Author: clay

Categories
College Football

As if being a kicker isn’t lame enough



Sure, kickers get their moments in
the sun, but at the end of the day
they’re still kickers.

All right, so you what’s lame? Lame is jumping onto a bike that has no seat.

You know what’s lamer than lame? Eating a bowl of burnt Frosted Flakes and then having your little brother ask if anyone has seen his scab collection.

So, what would be even lamer than that? Well, how about booting a last-second, game-winning field goal against a conference foe and then going home to celebrate and finding your pad penetrated and violated? Just ask Georgia kicker Brandon Coutu what a kick to the groin spirit that can be because that’s exactly what happened to him on Saturday.

The Georgia kicker walked into his Athens home after kicking a game-winning field goal at Vanderbilt and found that burglars had ransacked the place and stolen almost everything of value and some of sentimental value, such as SEC championship and bowl gifts.

“They took a lot of stuff, a lot of things that were important to him,” said Ron Coutu, Brandon’s father. “They took a TV with an SEC logo on it, an Xbox, iPods, computer, a bunch of electronic-type stuff.”

Coutu learned of the break-in on his way back from the Vanderbilt game. A friend had gone to the house and was to meet Coutu there for a celebration. After finding the back door kicked in, he went in, discovered the burglary and called Coutu.

“It was not fun having to tell him,” Ron Coutu said. “Obviously it was a big night for him and he walked in there frustrated.

The good news is that former gridiron standout O.J. Simpson has already been cleared since there was no sports memorabilia stolen. However, authorities have their suspicions that current rookie/fantasy football stud Adrain Peterson could be involved after he was found guilty of stealing the remaining shreds of dignity from a collapsing Bears franchise.

Links:

[AJC.com]: Burglars break into Coutu’s house over weekend

Categories
Detroit Lions

Roy Williams goes down the Mark Cuban employment trail


Remember when Cubes was dishing out Blizzards and Belt Busters at Dairy Queen? Well, it’s deja vu all over again; only this time we’re talking Roy Williams and pizzas.

Not too long ago we told you how the Lions’ Williams was so cheap that instead of installing a fire alarm he just hangs Jiffy Pop from the ceiling. He even admitted that he doesn’t tip the pizza guy when he orders a pie.

Well, turns out that Roy’s a pretty good sport because after Pizza Hut got wind of his comments they offered him a temporary position as a delivery driver and he accepted. Brilliant!

The Lions wide receiver will be an honorary delivery driver for the nationwide pizza chain tomorrow from an undisclosed location in the metro Detroit area from 4-6 p.m.

Williams is making a personal donation to the World Food Program, including all of his tips.

Pizza Hut offered the olive branch after Williams admitted in an interview that he typically doesn’t tip pizza deliverers.

The exact location of the Pizza Hut serving as Williams’ headquarters will be announced tomorrow.

Now if we could just get Roy to spring for something a little fancier than an all-you-can-eat buffet when he takes the ladies out for a first date. Even the contestants on Blind Date think that’s tacky.

Links:

[Freep.com]: Lions’ Roy Williams begins second job tomorrow: Pizza delivery guy

Categories
NFL General

Joey Porter vs. Levi Jones and it doesn’t even cost $49.95!

We heard the other day that a video of the Las Vegas Palms casino brawl between Levi Jones and Joey Porter had surfaced, but we kept thinking that this was just some ruse to get us all excited before an eventual letdown. You know, kinda like when you finally saw Ghost Rider. But we were wrong, the video actually exists and Porter actually is a cheap shot artist.

And you thought that Joey was just faking insanity when he did the “Dean Scream” (or any of the dozen or so other incidents) during the Monday Night Football lineups.

Links:

[Awful Announcing]: Jay Glazer’s FOX Exclusive Tape of The Joey Porter – Levi Jones Fight

Categories
High School Sports

After childhood accident, high schooler literally plays `foot’ ball


Charlie Shannon is a one-footed football player. If that sounds like the opening line of stupid joke to you then you’d be completely off base. You’ve come to the wrong place if you’re looking for sophomoric humor like that. And if you started giggling in anticipation of what you thought was coming next then shame on you.

Shannon lost his foot to a wicked lawnmower accident when he was just 2 years old. In addition to losing most of his right foot, he also part of his leg muscle and his buttocks. But that didn’t stop Charlie from pursuing and excelling at football. He says that he doesn’t consider himself disabled and because of it, he is on his Iowa high school varsity team where he plays both center and nose guard.

When interviewed by Dan Withers, Shannon made clear how he is exactly like all the other kids who take to fields across America. Yup; just your regular ol’, normal, boring jock. Absolutely nothing out of the ordinary here.

I tackled a kid and I got up. I was heading back to the huddle and I didn’t have my foot. It wasn’t there. It was laying out in the middle of the field,” Charlie explained.

Okay, you can laugh guilt free now.

Links:

[11Alive.com]: One-legged Football Player Triumphs

Categories
All Other Sports

Move over Jabberjaw, we’ve found another monster of the deep


Captain Robert Hill had the voyage of his life on Saturday when a crew of six buddies on his boat wrestled and eventually defeated an enormous 844-pound mako shark. The shark was a record at 11 feet long and it weighed an astonishing 638 pounds after being gutted, a full 338 pounds more than the old record.

Adlee Bruner was one of the friends on the boat when the shark was hooked about 70 miles southwest of the Florida Panhandle in the Gulf of Mexico. It took over an hour for the fellas to get the beast to give up and then it was so big that they couldn’t even pull it aboard. So, they tied the mako to the stern of the boat for the four-hour trip back.

It was tense,” Bruner, 47, said about the fight to land the shark, which has a mouthful of huge, fearsome teeth. “I’ve fished for 40 years. I’ve never see one that big.

It was like ‘Jaws,'” Hill said.

Wait, Jaws? Aww, man, we thought this was exciting and death defying and breathtaking. But how could that be? Jaws was more boring than watching an episode of Cavemen.

Links:

[CBS11TV.com]: Fishermen Land Record 844-Pound Shark In Florida

Categories
College Football

Not only can Oklahoma Sooners fans write, but they’re rather witty. Who knew?

The College GameDay crew made their way to Norman on Saturday to take in the Oklahoma/Missouri game first hand. Needless to say, the signs were aplenty and not all of `em were all that nice.

Considering that GameDay comes to our living rooms live every Saturday morning, ESPN has to be careful to monitor the sea of poster board behind the set to make sure that nothing too wild goes beaming out to the throngs. Thanks to Blake Jackson of NewsOK.com, we now have a better idea of exactly what we can and can’t get away with.

Apparently, when you’re in Oklahoma, life-size cutout of Bob Stoops and Sherri Coale are cool. So are the multitudes of “We (heart) Herbie” signs. You know, the only member of ESPN your girlfriend can name besides Jesse Palmer.

But, then you’ve got the stuff that Jackson found behind the stage. These are the types of signs that ESPN hired guns plucked from the crowd, never to be seen on-air.

Chase Daniel eats boogers.”

“Missouri loves company.”

“Chase Daniel. Hungry? Why wait?”

Several signs parodied Oklahoma State coach Mike Gundy’s recent tirade toward Oklahoman columnist Jenni Carlson:

One read, “Lee Corso is twice the man Mike Gundy is. He’s 80!” Another, “Curtis Lofton, he’s a man. He’s No. 40.

But our absolute unseen favorite has to be the one that had a giant picture of Lou Holtz with the phrase “Thoonerth” printed over his head. (Think about it for a second.)

Don’t fret though, we learned from Lou himself that even if the GameDay thugs rip that sign into a million little pieces, belief in ourselves can put it back together.

Links:

[NewsOK.com]: Fans unveil a bevy of posters

Categories
College Football

Boise State might not have a large fan base, but they make up for it in prestige


If you haven’t noticed, Boise State has played back-to-back games on Sunday. Despite the fact they could probably hang with the Miami Dolphins, the Broncos have not been promoted to the NFL. No, as usual, it’s ESPN who’s to blame for yesterday’s match-up between Boise State and Nevada.

While some people are complaining about the unusual scheduling, there is one person who seems to be hopping on the new Boise State football Sunday’s bandwagon: his name is Jesus.

We think that Jesus would be down there on the sidelines, excited about people being excited too,” David Price of Boise Church of Christ said.

The Boise Church of Christ says its motto is “Broncos for Jesus.”

They see a game day on Sunday as an opportunity to come together and celebrate two great things: religion and Bronco Football.

“The students sell parking places for this football game and the money that we raise in the selling of the spots is use by students for student activities,” John Moreland said.

Their worship center is located about a block away from Bronco Stadium.

Today they’re providing parking and refreshments to any fans that need a place to park or a bite to eat.

They call it a “tailgate for Jesus.” They’re also having activities after the game too a sort of holy after-party. They say this is a perfect opportunity to support the community and Boise State University.

“Broncos for Jesus is what we’re about – uphold his way and the Bronco way,” Moreland said.

Apparently, the blue field isn’t the only advantage the Broncos have when opponents come to town. Hey, it worked for the Spurs and who are we to say that the big guy isn’t college pigskin? But after the first batch of BCS rankings hit the web yesterday, we’re kinda thinking that South Florida might be getting a little divine intervention.

Links:

[KTVB.com]: Church embraces “Broncos for Jesus”

Categories
MLB General

All we want is a little baseball, but we keep getting Dane Cook

In case the Rockies leading the Diamondbacks 3-0 or the Indians and Red Sox being tied up at one apiece wasn’t enough to remind you what month it is, then maybe this will do the trick.

Hey, this guy might not even know the players’ names, but he’s still more tolerable than the real thing.

Links:

[Can’t Stop The Bleeding]: File Under “I Don’t Get It”

Categories
MLB General

Anybody looking to buy a $2 million Honus Wagner baseball card?


We’ve always know that sports memorabilia and especially sports cards were a booming market with it’s own tycoon, fanatical collectors, but this might be a little unhealthy. People are apparently spending millions of dollars for rare cards. One freakin’ card! But, hey, we certainly can’t fault this guy for cashing in on the opportunity of a lifetime.

Ray Lumbert of Lansing, Michigan, recently purchased an ultra rare 1909 Honus Wagner card that was found inside the kitchen ceiling of an old house which was being demolished. He became co-owner of the little piece of cardboard by forking over $25,000 to the original possessor and then claimed sole rights to the card by giving the man an additional $25,000 worth of sports cards.

Pretty good investment because if the card is real then ol’ Ray will probably soon be living on island in the tropics while his dopey friend is trying to retire on a couple boxes of vintage Topps cards.

Rumor has it, only a few were made and sold with cigarettes before Wagner halted production. He was against tobacco and didn’t want to be associated with the product.

Sports card dealers at Higbees cards in West Lansing, say an authentic Wagner card could be worth millions.

“The lowest grade, one that’s really beat up, I’d say would start at $100,000 and then the highest grade one recently sold for over $2 million.

Holy cow, that a lot of money! It got us to thinking; so, what’s the current market value of a mint condition Greaser Greg? We are currently taking offers if anyone is interested.

Links:

[11Alive.com]: Baseball Card May be Worth Millions

Categories
New York Yankees

David Letterman gets the scoop on the Yankees off-season

The Yankees were eliminated from the postseason the other day, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t still the talk of the town in New York. Joe Torre, Alex Rodriguez, crying journalists; the madness just won’t stop. It even permeated into the grand Ed Sullivan Theater on Broadway.

Wow, who would have thought that the pectoral muscles of A-Rod and Biff would be so identical?

Links:

[Our Book of Scrap]: David Letterman Is Still Pretty Damn Funny