Categories
NFL General

We just found the dumbest sports reporter in the world and he’s not an Around The Horn panelist


From the idiotic quotes department, it appears that Clinton Portis, Terrell Owens’ publicist and Stephon Marbury will have to get a little closer in order to make room for the newest inductee into the “no mental filter” hall of fame.

Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reporter Paul Zeise appeared on the television show Sports Showdown on Sunday evening and he decided to disagree with a fellow panelist concerning the current Michael Vick situation. Apparently, the other guy said that the commish, Roger Goodell, should suspend Vick for the entire season because of the recent indictment. Here’s what Zeise had to say about that:

It’s really a sad day in this country when somehow . . . Michael Vick would have been better off raping a woman if you look at the outcry of what happened,” Zeise said. “Had he done that, he probably would have been suspended for four games and he’d be back on the field. But because this has become a political issue, all of a sudden the commissioner has lost his stomach for it.

It’s pretty damn hard to find something more reprehensible than dogfighting/slaughtering, but we feel confident in saying that rape is an even more disturbing and sickening act. And, of course, once Zeise realized the magnitude of what he had said, probably thanks to some serious backlash from everyone who heard the statements, he immediately issued a carefully constructed apology.

I regret the poor choice of analogies I used to characterize a professional athlete’s legal situation,” Zeise said.

But, despite the weak apology, the station that aired the program said they considered the comments to be “insensitive and offensive” and that Zeise won’t be appearing on the show again. In our opinion, that’s all well and good, but it’s basically just a slap on the wrist. So, we propose a stiffer, more unpleasant punishment for the dumb ass; throw him in a prison cell with some lonely lifer named Meatball and let him find out first hand just how horrible rape can be. Or stuff a ferret down his pants; whichever.

Links:

[Philly.com]: Reporter sorry he said: `Vick would have been better off raping’

Categories
New York Knicks

Stephon Marbury opens his yapper again


Kevin Garnett getting dealt to the Boston Celtics is the biggest trade, both literally (7-for-1 deal) and figuratively, to go down in a long, long time. And most people tend to believe that the deal is a positive for everyone involved, including the Eastern Conference and NBA as a whole. Well, everyone except for Stephon Marbury of course.

Marbury recently opened his mouth and, as usual, a whole bunch of smack talk came gushing out of his pie-hole; mostly dogging Minnesota GM Kevin McHale. Apparently, Starbury has unpleasant memories of McHale and he’s not too happy that his equally mentally unstable cousin, Sebastian Telfair, ended up with the Timberwolves as a result of the blockbuster trade.

When I do speak to (Sebastian) I’ll wish him good luck and tell him to be careful around Kevin McHale,” Marbury said.

“As far as my little cousin, I wish him all the best because he’s got to deal with Kevin McHale,” Marbury said. “I wouldn’t want to play for Kevin McHale. When I left, all of a sudden I became a bad person from his standpoint. I became selfish and jealous of Kevin.

We really can’t blame Marbury for not liking McHale; after all, he is possibly the worst GM in the history of GMs, but we don’t see where he’s coming from when he starts blabbering about how his Knicks have a leg up on the new look Celtics. Yeah, ok.

On paper, they’re a really good team with guys who can really play, but they still have to get on the court and do it,” Marbury said. “Chemistry is everything. We look good on paper, too, and we have a year under our belts.

“I’m not thinking about Boston,” Marbury added. “I’m only thinking about the New York Knicks. Our new nickname is nice and nasty. That’s how we’re coming.

“Nice and nasty”???? Considering the rap sheets and erratic behavior of the Knicks club, we think that “drunk and high” is a much more appropriate moniker.

Links:

[NYPost.com]: Steph says don’t fear KG, Celts

Categories
Tennessee Titans

Vince Young loses his cool during training camp


Lots of people were surprised that Vince Young was able to perform at such a high level during his rookie year after he appeared to be borderline mentally handicapped when racking up an unimpressive Wonderlic score. He had always shown such poise and sound judgment when behind center last year that it seemed as if VY was simply unflappable. That was until yesterday.

Young got more than a little heated when Titans safety Donnie Nickey took down rookie receiver Joel Filani, who had to be assisted by trainers to the sideline after the hard hit, and followed that up by using a chokehold/clothesline to tackle Courtney Roby. As Young was checking up on his receiver, Nickey and Young began pushing, shoving and hollering at each other. But by the day’s end, all was well between those involved. The group even held a humorous press conference with Coach Jeff Fisher after training camp concluded for the day.

However, the situation could have been much worse for the Tennessee franchise because Young was actually throwing punches at the helmeted Nickey with his throwing hand!

That’s bad. That’s bad. That’s real bad,” Young said.

And while Nickey played the role of the bad guy during the initial incident, he stated that it was just a heat of the moment type thing and was even cracking jokes and giving advice about the scuffle afterwards.

At least not with your right hand man. Jab with the left and wait for the cavalry,” Nickey
said.

Links:

[SI.com]: Boxing day

Categories
General Sports

We’ve got more bloopers than you can shake a stick at

There’s nothing we love more than a good blooper reel, so we were totally stoked to come across this collection of classic clips coupled with some great footage we’d never seen before. So, kick back, relax and try to forget all about the drama of dogfighting, steroids, crooked refs and the other scandals that are encompassing the world of sports. All that crap will be waiting for you once the montage is over, but at least you’ll escape to a happy place for 3 minutes and 27 seconds of your day.

Categories
Atlanta Falcons

McGruff can’t wait to beat down Michael Vick

With all the craziness that is going on surrounding Michael Vick and his puppy torturing ways, it seems that the media has forgotten all about one of the most credible sources in relation to canine crime. While everyone wants to hear from PETA and The Humane Society, we think we’ve found someone whose personal experiences allow him to contribute a viewpoint that nobody else can.

Categories
College Football

Indiana’s tight end gets arrested for battery with a… water balloon?


Indiana tight end Blake Powers thought he was just heading out for a good time and a couple of laughs when he filled up a water balloon and took to the streets of Bloomington, Ind. Little did he know that his prank would get him thrown in the slammer after his target turned out to be an Indiana University police officer.

Powers was riding in a car when he decided to toss the H2O grenade out of the window and into the open window of the off-duty officer who was heading home for the day in his own vehicle. Turns out the soaked rent-a-cop didn’t find the joke to be all that funny and Powers was booked on a preliminary misdemeanor charge of battery on Monday night. He has since been released.

Geez, since when did everyone get so uptight over a little splash? Lighten up; sure it sucks to get all wet, but it’s just a lil’ water. Trust us, things could have been a whole lot worse. Just ask the lead singer of TRIVIUM.

Links:

[WISHTV.com]: Indiana’s Powers Arrested After Water Balloon Prank

Categories
Oakland Raiders

Daunte Culpepper’s going to keep the seat warm for JaMarcus Russell


After being a complete bust in Miami, Daunte Culpepper has signed a one-year contract with the Raiders and should serve as the team’s starting QB until JaMarcus Russell gets signed and into playing shape. Culpepper has battled injuries over the past couple of years, but he says that he’s fully recovered from the nasty knee injury that limited his maneuverability during his comeback attempt with the Dolphins. In fact, he was sacked 21 times in his first four outings last season.

But even with a pair of functional legs underneath him, there’s no telling if Culpepper can return to the form that damn near won him the MVP award in 2004. After all, this is the same guy that looked completely lost in Minnesota after Randy Moss left the club. Culpepper was 2-4 in the six games before his season ending injury with six touchdowns, 12 interceptions and five fumbles. And things aren’t going to be much different this year considering that Oakland is deprived of any true receiver talent now that his former favorite target Randy Moss has moved on to a contender in the Patriots.

Obviously, Culpepper is simply a fill-in until Russell finally gets his act together, signs the dotted line and starts putting in some serious film work. Daunte is no dummy and he knows no to get too comfortable in the silver and black, so he’ll be treating this season as a platform to display his health and if he can manage to show that he’s capable of playing at an elite level then he’ll be signing a new offer from a different team next off-season. This short term deal certainly works well for the Raiders since they ended up with an experienced play caller, but we feel confident that they would much rather be gambling with a rookie QB than suffer through yet another rebuilding year with a veteran. After all, Oakland’s future isn’t going to arrive until the top pick in the 2007 NFL Draft starts lining up under center.

Links:

[MSNBC.com]: Raiders sign Culpepper to one-year deal

Categories
General Sports

We never realized just how much strategy goes into NASCAR

We’ve tried our hardest to get into the world of motor sports, but we just can’t get excited about watching cars go round and round for hours on end. That was until we saw this segment about NASCAR that was both enlightening and educational. Since then, we can’t get enough of the stuff. Coach Dan Amon, we thank you for your insight.


NASCAR Coach Reveals Winning Strategy: ‘Drive Fast’

Keep turning left. Straight, straight! Go straight and go fast. Go fast and straight. Keep going fast. Straighter!”

Links:

[The Big Lead]: NASCAR Strategies, Courtesy of the Onion

Categories
New York Yankees

Forget about The Bronx Is Burning, we’ve got The Bronx Pitch Project

Most of you out there probably think that you already know about all the blockbuster movies that will be or have been released this summer. Of course, there’s Transformers, The Simpsons Movie, Harry Potter and Something Else Magical, Live Free or Die Hard and ESPN’s pick for greatest movie of all time: I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry. But have you heard about the chill inducing, horror flick that’s sending audiences screaming from theaters across the nation? If you haven’t, here’s a sneak peek at The Bronx Pitch Project!

Categories
All Other Sports

Pacman Jones’ backup plan in life: pro wrestling

So, what do you do when you get suspended from your job for being a notorious malcontent with a rap sheet that would make Suge Knight blush? Well, if you’re Pacman Jones, you go to the only place on earth where criminals are openly accepted: pro wrestling!

That’s right, Pacman is stepping into the squared circle for a body slamming good time according to “sources close to WTVF-TV in Nashville.” But before you go off thinking that Vince McMahon has just done it again by cashing in on some real life notoriety, you should know that Pacman isn’t signing with the WWE. Nope, turns out that the spontaneously combusting McMahon (that was fake, right?) got scooped on the deal and the suspended Titan will be joining the high-flying, hard-hitting crew at TNA. So far, there has been no comment from the big wigs at TNA, but they did say that they would release a statement soon.

Personally, we’re as sick of Pacman as the next guy and we really just want to see him rot in a cell, but now that we’ve gotten wind of this little gimmick, we’re starting to change our mind. After all, if there’s even a sliver of a chance that we could see Abyss slam Pacman onto a pile of thumbtacks then we’re all in. And, anyways, there’s no way he could be any worse than this, right?

Unfortunately, it looks like the Titans could be big party poopers as they are now threatening to pull the plug on the whole deal because it would be a violation of his contract. While, we’d love to see Pacman get slammed right on his head, if he’s relegated to a strictly speaking role it could be equally, if not more, entertaining. But we’re still holding out hope that there is a Steiner Recliner somewhere in Pacman’s future.

Links:

[VolunteerTV.com]: Pacman Jones A Professional Wrestler?