As much as we love sports, we really can’t stand soccer. There is just absolutely nothing appealing to us about the sport. Sure, the rest of the free world can’t get enough of the stuff, but we really don’t care if we never see one more second of soccer footage for the rest of our lives. In fact, if we do see another soccer highlight then we’re going to have to…wait, what? Soccer guys getting kicked in the nads? Roll it!
We stand corrected; this sport isn’t so bad after all.
We told you about the unbelievable dangers subtly hidden within the childhood game of tug-of-war. Despite the fact that it’s played in school gymnasiums across this great nation of ours, nobody would ever expect their hands to get sliced off from participating. Well, dodgeball is another seemingly ordinary game in which people assume that the worst thing that can happen is a nerdy little kid gets whacked in the face causing his glasses to break and sending the room into hysterics. Well, that is the worst thing that can happen…for the nerdy little kid. We think it’s pretty darn funny.
Hey kid; they’re not checking on you, they’re hoping you’re bleeding.
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[Our Book of Scrap]: Dodgeball Is A Great Character Builder
As a sports blog, we probably have no legitimate reason to bring this story to you. But as men, we couldn’t pass on the opportunity and it happened at a Packers game, so what the hell!
When the Bears and the Pack hooked it up a while back, Justin Timberlake, his girlie Jessica Biel and the Dawson’s Creek dude all showed up. We’ve seen all the pictures of JT shotgunning Miller Light and schmoozing, but we never did see the one of his old lady getting her rump squeezed by another chick! Until now, that is.
According to TMZ.com (super reliable, we know):
Sources say when Timberlake turned around to chat with the ladies, Jess’s friend dropped her fondling fingers from Biel’s tush.
Dang Justin! There’s no telling what could have happened next if you hadn’t turned around. That’s it, someone get these ladies tickets for the remaining Green Bay games and, for Pete’s sake, don’t let Timberlake through the gate. Be creative and do what you gotta do. Wait, you know what would keep him occupied for hours? A Dick In A Box.
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[TMZ]: Jessica Biel Gets Badonka-groped!
Remember the other day when we told you about the newest addition to the ultra exclusive Real Men of Genius club? No, not Mr. Overweight Model Molester and Verbal Abuser Point Guard Guy. We’re talking about Mr. Delusional, Irrational, Hopelessly Pathetic Notre Dame Football Fan. Well, move over Mr. Really Stinky Breath Breather Outer because there’s a new member of the guild. And try not to breath in his direction.
Does anybody else’s Gus Light taste a little Nutty?
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[The Wizard of Odds]: Houston Nutt, a Real Man of Genius
If the accusations are true then Jason Kidd might be enjoying the bachelor lifestyle just a bit too much. Reports surfaced that Kidd groped a model a while back and now it’s starting to sound like he wanted to throw down with the chick after she rejected his `advances.’
As The Post reported exclusively, the alleged groping occurred early Oct. 10 at Tenjune in the West Village. Bouncers saw the towering Net and 23-year-old model exchanging words, and intervened to make sure they were seated at separate tables, sources said.
Yesterday, spokesmen for Kidd and the nightclub denied any impropriety on his part. The Nets and NBA declined to comment.
According to sources, Kidd’s hands allegedly wandered over the model’s buttocks and crotch twice, despite her protests.
Detectives are investigating possible charges of forcible touching or sex abuse in the third degree – both misdemeanors that would be written up as a desk-appearance ticket, the sources said.
“This accusation is a complete fabrication and it is sad that someone would make something like this up,” a spokesman for Kidd said.
Now, we’re not completely convinced that J-Kidd would do such a thing, but we’re not letting him off from the accusations either. After all, the guy is single, rich, in a bar, and in reach of a 23-year-old plus-size model, then, to top things off, she has the gall to blow off the All Star. If that’s not the perfect storm of groping/beating up girls then we don’t know what is.
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[NYPost.com]: Kidd now accused of fight threat
In case you missed the third quarter of Monday night’s game between New York and Atlanta then you didn’t miss much. Well, you didn’t miss much on the field. Inside the commentators box was a whole other story.
The MNF crew welcomed Jimmy Kimmel into the booth and then immediately regretted it as he started ribbing on Joe Theismann.
The last remark was ignored by Kornheiser, Jaworski and Mike Tirico.
Jay Rothman, ESPN’s “Monday Night” producer, called Kimmel’s comments “classless and disappointing. It was cheap. The more he went on, the worse he got.
Kimmel was basically banned from the show afterwards, but we’re curious to know what they expecting when they brought him in? You knew he was going straight for the throat before you even hunted him down to do the spot.
Theisman claimed to not have an opinion about the whole situation other than saying “it’s nice to know you’re missed” and “It’s interesting that people remember me.”
Aww, come on, Joe; of course we remember you! How could we forget the guy who tried to kiss Suzy Kolber on-air. Oh, wait, wrong Joe. Were you the guy who got his leg snapped?
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[NYTimes.com]: `Monday Night’ Is Not Amused by Kimmel
When you think about tug-of-war, you usually don’t think about the possibility for serious injury. After all, it’s just a bunch of people pulling on a rope. What’s the worst thing that could happen, the fat guy serving as anchor falls on his butt? Wrong, try having your hands cut off.
After Barrett and Helfer wrapped the rope around their hands and tugged, the rope tightened and cut deeply into the bottom part of their hands and across their knuckles.
“It’s something I don’t think you would want to wish on any student body — to observe something (like that) that is happening in your gymnasium,” said Randy Lowe, CEO of the Colorado Lutheran High School Association.
It sounds like the kids are recovering which is good news, but these guys have a long recovery road in front of `em. We’re hoping that Hulk Hogan took notice of this horrible accident. If you do nothing else as host of the revamped American Gladiators, we beg you Hulkster, please pull all the necessary strings to have Tug-O-War banned. That event totally sucked before we even knew it was dangerous.
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[CBS4Denver.com]: Parker Students Recover After Tug-Of-War Accident
Floyd Mayweather got kicked off the Dancing With the Stars island last night. Yea, we can’t believe it either. We just lost $50 bucks after we took him at 5-1.
We’re sure that Floyd isn’t sweating getting kicked off a lame, yet wildly popular, dancing show, but he’s got to be ticked off that he went home before a buffoonish, yet wildly rich, Mark Cuban.
We’re not even into the NBA season yet and we’ve already heard a variety of stories involving Kobe Bryant.
First, Jerry Buss opened his big, fat mouth after a lot of the summer frenzy died down and told reporters that he “would certainly listen” to any trade offers made for Bryant. Then some crazy LA news outlets started yapping about how Kobe had already cleaned out his locker. Now, we get to actually hear from the Mamba on the situation and we’re more confused than ever about this whole mess.
My job is to play the game and get ready to play the game,” he said Tuesday. “That’s what I’m doing. I guess people are just intrigued by what’s going on around here. I understand that. I have a job to do. One thing I said at training camp was that I didn’t want this to be a distraction.”
When asked whether he was unsettled by recent events, Bryant said: “It’s our understanding not to bring up the situation and not talk about it. We just wanted to keep things quiet and go about our business. It kind of caught me off guard a little bit.
“We’ve just got to get back to basics and get ready and go from there. It’s my job to play basketball. It’s not my job to worry about what management is doing or this, that or the other thing. I’m going to be ready and let them do their jobs.
Bryant has been sitting out the last couple of practices which is apparently what has all the rumors flowing, but this is getting ridiculous. When Kobe wants out, the Lakers want him to stay. Then the Lakers start talking trade and Kobe wants to play. Geez, we haven’t seen this much contrast in one place since Charlie gave life to Night Man and Day Man.
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[MSNBC.com]: Kobe sits out again, denies cleaning out locker
If you know anything about anything then you know all about the Real Men of Genius. Let’s see, there’s Mr. Driving Range Ball Picker Upper, Mr. Pro Wrestling Wardrobe Designer, Mr. Outside the Stadium Peanut Seller, Mr. Hawaiian Shirt Pattern Designer and Mr. Really, Really Tight Jean Wearer. Then you’ve got Mr. Bathroom Stall Dirty Joke Writer, Mr. New Shoe Tissue Paper Stuffer, Mr. Basketball Court Sweat Wiper Upper, Mr. Way-Too-Proud-Of-Texas Guy and Mr. Professional Sports Leg Cramp Rubber Outer.
Well, right between Mr. Refuses To Turn On His Air Conditioning Guy and Mr. Rolling Cooler Cooler Roller sits the newest addition to the Real Men of Genius family: Mr. Delusional, Irrational, Hopelessly Pathetic Notre Dame Football Fan.
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[TrojanWire.com]: Today We Salute You, Mr. Delusional, Irrational, Notre Dame Football Fan
