All Other Sports

This just in, Houston reporters are morons

This is why all WWE reporting should
be left to Todd Grisham

If you thought that pro wrestling fans were some of the most gullible people on the face of the planet, just get a load of how gullible pro wrestling reporters are. After Vince McMahon was “injured” during a freak “accident” in the final moments of Monday’s episode of RAW in Houston, the staff jumped all over the story with such zeal that they forgot wrestling isn’t real. Oops.

WWE Chairman Vince McMahon was injured in a freak accident in San Antonio Monday night.

Just moments after giving away $500,000 in “McMahon’s Million Dollar Mania,” McMahon was crushed by a large electric sign that fell from the AT&T Center.

The extent of his injuries was unclear, but he was rushed to the hospital.

WrestleMania officials planned to update fans on McMahon’s condition at a press conference in Houston Tuesday.

WWE stars were scheduled to be on hand at the Toyota Center before filming SmackDown and ECW at the arena. later reported that possible foul play was at hand with the stage collapse, naming Donald Trump, Stone Cold Steve Austin and Bret Hart as prime suspects.


[Blog of Hilarity]: Houston reporters think wrestling is real

General Sports

Odds and Ends: Who knew MS baseball players knew about slump busters?

An Alabama middle school teacher is facing 20 years on sex abuse offenses after getting busy with nearly the entire baseball team! We’re guessing her defense will be it was all just a means of expressing team spirit.

A teacher has been accused of having sex with eight members of a school baseball team.

Julie Pritchett began a relationship with a 15-year-old boy in February. The 34-year-old married teacher later approached other members of the team for sex.

The incidents allegedly took place both on school premises and at the boys’ homes while their parents were out.

She was discovered when one of the 15-year-old boys at the school, in the town of Trussville, Alabama, told his parents. They alerted the police.

Pritchett, who taught at Clay-Chalkville Middle School, has been charged with two counts of sedomy and one count of sexual abuse.

Eat your heart out, Pokey Chatman.

In other news…

[]: Test your NBA Draft fashion knowledge

[Larry Brown Sports]: So, who’s going third in the NBA Draft?

[]: Vince McMahon was almost killed during RAW. No, for real this time!

[Bleacher Report]: Is it really possible to hate anything about college football?

[Can’t Stop The Bleeding]: Don Imus will never learn his lesson

[]: Top 30 porn names in Major League Baseball

[]: “On today’s episode of Will It Blend?: A baseball!”

[]: Jesse Taylor talks about being a total douche

[]: Dude #1: “Dude, wanna skateboard from Chicago to New York?”
Dude #2: “Dude, totally!”

[]: Wait, did you just say “crap cannon?”

And finally, from Tirico Suave (via Busted Coverage), quite possibly the funniest video of all-time.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Odds and Ends: Chris Simms is a cry baby

Chris Simms is mad as hell and he’s not going to take it anymore. The former Texas quarterback ripped Jon Gruden and virtually ended his relationship with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers on Monday when he claimed to have become a “hostage” of the franchise.

“I feel like I’m being held hostage,” Simms said. “I hate that all this has happened. I love Tampa. My family loves it here. But I’ve been quiet long enough. I feel like it’s time to let everybody know why I’m not out there.”…

“I don’t know how anybody can expect me to go back there and look coach Gruden in the eye and believe the relationship is hunky dory after some of the things that were said and done,” Simms said. “Things were handled wrongly from the business end of it and definitely things were handled wrongly as far as how you treat a person. …

“How can I look (Gruden) in the eye when I know he wanted me cut last year. He did not want me to be part of the team and I have a lot of resentment about that. Nine or 10 months after a serious injury, I put my life on the line, it was the most serious injury they’ve ever been associated with, I worked as hard as I could to get back and he wasn’t even going to give me a full year.

“I have a serious issue with that, I really do.” …

“He asked me, ‘Is this injury in your head?'” Simms said. “I found that completely ridiculous. I was going through a tough time. I kept my mouth shut all summer. I felt I was betrayed to a degree. Nobody took time to talk to me on a personal level and see how I was doing.”

Geez, what a loser. Even daytime soap operas think Simms is being overly dramatic.

In other news…

[]: Another day, another bobblehead

[Your Face is a Sports Blog]: Big Brown and Tim Donaghy have a lot in common

[The Big Lead]: Apparently, Chicago’s fans aren’t the only ones who hate Cedric Benson

[]: Jason Caffey is a dead-beat dad times 10

[]: Vinny Del Negro could be the new head baby Bull

[The Sports Muffin]: Vince McMahon gets tossed into UFC announcement rumors

[]: Jason Peter is a maniac!

[Busted Coverage]: Detroit reporter says Pittsburgh has better hockey fans

[]: WTF?!?

And finally, goodbye testicles. – Watch more free videos

All Other Sports

WWE cuts ties with Chris Benoit as the sick truth surfaces

After the sick and twisted details emerged surrounding the Chris Benoit tragedy, it was clear that Vince McMahon was extremely pissed about having wasted a three hour RAW to honor the sick killer. Not to mention the perfect storm of steroid allegations. So, to open ECW, McMahon issued this statement that virtually brushed Benoit off the WWE map:

Last night on ‘Monday Night Raw,’ the WWE presented a special tribute show, recognizing the career of Chris Benoit. However, now some 26 hours later, the facts of this horrific tragedy are now apparent. Therefore, other than my comments, there will be no mention of Mr. Benoit tonight. On the contrary, tonight’s show will be dedicated to everyone who has been affected by this terrible incident. This evening marks the first step of the healing process. Tonight, the WWE performers will do what they do better than anyone else in the world — entertain you.

And with that being said, the WWE was back to business as usual; on screen, that is.

John Cena made a rare ECW appearance as he kicked off the show with a match against the newly crowned champion of the brand, Johnny Nitro. Nitro gave it his all, but he was completely outclassed by Cena and, in his first title defense, the paparazzi’s favorite superstar tapped out to the STFU.

But the fun didn’t stop there for the humiliated young champ as he discovered that the new number one contender for his title will be CM Punk. Punk survived a “two out of three falls” match against Elijah Burke by delivering the GTS in the third and final fall to set up a rematch of Vengeance’s title bout.

And in between those two matches was a ridiculous skit involving Rowdy Roddy Piper and Matt Striker that ended with Striker getting a face full of his own birthday cake. Oh, and to top it off, the Boogie Man showed up and KO’d the birthday boy before doing performing his worm regurgitation tradition. Happy Birthday To Ewwwww!

All Other Sports

Blowing yourself up isn’t as easy as it use to be

The WWE figured that faking Vince McMahon’s death (yes, you morons, he’s not dead) last week was going to be a great way to create additional interest in the show. Unfortunately, lots of people are actually completely turned off the by the ridiculous storyline and continuous on-air blabber about how McMahon is “presumed dead” and the “federal investigation” that is surrounding the limo explosion. What the wrestling empire wasn’t expecting was a possible law suit.

According to the Securities and Exchange Act of 1934, the WWE is in violation because the fake death could have unfairly influenced investors.

Rule 10b-5, pursuant to Section 10(b) of the Securities and Exchange Act of 1934, prohibits misleading statements or omissions of material fact in connection with the purchase or sale of any security, and that includes press releases that intentionally and also, in most courts, recklessly mislead investors.

Now, we have no idea if this will actually end up heading to court, but hopefully it will make the writers at WWE think twice before they subject their audience to another horrible, horrible storyline. Maybe the next time Vince needs a vacation, they will just write him off the show instead of killing him in an explosion. And you know he’s gonna show up in a month or two; talk about another lame plot. But, still, we can’t wait to see how pathetically they try to pull that off.


[Sports Law Blog]: Did Vince McMahon’s Fake Death Violate Security Laws?

All Other Sports

Don’t worry, Mr. McMahon is still alive and kickin’

Who looks silly now?

We’ve always known that pro wrasslin’ fans were a little sick in the head. Hell, we’re WWE fans so we have first hand knowledge of just exactly how mentally twisted you have be to enjoy that stuff. But having a socially impairing addiction like an unusual attraction to a weekly two hour spandexfest is no excuse for being as gullible as Isiah Thomas.

WWE fans were in an uproar on Tuesday after Monday Night RAW concluded with an increasingly delusional Vince McMahon climbing into his limo which immediately exploded into a fiery cloud. Apparently those idiotic diehards who refuse to believe that these shows are scripted actually believed that the president of the billion dollar entity known as WWE had died in the “accident.” What freaking fools! Anyone who watches RAW, Smackdown or ECW with any sort of regularity knew this was a twist on the “self destruction of Mr. McMahon” storyline.

And even if you are stupid enough to believe that Vince’s limo would simply spontaneously combust when he shut the door, do you really think that there would be cameras strategically placed all around the carnage to catch every second of the pyrotechnic display? Good grief!

Why is it that wrestling is always getting dissed as the most obvious case of horrible acting on the planet 364 days out of the year, but then, the one day when something so incredibly cinematically scripted happens, everyone suddenly believes that they’re watching a slice of reality?

What’s next? Are you going to try and tell us that Owen Hart is really dead too?


[]: Vince McMahon’s hoax goes up in smoke

General Sports

Vince McMahon is a hypocrite

On Wednesday the WWE’s chairman Vince McMahon was in Miami to announce that the Citrus Bowl would be home to wrestling’s biggest event, Wrestlemania. Everything was going good for Vince, a.k.a. the Genetic Jackhammer, until he decided to try and get smart with Local 6 sports director Todd Lewis after he asked McMahon about the company’s recent steroid scandal.

I don’t think it sends a negative message,” McMahon said. “It would be one thing if that were brought out and promoted in our events and things of that nature. We are talking about a minority of individuals that do things like this and you are going to find it everywhere.”

After the interview, McMahon said bringing up the subject of performance-enhancing drugs at the event was in poor taste, Lewis reported.

Lewis responded to McMahon’s comment during Local 6’s 6 p.m news show.

“Vince, you have your employees dying prematurely due to health problems from steroid use, you send women out to wrestle in dental floss with more silicon in their body than a Tupperware convention and you are going to lecture people about poor taste?” Lewis said. “Make sure you Windex that glass house you live in before throwing those stones,
my friend.

Now that’s what you call a billionaire bitch slap! Here’s how Vince use to react to steroid controversies back in the classic days of WWE.


[]: WWE McMahon’s `poor taste’ comment slammed
[Steroid Nation]: WWE: steroids, premature death, and women in dental floss and tuperware