Detroit Lions

Tatum Bell thinks 1,300 yards and 15 touchdowns is "reachable"

We all know who Tatum Bell is, right? He’s the Lions running back who rode your bench – or hopefully your waiver wire – all of last year, amassing a monster season of 181 yards on 44 carries and one touchdown. Well, apparently poor Tatum got knocked silly on one of those 44 rushes because he seems to believe he is Barry Sanders all of a sudden.

I think I can get 1,300 yards,” Bell said Wednesday. “That’s my goal — at least 1,300, 15 touchdowns. I know it’s reachable.

We know Bell is still a youngster at 27 years old and with the recent changes to the Lions staff there is an opportunity for him to become the feature back, but DAMN man; c’mon! Rushing for over 1,000 in Denver is one thing, but if you expect to go for 1,300 and 15 then you’re going to be in for a rude awakening come next season.

Just ask teammates Roy Williams or Jon Kitna what happens when you go moonshine crazy on predictions.


[]: Lions’ Bell is aiming to gain 1,300

Detroit Lions

The pizza man is still delivering

Roy Williams is a heck of a wide receiver, but no matter how many yards he accumulates or touchdowns he celebrates, his ball-snagging abilities are nothing compared to his knack for spittin’ sweet quotes. And this guy makes some insane catches. While this year wasn’t his finest campaign on the field, his appearances on the local sports talk radio shows were par none. So, here’s a nice sampling of Williams’ Orch Dork’s best work in 2007.

On why Jeff Garcia stunk in Detroit:

Cause he blamed everybody else. He blamed everybody else but himself. Like it’s (the receivers’) fault. In the West Coast system, my son can run the West Coast system and he’s only two.

Since you grew up in Texas, you’ve never had to shovel anything have you?

Maybe some cow manure or something.

What do you think he (Shaun Rogers) likes more playing football or eating?

I’d have to say football. You know they say the football is pigskin. He may eat the football.

So are you the skittish type? Like afraid of thunderstorms?

What? No. Not me. … I’m scared of people; some people can look scary. We had a wideout dinner Friday night at the MGM, which is pretty good at Bourbon Steak … and there’s a guy who walked in, had on all black. He had stringy hair that he parted from the middle … and I kept my eye on him the whole time.

On Joey Harrington:

I’ve always been a Joey fan — still am a Joey fan. I don’t think it was just Joey. I think it was guys in the locker room (who were) a little soft. Seeing what I see now, I don’t think guys really cared about winning. All they really cared about was (a Lions assistant) dropping their checks off Monday morning. That’s just the way I felt my first two years here. I think that was just the main problem.

What was that dance you did? You did like a shimmy, and your stomach was showing.

Yeah little shimmy little shake. Just a fat wide receiver in the NFL trying to make a play for his team.

Did you just call yourself a fat wide receiver?

Oh no question. I used to have a six-pack you know. I don’t know where that thing went.

It’s all that Pizza Hut bro.

(Laughs) No question, no question.


[]: Best of Roy Williams Part One
[]: Best of Roy Williams Part Two
[]: Best of Roy Williams Part Three

Detroit Lions

Shaun Rogers needs a bye week following his 66-yard TD run

So, what do you get when you cross a touchdown hungry, rumbling, stumbling, 6-foot-4-inch, 340 pound defensive tackle and a 5-foot-11-inch, 207 pound running back turned wannabe tackler? Well, you get yourself a spatula and peel Selvin Young’s carcass off the turf.

Detroit Lions

With friends like Jon Kitna, Joe Cullen doesn’t need enemies

Jon Kitna is a cold blooded dude.

The Lions quarterback showed up to the Mike Furry Foundation charity Halloween party dressed up as a `naked’ Joe Cullen and his wife played the role of a red-headed, pig-tailed Wendy’s employee. In case you don’t know, `fully clothed’ Joe Cullen is a coach in Detroit.

Cullen, the Lions’ defensive line coach, was arrested Aug. 24, 2006, in Dearborn for alleged indecent and obscene conduct for driving on a public street while nude. Cullen pulled his sport utility vehicle into a late-night Wendy’s drive-thru. The attendant discovered that he was naked. Cullen was asked to wait in the restaurant parking lot while they prepared his order. The restaurant manager notified police. Cullen later pleaded no contest to driving while nude.

Although rooted in serious personal issues, the unbelievably bizarre particulars surrounding the incident made Cullen and the Lions the “butt” of a steady stream of derisive punchlines across the country.

Apparently, Kitna believed it’s time for the players to join in on the joke.

“A lot of the guys on the team remember what happened,” Kitna told Fox 2 at the party. “It’s far enough removed that you can laugh at it now.”

We’re with you Jon, we were laughing at it when it was just five seconds removed. Still, we don’t know if Cullen would agree. But who gives a crap about him right; after all, he’s just a coach on your team.

Listen, we’d defiantly do something like this to one of our loser friends, but we can do that. See, our friends have no self respect left anyway and the idea of them being in a position of authority is actually quite laughable. We’re guessing that everyone at this Lions based party reacted to the Kitnas’ gag in about the same way people reacted to the Steve Irwin costumes with a stingray attached to the chest. They probably wanted to laugh, but they just couldn’t show it.


[]: What was Kitna thinking?

Detroit Lions

Roy Williams goes down the Mark Cuban employment trail

Remember when Cubes was dishing out Blizzards and Belt Busters at Dairy Queen? Well, it’s deja vu all over again; only this time we’re talking Roy Williams and pizzas.

Not too long ago we told you how the Lions’ Williams was so cheap that instead of installing a fire alarm he just hangs Jiffy Pop from the ceiling. He even admitted that he doesn’t tip the pizza guy when he orders a pie.

Well, turns out that Roy’s a pretty good sport because after Pizza Hut got wind of his comments they offered him a temporary position as a delivery driver and he accepted. Brilliant!

The Lions wide receiver will be an honorary delivery driver for the nationwide pizza chain tomorrow from an undisclosed location in the metro Detroit area from 4-6 p.m.

Williams is making a personal donation to the World Food Program, including all of his tips.

Pizza Hut offered the olive branch after Williams admitted in an interview that he typically doesn’t tip pizza deliverers.

The exact location of the Pizza Hut serving as Williams’ headquarters will be announced tomorrow.

Now if we could just get Roy to spring for something a little fancier than an all-you-can-eat buffet when he takes the ladies out for a first date. Even the contestants on Blind Date think that’s tacky.


[]: Lions’ Roy Williams begins second job tomorrow: Pizza delivery guy

Detroit Lions

WDFN-AM in Detroit is really starting to worry us

We don’t know what’s worse: the
interviewer’s questions or Ernie
Sims’ answers.

Not too long ago we brought you some of the highlights, or lowlights depending on how you look at it, from an interview with Detroit Lions wide receiver Roy Williams. Well, Detroit linebacker Ernie Sims went on the same radio station earlier in the week and, of course, the interview quickly deteriorated from the Xs and Os of football to crotches. Yup, crotches.

On the rip in Tatum Bell’s pants during the Bears game: (Laughs) I think they mentioned it on the sidelines, but we were so tied up to the game somebody mentioned it, we were so tied up to the game listening to the coaches and trying to get all of our adjustments on the sidelines, that, when I watch the big screen I really couldn’t point it out. I knew that he had it though.

When you’re watching film, will this come up: We might joke around about it, but it’s not a big deal. He was just out there playing ball and it just so happened that one of the guys tried to rip his pants off.

On why football players don’t wear jock straps: When we were little kids like in pee wee football they used to make us wear jock straps. As we got older in high school, some kids wore them – I didn’t wear them in high school. In college pretty much nobody wore them. It’s just the type of thing that, I’ve got hit in the jewels before but it’s just that it doesn’t happen that much, so you don’t need to wear it.

Are you worried about an injury in “that” area: Nine times out of 10, you’ll end up messing up something else. Seriously, you rarely ever hurt that area. It’s the type of thing where if you play hard, if you play wall to wall and ball to ball you don’t have to worry about it.

“Ball to ball”??? We sure hope that isn’t some new team-building exercise Rod Marinelli’s got going.


[]: Lions linebacker Ernie Sims on making plays, kicking to Devin Hester, jock straps

Detroit Lions

Roy Williams is a member of The Tiger Woods Frugal Foundation

Besides being good for a few spectacular plays a game, Roy Williams is also known for being rather forthcoming in his opinions. He’s never had a problem with telling like he thinks it is. Of course, he’s had to eat some crow over some of his comments. We’ve heard him talk about how prolific his offense was even when it wasn’t and it appears that he’s even rubbed off on his quarterback who is now guaranteeing ten victories this year.

While we love hearing players talk football, which he did in this radio interview, we really love hearing the behind the scenes stuff. Like how Williams freely admits that he’s a cheap bastard.

On being cheap: I am cheap, I’m a cheap date. Get you some McDonalds, with some cheese on it and I’m just really cheap, man. I’m very low key, I like to stay home. I like to go bowling on Monday nights and I go to the casino every once and awhile. Other than that, you won’t see Mr. Williams out at all.

On what he plays at the casino: I’m a craps and blackjack guy. I like to throw the dice a little bit. If that doesn’t work out, I’ll take it to the cards.

You do tip the pizza guy? There’s no such thing as a tip. But I am really polite and I say `Thank you sir.’ … The pizza man knows, when he comes to my address, he’s coming for free.

If you’re on a date and she wants to go to a nice place, what do you do? I might just take her to the casino and get her a free buffet. If I did take a date out to a nice place, I’d take her to a nice place, like a Red Lobster or something. It wouldn’t be Morton’s or nothing like that.

Hey, the way we see it, Roy just totally up’d our stock on the meat market. If a millionaire says there is no such thing as a tip and Red Lobster is considered “a nice place,” then we’re pretty much the most eligible bachelors in town.


[]: Roy Williams comments on the Bears and why he doesn’t tip the pizza guy

Detroit Lions

Jon Kitna overcomes a concussion and then overcomes the Vikings

The whole world was reminded of the amount of guts it takes to be a big league football player when Kevin Everett possibly lost the ability to walk during a fairly routine tackle. And while that’s one of the scariest examples there is of inherit dangers within the game, one of the quieter dangers of the game involves those hits that leave someone’s bell ringing. Of course, we’re talking about those nasty concussions.

Steve Young knows all about it. Troy Aikman has plenty of experience with `em. And now Jon Kitna has a great ‘tough guy’ story to tell, even though he might get a headache just thinking about it.

Kitna took a nasty shot during the second quarter of a game between Detroit and Minnesota and was sidelined with a concussion until being cleared in the third. Then in the final period, Kitna led the Lions on a game-winning drive. But it wasn’t easy.

I’ve never felt anything like that, and for it to clear up and go right back to as normal as I can be, is nothing short of a miracle,” Kitna said Monday. “I just definitely feel the hand of God. That’s all it was. You can’t explain it.

“I have no headaches, no symptoms, no lingering effects. But that was the worst my head has ever felt, and the worse my memory was in the second quarter. Yet, after halftime there was nothing.”

Kitna said it was the third concussion of his NFL career, and the first since 2001.
After saying he knew who he was during the game, a reporter asked Kitna if he knew where he was.

“Barely,” he said.

Kitna appears to be just fine now, but we all know how quickly the effects of multiple concussions can add up. Just look at what happened to this former NFL QB after taking too many shots to the melon. Poor guy can’t even dress himself properly anymore.


[]: Kitna on concussion: `I’ve never felt anything like that’

Detroit Lions

Do you know who I am? Well I’m gonna grope you either way

Lions defensive tackle and supergenius Shaun Rogers has been accused of forcibly groping a stripper in her dressing room at The Players Den, a strip club in Detroit. According to the police report, Rogers walked in, asked, “Do you know who I am?”, had a handgun in his waistband, and proceeded to grope her because he was Shaun Rogers.

The stripper called for help but was told that she shouldn’t worry about it because Rogers was just drunk. The club manager wasn’t aware of an incident on Friday night.

Just last month, Rogers talked about stepping up his game this year. We assumed he meant on the football field, but it turns out he probably meant in the clubs.

I just feel high expectations will bring about more prosperous things. The higher you set the bar and the closer you can get to it, the higher you achieve. I’m happy that (Marinelli) has so many expectations for me. I’m not going to do anything but try to live up to them.

If guilty, expect him to get some time in Roger Goodell’s penalty box and Rod Marinelli to look like an idiot for talking him up.

[Detroit Free Press]: Lions’ Rogers accused of criminal sexual conduct

Detroit Lions

Nude driving is worth one game suspension

We don’t know why it took this long but the NFL has finally handed down a one game suspension to Lions d-line coach Joe Cullen for “conduct detrimental to the league”. Cullen was arrested twice within a week for drunk driving and “driving on the street without any clothes on. (NUDE).” Police were called when Cullen pulled up to a drive-thru naked behind the wheel. Man, a naked pasty old guy at your drive thru window deserves some sort of hazard pay.

Cullen was also fined $20k by the league which seems a little excessive considering the man is just a position coach and not making millions like the various members of the Cincinnati Bengals who got arrested this year. TO gets a $35k fine for “accidentally” spitting in DeAngelo Hall’s face and Cullen gets $20k for nude driving. This isn’t right. One is degrading and puts a black eye on the league. The other is just plain funny.

[Detroit Free Press]: NFL suspends, fines Lions assistant Cullen