other Sports

Those who can’t play real sports turn to "finger jousting" for excitement

If you thought that ESPN’s coverage of “Rock, Paper, Scissors” was completely ridiculous, just be happy that they didn’t bring you coverage of the World Finger Jousting Federation. We know it sounds completely stupid, but it actually exists and while we could explain the rules of the game to you, frankly, we’d be totally embarrassed to admit that we know `em. So, watch this and figure it out for yourself…if you can stop laughing at these idiots for taking themselves so seriously.

C’mon guys, this is pathetic! What’s next? Are you going to try and tell me that Ultimate Frisbee is a real sport too?!

Links:

[Awful Announcing]: Introducing To The Masses…Finger Jousting

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All Other Sports

Volleyball player passed physical just two days before giving birth, murdering baby


We don’t usually report on women’s college volleyball, but we’re going to make an exception for this eerie and disturbing tale out of Mercyhurst College in Erie, PA. On Monday, police revealed that an 18-year-old team member was administered a physical and cleared to play volleyball just two days before she gave birth!

Apparently the girl had been concealing the pregnancy and did such a good job that she somehow passed her physical. The baby was born on August 12, just one day after the mother participated in a “light workout.” She even denied the pregnancy to police and doctors after one of her coaches took her to the hospital for severe bleeding following the birth of the child. Unfortunately, when authorities arrived at the girl’s apartment, the baby girl was found dead of asphyxiation. The county coroner was unsure if the baby had been put in a plastic bag or simply smothered. Investigations are currently underway to discover if the mother actually knew she was pregnant; 39 ½ weeks to be exact.

This whole tale is pretty sickening, but we can’t figure out what we’re more disgusted by: the murdering mom or the lackadaisical physical. Obviously the girl deserves to go to jail for a long, long time for her blatant disregard of human life, but whoever conducted the examinations prior to her clearance has to be held accountable as well. It’s not like the sperm had just cracked the egg here; this chick was over nine months pregnant! We’d normally say just ferret leg `em both and be done with it, but this is one of those cases where we’d much prefer to see a long painful jail sentence as opposed to the quick cries of anguish we usually so thoroughly enjoy.

Links:

[Philly.com]: Passed physical, then she gave birth

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All Other Sports

A pen and some really fast fingers go a long way in curing a common case of boredom

The dog days of summer are almost over and soon we will kick off the football season and our days will be filled with talk of blowouts, upsets, passing percentages and hard hitting tackles. Unfortunately, we’ve still got some serious time to kill before the helmets start knocking. And that’s why things like the ancient art of pen spinning are still intriguing to us.

Sorry Bobby Badfingers, but you ain’t got nothing on these guys!

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All Other Sports

High school coaches of America gone wild



Homer might be a complete idiot,
but he’d never act like these idiots!

The fall season is just around the corner and for some high school coaches that means that all the hard work is fixing to pay off and the fun is about to begin. Unfortunately, this past weekend was a pretty bad time to be a HS coach…well, only if the coaches are drunks or molesters.

Four assistant football coaches in South Carolina were dismissed from their coaching duties after they got busted drinking on the job. Apparently the quartet was boozing it up on Thursday night as they were getting the field up to par and somebody turned `em in. Now, this is a lot better than taking swigs of Listerine in the bathroom during normal school hours and then getting your teach on, but a rule is a rule and these guys will be watching their team’s games from the stands because of it.

But one jerk who deserves no sympathy for his actions is 77-year-old former softball coach Edwin Coughenhour who got slapped with a lawsuit by a former player claiming that she was sexually exploited by the dirty old man. The suit states that Coughenhour had “repeated, offensive and inappropriate acts of sexual contact” with her. The guy is finishing up a 30-day stint in jail after copping to two counts of simple assault as a plea in exchange for the county dropping four counts of sexual exploitation. The sicko admits to lifting the girl’s shirt and slapping her on the butt during a May 2006 practice.

We would figure that being a coach has got to be one of the most rewarding jobs on the planet, but when you see all the inappropriate activity that goes on, it kinda puts a damper on the whole philosophy that coaches are “teaching the youth of today to be the leaders of tomorrow.” Hell, there’s really only one HS coach left in America that we are still completely envious of…hers.

Links:

[WISTV.com]: Four high school football coaches dismissed for drinking
[WHOTV.com]: Former high school softball player sues coach, school

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All Other Sports

Athletes have some big mouths and we are so thankful for it

Sports are best known for the drama, spectacle and pure athleticism that surround the competition, but there’s another reason that we watch sports and it has nothing to do with offense, defense or special teams. It has to do with the whacky stuff that comes outta athletes’ mouths nowadays. We’d love to say that we’ve spent hours pouring over all the post game interviews, tv appearances and press conferences that have transpired over the years, but, of course, ESPN beat us to the punch. So, here are the Top 10 One Liners in sports history:

Hey, we’re usually not big fans of the SportsCenter losers, but if there hard work gets us outta the office a little earlier today then we’ve gotta give a Stu Scott sized shout-out to our new homies in Connecticut. So, this is for you guys: “BOOOOOOOOOO-YAAAAAAA!!”

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Jose Offerman charged the mound and then got charged with assault


Former MLBer and current Long Island Ducks shortstop Jose Offerman was arrested on Tuesday night after he went ballistic and attacked Bridgeport Bluefish pitcher Matt Beech with his bat following a beaning in the second inning.

The game started off pretty good for Offerman as he homered in the first inning, but a fastball to the calf in the second caused Offerman to charge the mound, bat in hand, and a major league fight broke out in the minors. Offerman was charged with a second-degree assault and reportedly got out of the pokey after posting the $10,000 bond.

He hit him with a cut fastball in the left calf,” Bluefish manager Tommy John said. “And the next thing you know, Offerman’s going to the mound with his bat over his head taking swings at Beech. He took at least two, maybe even three [swings].

Luckily, the only thing that was seriously injured in the scuffle was Offerman’s integrity. The focus of Offerman’s fury escaped the assault with a broken middle finger on his non-throwing hand, but catcher John Nathans ended up being an unintentional victim in the whole ordeal as he went home sporting symptoms of a concussion.

It may have only been John Nathans taking one on the backswing in the head to have saved Matt Beech from really taking one in the face,” said Bluefish pitcher Mike Porzio.

Listen, we love a good dust-up as much as the next guy, but is this baseball or a reenactment of the infamous brawl in The Warriors? Whatever happened to simply charging the mound and matching fists with the guy? Maybe Offerman was afraid something like this would happen.

Links:

[NewsDay.com]: Ducks’ Offerman, wielding bat, attacks pitcher

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Indian running "coach" arrested for child abuse


There are some sick freaks in this world, but one of the sickest resides in India. Luckily Biranchi Das was arrested and charged with child abuse after he reportedly tortured a 6-year-old boy who he coached as a long distance runner. The boy, Budhia Singh, lived with Das and was at the center of numerous child rights controversies as he endured grueling marathons of 40 miles at the age of 4 and a 43-mile trek just last year. However, doctors forced Singh to stop after 40 miles due to symptoms of extreme exhaustion and discovered that he was “undernourished, anemic and under cardiac stress.”

Back in May, India’s child welfare department declared that the marathons were a form of “torture” on the child. But in addition to “coaching” the little kid into running unfathomable distances, Das was literally torturing the boy in horrifying manners.

Biranchi was beating him up regularly,” said the boy’s mother, Sukanti Singh. “He even once tied Budhia up from a ceiling fan and threw hot water on his body.

What’s worse is that this prick hasn’t been sharing with the boy’s mother any of the income he’s been raking in off the ill-treatment and cruelty that drew national celebrity.

He has given me very little, but he was earning a lot of money from my son’s hard work,” the Press Trust of India news agency quoted her as saying in a report Monday.

However, the story takes a very daytime soap opera twist when Das claims that he actually rescued the boy right before his mother was about to sell him for $15 to another villager. Regardless, we say throw him and Michael Vick in an Indian prison cell and let `em rot. Let’s go ahead and throw this jerk in there too.

Links:

[DesertNews.com]: Coach is accused of torturing 6-year-old marathoner in India

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All Other Sports

Pacman Jones describes himself as a "man" on TNA…uh, thanks for the update

So, TNA pulled a fast one on us on Thursday night’s episode of Impact where Pacman Jones was supposed to make his professional wrestling debut. But instead of getting the actual deviant, we got a video of Pacman saying that he was going to be making his first in-person appearance this Sunday at the pay-per-view event Hard Justice.

Of course he is. So, now it looks like not only are we’re going to have to wait a few more days before we start getting some answers about his role within the promotion, but we’ve also gotta shell out $35 or so to see him do it. Thanks TNA. At least we got this teaser to get ready for the big introduction:

Wait, did Pacman say that he was a “team player”? Damn, guess wrestling really is fake after all.

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All Other Sports

American pitcher is in the middle of a hairy situation in Japan


It’s bad enough when any professional athlete in any sport test positive for drugs. It’s even worse when someone becomes the first player to fail a drug test in the history of a sport. But the absolute worst has to be getting suspended for pissing dirty and having the banned substance turn out to be a version of Rogaine!

American pitcher Rick Guttormson became the first person in the history of Japanese baseball to fail a drug test after officials revealed that Finasteride, a hair growing agent, was found in his system following a July 13 postgame test. So, why would someone get suspended over trying to get a thick, luxurious head of hair? Well, the stuff does more than conceal bald spots, it’s also used by some as a masking agent.

Apparently, Guttormson has been taking the stuff for a couple of years now, but that doesn’t make the Japanese Bud Seligs any happier about the situation. In addition to receiving a 20-day suspension from the Japan Pacific League, his team, the Softbank Hawks, were also fined $63,000. Now, we don’t know much about the current state of the hair restoration market, but we’re going to guess that a toupee would have been a whole lot cheaper.

Links:

[NewsChannel5.com]: A hair-raising story from Japan

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All Other Sports

Monster truck loses control and drives into crowd of people

In Dekalb, Illinois, at least nine people were injured when a monster truck that was performing stunts on a closed section of a downtown street lost control and drove into the crowd on Thursday. Apparently, the truck was driving over cars and such in an attempt to promote a local auto parts store when the driver lost control. Several of those who were hurt were children, but the driver managed to escape the wreck without injury (imagine that).

Links:

[KARE11.com]: Monster truck crashes into crowd of spectators