Posted on Tue Jul 22, 2008 at 09:45:45 AM EST in Other Sports
More on: jerk, kid, crying, video, funny, racing (all tags)

"Listen, kid, I said `No autographs!!'"

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Posted on Thu Feb 07, 2008 at 09:49:36 AM EST in NFL
More on: NFL, Sean Salisbury, John Clayton, jerk, video, funny (all tags)

Maybe it was "Bootgate" or maybe it was Plaxico Burress' slightly awry (but nevertheless correct) victory prediction. Or maybe it was just because after two weeks of incessant coverage we just couldn't stomach anymore jibber-jabber from the talking heads on SportsCenter. Any way you slice, we missed out on a sweet catfight between Sean "Shut Up Old Man" Salisbury and John "Crypt Keeper" Clayton.

We normally like Salisbury, but for some reason, he turns into ESPN's biggest jackass when sharing the screen with Clayton. Believe it or not Sean, but it is actually possible to be informed and have an opinion about football even if you've never stepped foot onto a field. Your history of wearing a jock doesn't give you any special analytical powers and your school-yard-bully tactics make you look ridiculous.

You might be spot on in this instance, Clayton does look likes he's been dead for about a decade, but you still look foolish in your approach. Even when side by side with the living Crypt Keeper.

Links:
[The Big Lead]: Salisbury rips Clayton on-air: "Tales from the Crypt"

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Posted on Mon Oct 08, 2007 at 01:01:43 AM EST in NFL
More on: Travis Johnson, Trent Green, Dolphins, Texans, injury, jerk (all tags)

It was a sick scene on the field of Reliant Stadium when Dolphins' quarterback Trent Green collapsed to the field after being kneed in the head by Texans' defensive tackle Travis Johnson. Watching Green lay motionless for a second consecutive year after a brutal hit was scary, but the nausea was due to Johnson's behavior following the contact.

Johnson stood over Green's immobile body and taunted him because he felt that Green had taken a cheap shot for his knees. Truth is, it looks like he did. So, if Green had bounced up, we wouldn't have seen any problem with Johnson going over and slapping him upside his head. That penalty would have been understandable. Instead, the Texans were hit with a 15-yard flag for classless and disgusting behavior.

Luckily, despite suffering a concussion, Green appears to be okay and he flew home with the team after being checked out at the hospital. Not that any of that seemed to matter to an irate Johnson after the game.

The bottom line is, it was a malicious hit. It was uncalled for," Johnson said. "He's like the scarecrow. He wants to get courage while I wasn't looking, and hit me in my knee instead of trying to hit me in my head. God don't like ugly, you know what I mean?

"My knee ain't never hurt like it hurt today," Johnson said. "If you want to hit me, hit me in my head, hit me in my chest, don't hit me in my knee. I'm trying to eat just like everybody else. So, to hit me like that, that showed me what type of man he was.

What makes Johnson's behavior even more revolting is that his own teammate, fellow defensive tackle Cedric Killings broke a vertebra in his neck just two weeks ago. He left the field on a stretcher, just like Green. The Texans should be utterly embarrassed that Johnson is a member of their organization after these outbursts.

Links:
[NYTimes.com]: Green Sustains Concussion as Dolphins Remain Winless

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Posted on Wed Sep 12, 2007 at 10:41:09 PM EST in Other Sports
More on: football, kid, coach, jerk, underwear (all tags)

We know that people are in an uproar over the way Michael Vick treated murdered dogs, but about when some coach gets his kicks out of humiliating little kids. Sure, it's not the same as electrocuting `em or having them rip off each other noses for his own personal amusement, but this guy should still probably get a good ferret leggin' for his actions.

Curt McKinney is the whack job in question and he's the `responsible' adult in charge of coaching a little kid's football team in Cincinnati. Well, McKinney got pissed off at 10-year-old Aucherae Washington during practice on Friday because the little guy didn't adhere to the specifics of running up and down a hill. Oh, but kicking off the squad didn't satisfy Coach Curt; nope, he made the kid strip down to his underwear and walk home.

I chose to walk down the hill," Aucherae said. "I ran to the middle of it then started walking down so I don't bump into anybody, because if I do that I'm going to knock them probably a couple feet back."

The boy said his coach berated him in front of the other players.

"'You're too slow for the team, you're no good for the team,'" Aucherae said the coach told him. "He told me to take off my stuff and give it back to him, and he said, 'While you're at it, take off my pants.'

Boy, if we had a dollar for every time someone has told us that. But seriously, like the sickos who attend dogfights there were plenty of idiotic spectators who just sat around and watched this all go down. In fact, there were parents looking on who apparently never kicked this guy's ass or even bothered to say a word. Don't worry; we got enough ferrets to go around. What's makes matters even worse is that the coach denies doing anything wrong and the football league won't suspend him because he hasn't been charged with a crime. Pathetic.

As for the kid-o, he eventually walked to a neighbor's house to get some pants because "he didn't want cheerleaders to see him in his underwear." Boy, if we had a dollar for every time that's happened to us.

Links:
[WAVE3.com]: Coach cuts 10 year old, forces him to walk home in underwear

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